


Don't Let Me Down

by stillnotovermylordsixth



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Animal Death, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Broken Promises, Bullying, Christmas Fluff, Dancing, Domestic Fluff, Dressed sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Forgiveness, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Halloween fun, Healing, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Makeup Sex, Marriage of Convenience, Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve Smut, One Night Stands, PT Tenzo, Reconciliation, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Romance, Secrets, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sushi Chef Kakashi, Sweet Gestures, Terminal Illnesses, Thanksgiving porn, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2019-09-05 13:34:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 110,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16811644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillnotovermylordsixth/pseuds/stillnotovermylordsixth
Summary: Kakashi slammed one of the shots back, barely noticing the burn in his throat.A divorce and a funeral.It’s not like he’d been particularly shocked by either one. In fact, he’d been expecting both of them for quite some time now. He just hadn’t expected to have to deal with both in the same week. They made for a shitty combination.He knocked the second shot back.





	1. Don't Let Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something a little bit different ;) Hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! All input is welcome ;)
> 
> Thank you!

Kakashi felt the rumble of the music in his ribcage as they entered the bar.

He immediately regretted accepting Gai’s invitation. The energy of the place seemed to consume his quickly dwindling desire to be there. He could not remember the last time he’d been in a karaoke bar. Had he ever? Perhaps in high school, when bar-hopping was a condition to fit in with the cool crowd. But now, at 29, he couldn’t help but feel out of place.

Groups of loud, chattering people gathered around high tables under the dim red and purple lights. A large stage in the back of the bar lit up in a combination of orange and yellow. A group of four women holding microphones performed a giggly rendition of the Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps”.

He rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long night.

Sensing his reluctance, Gai clapped him on the shoulder. “Relax!” he boomed. “It’ll be fun, my friend!”

“GAI! Over here!”

They turned their attention toward the sound. A woman spilled out of a booth near the stage, waving them over frantically.

“Ah! There they are!” Gai thumped his back. “Let’s go!”

“I’ll get some drinks. You want anything?” Kakashi yelled over the surrounding noise.

“Just a beer for now, rival!”

And he was off before Kakashi could ask if he had a preference. He sighed and made a beeline for the bar. Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” reverberated from the walls and the ground at his feet as he stood in line. A man stood from his seat at the bar and Kakashi slid into it, ordering two beers and three vodka shots. He handed over his card as the bartender set his drinks in front of him, nodding when she asked if he wanted to start a tab. He’d never been very good in social situations. The thought of having to make small talk with strangers for god knows how long brought an onslaught of anxiety to his chest. He needed to prepare for this.

He slammed one of the shots back, barely noticing the burn in his throat.

A divorce and a funeral.

It’s not like he’d been particularly shocked by either one. In fact, he’d been expecting both of them for quite some time now. He just hadn’t expected to have to deal with both in the same week. They made for a shitty combination.

He knocked the second one back.

His father had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease over six years ago and Kakashi had witnessed the slow, steady decline of his mental and physical faculties. The small, shriveled man who’d taken his last quivering breaths three days ago had been nothing but a shell of the robust, vibrant man Kakashi had grown to venerate in his youth.

He downed the third shot in one swift motion and signaled for the bartender to serve two more. She gave him a once-over as she replaced his empty glasses with full ones. He ignored the look, bringing the fourth one to his lips.

Three frat boys had taken over the stage, performing a drunken version of Kanye West’s “Gold Digger”. He bitterly stifled a laugh as the crowd joined in with the “We want prenup! We want prenup! Yeah!”

Yes. He’d joined the club of idiots who'd been taken to the cleaners by their ex. It hadn’t even been over some naïve faith in love. And yet, he’d somehow managed to underestimate how truly fickle feelings could be. It had all happened so quickly that he’d given a prenuptial agreement little to no thought. At the time, he'd just thought he’d be able to keep the promise he made. But that could just be added to the ongoing list of failures to his name.

 _What’s one more?_ He scoffed, throwing the fifth shot back.

The warmth of the liquor was finally settling into his chest, and he figured he should probably head to the booth holding Gai and his friends before Gai came over and found him brooding.

“Let me take you out tonight,” his friend had offered after driving him home from the cemetery. “It’s my coworker’s birthday and a bunch of us are taking him out for some drinks and karaoke. You should come! You really need a distraction.”

Kakashi had opened his mouth to tell him to fuck off.

“I just picked out the fucking headstone for my father’s grave. I don’t exactly have the energy to socialize right now,” is what he would have normally said, had he not found himself accepting the invitation instead. As much as he hated socializing, he dreaded being alone with his thoughts even more. Gai had given him a sympathetic smile. The same pitying smile everyone gave him on a daily basis when they saw the prosthesis and the scar running down his left eye. It was a smile that wordlessly said, “You poor thing, you could have had the world were it not for that limp and that hideous thing on your face.”

They would never understand that he deserved it all. The scar, the missing leg, the nightmares, and much worse.

But he couldn’t afford to be angry at Gai. He was his closest friend. His only friend, really. He’d been the only person to remain by his side when shit finally hit the fan. They’d been rivals in high school (at least according to Gai, who insisted on making everything a challenge) but their friendship had endured through many turbulent years. Gai was loyal and caring. No matter how many times Kakashi had tried to shut him out, he’d never even considered giving up on him. And Kakashi was grateful. Annoyed-- but mostly grateful.

All day, he’d had a nagging feeling in his gut. It felt like he was forgetting something important but couldn’t quite figure out what it was. He let himself wonder as he made his way to Gai’s booth with the beers. It wasn’t his wedding anniversary (not that remembering that mattered much anymore). The bills? Well, no... he’d paid them last week. He scrunched his face in deep thought. Had he scheduled a dentist appointment months ago and completely forgotten about it? Mm... probably not. Gai’s thunderous voice pulled him from his musings.

“KAKASHI!!! About time!” he laughed. “This is Kurenai and Asuma,” he pointed at a guy with a full beard who slung his arm around a beautiful woman with bright red eyes. She’d been the one waving them over earlier. “And that’s Anko and Iruka!” He shouted as he pointed at a woman with dark, spiky hair and a man with a scar running across the bridge of his nose. They all flashed big smiles and greeted him.

“Hello,” he forced a decent smile on his face. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

Anko and Iruka slid over in the booth so he could have a seat. He handed a beer to Gai and moved to sit next to Iruka, when Kurenai and Anko began to whoop in the direction of the stage.

“WHOOO!!! GO BIRTHDAY BOY!” they shrieked and shouted. Gai eventually joined their cheers, bellowing similar encouragement. Still standing, Kakashi turned to the stage as The Beatles’ “Don’t Let Me Down” played. Two obviously drunk men leaned on each other as they shared a microphone and wailed the lyrics.

Kakashi froze in place.

Immediately, he remembered what the nagging feeling had been about.

One of the men on stage stopped singing abruptly and stared directly at him. Kakashi forgot how to breathe as the man pushed himself off his friend and stumbled down the stairs, never tearing his eyes off him.

The beer slipped from Kakashi's fingers and he barely registered the sound of it shattering on the floor over the pounding pulse in his head. He somehow managed to draw in a shuddering breath as the stumbling man stopped mere inches from his face. He noticed a wide range of emotions flash across his face before they settled into a steady flood of tangible rage.

“ _You_ ,” he growled.

How could he have forgotten? Today was August 10th.

Kakashi forced a weak smile.

“Happy birthday, Tenzo.”

The unexpected force of Tenzo’s fist on his jaw sent him sprawling to the floor.


	2. Rage

And there he was. The reason for the utter horseshit Tenzo’s life had become in the past three years. Looking as handsome and carefree as the day he’d left him to rot in his misery.

He shook his head, trying to focus his drunk eyes.

No, he was more beautiful now, if that was even possible. In a crowded, dimly lit bar, he still managed to stick out like a sore thumb. His messy silver hair was much longer than Tenzo had ever seen it before and it caught the light in a fuzzy purple halo.

Kakashi _fucking_ Hatake.

Tenzo saw his body stiffen as he caught his eye. What the hell was he doing here?

Genma continued to howl into the microphone as Tenzo unwrapped himself from under his arm, pushing him away a little harder than he’d meant to. He tested his balance for a second before deciding it was terrible, but it would have to do. He precariously stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling flat on his face. How many birthday shots had he done already? He’d lost count hours ago.

He saw Kakashi drop his beer as he approached him. He could focus on his face a little better now. The wide, horrified eyes reminded him of the day he’d found out the truth.

He took in the sight of him in his dark gray undershirt, black leather jacket and faded jeans. A five o’clock shadow trailed across his usually smooth jawline. It was so unfair. Why did he have to be so damn fine? It was so effortless, too. Tenzo had known the man long enough to know this was him not trying very hard. Fuck.

He heard the crunch of glass under his feet as he drew nearer. He was close enough now to breathe a hint of the man’s cologne. His nostrils had been saturated with it the first time he’d licked the soft skin behind his earlobe. Tenzo fought the spark of desire that ran through him.

Kakashi’s hair covered the scar on his left side for the most part, but he still noticed the dark shadows that hollowed out his face. If he hadn’t been so drunk, he could’ve sworn he saw a deep sadness in those ebony eyes. He hated himself for briefly wondering what had made him hurt so much. Even after all this time, he still wanted to pull him into his arms and make everything better.

Fuck! How _dare_ he come and unravel the years of hatred Tenzo had cultivated against him, in only a matter of seconds?

"You..." was all he managed to say before his throat constricted.

A small smile appeared on Kakashi’s disheveled features. It did not meet his eyes.

“Happy birthday, Tenzo,” he murmured softly.

Tenzo’s breath caught in his throat at the sound of his name. He hadn’t heard it in years. Everyone called him by his last name. Kakashi was the only one who’d ever called him that.

He’d spent so much time trying to forget the way it sounded in his low voice. The way the last syllable dragged whenever he teased him. The way it echoed in his throaty laugh and was muffled in the gasping moans against his lips.

Yet, here it was again. So simple and beautiful flowing out of the man’s mouth.

He felt himself shake with unadulterated rage.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo straddled him and Kakashi didn’t try to push him off.

“Don’t--fucking--call me that!” he barked as his fist connected repeatedly with his face. 

He made no effort to protect himself, only stared up in a daze at the contorted features of the man he’d spent years trying to wrench out of his heart. Another punch slammed into his jaw before someone pulled Tenzo up from behind.

“Don’t you _dare_ fucking call me that!” Tenzo screamed from above as he thrashed against Gai’s grip.

“YAMATO! What the hell?! Calm down!” he heard his friend shout.

The noise of the bar came back to him in full force as he sat up. He tasted blood on his lips but made no movement to wipe if off. Iruka and Kurenai were immediately at his side, asking if he was okay. He almost laughed at their anxious faces. He must look quite awful if they were looking at him like that. Suddenly, there were arms wrapping under his armpits and he was swiftly pulled up to his feet. He winced at the loud, unfamiliar voice in his ear.

“Alright, _out!_ ”

He found himself winding through the crowd of people who’d gathered around them as strong hands pushed him toward the exit. He was somewhat grateful for the bouncer’s grip on him. Dizziness was starting to hit with a vengeance. He probably shouldn’t have taken those shots so quickly. Once outside, the man threw him against the wall before stomping back inside. His prosthesis buckled under him and he held on to the wall to keep from going down. The cold night air was a refreshing change from the stuffy heat of the bar and he took a deep breath, letting it flow through him and clear his hazy mind.

He was suddenly aware of Kurenai and Anko before him.

“My god, Kakashi! Are you okay?” Kurenai asked again, placing a hand on his arm.

He nodded, refusing to meet their eyes. He pushed off the wall and shuffled past them to the sidewalk. Anko grabbed his arm to stop him but he jerked away.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“Kakashi, stop! You’re bleeding!”

He ignored their calls as he walked into the stinging wind. He needed to get out of there before they brought Tenzo out. Turning the corner, he noticed blood was dripping onto his clothes. He reached up to wipe his mouth, but it continued to flow. He reached higher and hissed at the sharp pain on his cheekbone.


	3. Leather and Sweat

The nightlife was still very much alive, and he crossed the street into a laughing group of people. He hated to admit that he was quite familiar with this area.

He continued to walk past stumbling women in tall shoes and tiny dresses until his lungs burned with the icy air. He received a few stares, but people ignored him for the most part. He took another right and found the bar he’d frequented quite a bit, years ago. He ignored the line outside and walked straight to the bouncer. The massive man recognized him instantly and laughed.

“Kakashi! It’s been a while, man!” He gave him a scrutinizing look. “What the hell happened to your face?”

He forced a laugh. “Ah, Ibiki, have you ever known me to stay out of trouble?”

“Fuck no,” the man responded with a dangerous grin. Kakashi slipped two twenties into his palm as he greeted him.

“And I don’t plan to start now,” he grinned back.

Ibiki moved out of the way to let him in. “Just clean that shit off your face, alright? Can’t have you bleeding all over the place.”

Kakashi nodded and waved as he made his way to the bar. He didn’t particularly care for the loud electronic music and flashing lights, but the heavy smell of leather and sweat was familiar and somewhat comforting.

“Kakashi, what the fuck?!” The tall, slender man behind the bar shrieked as he took one look at him.

“Nice to see you too, Kisame,” he grinned as he took a seat at the bar.

Kisame’s tiny eyes peered at him in shock before pulling out the 100 proof.

“One of those nights, huh?”

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair. Being here was probably not the brightest idea. But it beat going home.

Three shots and many questioning looks later, he remembered he should probably go clean his face. He left the cash on the bar as he shuffled towards the restroom.

He was relieved to find it empty. He turned to the mirror to survey the damage. Damn. He really did look like shit.

His left jaw and cheek were an angry red and purple. The swelling had started to force his eye shut, making the scar zag a little to the side. Dried blood streaked from a bright red gash on his cheekbone and smeared along his jaw and neck. He rested his hands on the sides of the sink as he closed his eyes, fighting to keep the world from spinning.

He heard someone else enter and shut the door behind them. The lock turned with a loud snap.

“Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence,” a sultry voice purred.

Kakashi turned to face the familiar voice. He took in the sight of the man before him. His long blonde hair flowed luxuriously down to his waist while the tight white sweater and dark skinny jeans showed off his slim frame.

“Deidara.”

Deidara smirked at him, cocking his head to the side. A fire blazed behind his light blue eyes.

He swayed towards Kakashi, slowly inspecting him from head to toe. Kakashi straightened to face him. Deidara regarded him with a calculating look, as if cornering a dangerous animal that could lash out at any moment. He tentatively placed a hand on Kakashi’s face, and when he didn’t flinch, he traced the swollen lip with his thumb. Kakashi let out a sharp breath as the pressure stung.

Deidara’s eyes flashed with lust again and he pushed Kakashi into the corner next to the sink. His hand wrapped firmly around Kakashi’s neck as he forced his head into the wall.

“You know how much it turns me on when you hurt,” he growled.

Kakashi sighed and closed his eyes as Deidara licked the smeared blood on his throat. His teeth bit down hungrily on his neck and his tongue moved along his jaw to his earlobe before forcing its way into his mouth. Kakashi tasted iron as he allowed the tongue to travel inside his cheek. He did not respond much apart from wincing when Deidara bit into his lip.

Deidara grabbed his chin tightly, making him open his eyes. He grabbed one of Kakashi’s hands and forced it onto his bulging groin.

“You missed this, didn’t you?” he breathed.

Kakashi stared blankly at him before Deidara yanked his head back by the hair and kissed him angrily.

Missed this? He wondered drowsily as his eyes closed again. He actually hadn’t recalled Deidara’s existence for years. But he supposed it would be rude to announce that to his once fuck buddy. Not that he could say much with a tongue wrestling his own.

No. What he missed was something a person like Deidara could not even begin to comprehend.

He’d forced himself to bury the memories. Remembering felt like a branding iron to his heart. But as the heat of Deidara’s insistent mouth flowed into his own, he convinced himself to remove the floodgates and allow the memories to drown him.

Tenzo’s warm tongue filled his mouth and he desperately opened his mouth wider, wanting the warmth to reach all the way to his insides. Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair and cupped the sweet, gentle face in his hands as he pulled him closer. He kissed him with a fire that had never stopped raging. A fire that only continued to blaze hotter. He panted with the need to feel him closer, feel him all over his skin. Tenzo’s soft moans vibrated through him and he pulled away breathlessly, resting his forehead on his.

“Tenzo,” he breathed, gently brushing his nose against his as he caressed his cheek.

Deidara’s lips twisted into a smirk.

“I never had you pegged as a romantic, Kakashi,” he said sourly.

Kakashi opened his eyes as the steely voice cut through his fantasy. He felt bile rise to his throat and pushed the man away before spilling his guts into the sink.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 

“Fuck, Kakashi! There you are!”

Kakashi forced his right eye open. His left was swollen shut.

He stared up at two worried pairs of eyes. Gai and Iruka. What were they doing here? Where was he, anyway? It was freezing, and his back was painfully stiff.

“Dude! What the hell?!” Gai scolded him. “How could you just leave like that? Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

He woozily scanned his surroundings. The first rays of light were starting to burst into the dark sky. Apparently, he’d fallen asleep on a park bench. And fuck, was it uncomfortable.

He forced himself to sit up, only to puke onto all of their shoes. The merciless throbbing in his head was almost as bad as the burning on the left side of his face.

The two men before him made some grumbling noises as they shook the vomit off their shoes.

“Alright,” Gai sighed, “let’s get you home.”

Gai pulled him up and wrapped his arm around his waist. Iruka did the same on the other side and together, they dragged him to Gai’s car.


	4. Carved

Genma patted Tenzo on the back as he retched into the bushes by the karaoke bar.

“Man,” Genma giggled, “you are _so_ fucked up.”

Tenzo spit out and stopped to catch his breath, resting his hands on his knees. The world spun a little slower now. He caught sight of the blood on his knuckles. Although his hand was starting to ache, he was pretty sure the blood wasn’t his own. He heard his friends’ voices behind him.

“We tried to stop him, Gai, but he just kept going that way,” Kurenai said.

“You don’t _understand!_ ” Gai shouted. “He’s in very bad shape right now!”

“Well what the hell did you want us to do, _tackle him_?” Anko snapped back.

“Alright, _alright!_ Fighting will get us nowhere. Let’s just see if we can find him close by,” Asuma grumbled. “Gai, try his phone again.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing this whole time!” Gai bellowed.

Tenzo had never heard him so agitated before. He straightened up and turned his attention toward them.

“I’m sure he’s fine, Gai,” Iruka placed a hand on the flustered man’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

“Then let’s _go_!” Asuma yelled. “The guy’s got silver hair! He sticks out like a traffic cone.”

This seemed to calm Gai a bit, until he caught Tenzo’s eye.

“And _you!_ ” he pointed angrily at him. “I don’t know what you have against my best friend, but what you did in there was some _fucked up_ shit! I swear to god, if it weren’t your birthday, I would’ve mopped the floor with you already!”

Tenzo gaped at him. In all the time he’d known Gai, he’d never once heard him curse apart from his colorful “shitake mushrooms!” and “son of a biscuit!”

And-- what? Did he just say best friend? _Kakashi_ was Gai’s best friend?

This night was definitely full of surprises.

“Do you want to find him or not?” Asuma called out. He’d already started jogging in the direction Kurenai had pointed.

“Come on, Gai,” Iruka squeezed his shoulder.

Gai shot one last searing glare at Tenzo before following along.

“Well, Yamato, I didn’t know you had it in ya,” Anko murmured when they were gone. “I seriously think you chose the wrong profession. For what it’s worth— I think you would’ve made a great Middleweight,” she winked mischievously.

He smiled humorlessly.

“Alright, let’s get you guys home,” she said, “I’m the designated driver, after all.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Need any help?” Genma asked as Tenzo swung the car door open.

“Nah, I got it,” he muttered. “Thanks, Anko. See you guys Monday.”

He stepped out into the cold. It seemed the excitement of the evening had sobered him up some, but as soon as the adrenaline had faded, his eyes had begun to droop. He lazily walked up the stairs to his apartment. Not for the first time, he cursed the fact that he lived on the third floor.

He struggled to put the key into the doorknob. Damn his stupid, throbbing hand!

He sighed, resting his forehead on the door. Damn Kakashi’s stupid, gorgeous face.

Well, he’d made sure it wouldn’t be so pretty for a few days, at least. He grinned, pushing the guilt to the back of his mind as he finally opened the door. There was no way he was going to feel anything but gratified about beating the shit out of him. He’d dreamt of doing it for so long! He’d lost count of the times he’d tuned out of a conversation to focus on his favorite daydream of kicking Kakashi’s ass.

So why hadn't it feel as good as he’d imagined?

He frowned. The truth was, it had been unnerving-- the way Kakashi hadn’t even tried to stop him. It was like he'd wanted the pain. Welcomed it, even.

He winced at the memory of the empty look in the man's eyes as he waited for him to continue his barrage. He stepped into the bathroom and pulled the medicine cabinet open. Might as well take care of the hangover before it happened. After chucking a few ibuprofen into his mouth, he bent over the sink to drink from the faucet. He found his reflection in the mirror as he straightened up. Guilty, bloodshot eyes stared back.

“No, fuck him. _Fuck_ him!” He scowled, looking away.

He reluctantly glanced over at his bloody, swollen hand. Shame clawed its way into his throat and he bit his lip to keep the stinging in his eyes from developing into anything more.

“Fuck him.”

He sat on the edge of the bathtub, shoulders slumped in defeat. Flexing and extending his fingers, he felt a dull ache run all the way to his elbow.

He’d been perfectly content with the idea of never seeing him again-- going so far as to avoid every place they’d ever visited together, just in case he might appear. And yet-- despite his greatest efforts, he’d been unable to avoid the man’s best friend.

He let out a bitter laugh. The universe had a twisted sense of humor.

_Best friends, huh?_

How was that even possible? Their personalities were more polar opposites than the literal poles of the earth. And Kakashi had never once mentioned Gai. Well, was that really so surprising? Secrets were the man’s specialty, after all.

So typical of Kakashi to enter his world, flip it upside down, and walk right out again. The first time he'd left, Tenzo didn't think he’d survive. Not when every breath without him felt like barbed wire around his lungs.

That had been the most shocking part, actually--the physical pain that accompanied a broken heart. He’d always figured it was an exaggeration of Shakespearean proportions, meant for dramatic effect in movies and books. But experiencing it first-hand had literally crippled him for days. That’s when he’d found out that he hadn’t actually loved any of his previous lovers. At least, nowhere near as much as he’d loved Kakashi. Those break-ups had hurt, of course. But nothing like this.

This was raw, naked agony.

This was like waking up with a missing liver and wondering how the fuck you were supposed to continue living.

His hand throbbed angrily. He knew he should put some ice on it and go to bed like a normal person, but he also knew what waited for him in his room. His bed held too many memories of Kakashi’s body.

And his smile.

And his sounds.

It held everything he’d tried to cover up with other bodies and smiles and sounds. But it had been as useless as trying to paint over a masterpiece. No matter how many coats of paint were added, the original oil had already carved its path along the canvas. The new product could never measure up. It didn't stand a chance.

And just like that, Kakashi had carved himself into Tenzo’s existence.

_Fuck it._

He crawled into the bathtub and curled up into the fetal position. He stared at the dried blood on his knuckles for a second before cradling his hand to his chest. It was like no time had passed since Kakashi had ruined his life. He was back to square one.

He squeezed his eyes shut as the first tear rolled over the bridge of his nose.


	5. Rude Awakening

Pakkun’s adamant bark jolted him awake. Kakashi groaned as the old dog hopped onto his stomach. He sat up fully dressed in bed, his rolled up sleeve revealing that he was attached to an IV. No wonder his headache wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. Just one of the perks of having a hospital nurse as a best friend.

“Ah, RIVAL!” Gai boomed into his room. “I hope you feel better than you look!”

He walked over with a bag of frozen peas.

“Here, put that on your face,” he instructed.

Kakashi took the bag and did as he was told, cursing as the cold stung his sensitive skin. Gai took a seat on the edge of the bed, lifting his hand to scratch behind Pakkun’s ears. The pug panted, happily drooling on Kakashi’s lap.

“How are you feeling?”

“Mm. Alright, I guess.”

Gai studied him for a moment before sighing.

“You know what today is.”

Yes. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to get through it.

“You won’t be alone,” Gai reassured him. “I’ll be with you the whole time.”

He swallowed the knot in his throat and nodded. Gai squeezed his shoulder before standing up.

“Leave that on for ten more minutes, then go shower. I need to take care of a few things before we go," he said as he removed the IV from his arm. "Oh!-- And I'll grab some breakfast for us while I'm at it. You craving anything?”

Kakashi shrugged and Gai flashed him a smile.

“Bagel with cream cheese it is! And don’t worry about Pakkun, I’ve fed him already.”

Kakashi frowned, pulling Pakkun up to his chest to stare him down.

"Then why'd you wake me, little punk?" 

The dog responded by eagerly licking his nose.

Once the ten minutes were up, Gai grabbed the bag of peas and strolled out of the room with Pakkun at his heels.

Kakashi made his way to the bathroom in his room, removing his clothes as he went. He purposely averted his eyes from the mirror above the sink. Maybe his reflection wouldn’t be as awful once he cleaned himself up.

He stepped into the shower and sat on the plastic chair. He moved automatically, trying not to think about the day ahead. After removing his left leg, he peeled the liner off his limb, stuffing it into the socket before placing the prosthesis outside the shower. He closed the glass door.

Normally, he avoided looking directly at his residual limb, and today was no exception. The bony prominences of his knee stuck out even more now that the muscles around them had shriveled significantly. A small stump below his knee was all that remained of his calf. He found it repulsive. As if he needed more reasons to be disgusted with himself. He turned the water on, stifling a gasp as he let the cold bite into him.

Once he’d gotten the filth of the previous night off himself, he braved a look in the mirror. The sight wasn’t as shocking as it had been last night, but it was still pretty bad.

He was now a hot mess of purple and black, but at least the blood was gone. A dark, swollen ring encompassed his left eye, but he could open it a little more. He lifted his chin to inspect his neck. Nasty black bruises and teeth marks trailed along his throat.

Deidara’s work.

His eyes widened. _Shit!_

He quickly sifted through his clothes, looking for his wallet. When he didn’t find it, he stepped into his room again. It was sitting on the nightstand. He opened it to find the remaining $250 in cash gone.

Also Deidara’s work.

He rolled his eyes. That _slut_.

Now he remembered why he’d stopped going to that bar. His money had a tendency to magically disappear whenever he stepped foot in that particular establishment. He groaned as he remembered he’d also forgotten his credit card at the karaoke bar.

 _Wonderful_.

Gai had laid out some clothes on his bed for him before he’d left. A gray pinstripe blazer with black turtleneck and slacks. He couldn’t help but grin at the choice of a turtleneck. Classic Gai, always thinking of everything.

Wouldn’t want him showing off his dirty deeds at his father's funeral.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

A loud rapping on the door woke Tenzo from his restless sleep.

His body was stiff, and his head throbbed a little. He looked down at his hand. Thankfully, it did not look any worse than it had last night.

The noise started again, breaking through his sleepy haze.

Who the hell was at his place so _goddamn_ early? 

He sighed grumpily, forcing himself out of the tub and dragging his feet to the front door. He looked through the peephole, his eyes widening as he recognized the bowl cut.

_Gai?_

The man shifted nervously outside, his hands buried in his pockets. An amusing thought crossed his mind. Was he here to deal him that ass-whooping he’d mentioned, now that his birthday was over?

He opened the door. Gai gave him a sheepish smile, his bushy eyebrows bunching up into a frown.

“Hey, Yamato,” he murmured, looking at the ground.

“Hey,” he responded, not quite sure what else to say.

“I—um. I got your address from Genma—I hope you don’t mind,” Gai started. “I—uh— just wanted to apologize in person for last night— I know I was out of line.”

Tenzo gaped at him, utterly speechless. Gai was here to _apologize_?

Gai shifted uncomfortably under his gaze and Tenzo blinked a few times to shake the astonishment away.

“Um—Would you like to come in?” he finally asked.

Gai flashed him a weak smile and gave a stiff nod.

Once inside, Tenzo signaled for him to take a seat at the table. He offered him some coffee or tea, but Gai politely declined. He pulled out a chair and sat adjacent to him. Gai’s eyes widened as they settled on his still-bloody hand.

“You should really ice that,” he said.

“Oh, um—yeah I—later,” Tenzo nodded, awkwardly hiding it from view.

Gai looked away and cleared his throat. “Now, Yamato—uh— obviously I—um— don’t know what kind of history you and Kakashi have, but I would like to apologize for whatever he did to you. I realize it must have been pretty bad for someone as calm as yourself to react the way you did.”

Tenzo’s eyebrows nearly reached his hairline. Then he frowned, puzzled.

_Why is he going so far for Kakashi?_

Noticing his confusion, Gai continued.

“I—um—I realize how odd that must sound. But—Kakashi has been my best friend since high school. I won’t bore you with the details, but the man has been there for me. I suppose you could say I see him as a brother.”

He paused, a pained expression flashing across his face. “And… his father,” his voice wavered, “well, he—was like a father to me.”

Tenzo’s heart dropped. What did he mean, _was_?

Did—did that mean—

“Sakumo passed away a few days ago,” Gai’s face crumbled as a tear rolled down his face.

Tenzo stared ahead, unseeing. “Saku—mo is…”

“Yeah.”

He sucked in sharply, barely hearing bits and pieces of Gai's rambling.

_Sakumo is dead._

“I just—I know my friend, Yamato. He shuts down when he’s hurting. I wanted so badly to distract him—at least for a bit. He’s been under so much stress lately, what with the business and the divorce. And now, the funeral—"

Tenzo snapped his eyes to Gai’s face again.

_Did he say... divorce?_

“—should have asked you if I could take him but I didn’t know you knew each other! I just thought it’d be good for him to get out of the house for a while, you know? But it all just backfired." His lower lip quivered. "I’m trying to be strong for him, Yamato. But I’m just so worried!” He choked as a sob escaped his throat. “I just don’t know how much more of this he can take.”

Tenzo stood automatically, and Gai followed suit. He embraced his sniffling friend, who buried his face in his shoulder.

“Gai... I’m so sorry," he murmured as Gai’s shoulders shook.

He held his breath as everything he thought he knew crumbled to pieces.

 _Sakumo_. The kind, gentle man who’d cracked jokes and laughed wholeheartedly when he’d been Tenzo’s patient.

 _Sakumo_. The man he knew Kakashi revered above anyone else.

_Sakumo is dead._

His chest tightened as he remembered the hollow look in Kakashi’s eyes.

_God, what have I done?_

“When is the burial, Gai?” he asked softly, pulling away.

Gai bit his lip as he wiped his face on his sleeve. “It’s today. But… Yamato—I don’t think it’s a good idea—"

“Please,” he interrupted. “I need to apologize...”

Gai sighed and looked away, avoiding his gaze.

“Please, Gai.”


	6. Defeated

The whole experience was quite surreal.

Perhaps it would have seemed more authentic had he been able to feel anything. But all Kakashi could do was sit in silence and count the number of times the same depressing song played through the speakers attached to the wall. He was currently at thirteen repetitions. _Really?_ He fought the urge to roll his eyes. The funeral home couldn't offer a _variety_ of depressing songs?

True to his word, Gai remained by his side throughout the service, his loud sniffling breaking through the still silence that hung heavily beneath the soft music and the sporadic murmurs of the guests in the small room.

Sakumo had been quite popular in his youth. He’d been an electrifying free spirit and his popularity had only increased when he’d opened his renowned sushi restaurant, White Fang. He’d gained recognition within the community and beyond for only delivering ingredients of the most exceptional quality. But what truly set him apart from other sushi chefs was his passion. It was rumored that his creations were individual masterpieces capable of conveying emotion through their flavors.

Years before Kakashi was born, Sakumo had travelled to all seven continents, exploring any and every cuisine he could get his hands on. Along the way, he’d met Kakashi’s mother and together they’d trekked the world, falling deeper in love with each other. At least, that’s as much as Sakumo had told him when he was a boy.

She had died from complications during childbirth, and Kakashi only knew her from the faded pictures in his father’s photo albums. Growing up, he noticed that talking about her always brought a wistful look to his father’s eye, so he eventually stopped asking questions. But he regretted that now. He’d always been able to see the reflection of his father in himself, but ever since he could remember, he’d yearned to know what part of her resided in him. And now, the one person who’d known every single detail about her was gone.

Rows upon rows of people came to pay their respects. People Kakashi had never seen before. They all stood in line to catch a glimpse of the great Sakumo Hatake and Kakashi was happy to disappoint them with a closed-casket service. He refused to satisfy their morbid curiosity. Most of them claimed to be great fans or friends of his father’s, but not one of them had bothered to visit him after his illness had forced him into early retirement. Some of them had approached to shake his hand and offer standard mourning sentiments and he took some satisfaction from watching them squirm uncomfortably at the sight of his battered face.

Kakashi had taken over the business aspect of White Fang, but its popularity had begun to deteriorate after Sakumo retired. And even though he’d gone through the extensive and stressful process of hiring only the most excellent chefs to take over, White Fang had experienced a decline in prestige over the past few years due to the absence of Sakumo’s vibrant energy.

He felt Gai nudge his shoulder gently, interrupting his train of thought.

It appeared people were anxiously waiting for him to eulogize his father. Well, he’d managed to put it off for thirty-five repetitions of the same song. He sighed as he pushed himself off the chair and walked to the podium. He pulled out the cue cards he’d copied off the internet this morning containing appropriate things to say at a funeral.

The guests fell silent and the uncomfortable tension grew with every second he stood there, not saying anything. He continued eyeing the cards quietly until he noticed even Gai shifted awkwardly in his seat. He folded them and placed them back into his blazer pocket before looking up with an impassive expression.

“Thank you all for coming today. I didn’t realize we would need a larger room to accommodate everybody.”

A soft laugh emerged from the crowd.

“Yes,” he forced a smile, “it’s nice to see how many fans and acquaintances my father had. I’m sure he would have appreciated the company when he was alive.”

The crowd fell silent as Kakashi’s smile faded.

“We’ll now proceed to the burial. Friends and family only. Thanks.”

With that, he walked out of the room.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo watched from afar as Gai patted Kakashi’s shoulder before turning to walk in the direction of his parked car. He was surprised by the small number of cars that had followed the hearse to the cemetery. With White Fang's popularity, he'd honestly expected a bit more than four.

Kakashi stood alone before the casket. The mere sight of his wind-blown hair had Tenzo’s heart pounding and he took a few deep breaths to normalize his pulse.

It did not work. He was terrified.

He dreaded an angry outburst, although he knew he deserved it for being such an asshole the previous night. But even more than that, he dreaded the emptiness in Kakashi’s eyes. Those eyes that had once seemed as deep and full of life as the ocean itself…

He let out a long breath and stepped out of the car. It was an uncharacteristically sunny day and he turned his face up to absorb as much of the sun’s warmth as he could. Something had to stop his trembling. He took another breath before settling into a comfortable stroll. Fallen leaves crunched under his feet as he weaved through the rows of gravestones. The man stood with his back to Tenzo, his head lowered and his hands in his pockets. Tenzo noticed he leaned heavily to his right side.

 _The prosthesis must be irritating his leg_ , he thought instinctively.

He was only a few feet away when he noticed Kakashi’s body stiffen. He stopped. His mind raced as quickly as his pulse.

How would he even start this conversation? He hadn’t given it much thought. Why hadn’t he given it more thought? Even looking at Kakashi like this felt like an invasion of privacy. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t be here. He could still sneak away if he—

“He remembered you, you know.”

Tenzo held his breath. Kakashi’s voice had been so soft he wasn’t sure he’d actually heard it. But then he noticed his shoulders sag as he sighed. He took a step closer, then another, until he was at Kakashi’s right side. They both stared at the charcoal-gray casket. A bed of white lilies cascaded over the top.

“Even after he’d forgotten who I was, he still asked for Yam-Yam.”

The words sliced through Tenzo in a way he hadn’t expected. He couldn’t begin to imagine how painful it must have been for Kakashi to realize his father no longer recognized him; to be forgotten by the man he’d spent his whole life idolizing and trying to emulate…

His forehead furrowed as he finally turned his gaze to Kakashi. His frame seemed smaller than he remembered it. The features on his face were somehow sharper; the edge of his jaw more angular, the top of his cheekbone more prominent. His eyes sunk a little deeper and his hair was a wicked mess, the fringe so long that it actually fell past his eyelids. Everything about him just seemed so— _defeated_.

“The nurses were convinced he was asking for his favorite food and they kept feeding him yams. I had to intervene before they made him turn orange.” The corner of his mouth turned up weakly.

“Kakashi,” Tenzo began.

Kakashi shut his eyes in a grimace and bit down on his lip. Tenzo paused and regarded him carefully. It was disconcerting, seeing him like this. He looked like a man at the gallows.

“I’m so sorry.”

Kakashi clenched his jaw but didn’t meet his eyes.

“Don’t be,” he responded.

“But I am. For your father and… for last night. Please, forgive me.”

Kakashi turned to him then, his expression soft.

“There’s nothing to forgive, Yamato.”

Tenzo recoiled internally at the sound of _that_ name on Kakashi’s lips. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected. After all, he’d literally beaten the man for calling him by his first name. But the sound of it just felt so wrong—so unnatural. His heart dropped at the sight of the nasty bruising over the whole left side of his face.

_I did this to him?_

Shame grasped at his throat again, but he forced himself to look, to confront the extent of the damage he'd made. Their eyes only met for a second before Kakashi averted his, but it was enough for Tenzo to see the weight of the world in them. They were dry, but he recognized that sorrow had made a home for itself within them. He moved automatically, much in the same way he had when exposed to Gai’s pain. He closed the distance between them and took him into his arms. He heard the sharp intake of breath and felt Kakashi’s body stiffen against him.

“Don’t,” he whispered.

But Tenzo only held him tighter.

“Please… don’t,” Kakashi breathed again.

But after a few uneasy seconds, Tenzo felt the muscles of his back relax under his hands.

He tried not to think about what he was doing. He knew he shouldn't be holding Kakashi like this. The man had hurt him badly.

Their history was still there and it would certainly continue to haunt him. He knew his anger was justified and that it had aided him as he conditioned himself to hate him. It was how he'd managed to survive the worst heartbreak of his life.

But as he felt Kakashi embrace him back, he also understood that preserving his resentment against him was as unsustainable as a fire without oxygen. He closed his eyes, allowing the bitterness in his heart to evaporate under the sun. For the first time in a long time, he felt as light as a feather.

After a while, Kakashi pulled away. Tenzo watched him press his lips into a thin line as he shifted his weight from his prosthetic leg again.

“Do you want to sit down?” he asked.

“Actually, I should—uh—Gai is waiting for me.”

Tenzo nodded, letting his arms fall to his sides and taking a step back. He took one last look at the beautiful, bruised man before him.

“Take care of yourself, Kakashi.”

Kakashi gave him a small smile, and he thought he saw a faint glimmer of something in his eyes before it faded away.

“Yeah, you too.”

Tenzo watched him walk away in silence. He didn’t realize he’d opened his mouth until he heard the sound of his own voice in the air.

“Would you... like to grab something to eat?”

Kakashi paused and Tenzo could almost see his mind racing beneath the messy mane. After what felt like an eternity, he turned his face toward him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said gently before turning back. “Goodbye, Yamato.”


	7. A Thing

Kakashi hadn't given much thought to the extraordinary abilities of the human brain before. But he couldn't help wondering about them now, particularly the brain's ability to work in the background of the subconscious and sort through the infinite amount of information that it's bombarded with on a daily basis. What truly intrigued him, however, was the brain's rationale for keeping some things over others.

The sound of Tenzo’s walk was one of those things. Somewhere amongst the information that his brain had deemed important enough to store, the pattern of Tenzo’s feet hitting the ground as his weight shifted from side to side remained. He had not expected to ever hear it again and was taken aback when he immediately recognized it as he watched the lilies on his father's casket swing back and forth in the breeze.

He had also not expected the kindness in his eyes; not after the fury he'd seen there the previous night. But Kakashi knew that Tenzo had cared about Sakumo once upon a time, so it wasn't all that surprising that he'd temporarily set his anger aside to come pay his respects. Apparently, he continued to set the needs of others before his own. At least that much hadn't changed about the man Kakashi had fallen in love with.

He’d long given up on the idea of peace. But that's exactly what he'd found when Tenzo had wrapped him in his arms. The sudden silence of his tormenting thoughts had felt strange at first, but he'd eventually welcomed it, giving in to the dangerously familiar warmth of Tenzo's body. He knew, deep down, that it was something he wanted. He ached for it the way a man stranded in the desert ached for an oasis to appear along the scorching horizon. But he also knew that he didn’t deserve it. He'd hurt Tenzo enough already and the best thing he could do for him now was stay away.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two?” Gai asked as he drove him home.

Kakashi stared out the window. It almost felt like he had a personal chauffer these days. Gai had insisted on taking him everywhere since his father’s death, and he was too exhausted to argue. Besides, he hated driving.

He gathered his thoughts for a moment. How to explain what happened between them?

He'd always known he was attracted to men, though he’d never quite admitted it to anyone. Growing up, he'd kept his preferences on the down low, too frightened to tell his father and disappointing him or affecting his reputation within the community. If his friends suspected, they never asked directly, and he'd never found it necessary to clarify something so personal. But Tenzo had casually entered his life and demolished his carefully guarded façade. He’d seeped into the cracks of his heart and filled his life with a joy he hadn’t known was possible. No words could adequately express the significance of the man's role in his life. Just like there were no words that could quite convey the anguish he continued to feel, even after all these years, about fucking it all up.

“We—uh… had a thing,” he finally said.

“A…thing?” Gai registered the information, staring ahead before doing a wide-eyed double-take toward Kakashi.

“You—you mean—like—” his bushy eyebrows disappeared beneath his bowl cut, “ _Oh!_ Like _a thing_?!”

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t like that. Well—I mean, _yes_ —but it was more than that…”

Gai returned his wide eyes to the road. “While you were married?”

“ _Obviously_ ,” he replied a little harsher than intended. He softened his voice. “Yes.”

“And he knew?”

“No. It—” he winced at the memory of Tenzo’s face after he learned the truth. “It crushed him... when he found out.”

Gai sighed. “Oh rival… why would you—”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” he snapped.

Gai fell silent and he felt instantly guilty. Why was he being so defensive when he’d asked himself the same thing a million times?

They rode in silence for a while before Gai spoke up. “I wasn’t judging you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

He exhaled heavily. “I know, Gai. I’m sorry.”

Gai drove quietly for a while before another question emerged.

“Did you love him?”

Kakashi held his breath as he fought the onslaught of memories. The edges of Tenzo's big brown eyes crinkling every time he laughed; the adorable way his lips pouted whenever he was lost in deep thought; the glorious heat of his hands as they travelled languidly along his bare skin; the beautiful blush that overwhelmed his features whenever they were out in public and Kakashi casually approached him to whisper all the dirty things he wanted to do to him.

“Yeah," he sighed, "I do.”

Gai choked on his own saliva.

“I mean, _did!_ I did,” Kakashi blushed furiously.

“YOU _DO_ , HUH?!” Gai hooted hysterically.

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest and huffed as he looked away. Eventually Gai’s laughter died down to a giggle as he punched his arm playfully.

“He’s a good guy, rival.”

“Mm,” he couldn’t help but grin. “He is.”

“How did you meet?”

“He was my father’s physical therapist for a while.”

“Ah,” Gai nodded knowingly. “He did mention he worked at a clinic for a few years before starting at the hospital. We’re in different departments but we see a lot of the same patients. I don’t know what it is, but he seems to have a way with them,” he laughed. “Even the grouchy ones praise him!”

Kakashi smiled. That much had been true when Tenzo had worked with his father, too. His caring yet firm demeanor had somehow brought out the best of his father’s fading personality.

Gai hesitated before asking the next question. “Did Rin know?”

Kakashi let out a humorless laugh. “Oh, yeah.” He snorted at Gai’s stunned expression. “We had... an arrangement.”

“You mean—like—an open marriage?”

“Mm, something like that.”

He could see the idea blowing Gai’s mind.

“But… how did she know about him and he didn’t? Does that mean you never showed him where you lived?”

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair. “Well... I moved back into my father’s house for a while, remember? To care for him until…” he trailed off.

Until he couldn’t do it anymore.

When the man he’d known as his father had completely disappeared, he’d focused his energy on saving the restaurant. It was his father’s legacy, and he couldn’t allow it to go under. But the longer hours had also meant that he couldn't watch over his father as closely as he needed to. And after Sakumo had responded violently to the caregivers he’d hired to care for him at home, his last resort had been a nursing home. He’d tried to convince himself over and over that he wasn’t abandoning him. He’d made sure it was the most highly recommended nursing facility, with round-the-clock care, daily physical therapy and a large outdoor area where his father could take supervised walks. And even though he’d made sure to visit him at least twice a week, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was dumping his father like yesterday’s garbage.

“…until I sold his house,” he ended quietly.

Gai nodded solemnly. He pulled into Kakashi’s driveway and put the car in park. “So... what will you do?”

“About what?”

It was Gai’s turn to roll his eyes. “About Yamato! He obviously still cares about you.”

“You don’t know that.”

He raised a brow. “Yeah well, I don’t need a doctorate degree to _see_ it.”

Kakashi fought a grin as he felt his face blush. Tenzo really was an open book. “He was just being respectful. He knew my father. And my father really liked him.”

Gai produced an exasperated huff. “And how many of his _other_ health care providers showed up today?” 

Kakashi looked away, shaking his head.

“No, what? You don’t like him anymore?”

“He deserves better.”

Gai grimaced dramatically. “Oh, _please_ rival! You’re a catch! You’ve got the looks and the smarts—"

“That’s not—”

“AND! If you’re about to give me some _bullshit_ about how damaged you are, then you know you’re the only one who can change that, right?”

Kakashi paused. “I don’t know if it’s too late for that.”

“Nonsense!” Gai bellowed. “You’re alive, aren’t you? Then it’s not too late.”

Kakashi smiled. He wished some of his friend’s optimism would rub off on him. He stepped out of Gai’s car and before shutting the door, bent down to look at him. “Thank you for everything, Gai. I mean it.”

Gai flashed him a broad smile and winked. “Don’t mention it!”

He almost shut the door when Gai yelled out again. “I mean it too, rival! Get your shit together and go after him!”

Kakashi smirked and shut the door. He was grateful to have a friend like Gai, even if he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. He knew he meant well. After all, it was his own fault that Gai chronically worried about him. For the thousandth time, he regretted the night he gave him a legitimate reason to.


	8. Working

**2 Years Ago**

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ 

“I’ll check with your nurse to see when your next dosage is, alright Mr. Sarutobi?” Tenzo said as he folded the walker he’d brought into the room. “You need anything else from me?”

“A beer would be nice,” the man responded from his bed.

“I agree!” Tenzo laughed. “Hurry and get better so you can take me out for a few!”

Mr. Sarutobi chuckled as Tenzo walked out of the room. He checked his schedule on the computer. Thirty minutes to kill before his next patient. Perfect! He could use the time to catch up on some paperwork. Asuma snuck up behind him, making him jump. He held an unlit cigarette between his lips.

“How’s the old man doing?” he asked.

Tenzo frowned as he continued typing some notes. “You could just go in there and ask him yourself, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. But I’m _working_ ,” he grinned.

“Yes, working your charm on the nurses, I see.”

Asuma's face morphed into faux indignation. “ _Excuse_ me? There’s only _one_ nurse my charm works on.”

They both glanced at the nurses’ station. Kurenai raised an eyebrow as she stared at them, and Asuma winked. She rolled her eyes.

“You see?”

Tenzo snorted.

“Oh, by the way! Is there any way you can cover part of my shift next Friday?” Asuma asked. “I’m taking Kurenai to a concert out of town next weekend.”

Tenzo grumbled his annoyance but nodded nevertheless.

“Yes!” Asuma slapped his back eagerly. “I owe you one, my friend!”

“Or _ten_.”

Asuma laughed. “Hey! It’s not my fault you never go anywhere!”

He was right, of course. Tenzo only ever took time off when he was sick, and even then, only when he was contagious. He didn’t have a whole lot to do besides work, and he loathed being at home with only his thoughts to keep him company. His friends consisted of people who worked at the hospital, except for Genma, whom he’d met in PT school. But Genma had his own busy schedule, and they hardly saw each other anymore.

When it came to family, all he had left was his father but they hadn't spoken in over five years.

The man was a surgeon, and he strongly disapproved of Tenzo’s career choice. Tenzo had been exposed to his father’s hectic work schedule his whole life. He’d been absent for almost every event that held any meaning to him. And while Tenzo had always been intrigued by the human body and its intricate systems, he had no interest in living his life as his father had. Danzo had paid for his undergraduate education, but Tenzo had been forced to take out massive amounts of student loans to pay for his doctorate in physical therapy.

“You were supposed to be a _real_ doctor,” had been Danzo's constant complaint. But that was only the half of it.

The day Tenzo had come out to his father, the man had expressed more emotion in a span of five minutes than he ever had in Tenzo’s entire life. He’d been livid, screaming that he'd wasted his life providing for someone as worthless as him and that he was better off having no son at all.

They had not spoken since.

He caught a glimpse of Gai at the far end of the hall. “I gotta run,” he told Asuma. “And you better not be slipping any of those cigarettes to your father!” he called out over his shoulder as he hurried to catch Gai.

“Hey, Gai!”

Gai stopped walking and looked over at him. Tenzo was immediately taken aback by his somber expression.

“Hey, Yamato.”

Gai’s usually cheerful appearance had been replaced by worry lines and sunken, sleep-deprived eyes. “Did you need something?” he asked wearily.

Tenzo stared at him for a moment before recalling why he’d stopped him in the first place. “Oh—um—I was wondering when the next dose of painkillers was for Room 232.”

Gai typed and clicked blankly for a few seconds before replying. “Next one’s in two hours.”

“I—okay, thank you.”

Gai nodded before turning away.

“Um—Gai?” Tenzo gently placed a hand on his arm. “Are you alright?”

Gai froze for a moment before shaking his head and walking away. Tenzo stared after him, unsure of what to do with that. He returned to Mr. Sarutobi’s room to relay the information he’d obtained, and immediately went over to the nurses’ station to find Iruka. As much as he hated gossip, he was genuinely worried about Gai.

“Hey, Iruka,” he greeted him.

“Yamato! How’s it going?”

“Fine, thanks. Hey—um—do you know what’s going on with Gai?”

“What, you didn’t hear?” Asuma said, walking up beside him with his hands in his pockets. “His brother was brought in last night. Apparently, he tried to off himself.”

“Asuma!” Iruka scolded. “That’s such a vulgar way to put it.”

“Well, he _did!_ Sliced his arm up real good. Just one though. Probably chickened out halfway.”

“You’re _such_ an asshole,” Iruka sighed.

Tenzo’s eyes widened. “But… I didn’t even know Gai had a brother.” He pictured a shorter, rounder man with bushy eyebrows and matching bowl cut. He blinked the image away, scolding himself for conjuring it up in the first place.

Asuma shrugged. “None of us did.”

Tenzo frowned. It must have been awful for Gai to receive the news that someone he loved so much had attempted suicide.

 _He must be devastated_.

He made a mental note to find him again and offer to help if he needed anything.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**11 Years Ago**

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ 

Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks. “You’re— _what_?”

“What, are you _deaf_? We’re getting married!” Obito laughed.

He gaped at his friend before starting to walk again. “But… but _why_?”

Obito frowned at him. “What do you mean, _why_? Because I _love_ her, obviously!”

“Well, I know _you_ love her, but…” he trailed off. He didn’t want to hurt his friend’s feelings. But it was obvious to anybody that Rin only saw Obito as a friend, no matter how hard he tried to impress her.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Obito turned his chin up, a classic sign of his annoyance. “I’m not stupid, you know.”

Kakashi took a different approach. “But what about college? You haven’t even experienced that yet!”

Obito laughed again. “I know for a fact that there is only one girl out there for me. She’s my best friend and everything I’ve ever wanted, alright?” His frown returned. “I thought you’d be happy for us.”

They walked side by side around the perimeter of Namikaze High. 

“I—um—okay, yeah. Congratulations.”

“Very convincing, asshole,” he muttered. But his grin returned.

“I just—I don’t get why you’re rushing into it. Can’t you wait until you’ve both graduated and have jobs?”

Obito’s expression darkened again. “Well,” he bit his lip, “you know about her living situation.”

Kakashi knew. Rin had been orphaned at a young age and sent to live with her aunt. Her aunt was a kind woman, but her uncle was a nasty drunk who was verbally, and sometimes physically, abusive. It was not all that rare for Rin to show up terrified at Obito’s or Kakashi’s houses in the middle of the night every other week.

“So, will you live at home, then?”

“No!” Obito practically shouted. “I'm _working_ , we can get our own place!”

Kakashi sighed. Did he seriously have to explain to his friend that a part-time minimum-wage job at a pizza place was not enough to feed two people _and_ pay the rent?

“There’s also…” Obito hesitated, “something else…”

Kakashi turned to Obito, his eyes wide. “YOU GOT HER PREGNANT?!”

“WHAT!” Obito squawked. “NO! Of course not!” His face turned bright red.

Kakashi snorted at his flustered reaction. “Then, what?”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, but… before she died, Rin’s mom left her a testamentary trust. It’s _a lot_ of money. Like, _a lot_ , a lot.”

“O—kay?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "I’m guessing there’s a catch.”

“Um. Yeah, well—apparently her mom didn’t want her to receive the funds until she got married.”

“WHAT!” Kakashi bellowed. “That’s ridiculous! Why would she do that? Wait—so that’s it, then. You’re marrying her for the money?”

Obito stopped walking. “That’s _not_ it,” he said angrily.

Kakashi turned to look at him. Obito clenched his fists, scowling intently at the ground.

“I can’t let her live under that roof anymore,” he murmured, seemingly lost in thought. He took a breath before relaxing his hands. “Besides,” he continued, “she needs the money for college.”

Kakashi followed quietly as his friend began walking again. They were headed to Kakashi’s house, which was only a few blocks away. When they were nearly there, Obito broke the silence. “I know she doesn’t see me that way, Kakashi.” He kicked at the leaves on the ground. “But she’s my friend, and I love her. I’d do anything for her. Besides,” he bumped Kakashi’s shoulder with his, “if arranged marriages can work without the couples knowing each other, then this one definitely can! We know _everything_ about each other!”

Kakashi said nothing.

“Come on, quit being such a buzzkill! I read somewhere that people in arranged marriages fall in love as they go. Maybe that can happen for us, too!”

Kakashi had a terrible feeling in his gut. It wasn’t that he was an idealist about soulmates and true love. He just didn’t want his friend to suffer due to what everyone knew was an unrequited affection. But he forced the corner of his mouth into a grin.

“Yeah," he sighed. "Maybe.”


	9. Distractions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> You guys could probably figure it out on your own, but just to make it super clear: the section in italics is a memory ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Kakashi rolled the orange on the table with the heel of his hand before digging his nail into its smooth skin.

White Fang currently had two of the most sought-after chefs in the country. The Uchiha brothers were renowned geniuses in the kitchen. Although they were very young, they had both graduated from the most prestigious culinary school in the country and had personally received training from the acclaimed Master of Sushi himself, Fugaku Uchiha, who also happened to be their father. The art of sushi practically ran through their veins. Kakashi had made sure to secure the amazing marketing team that had been responsible for bringing other fading businesses back to life. The restaurant maintained an active social media presence, engaging with their customers daily and quickly addressing any criticisms. As a result of the team’s intensive research, the business had experienced some relief over the past months.

But why were they still losing customers? He let out an exasperated sigh. There was something he was missing.

He returned his attention to the orange. He pulled the rind off slowly and methodically, reaching deep enough to remove as much of the soft white flesh as possible. The sharp citrus smell tickled his nose.

_He felt Tenzo’s gaze on him as he carefully pinched and pulled the remaining white skin that clung to the individual segments. He stopped moving and looked sideways, raising an eyebrow. Tenzo rested his chin on his hand, his eyes soft as he observed him._

_“What?” Kakashi asked, feeling rather self-conscious. It didn’t make much sense to be shy now, given that he was sitting completely naked on the man’s bed. Tenzo lay on his side next to him, equally undressed._ _The rich brown of his eyes radiated affection as he grinned into his fingertips. The sight of it made Kakashi’s heart skip a beat._

_“You’re mesmerizing,” he said._

_Kakashi felt his ears burn as he fought a smile. He continued peeling with the same careful precision._

_“You’re such a sap,” he grumbled under his breath._

_Tenzo hummed softly as he slipped behind him, resting a hand on his hip. Kakashi held his breath when he felt Tenzo’s lips on the small of his back._

_“It's all your fault,” he whispered against his skin as he slowly kissed his way up his spine. The warmth of his breath shot sparks across Kakashi’s skin. "_ _It’s your fault,” he repeated softly, “for being so beautiful.”_

He cleared his throat.

The restaurant. He had to focus on the restaurant.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“…Yamato?”

“Huh?” Tenzo snapped back to reality. His friends stared at him expectantly. “Uh—what?”

Asuma smirked. “Daydreaming again, are we?”

He felt his face burn.

Over a month had passed since he’d last seen Kakashi, but the man continued to occupy his thoughts whenever he allowed himself to get distracted. He knew he shouldn’t let it, but his mind kept returning to their last encounter. He couldn’t help but worry. Kakashi had appeared so downtrodden. Felt so small in his arms. Not to mention, he was almost positive Kakashi was due for another fitting if his prosthesis was bothering him so much. He sighed. It was pathetic how much he still cared.

“I—uh, I’m just tired,” he lied.

“Right,” Asuma blew smoke out of his nostrils.

Tenzo looked at his watch. Their break was almost over. He tried and failed to remember what the conversation had been about. Thankfully, Iruka came to his rescue.

“The concert on Friday. You’re coming right?”

“Oh—yeah! Right.”

It was some ska band he’d never heard of, but he could definitely use the distraction.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Yeah, no thanks. I’m pretty sure I outgrew my ska phase in high school,” Kakashi muttered, scratching Pakkun’s belly. The pug wiggled contentedly on his lap.

“Come on, rival!” Gai laughed. “I’ll be working on your birthday, so this can be your birthday celebration. It’s just a few hours, it’ll be fun!”

“That’s what you said the last time you took me out,” he scoffed.

Gai’s face fell a little and Kakashi bit himself. It took some real effort to not be an ass these days. Maybe he did need to socialize a bit more. He let out a defeated sigh.

“Fine!” he groaned. “I’ll think about it.”

Gai’s expression immediately brightened. “YOSH! I promise you won’t regret it!” he laughed.

Kakashi could have sworn he saw the flash of something mischievous in his eye.


	10. Kashi

**4 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“Mr. Sakumo Hatake?” Tenzo called out into the waiting room from the doorway.

“Let’s go, dad,” a silver-haired man said to the older man with matching hair sitting next to him. As they stood, Tenzo noticed the young man’s prosthesis and vaguely wondered if he was a war veteran. The man in question, presumably the son, placed a steadying hand on his father’s back as they walked toward him.

“Hello, Mr. Hatake!” Tenzo addressed Sakumo, extending his hand out to him. “My name is Yamato, I’ll be your physical therapist today.”

Sakumo took his hand and shook it weakly. “Just Sakumo is okay,” he said with a warm smile.

“Of course, Sakumo, it’s very nice to meet you,” he said brightly. He turned to the younger man and was immediately struck by his handsome features now that he was up close, even though his lips were pressed into a solid line. The scar cutting across his left eye made him that much more intriguing. Tenzo smiled and held his hand out to him. “Hi, nice to meet you.”

For a moment, he thought he was going to leave him hanging. The man’s stoic expression did not change when he finally shook it. “You’re younger than I expected,” he said gruffly.

“I get that a lot,” Tenzo replied warmly, brushing off the skepticism fired at him. “But I assure you I know my stuff,” he grinned.

The man snorted but said nothing else.

“Alright, Sakumo!” Tenzo returned his attention to his patient. “We’re heading to room number one, right over there,” he pointed across the gym of the therapy clinic, “and we’ll do the evaluation there, okay?”

“Okay,” Sakumo nodded gently.

Sakumo remained in good spirits throughout the hour of health-related questions and Tenzo took that as a good sign. He could feel the son’s piercing gaze on him as he ran through the tests and measures he needed to evaluate Sakumo's condition. He couldn’t help but grin when he caught the man staring at his ass.

Eventually, Sakumo's son broke his sullen silence. “What kind of name is Yamato?”

“Kashi!” Sakumo scolded. “Where have your manners gone, boy?”

Tenzo chuckled without interrupting his assessment. “It’s a last name.”

He saw Kashi raise an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with your first name?”

Sakumo shot his son a warning glare, which he completely ignored.

“I simply prefer my last name,” Tenzo smiled. “As a kid, I was teased a lot because of my first name. It’s got a silly meaning.”

He noticed Kashi trying to read the name badge hanging from the collar of his polo. He’d already taken care of that detail months before, though, with a strategically placed sticker. The man narrowed his eyes at him but said nothing else. He seriously found the difference in personalities between father and son quite amusing. Sakumo turned to him with an apologetic look and Tenzo smiled before giving him a conspiratorial wink.

“Are you sure you’re related?” he whispered with a raised eyebrow.

The older man smiled while his son rolled his eyes.

 _Five weeks of this is gonna be fun_ , he smiled to himself.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**11 Years Ago**

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“You’re _so_ full of shit!” Kakashi laughed, his hand resting lightly on top of the steering wheel.

“Dude! I fucking _swear!_ ” Obito bellowed from the passenger seat. “You can ask Ebisu! He saw the whole thing too! I swear it on my grandma’s grave! Ms. Tsunade and Mr. Jiraiya were totally going at it in the parking lot!”

He only laughed harder.

“I’m fucking serious!” Obito punched his arm hard but joined his laughter.

“Of course, the two class perverts were the only witnesses to this,” Kakashi quipped.

“Fuck you! I’m not the one who gets nosebleeds every time—”

He was cut off by the sudden feeling of the SUV levitating. Random objects floated in front of their faces before slamming to the left. Kakashi felt his body thrash around uncontrollably as the van rolled over. It was so loud, yet he couldn’t hear a thing. It all happened so fast that he didn’t have time to count the times his face and limbs smashed against the driver's side window. He vaguely wondered if this is what it felt like to roll down a hill inside a barrel, before the SUV finally came to a loud, crunching stop in its upright position. His brain struggled to make sense of what had just happened or where he was. His vision blurred, and he squeezed his eyes tightly to clear it. He cried out as a sharp pain in his left eye forced him to stop. He reached up with a trembling hand and came away with a thick, dark liquid. He could feel the warmth pouring down his cheek and neck. The door on his side emitted a loud scraping noise before falling completely off its hinges with a crash. Shaking and dazed, he turned to his friend.

“O— Obi—”

Obito was no longer in the passenger seat. Kakashi stared stupidly, trying to make sense of the absurd. He’d been _right there_. He had, right? Why was he not there anymore?

“Obito?”

Had he imagined the whole thing? Had Obito not been in the car at all that night? He suddenly noticed that the door on the passenger side was gone. Panic gripped at his throat as he finally understood.

“Obito!” he yelled, looking around desperately.

It wasn’t until he turned to his left that he saw him. Obito was on the pavement about five yards away, sprawled on his back. His limbs lay in unnatural positions. Kakashi froze as his brain denied everything he was seeing.

 _He’s not dead he’s not dead he’s not dead_.

A weak cough from Obito snapped him into action and he frantically scanned his surroundings for their phones.

_Ambulance, ambulance, Obito needs an ambulance, where is it, where is it, where the FUCK is my phone!_

He screamed in frustration when he did not find either one. Obito coughed again.

“ _Obito!_ ” a strangled voice he did not recognize as his own, cried out. He unbuckled his seatbelt and pushed himself out of the crushed vehicle. He crumbled and screamed when he stepped onto his left foot. Blinding pain shot through him and he vomited on his arm. He shook violently as he forced himself to look down at his leg. His foot was facing in the opposite direction. He coughed and heaved the rest of his dinner onto the ground. He wept helplessly as he saw the distance that separated them and forced himself onto his right side. Obito whimpered softly and Kakashi willed himself to move. He screamed in pain as he dragged his broken body to him. Lightheaded with the effort, he dry-heaved a few times before reaching his friend. Completely drained, he collapsed by his face.

“—ka—shi,” Obito wheezed, turning to face him.

Kakashi grabbed his hand, though the action did not seem to register in his friend’s blank eyes.

“ _Obito!_ Obito, I’m here,” he whimpered. He tried not to focus on the abnormal way his friend’s chest was caved in. Obito coughed again, his unseeing eyes widening with the effort. Blood spattered from his mouth.

“Ta—care… uh— Rin,” he gasped.

“No, no, no, stop talking. You’re gonna be okay. It’s gonna be alright, Obito. You’re okay, okay? Come on, please don't leave me, _please_ ,” Kakashi begged.

He looked around helplessly. Why was the road still empty? Why was no one here to help?

“Pro—ruh—uh—miss… hashi,” Obito gurgled.

Kakashi tightened his grip on his friend’s hand and sobbed uncontrollably.

“Yes! I promise, Obito. I promise I’ll take care of Rin! But please don’t die, please, I’m so sorry, _please!_ ” he wailed.

He felt Obito’s fingers lightly twitch in his before he made a final gurgling noise.


	11. Kneeling on Concrete

Gai had failed to mention that the tickets to the concert were general admission, meaning that they’d be standing for three to four hours. Kakashi kicked himself for agreeing to this. His leg would make him pay for it dearly in the morning. But Gai looked so happy as he brought a second round of shots for his friends that he couldn’t bring himself to complain.

Asuma, Kurenai, and Iruka had looked genuinely surprised to see him, but they’d made him feel welcome and he had to admit that he didn’t mind their company. He listened to their conversations, which mostly consisted of complaints about patients at the hospital. Although he had little to no input because he’d never worked in that environment, he found himself laughing at their outrageous stories. He observed them closely as they talked. Asuma seemed to be the blunt jackass of the group, while his girlfriend kept him in line. Iruka struck him as the voice of reason, and perhaps the kindest of the group, apart from Gai.

“Happy early birthday, Kakashi!” Gai beamed as the five of them raised their glasses. "To the dirty thirty!" They clinked them together with a cheer and threw them back.

“Oh, they’re here!” Kurenai turned toward the entrance, waving excitedly.

Kakashi was glad he'd swallowed the liquor before he saw him, because he probably would have spat the drink out in Iruka’s face. Tenzo walked in with the spiky-haired woman from the karaoke night. _What was her name, again?_

“ANKO! YAMATO!” Kurenai jumped up and down with her hands in the air.

Anko searched the crowd before recognizing them and waving back. She grabbed Tenzo’s hand and pulled him along behind her. “Hey guys!” she said as she reached them. Her eyes widened when they settled on Kakashi, but she smiled politely.

Kakashi took a second to shamelessly scan Tenzo with his eyes. From the messy way his hair was combed, to the loose jacket around his broad shoulders and the way his jeans hugged his thighs a little tighter than the rest of his legs, the man was absolutely flawless. And his face when he saw Kakashi was quite adorable. He looked just as flabbergasted as Kakashi felt, but quickly recovered before greeting the group.

“Hey,” he said to him simply.

“Hey,” Kakashi replied.

The group exchanged tense looks, as if expecting another violent outburst to occur at any minute. Asuma seemed almost disappointed when there was none.

The opening band was not terrible, but the crowd seemed anxious to hear the band they'd come to see. Plumes of white, smelly smoke surrounded them and Kakashi grinned when he saw Asuma light a blunt of his own. After knowing the man for only a few hours, he’d expected nothing less. The entire group stood between him and Tenzo, almost as if they didn’t trust them next to each other, but Kakashi could see the brunet stealing glances his way from the corner of his eye.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

By the time The Akatsuki finally played, his leg was aching so much that he had to lean heavily on his right side. He tried his best to hide his discomfort from Gai, who was thoroughly enjoying himself. But about two hours into the set, Kakashi knew he’d reached his physical limit.

“Restroom,” he yelled in Gai’s ear as he pointed to the exit. Gai swayed with the music and gave him a thumbs up. Kakashi walked along the hallways of the venue listlessly, passing loud groups of youngsters who were either laughing, making out, or getting high. He looked around for somewhere to sit, resigning himself to sit on the floor if he absolutely had to. Eventually, he caught sight of a lone bench in the far corner. He strode over and sighed with relief as he sat down. His left leg was killing him. Standing for too long made his residual limb hurt unbearably these days. It was a difficult pain to explain to anyone who’d never experienced it before. He supposed it was similar to kneeling on concrete for a long period of time, with one’s full body weight on the bony part of the knee. His right leg suffered as well, having to work harder and hold more of his weight than usual.

He rested his head on the wall and closed his eyes. The venue had become uncomfortably warm as the hours passed. He supposed that was probably, in part, due to the drinks in his system. He took slow, deep breaths and tried to relax. He was having a hard time separating the combination of annoyance at Gai and the fluttering in his stomach caused by Tenzo’s presence. He knew exactly what Gai was trying to do, and he refused to give in to his matchmaking. Why was he (and the universe) trying so hard to bring them together? It was clearly an uneven match. Tenzo gave so generously of himself while Kakashi felt like he had nothing left to give.

“It’s bothering you again, isn’t it?”

His eyes snapped open. Tenzo stood before him, studying him closely.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he muttered, “I’m just a little tired.”

Tenzo gave him a small smile before kneeling in front of him. “If you’re gonna lie, you’ll have to do better than that.”

Kakashi’s pulse quickened. _Damn you, treacherous heart_.

“May I?” Tenzo placed a hand lightly on his left knee.

He froze. The last thing he wanted was to be completely exposed in public. Even after all these years, the stares still made him feel like a freak. The thought of curious eyes watching them made his skin crawl. But he eventually lost himself in the warm chocolate of Tenzo’s eyes and most of his worries melted away.

“Mm,” he nodded.

Tenzo gently rolled his pants up to reveal the prosthetic leg. He removed it from Kakashi’s limb before expertly peeling the silver liner off. He stuffed the liner in the socket and placed the leg out of the way. Kakashi turned away as Tenzo inspected his leg, pretending to be engrossed in the sloppy saliva exchange going on between a drunken couple leaning against the opposite wall.

“The muscles have atrophied a little more,” Tenzo murmured thoughtfully. “Have you been fitted for a new one yet?”

Kakashi shook his head, not meeting his gaze.

He heard the man sigh. “Your limb is constantly changing with your body. You need to keep up with it if you don’t want the prosthetic to hurt. But you know that already, don’t you?”

He pursed his lips but said nothing. Of course he knew. It simply had not been a priority to him.

“Are you caring for it at all?” Tenzo asked softly.

He didn’t answer. Suddenly, he felt Tenzo’s hands on his limb and he flinched.

“Does that hurt?” Tenzo asked, concerned.

The reason Kakashi had flinched had nothing to do with pain. Tenzo’s touch had sent a familiar current of electricity through him, and he struggled to fight the wave of heat that swiftly encompassed him.

“Um—no," he gulped, "it’s fine.”

Tenzo paused before continuing. “I don’t have any lotion on me, but massaging might help alleviate the pain a little. Is that okay with you?”

Kakashi knew this was strictly professional interest on Tenzo’s part. He was trained to do this. It meant nothing. He tried to bury his eagerness as he finally met his gaze and gave a stiff nod. He held his breath as Tenzo’s warm hands wrapped around him, gently kneading the tissue from the bottom up. His fingers moved in slow, repeated motions as he rubbed all the way to the back of his knee. He applied a smooth, steady pressure with his thumbs as he traced the scar that remained from the amputation and Kakashi bit himself to keep from groaning. The firmness of his hands felt incredible as they slowly soothed the ache. He observed him work in silence.

_Tenzo continued his massage quietly, focusing on releasing the tension in Kakashi’s sore limb._ _It was nice having him kneeling in front of him like this. It brought other ideas to mind._

_Kakashi grabbed his phone from the nightstand and scrolled while Tenzo worked. He eventually found the song he wanted and hit 'play' before setting his phone back on the nightstand._ _He smiled widely at Tenzo’s smirk as the beginning notes of a certain Marvin Gaye song came on._ _Tenzo chuckled as his hands continued massaging._

_“Why, Mr. Hatake,” he purred in a low voice, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to seduce me.”_

_“Who, me?” Kakashi said innocently. “I would never! Besides, I’m not the one rubbing and teasing sensitive areas of your body.”_

_Tenzo stopped and looked up at him wickedly. “Oh, but I can do a lot better than that.”_

_Kakashi’s eyes widened as Tenzo brought his limb up to his lips, leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses along the stump. His eyes never left Kakashi’s as his tongue traced the sensitive skin around his scar. Kakashi let out a shuddering breath. The sensations that tongue was producing were now apparent between his thighs._

_“Trust me, Mr. Hatake,” Tenzo breathed without breaking eye contact, “if I were trying to seduce you, you’d know it.”_

_He took the limb gently into his mouth and Kakashi moaned._

“Kakashi?”

He opened his eyes to see Tenzo’s worried gaze fixed on him.

“Mm?” he cleared his throat and released his death grip from the edge of the bench.

“Are you okay?”

“Ah-- yes, thank you. That feels better.”

Tenzo laughed. A light, beautiful sound Kakashi missed more than he missed the rest of his leg.

“Well, we won’t know until you actually stand,” he said, rolling the liner onto his skin. Kakashi quietly mourned the loss of his wonderful touch. Tenzo slipped his leg back into the socket and rolled his pants down before rising to sit next to him on the bench. For a moment, they sat quietly, listening to the muffled music coming from within. Finally, Tenzo turned to him.

“I didn’t know you liked this kind of music.”

“Yeah, in _high school_ , when I was too high to care,” he quipped.

Tenzo’s eyes widened. “You were a pothead in high school? I can’t picture it.”

“Nah,” Kakashi chuckled. “I wouldn’t say I was a pothead. More of a… relaxation enthusiast.”

Tenzo snorted.

“What? You’re not gonna tell me you never tried it.”

Tenzo blushed a little before shaking his head. “My dad was pretty terrifying. He might have broken all my bones if he found out.” 

“Mm,” Kakashi shrugged. “Well, you’re not missing much. It’s overrated, to be honest.”

“Do you, still?”

“Nah. That stayed in high school,” he grinned.

“You never know,” Tenzo suggested, “maybe it could help with the pain in your leg. At least, while you wait for the other prosthesis to be made.”

He shook his head. “It’s alright. I’m fine.”

Tenzo only nodded. They sat in silence again, and Kakashi worried that perhaps he was too at ease. Being around Tenzo was so relaxing. It was too easy to fall back into the way things were before. Had he not been avoiding this exact situation?

“Yamato,” he began slowly.

The frown on Tenzo’s face did not go unnoticed.

“Why are you doing this?”

Tenzo thought for a moment before responding. “To be honest, I thought I’d be happy hating you for the rest of my life.”

He cringed. Well, had he really expected anything else? Of course the man had hated him this whole time.

“But... I wasn’t,” Tenzo continued. “I was miserable. Hating you was like a second full-time job and it was exhausting. I had to eat, sleep, and breathe it every day and it didn't get any easier. It wasn’t until recently, when I forgave you, that I finally started feeling like myself again.”

Kakashi’s heart thundered as he registered the words. He turned to him incredulously.

“You—you’ve forgiven me?”

Tenzo shrugged and nodded nonchalantly.

He tried his best to swallow the knot in his throat. “But… I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” he said softly.

The younger man cocked his head at him, watching him curiously. “That’s for me to decide, don’t you think? Besides, it’s not as much about you as it is about me. I hated nursing that anger. These past three years have been so shitty because of it."

Kakashi bit his lip, aching with shame. “I’m sorry I did that to you.”

Tenzo smiled softly. “I know.”

After a few minutes of silence, they noticed that the crowd had started to exit the venue.

“We should probably find Gai before he freaks out and thinks I beat you up again,” Tenzo murmured, scratching his head.

As the words left his mouth, a voice from the crowd thundered, “RIVAL?!”

“There he is,” they said in unison before breaking into awkward grins.


	12. Going Soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit NSFW at the beginning ;P

**2 ½ Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“I said _harder_!” Deidara bared his teeth and struck him again, hard.

Kakashi’s anger flared as his face stung. He pulled out completely and turned the blond onto his stomach, bending him over the edge of the bed. Deidara cried out as he entered him again. He tightened his grip on the sharp hip bones to hold him still as he quickened his pace, forcing himself deeper. They panted heavily as their bodies collided.

“Hah—ah—that’s it,” Deidara growled, “—fuck me, you piece of shit!”

Kakashi’s sweat poured freely down his body as he thrust harder. The body before him was so unlike the one he was trying to forget. It was smaller and sharper. Its scrawny limbs and narrow waist a far cry from the muscular build he was used to. He’d thought the differences would be enough to keep Tenzo’s face from appearing behind his eyelids, but he’d been wrong. He shut his eyes and came with a grunt, collapsing onto the body underneath him to catch his breath. Long yellow strands of hair clung to his chest as he shoved himself off and walked to the restroom to dispose of the condom. When he returned, Deidara had his shirt on and was working on his pants.

“You’re leaving already?”

Deidara cocked his head with a smirk. “Unless you wanna go a fourth time. But even I need a little break.”

Kakashi shook his head and walked past him, picking up his strewn clothes from the floor. Deidara stared after him, his blue eyes piercing into his back.

“Wait— _wait!_ Don’t tell me you wanted to _cuddle?_ ” he sneered. “Aww, are you going soft on me?”

“Just get out,” Kakashi groaned.

“Aww! You _are!_ ” The blond cackled and clapped his hands.

“Tell you what, Kakashi. We can cuddle for a few hours and then—we can have a picnic at the park. And maybe later we can go ice skating and you can hold my hand, so I won’t fall! Then after that, you can take me to meet your parents! I’m sure they’ll give us their blessing!”

“I said, get out!” Kakashi shouted.

Deidara snorted as he slipped his shoes on. “Alright, alright. No need to get your panties in a twist. Just call me when you’ve found your balls.”

Kakashi could still hear the man’s laughter echoing down the hall after he slammed the door. He sighed and collapsed onto the stiff hotel bed. He’d gotten what he needed out of Deidara. It was stupid to expect anything more. But even after taking all that the man could offer, he felt so much emptier than before.

 _Any distraction is a good distraction_ , he repeated like a mantra.

He’d sleep here tonight. Maybe the change of scene would keep Tenzo’s tear-stained face out of his dreams.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**4 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“You’re doing great, Sakumo. Let’s do ten more, then take a break,” he said as Sakumo marched in place at the parallel bars.

Tenzo had eventually learned (from overhearing) that the grumpy son’s name was Kakashi and that he owned the sushi restaurant his father had founded. Tenzo was not much of a foodie, but he’d heard great things about the place from other people. However, it still remained a bit too pricy for him to be willing to try it any other day.

“Do you cook as well?” he'd asked Kakashi during the second therapy session, to which the man had responded with a shrug without lifting his eyes from his dirty book.

“Kashi is an amazing chef!” Sakumo bragged. “Perhaps not officially... but I taught him everything he knows!”

“That so?” Tenzo raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“You should come by and try it sometime,” Sakumo smiled. “Kashi will make something special for you, won’t you Kashi?”

Kakashi had looked up with a bored expression and narrowed his eyes at Tenzo. “If I must.”

“I don’t know, Sakumo,” Tenzo said as he gently removed the weights from around the man’s ankles. “I think your son would stuff my sushi full of wasabi if he saw me there.”

Sakumo’s laughter rang out across the clinic.

“Not a bad idea,” Kakashi mused as he returned to his book.

Now, three weeks into Sakumo’s therapy, Tenzo had yet to see any other expression on the man’s face besides displeasure or indifference. He pulled the chair up behind Sakumo so he could sit and rest. As they took a break, Tenzo noticed Kakashi stand from his usual reading spot and head over to the water fountains across the room. He grinned mischievously as he recalled that one of his other patients had brought his little rascals along today. In their boredom, the two boys were inclined to mess with things around the clinic; the water fountain being a particular favorite. He knelt beside his patient.

“Hey Sakumo,” he whispered and signaled with a tilt of his head, “watch this.”

They both watched from the side as Kakashi approached the water fountain and bent down to take a drink. As soon as he pressed the button, he was greeted by a powerful stream of water straight to the face. He shook his head as he spluttered and coughed. Sakumo and Tenzo hooted with laughter as Kakashi took a step back, dripping and bewildered. He turned to them and recovered his aggravated expression. He wiped his face with his hand as he walked toward them. Tenzo stood up, trying to hold his laughter back a little.

“So, you knew about that, did you?” Kakashi glared as he approached him.

Tenzo didn’t flinch when the man’s face came awfully close to his, although he could feel the start of a blush blooming across his cheeks at the proximity. _He could be a runway model if he wanted_. The dark eyes burned into his own as he heard a small click. Kakashi pulled away, with Tenzo’s name badge in his hand. Before Tenzo could protest, Kakashi ripped off the sticker that covered his first name.

“Tenzo,” he read it thoughtfully.

He cringed at the sound and held his hand out expectantly. Kakashi placed the sticker back on its spot and handed it to him. “What does it mean?” he asked.

Tenzo sighed in defeat as he clipped the badge back on his polo. “It means ‘heavenly’.”

He braced himself for the inevitable mocking that followed as Kakashi considered what he’d just said.

“Hmm,” he finally replied. “It suits you.”

His eyes widened as Kakashi grinned and turned to walk back to his reading spot. He felt himself break into a full-body blush, though he wasn’t sure if it was in reaction to the man’s words or at the first sight of his beautiful smile.


	13. Spirit

Early mornings in the White Fang kitchen were always bustling with preparations for the day ahead. Kakashi greeted his employees as he walked through the kitchen, observing carefully as they unwrapped and scraped and sliced. He took it upon himself to personally purchase the fish at the market every morning. Sakumo had developed a special relationship with the wholesalers. It was completely based on mutual trust. If there was a particular fish he was looking for but the wholesalers felt that the current product was not up to White Fang’s standards, they would not sell it to him. In return, Sakumo would only buy from them, and never negotiated for lower prices. Trusting their judgment on the quality of the fish had been a major contributing factor to the success of the restaurant. The trust had been extended to Kakashi after his father had retired, and he was grateful.

This morning had begun much like any other, except for the screaming match he'd walked into between the youngest Uchiha chef and one of the kitchenhands.

“Just shut up and do your job, idiot!” Sasuke yelled.

“ _You_ shut up! You’re not the boss of me!” Naruto hollered back.

“Alright, what's going on here?” Kakashi demanded wearily.

“Kakashi! You need to get rid of this useless idiot,” Sasuke growled. “He's lazy _and_ he’s stealing food from the restaurant!”

“It’s not stealing if it’s waste, you idiot!” Naruto bellowed. “And _you're_ the one who should get fired because your sushi _sucks!_ ”

Sasuke’s eyes blazed and Kakashi stepped between them to prevent a physical altercation.

“Both of you, shut up!” he snapped. The boys glared daggers at each other but remained silent. “First of all, running a kitchen is a team effort. Naruto, I’m sure you’re aware that there is a hierarchy and Sasuke is a chef, so he _can_ tell you what to do.”

Sasuke smirked at Naruto’s frown.

“And you, Sasuke,” he turned to the smug dark-haired boy. “I find it hard to believe that in your many years of rigorous training you never learned to address your assistants with respect. For all your qualifications, you truly are lacking in leadership skills. One cannot possibly call himself a respectable chef without them.”

The boy scowled angrily.

“Second of all, Naruto… what is it you’re doing with the waste?”

“He swears he can make sushi,” Sasuke sneered.

“I _can!_ ” Naruto yelled. “And even with day-old ingredients, my sushi is infinitely better than any fancy nonsense _you_ can come up with!”

“Alright, both of you! That’s enough," Kakashi sighed. "Just get back to work, we’ll be opening soon.”

The Uchiha boy huffed and glowered at Naruto before walking away. Naruto stuck his tongue out at him as he went.

“So," Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "where is this incredible sushi you make?” 

“Um—well,” the blond boy avoided his gaze sheepishly. “I—uh—I guess I can show you.”

He led Kakashi to a corner away from the stations where he had a small container of vinegared rice, some sauces, and a few pieces of fish wrapped in plastic.

“Is this what you do instead of your job?” Kakashi inquired.

“No, no!” Naruto shook his head frantically. “I swear, I only do this during my break! And—and I only use things the other cooks have already said they were going to dispose of.”

Kakashi crossed his arms skeptically but signaled for him to proceed. Naruto washed his hands in the sink before returning to his tiny work station. Kakashi watched as he dug into the rice container and rolled up the rice with one fist, tightening it into a small oval. He then placed a slice of mackerel into a sauce and let it sit for a few seconds before removing it and placing it on top of the rice. He handed it to Kakashi.

“That’s it?” Kakashi muttered, studying the piece in his palm. The technique was poor and it was definitely not the most aesthetically pleasing, but he popped it into his mouth nevertheless. It was the complete opposite of what the Uchihas brought to White Fang. They experimented with all sorts of extravagant ingredients to create new and adventurous pieces. However, Naruto’s piece was very similar to the style Sakumo had believed in and practiced. It was simple, with no excessive additives.

_“I want people to experience the real taste of the ingredients,” his father explained. “You strip food back to its simplest essence and pour your spirit into it. People can feel your passion when they take a bite. That’s what makes it taste good.”_

“Naruto!” one of the employees called out. “What are you standing around for? Get over here and prep the tuna!”

“Uh—right! Going!” Naruto yelled back. He turned to Kakashi apologetically and Kakashi signaled for him to go. He watched the young man wave his arms around animatedly as he talked and laughed with the man who’d called him. For a moment, it almost felt like Sakumo’s spirit had filled the kitchen again.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

A package waited for Kakashi at the door when he got home.

 _I didn’t order anything_ , he thought curiously.

It was heavier than he’d expected when he first saw it. It was a flat rectangular box tied with a white ribbon. He set it on the kitchen counter, undid the ribbon and pulled the top of the box off. He gasped excitedly at the assortment of oranges before him.

There were thirty of them in total; sweet Honeybells, Seville sours, and Clementine mandarins resting snugly against each other on a layer of green tissue paper. He set the top of the box down and opened the envelope that had come with the box. A simple white card with colorful letters read ‘Happy Birthday’. He opened it and his pulse immediately quickened when he recognized the neat handwriting.

‘One for every year of your life. They haven’t all been sweet, but they haven’t all been sour either. Wishing you many more sweet ones. -T’

This time, he didn’t fight the warmth that swirled in his chest as he smiled.


	14. Despicable

**11 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

Kakashi did not make it to Obito’s funeral, as he was high off his mind on painkillers after the surgery to repair his shattered lower leg. The surgery had been a success, but his luck had run out. Two days later, he contracted a life-threatening infection that led to the amputation of his leg below the knee. His father remained by his hospital bed throughout his convalescence, and Gai visited as often as he could, but Kakashi barely noticed their company. Most days, he'd wake up screaming and drenched in sweat from his drug-induced slumber, thinking that the whole ordeal had been an extremely graphic nightmare before the agonizing reality came crashing down on him again. Obito’s bloody mouth and unseeing eyes haunted him day and night, and he wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep as soon as he woke up. No matter how many times the facts of the accident were explained to him, he failed to understand how something like that could have happened to them.

They’d been on their way back home from a party at 2am along a relatively deserted road that Kakashi had taken numerous times as a shortcut to Obito’s house. Kakashi hadn't drank because he didn't mind being the designated driver and Obito had only had a few—just enough for a light buzz. Kakashi had known about Obito’s habit of not wearing a seatbelt when he was drunk, but he’d said nothing. He could have forced him to put it on that night. _Should_ have forced him. But he’d said nothing.

He groaned in agony, tears burning at his sliced eyelid. Obito was dead because of him.

Police believed he’d struck a pothole or the edge of the curb too quickly, which led to the swerving and eventual roll-over of his father's SUV. Kakashi would have probably ended up just like his friend had he not been wearing his seatbelt. He’d broken the driver’s side window with his head and the shards of glass had sliced through his eyelid. Remarkably enough, the glass had only managed to scratch the cornea of his eye, which meant that he would not have permanent damage. But he could not bring himself to feel relieved.

Obito was dead because of him, and he'd come out of the wreck with relatively minor injuries. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the infection, he would have walked out of the hospital in one piece. In a few months, he’d be able to walk again, but his friend had completely ceased to exist. That simple truth felt so ridiculous to him that he'd laugh hysterically for minutes at a time before the unearthly wailing began. "Please, Dad," he begged more than once as his father held him tightly, "please just make it stop." Sakumo cried with him, whispering soft, comforting words as he shook in his arms. But the words fell on deaf ears. Kakashi wasn't seeking comfort. He just wanted this reality to stop. 

He definitely had not been ready to face Rin when she came to visit him a week after the funeral. Her disheveled features had revealed her sorrow, and Kakashi could not bring himself to look her in the eyes. He’d lost a close friend, but she’d lost a fiancé. Regardless of the reasons behind their union, the fact remained true. They’d sat in silence for an eternity before Kakashi spoke.

“Rin… I’m so sorry.”

Her lips trembled, and she bit down on them before responding. “Nobody blames you, Kakashi.”

He was sure Rin had meant for the words to be comforting, but he felt the exact opposite. How could nobody blame him for something that had so obviously been his fault? There had been no other cars involved, no animal or person he'd swerved to avoid hitting. This had all happened because he’d failed to see a hole in the road. It had happened because he'd been a terrible friend and let Obito ride without his seatbelt. He deserved their contempt, their hatred. He deserved to be the one who was six feet under.

Rin grabbed his hand and he squeezed his eyes shut as if she'd stabbed him instead.

“Nobody blames you,” she repeated.

That’s when he remembered the promise he’d made. Obito had been willing to sacrifice his own happiness to save Rin from her unfortunate circumstances, but now he was gone and Kakashi had made a promise. His friend had entrusted him with Rin’s wellbeing, and he could not bring himself to let him down. Not when he’d been the one responsible for ending his life.

“Rin,” he whispered as he forced himself to meet her gaze. He nearly backed out at the sight of her swollen, bloodshot eyes, but he somehow managed to choke the words out. “I’ll marry you.”

Her features crumpled, and she pulled her hand away as if he’d burned her with an iron. “What is _wrong_ with you?” she cried. “Obito’s body's not even cold in the ground!”

He swallowed dryly. “I know why he was marrying you."

She flinched at the coldness in his voice.

“Graduation is in a few months and you need the money for college. More than anything, Obito wanted you to get out of that house. He knew you didn’t love him, Rin, but he loved you so much. I promised him I would take care of you, and this is the only way I can keep that promise.”

The anger burned in her eyes as her tears began to fall. “How _dare_ you say that I didn’t love him! You don’t know _shit_ , Kakashi!”

“Did you think I was blind?” he shot back, suddenly furious that she'd stand in the way of him keeping his word. “You really think I never noticed the way you looked at me all these years? It was the same way _he_ looked at _you,_ Rin. You would’ve asked me if I’d given you even the slightest encouragement. Or will you deny it? But oh, he _offered_ , and that was easy enough for you. Well, this is what you _really_ wanted, isn’t it, Rin? No point in keeping up the pretense now.”

She looked at him like the monster he knew he was. It was as if she were truly seeing him for the first time. “You are despicable,” she spat before storming out of the room. Somehow, that made him feel better—the fact that she could see him now. The derision in her eyes—it was the first time since he’d woken from the accident that something had felt— _right_.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Time had dragged. It consisted of painful months of healing and learning how to walk again. But graduation was right around the corner.

Sakumo had made sure Kakashi kept up with his schoolwork, and Kakashi had completed it, if only to keep his father off his back. He was not used to this fussing, anxious version of his father. Sakumo had always allowed him a wide berth of freedom in hopes that he would become a free spirit like himself. But it seemed that his son’s early brush with death had made him paranoid and hypervigilant. He constantly nagged Kakashi about taking care of his residual limb, as if he were terrified that a new infection would claim another chunk of his son.

Gai often visited after school, though Kakashi could barely stand to have him around. He was a ball of optimism when all Kakashi wanted to do was wallow in his own misery. It was nearly impossible to sulk with the larger-than-life ray of sunshine that Gai was, and Kakashi found it exhausting. But he also knew that his friend was no stranger to grief. Gai’s father had died in a car accident their freshman year of high school, and Kakashi had been the one to keep his friend’s mind preoccupied with silly competitions. In fact, their so-called rivalry had stemmed from Kakashi challenging him both athletically and academically to keep his mind off his sorrow. Naturally, he'd expected Gai to try to do the same for him.

What he had not been expecting at all was a sudden visit in the middle of a school day.

“Kashi!” his father called out from the front door. “You have a visitor, son!”

Kakashi stepped hesitantly out of his room and his eyes widened when he saw her. “Rin?”

Sakumo offered to bring some tea as they moved into the living room, but they both declined. He took that as a sign to take his leave.

“What are you doing here?” Kakashi asked bluntly.

She met his eyes for a moment, her expression unreadable. “If we’re going to do this," she said coolly, "it's going to have to be believable."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**11 Years Ago**

****~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~** **

Tenzo had naturally expected some pain, but this was a bit much.

“Wait—wait, stop,” he gasped. But Torune forcefully covered his mouth with his own and slipped another finger in. Tenzo hissed as the pain intensified. “I said stop!” he yelled, shoving him off. Torune narrowed his eyes at him.

“Stop being such a tease. I already sucked you off, you owe me this.”

Tenzo looked away bashfully. “That—that was your idea too,” he mumbled.

“Yes, that was a real sacrifice on your part, wasn’t it?” Torune snapped. “Come on, I brought the stuff.”

He reached into the glovebox in front of Tenzo and pulled out a corner store bag. He spilled its contents out onto the seat of his truck: a small container of lube and a box of condoms. Tenzo supposed he should have known better when his boyfriend of two months had asked him on a date out of the blue. It was always Tenzo who initiated everything, the one who suggested they go out or spend time together. Naively enough, he’d been excited when the older boy had suggested dinner and the local drive-in theatre. It was so old-school and Tenzo had imagined it would be romantic to share popcorn and soda in the coziness of Torune’s truck. He’d been surprised by Torune’s advances so quickly into the movie, but his teenage lust had overridden all red flags and he'd given in to the delicious heat of Torune’s mouth on his.

He shook his head, ashamed. “I’m sorry, Torune. Can’t we just watch the movie?”

Torune stared at him like he’d just slapped his mother. “Are you fucking kidding me? Get out of my truck.”

He gaped at him with dread. “No, Torune— please, I’m sorry!”

Torune reached across him and pushed the passenger door open. “Get the fuck _out!_ ”

Dazed, Tenzo stumbled out of the truck.

“This is over. Find your own way home!” Torune shouted as he pulled the door shut. He revved his engine before driving off and leaving Tenzo in a cloud of dust. He stared after him in shock, unable to stop the tears that slowly slid down his cheeks.

How had this night gone so wrong? Maybe he should have been a bit more willing to try what Torune wanted. It had been two months, after all. That was a long time to wait, right? He crossed his arms against the cold night air and started walking. His house was over ten miles away and none of his friends drove yet, which meant he’d have to call his father. The thought filled him with terror, but he was out of options. It was either facing his father's wrath or freezing to death.


	15. The Cake

_Mason jars?_

A week and a half after he'd sent the oranges, a box of pint-sized mason jars had been delivered to Tenzo’s apartment. The small note inside simply read ‘Thank you’ in Kakashi's familiar scribble. He pulled a jar out of its packaging and studied it curiously, turning it over in his hand. He frowned, trying to make sense of the gift. Was he missing something here? Why—

He noticed a slip of paper poking out from inside the box. It had been squeezed between the packaging and the jars, hiding it from view. He pulled it out and realized it was a folded stack of labels. White, rectangular labels with large black letters that were meant to go around each jar. The size of the letters meant that the words would encompass the jars from top to bottom. Each label contained a word like ‘nutmeg’, ‘paprika’, ‘cumin’…

 _Oh_ …

_Kakashi hated celebrating his birthday. But Tenzo had convinced him to come over to his place after work for a low-key celebration. No gifts, no surprises, just the two of them with some pizza, beer, and a movie marathon._ _There had been no explicit prohibition of cake, though, and Tenzo had found a recipe for a cinnamon coffee cake that promised not to be overly sweet. He knew Kakashi did not particularly have a sweet tooth, but what was a birthday without a cake?_

_The ding of the timer went off almost in sync with the knock on the door._

_“Coming!” he yelled as he pulled the cake out of the oven and set it on the stovetop to cool. The smell of coffee permeated his small apartment._ _The pizzas had already been delivered, so he knew it was him even before he swung the door open._

_“Hey,” Kakashi greeted him with a smile._

_Tenzo grabbed his hand to pull him in and shut the door behind him. He wrapped his arms around him and smiled as their lips met. They kissed softly, breathing each other in. He felt Kakashi’s hand move at the nape of his neck and broke the kiss before it got any more heated. He hugged him tightly._

_“Happy birthday,” he said into his neck._

_Kakashi’s smile remained intact as he pulled away. “Thank you.” He sniffed. “Did you just make coffee?”_

_“Er, not quite,” Tenzo murmured as he returned to the kitchen._

_“A cake?” Kakashi said, raising an eyebrow. “What happened to no surprises?”_

_“Are you really that surprised that I made you a cake?” Tenzo grinned._

_“Mm. Good point.”_

_“I’m waiting for it to cool though, so go pick out a movie. The pizzas are on the coffee table.”_

_After a few minutes, Tenzo iced the cake and left it on the counter. He handed Kakashi a beer as he settled next to him on the couch to watch—_

_“Rosemary’s Baby?”_

_“Yup,” Kakashi grinned. “I figured we could do a classic horror marathon.”_

_“Sounds good,” Tenzo said, reaching for a slice of pepperoni. He wasn’t much of a horror movie fan, but he would have watched hours of the weather channel if it made Kakashi happy._ _Twenty minutes into their second movie (The Shining), Kakashi lay down and rested his head on Tenzo’s lap._

_“I’m officially in a food coma,” he groaned._

_Tenzo ran his fingers through the silver hair and heard him sigh._

_“I wouldn’t mind having more days like this,” he murmured._

_Tenzo smiled. He’d just been thinking the same thing. The simplicity of spending time with someone he was completely comfortable with was like a breath of fresh air. He’d never quite experienced happiness like this before. It was... peaceful._ _He noticed Kakashi’s eyelids start to droop._

_“Wait—you can’t sleep yet! You haven’t had your birthday cake!”_

_“Oh, right.” Kakashi sat up groggily to let him stand. Tenzo looked down at the sleepy eyes and messy hair and felt his heart do a backflip in his chest._

_The cake could wait._

_He grinned at the surprise in Kakashi’s eyes as he climbed on top of him, straddling his lap. He wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him slowly. His tongue teased his lower lip and Kakashi let out a soft moan, parting his lips to let him in. As their breaths intermingled, Kakashi’s hands slipped under his shirt and pulled him closer. Tenzo found himself grinding his hips with desire as he felt the man’s erection graze his own. Kakashi broke their kiss breathlessly and looked up at him._

_“Can I have you instead of the cake?” he asked._

_Tenzo smiled. There was nothing he’d like more, but torturing Kakashi was too much fun. “Not yet,” he whispered before kissing him again and nibbling on his lower lip._ _He climbed off his lap and made his way to the kitchen. Kakashi collapsed dramatically onto the cushion._

_“Tenzo…” he grumbled, “this is cruel and unusual punishment.”_

_Tenzo laughed, although he was also struggling to contain himself. The man was irresistible._

_He cut and plated two slices of cake and brought them back to the couch. He handed one to Kakashi, along with a fork. "_ _Happy birthday,” he repeated. “Let me know what you think.”_

_“Thank you, Tenzo,” Kakashi said with a warm smile that made his heart do another backflip. He watched eagerly as Kakashi bit into the cake and was shocked to see a pained expression on his face as he chewed and swallowed._

_“Mm, that’s… different,” he said, forcing himself to chew on another piece._

_“Is it that bad?” Tenzo asked, hurt._

_“No, no, it’s fine!” Kakashi said, even as he struggled to eat it._

_Tenzo took a piece of his own slice into his mouth and immediately spit it out. The flavor remained on his tongue and he gagged. God, that was awful!_

_Kakashi’s eyes widened at his reaction but he continued chewing on his piece. Tenzo sniffed the cake suspiciously. Something had definitely gone wrong. He thought back through the steps of the recipe and suddenly gasped when he understood._

_“What?”_

_He jumped to his feet and hurried to the kitchen. Kakashi followed after him as he opened the cupboards and took out the spices he’d used._ _He read each one and suddenly burst into laughter._

_“What is it?” Kakashi asked._

_He was now bent over laughing and could not bring himself to stop._

_Kakashi stood there expectantly until Tenzo managed to gasp out, “I thought—it was—cinnamon!” Kakashi grabbed the spice container from his hand. The faded label read ‘cumin’._

_“You put_ cumin _in my cake?!”_

_That only made Tenzo's laughing fit worse, to the point where tears sprung from his eyes. He pointed at Kakashi. "_ _And you—" he gasped as he cackled, "you kept—eating it!”_

_Kakashi crossed his arms in feigned irritation._

_“’It’s fine,’ you said!” Tenzo howled, his sides now aching. After a good three minutes of cracking up at Kakashi’s face, he finally caught his breath and wiped the tears from his eyes._ _“Oh, man. I’m sorry,” he giggled, coming up behind him to wrap his arms around his waist. “I promise I'll make it up to you.”_

_As he began to kiss his neck, Kakashi took a chunk of the remaining cake and shoved it into his face, covering his nose and eyebrows with icing. It was his turn to laugh as Tenzo blinked the chunks of bread away._ _“That’s how it is, huh?” Tenzo grinned and reached for the rest of the cake, smushing it onto Kakashi’s face as he laughed and squirmed._

_“Ugh!” Kakashi shoved him away playfully. “That’s the worst cake I’ve ever had!”_

_Tenzo giggled and pulled him into a warm, messy kiss as chunks of cake fell onto the floor._

He looked at the enormous labels again. There was no way he could mistake them now. He broke into a wide smile.

_That cheeky bastard._


	16. Boulder

**10 Years Ago**

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Kakashi wore a black suit and she a white cocktail dress with a birdcage veil. He grabbed her waist and bent down to kiss her as their small group of friends and family cheered. His experience with kissing was limited, and so was hers, so they'd practiced days before. No tongue, they'd both agreed. It was mostly a matter of finding the right angle to tilt their faces in and the right amount of pressure to hold against each other's lips so that it didn't look completely staged. They had agreed to make their relationship appear genuine for the sake of her aunt and his father, who actually cared about their happiness. With that in mind, they’d started ‘dating’ a few weeks before their May graduation. Rin spent most of her time at Kakashi’s house and they made a show of going on dates and planning romantic gestures for each other. It had become a game of who could fake it best.

For his part, Kakashi was glad to see his father back off a bit. It seemed like he was almost convinced that he'd finally started to emerge from his depression. Though he did question their decision to get married so soon.

“Is this really what you want, Kashi?” he’d inquired the night they announced their engagement.

“It is,” he’d said, perhaps a bit too eagerly.

Sakumo had given him a skeptical look. “Marriage is not easy, son. If you’re going to commit to someone, you better mean it. You can’t run away at the first sign of trouble.”

“We’ve known each other for years, Dad. I know she’s the woman for me,” he said, trying not to turn his gaze away. “Just like... you knew mom was meant for you.”

His father had seemed unsure still, but his mouth had turned up at the corners. “I suppose... if you feel that strongly, I’ll trust your judgment.”

Kakashi felt like garbage for using his mother’s memory against him and tried to ignore the guilt that settled in his gut as a result of the deception. On the other hand, it seemed he’d have a long time to get used to the feeling.

“What—ten—did you say _ten_ years?!” he gaped at Rin during their initial meeting at his house.

“Yes, Kakashi. The funds won’t be distributed all at once. It’s not that simple. There will be a large portion right after the wedding and the rest will be distributed in installments over the first ten years of marriage.”

 _The first ten years_.

He gulped. His throat had suddenly become very dry.

How was he going to do this for ten years? Lie to his father, his friends, anyone he came into contact with for the next _ten years_?

“No, Rin. No! I can’t do this—Obito never mentioned anything like that!”

He grimaced as a new wave of guilt crashed into his chest. _Obito_.

He’d made a promise.

Rin took his hand. “Listen,” she said calmly. “There’s no reason why this shouldn’t work. Just think of it as a partnership, not a marriage. Yes, we’ll live together, but we’ll be like roommates. We’ll still live our separate lives, just under the same roof. We’ll really only have to pretend for holidays and get-togethers.”

He took a deep breath, and then another.

 _I can do this_.

At the very least, he had to try.

They signed the marriage certificate on the 13th of December. The courthouse ceremony had been simple enough, but Kakashi’s cheeks were starting to ache from forcing the smile on his face. There was still a dinner to get through, but he reminded himself that he only had to endure the act for a few more hours. His smile began to falter as he exhaled through gritted teeth.

 _I can do this_.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**3 Years Ago**

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

It wasn’t the first time Tenzo had heard him cry out in his sleep, but this nightmare seemed particularly horrifying, from the sound of it.

“Please… _please_ … I’m so sorry,” he whimpered, clutching at the sheets.

“Kakashi,” Tenzo whispered, placing a hand on his arm. His skin was hot and slick with sweat.

“No—I’m sorry,” he gasped, his face scrunched in anguish. Tenzo brought his hands to his face, wiping beads of sweat away. “Kakashi, wake up,” he said firmly.

“No! Please!” he cried, fighting against an invisible threat under Tenzo’s grip before snapping his eyes open.

“Hey,” Tenzo said softly. “It’s me.”

Kakashi took a shuddering breath, blinking up at him as if unconvinced that he was really awake. He took another steadying breath before pulling Tenzo close and burying his face in his chest. “I’m sorry I woke you,” he sighed into his skin.

“Don’t worry about it,” he whispered, pushing the matted hair away from his face. He kissed the top of his head.

Kakashi's breathing normalized as he held him close, stroking his sweaty hair. They lay that way for so long that Tenzo figured he'd fallen asleep again. He began to let his eyelids fall when Kakashi’s voice broke through the silence.

“It was my fault, Tenzo.”

"Mm?" He pulled himself back from the clutches of sleep and continued to stroke his hair soothingly. “What was?”

“The accident. Obito…” he gulped. “I was so... useless while he was lying there, broken. All I could do was watch him die.”

The words pierced through Tenzo's heart. Before this, Kakashi had only briefly mentioned the accident that had caused his friend's death and led to the amputation of his leg. But he’d never pressed him for details, certain that the memory was too painful to revisit. He had not been aware, however, of the massive guilt that the man carried around like a boulder over his shoulders. He sighed and tightened his arms around him.

“I’m sure if there’d been something you could do, you would have done it.”

When Kakashi responded, he sounded miles away. “The accident was my fault... I was going too fast and—and there was a hole… I should’ve known it was there, Tenzo. I’d driven by there so many times before. But I—was distracted—I don't know—I keep replaying what I remember from that night but I still don't know what happened... And—he would’ve been okay if I’d made him wear his seatbelt. He was so bad about doing that when he was buzzed and I _knew_ that. I didn't drink at all that night... I should have been the responsible one but I wasn’t, Tenzo—I—” his breath caught in his throat as he choked the words out. “I killed him.”

“Kakashi,” he breathed into his hair. “I’m sorry you’ve carried this for so long.”

He heard a soft sniffle as Kakashi’s tears rolled onto his chest.

“But you didn't kill him," he continued. "You are not responsible for his death. I know you've convinced yourself that you are, but you're not. And there’s no point in thinking about what you could have done differently... you can't change what happened. If your friend loved you as much as you loved him, I’m sure he wouldn’t want you torturing yourself this way.”

Kakashi sighed against him and stayed quiet for a long while.

“Tenzo, please…” his voice wavered when he finally spoke, “please don’t leave me.”

His chest tightened at the desperation in his voice. He slipped a hand under his chin to tilt his face up. 

“Hey," he whispered when he finally met his gaze. "I won’t.”


	17. When Lightning Strikes a Tree

Tenzo took a long slurp from the hydration pack as he stopped to catch his breath. He’d hiked this trail a few times before, but the view from the top of the mountain never ceased to amaze him. The cerulean sky was the perfect backdrop to the rich blanket of greenery that covered the mountains as far as the eye could see. The rugged peaks were conspicuously bare and sharp shadows sliced through them, creating a beautiful contrast of colors. To the distance, the mountains became a deeper blue and blended into the sky in a curtain of mist.

He closed his eyes and took a long breath, allowing the fresh air to flow through him. He opened them again as he exhaled.

Had he really given this up for three years? Not only was it great exercise, but the satisfaction of reaching the top and being rewarded with this view was the perfect cocktail of endorphins that he would have surely benefited from all this time. There was a reason why he and Kakashi had fallen in love while seeking views like this. However, after he’d left, going anywhere out in nature without him had suddenly become unthinkable.

He turned back to the trail and strayed off it into the woods. There was no trail in this direction, but he was familiar with the area regardless. There was something special he came to see every time. Something that, to him, was even more breathtaking than the view itself.

_“Ah!” he gasped excitedly, “there it is!”_

_He hurried over and stopped right under its canopy. Every time he saw it, it felt like he was gazing upon the eighth wonder of the world. Kakashi eventually caught up to him and his eyes widened as he took in the massive lightning-struck tree._

_“Woah,” he gave a low whistle._

_“I know, right!” Tenzo figured he should probably stop squealing._ _He was sure Kakashi thought he was weird enough already. They’d been hiking together for a few months now, ever since they'd met again after Sakumo’s therapy. He had usually hiked once or twice a month when he went alone. But with his friend’s company, he found himself wanting to go almost every weekend._

_The large oak was like every other tree around it, except for the very prominent scars that swirled around its trunk. Lightning had clawed jagged, reddish marks around its dark, mossy bark. Two large branches had been torn off, but from the splintered remains, smaller branches had emerged._

_Tenzo reverently traced the grooved areas of missing bark. “Most of the time, when lightning strikes a tree, the damage will be so extensive that the tree can’t survive anymore," he began. "Sometimes, the tree still has enough moisture and nutrients to survive, but even then, it’s vulnerable to contracting all these diseases that could eventually kill it. This tree, though _—_ " he patted the bark like he was greeting an old friend, "it's been alive for a long time now. And it’s still going strong. I think it's beautiful,” he smiled._

_“It really is.”_

_He finally turned to his friend, who was watching him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher. He’d never seen it on his face before._ _It was a paradox of softness and intensity; his eyes were pools of black, but Tenzo could see the flicker of something bright in their depth. He looked into them for a beat too long and felt a blush start to creep into his cheeks. He cleared his throat and turned his gaze back to the tree._ _Kakashi snickered softly and turned to study the tree as well._

_“How did you find it?”_

_“I was here when it happened. Well—not here, but on another trail. I was far enough that I didn’t get any of the rain, but I saw the lightning strike in this direction. I was just curious to see what it looked like, so I promised myself to find it the next time I came hiking this way.”_

_“And you did?”_

_“Oh, no,” Tenzo laughed. “It took maybe five or six trips and getting lost a few times before I did.”_

_Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “That’s a lot of effort for a tree.”_

_“Yeah, well,” he shrugged, “I think it was worth it.”_

_Kakashi regarded him quietly for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”_

_“Mm. Yeah.”_

_“Is there anything you’d really like to experience before you die?”_

_He was taken aback by the question and wondered what had made him think of that so suddenly. But he considered it for a moment._ _“Are we talking silly or serious?”_

_Kakashi shrugged. “Either. Both.”_

Being enough for someone _was the first item on his list, but he wasn’t about to tell him that._ _“Mm. Serious: I’d like to see the northern lights in person someday. Or the southern lights, they’re both pretty awesome.”_

_Kakashi nodded. “And silly?”_

_“Join the mile-high club?”_

_He laughed and Tenzo joined in. “What, you don’t think I could do it?”_

_“I didn’t say that,” Kakashi raised his hands innocently. “But I doubt you could fit into that tiny airplane restroom with another person.”_

_“Who said anything about using the restroom?” he grinned, and Kakashi cracked up._ _“What about you?”_

_“Mm," Kakashi's lip twisted as he thought. "I’d like to dye my hair a crazy color."_

_“You’ve never dyed it before?” he asked, giggling when he pictured Kakashi with neon orange hair._

_“Nope. I’ve always looked 80 years old.”_

_He snorted. “Okay, well, what about the serious one?”_

_“That_ was _the serious one!”_

_“Oh!” he snickered. “Okay, okay _—_ silly, then?”_

_“Mm,” Kakashi turned his eyes upward, seemingly deep in thought. Then he raised an eyebrow as he caught his eye. “I’d be a nude model for a life drawing class.”_

_“You’d be amazing at that,” he murmured before he could stop himself._

_Kakashi's eyebrows moved higher on his forehead and Tenzo felt himself turn ten shades darker._

_“Er, I mean—because, you know—um—you seem to have a—uh—nice build?”_

_“You think so?” Kakashi smirked, turning his body to face him, hands on his hips._

_“No, no—I mean—yeah, I imagine you’re not terrible to look at.”_

_“Oh?” Kakashi leaned in with that smug grin. “So, you’ve thought about it?”_

_He squirmed. The bastard was definitely enjoying this. Was it possible to dig himself in any deeper?_

_The answer was yes. Yes, it was._

_“What! I—uh—of course not!” he stuttered. “You—um—just—you know, your face is nice—”_

_“Tenzo,” Kakashi grinned as he grabbed him by the chin. “Shut up.”_

_Then his lips were pressing against his, soft and warm. Tenzo's breath hitched in his throat and he froze for a second before registering what was happening. Then he relaxed and closed his eyes, pulling him closer as his lips moved gently against his, the prickly stubble below his mouth tickling his chin. When Kakashi pulled away, Tenzo’s eyes remained closed for a second, his heart breakdancing in his chest as he tried to remember how to breathe. Then his eyes widened._

_Kakashi laughed and pushed his jaw closed, keeping his finger under his chin._

_“Don’t drop that, Tenzo. You might lose it.”_


	18. First Sign of Trouble

**4 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

He lay on his back, his head resting on his hands, next to Obito’s grave.

“I think I’ve developed a crush, Obito," he grinned, thinking of the wide almond eyes and brilliant smile that greeted him every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon at 2 o'clock. "You should see him when he’s embarrassed,” he laughed. “It’s the cutest fucking thing.” Not to mention the perfectly round ass in those khakis. 

After the torturous months of therapy he’d endured as a teen, he never thought he’d be so eager to go back to a physical therapy clinic again. And yet there he was twice a week, counting down the hours until the next appointment. Of course, these were completely different circumstances, and he could now afford to let his eyes wander wherever they wanted to go. The therapy was for Sakumo this time, and the purpose was to maintain the strength he still had and possibly slow the deterioration of his functional abilities. Kakashi wasn’t sure if there'd been improvements in the physical aspect, but he had noticed a subtle change in his father’s behavior since he'd started going. He seemed to be in a better mood these days, though he still had a few angry outbursts and moments of confusion now and then. He tried to avoid thinking about the fact that they were only delaying the inevitable. Therapy would not stop the progression of the disease, and he was fully aware that there would come a day when his father would be completely dependent on him. It was even possible that someday, he wouldn’t even recognize who he was. The thought sent a dreadful shiver down his spine.

“I don’t know if I can handle that,” he confessed to the wind. He closed his eyes and chased the thought away, focusing on the warmth of the sun on his face.

“I know you’re wondering how Rin is and the truth is… I don’t really know anymore,” he sighed. “I’ve done such a shitty job of taking care of her, Obito. You would have been so much better at it… I’m sorry you had to rely on me.”

The birds on the tree to his right chirped rowdily as he lost himself in thought. They’d been so young and naive when they agreed to their plan. They couldn’t have predicted the many ways they’d hurt each other. He had known, though—that Rin had been in love with him when they got married. She'd tried to hide it in her actions and words, but he could always see it in her face, the way the adoration practically spilled from her eyes. Of course, that's how she'd always looked at him; that much hadn't changed. He'd thought he'd made it clear back then that what they were doing was strictly business. And stupidly, after all those years, he hadn’t realized that she'd held a lingering hope that he would someday love her back.

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

The first four years had gone a lot smoother than he’d expected.

They shared the small house Rin bought with the first portion of the trust. It was nothing impressive, but it was relatively comfortable and they each took separate bedrooms. Because they were both busy (she with school and he with work at his father’s restaurant), they really only saw each other during the weekends. During that time, Kakashi would cook for them and they’d share their meals, relating stories of anything interesting that had occurred during the week. They shopped for groceries together, until they each learned what the other liked so they knew what to buy when they were running low. They respected each other's spaces and for the most part maintained an open communication about finances and any issues that arose. Their relationship was almost professional in nature and Kakashi figured this was probably what having a roommate was like. He didn't mind.

He started working on his business degree a year into their marriage, when the second installment came in and Rin could cover the mortgage during that time. As much as he loathed having to rely on the trust money, he knew he couldn’t afford to be picky. When Rin graduated, she began her first job as a kindergarten teacher at an elementary school a few miles from their house. They’d see each other a bit more often during that time, and they'd share meals during the week while she worked on her lesson plans and he studied for his upcoming exams.

Holidays were the only times when they actually wore their rings and played up their affection. He should have known Rin enjoyed that particular part of the act a bit too much.

After their fifth anniversary, it all went to shit.

Every year was the same: Christmas Eve was spent with Sakumo while Christmas Day was reserved for dinner at Rin's aunt’s. Kakashi could not stand that place. Not only was the company of Rin’s uncle incredibly uncomfortable the drunker he got, but Rin tended to go a bit overboard with the wine herself, whenever she was in his presence. Her aunt would talk to Kakashi about her collection of porcelain dolls and pretend everything was wonderful; she pretended that her husband and niece were _not_ getting smashed and going at each other’s throats before dinner even started. Afterwards, they would sit in the living room and watch (or he would watch) TV while Rin's argument with her uncle escalated to a screaming match and her aunt tried to calm things down to no avail. He would endure three or four hours of that particular torture, then he'd make up an excuse for him to take Rin out of there. After saying goodbye, he would drive them through the nice neighborhoods with all the enormous houses shimmering with Christmas lights. They wouldn't say a thing, but Rin would lean her head on the window and smile a little through her tears. When they got home, he would carry her to her room.

This year was no different. Except that this time, when he got up from her bed to go back to his room, she grabbed his wrist.

“Ka—shi,” she slurred, and he turned to her wearily. “Why do you hate me?”

He frowned and sat back down beside her. “I don’t hate you, Rin.”

Her head rolled heavily to the side, as if she didn't have the energy to control its movement. “You don’t resent me for making you do this?”

He looked into her eyes. Besides the obvious drink-induced stupor, he saw something else. Something like longing and a profound sadness. “I don’t resent you. This was my choice, Rin.”

Tears slid down her cheeks onto her pillow as she sniffled. “Then, am I not good enough for you? Why don’t you ever touch me?”

He sighed and turned away. Suddenly, with a strength he hadn't expected in her condition, she pulled him back and kissed him, desperately urging him to reciprocate.

“Rin, stop,” he whispered, pulling away. But she clung to him, kissing his jaw and his neck.

“Please Kakashi,” she moaned, stroking his thigh. “Please, let’s have a baby. There’s nothing I want more,” her hand moved higher and pressed into his groin.

“Stop, Rin,” he said more forcefully, grabbing her by the shoulders. “You’re drunk. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Her face crumbled and she began to sob. “W-w-why won’t you touch me? Am I—am I so hideous? So repulsive to you?”

“No, Rin,” he rubbed her back soothingly. “It’s just—I just—” he hesitated. He’d never articulated it before. Not to anyone. But as she shook violently with the force of her sobs, he figured he owed her that much. “Rin, I’m gay.”

She sniffled and stared at him, confused. “W-w-what?”

“I’m gay,” he repeated softly.

The hurt and confusion in her eyes morphed into something more hostile.

“That is _cruel_ , Kakashi,” she growled. “You could just tell me you’re fucking some whore on the side!” She slapped him. “You don’t have to lie to my face!”

He clenched his jaw.

“How long, huh?” her voice trembled with rage. “How long have you been fucking her?! Or _them?_ How many whores have you been fucking, Kakashi?!”

He felt the anger boil over in his chest, as if the blow had conducted her fury into him.

“First of all, _Rin_ , fucking you was never part of our little agreement,” he growled. “Living our separate lives under the same roof, is what you said, and that’s exactly what I agreed to. And secondly,” he narrowed his eyes, “if I were to fuck outside of this marriage, it would be men. Lots and _lots_ of men, seeing as how I _am_ gay.”

She recoiled. ”You…” He could see her quiver as she let that sink in. “Y-y-you’re disgusting!”

He stood from the bed and made his way to the door.

“How could you do this to me?!” She screamed at his back. “Obito would _never_ hurt me this way! How _dare_ you! You know it should have been _you_ , Kakashi! _You_ should have died that night!” She grabbed the lamp from her nightstand and flung it at him, but he was already out the door. It shattered into the wall with a loud crash. “It should have been _you_ , you hear me?! It should have been _you!_ ”

Kakashi slammed the door to his room and slid his back down the wall to the floor. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. “I know."

Rin was gone the next day. And the day after that. In fact, he did not see her again until after New Years’ Eve when she stumbled in, giggling loudly with a strange man sucking on her neck. At first, they did not notice him as he stood there unimpressed. He approached them slowly and the man flinched. “Oh, fuck, man! Scared the shit outta me!”

“Get out,” Kakashi said evenly. “She’s drunk. You’re not getting any while she’s like this.”

“The fuck are you?” the man slurred angrily.

“Oh, don’t listen to him,” Rin sneered. “That’s just my faggot husband!” She burst into laughter and the man joined awkwardly, clearly confused by their dynamic.

“Get out,” he repeated, grabbing his shoulder roughly. “I’m not telling you again.”

“Oh, fuck off, Kakashi!” Rin shoved him and the man eagerly continued his exploration of her body. Kakashi grabbed him by the collar and pulled him off, shoving him to the floor. The drunk man tried to get up, but only managed to stumble into the wall.

“Stop it, you asshole!” Rin screamed.

He paid no attention as he dragged the man back to the front door, shoving him out into the yard. He landed on the lawn with a _thunk_ and a groan. He shut the door and stood before it, blocking Rin’s attempts to open it.

“How _dare_ you!” she seethed, finally giving up and shoving him against the door instead. “You had _no_ fucking right! This is _my_ house!”

“Go to sleep, Rin,” he said impassively.

“What the fuck do _you_ care, huh? I need to get it from somewhere, don’t I?” she smacked him across the face. “Since you’re not man enough to do it!”

He grabbed her wrists. “I don’t care who you fuck, Rin,” he growled. “Just do it while you're fucking sober.”

She spat in his face and ripped her hands away. “Fuck you, Kakashi." She stumbled down the hallway to her room and slammed the door.

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

The rest of the year was brutal.

His father’s condition began to worsen. He’d forget how to make sushi at times, and at others, he’d forget where he was altogether. It came to a point where it was simply not wise to have a terrified, confused man wielding the sharpest knives in the kitchen, so Kakashi forced him to retire from his lifelong passion. It was a heart-wrenching decision, but it had to be made.

Rin began to drink almost every day, and she did not hold her tongue whenever she saw him. The things she spewed at him were vile, but Kakashi simply ignored her. He knew he'd hurt her badly and that this was how she'd learned to cope. It certainly did not help matters when she lost her job and started spending the trust money on ridiculous purchases. On more than one occasion, Kakashi arrived home to find that the front door had been blocked by piles of abandoned shopping bags or boxes of god-knows-what that she’d ordered online and never opened. It was not Kakashi’s place to tell her how to spend her money, and she made sure to remind him of that every time he tried to reason with her.

As months went by, he made himself scarce, spending most of his time at work. He also spent a lot of it in his father’s house, making sure Sakumo wasn't forgetting to eat, shower, or sleep. Whenever he did make an appearance, he’d often hear Rin and whatever guy she’d fished out of wherever the hell she spent her time, having obnoxiously loud sex. Sometimes they wouldn’t even make it to her room and he’d walk into someone’s bare ass pounding away at his wife on the couch or the kitchen floor.

That Christmas, they didn’t see each other at all.

Every day, he convinced himself that he didn’t care about the humiliation, the insults she flung his way, or the hatred in her eyes. He could take it all because he’d made a promise, and he intended to keep it. But he knew that the only way he’d make it through the next four years would be by making Sakumo's health and White Fang's management his two greatest priorities. He’d completed his business degree that spring and he felt like he could finally help his father more thoroughly with the restaurant. As for his father’s Alzheimer’s… he could only take it one day at a time.

“I’ve made it this far already, Obito,” he murmured gloomily. “I won't run away at the first sign of trouble.”


	19. Weapons

_Well, that wasn’t so hard._

Kakashi placed the phone down on the table and returned to his noodles. He’d managed to book an appointment with the prosthetist for two weeks from now, and the phone call had been surprisingly painless.

“You may just need a new socket,” the lady who’d fit him into the schedule had said. “So maybe you won’t have to replace the whole thing.”

Well, good. The cheaper this turned out to be, the better.

He checked the time. He still had a few hours. Gai had once again invited him to a Halloween party, and for the first time since he was 17, he'd actually said yes. It had nothing to do with the fact that he might catch a glimpse of a certain crinkly-eyed smile. No, he was doing this for _Gai_. Absolutely.

This year, Halloween landed in the middle of the week, but Asuma had decided to throw the party at his father (Congressman Sarutobi's) place the Saturday before.

“You have to wear a costume, though,” Gai warned, “or you will get slime thrown at you.”

“Slime?”

“Yep. This green, sticky stuff. I don’t even know what’s in it, so…”

And so, although Kakashi had absolutely no creativity when it came to things like this, he'd managed to throw something together with things he'd found lying around the house. 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The line of girls on the opposite foldable table cheered and high-fived each other in victory as the last girl flipped her cup.

“God, Yamato, you’re terrible at this!” Asuma moaned. “Didn’t you get enough practice in college?”

Tenzo laughed heartily. _Apparently not._ This was the third time he’d made his team lose at flip cup, and he found their grumbling hilarious. He had not been so great at beer pong, either, but he was having too much fun to care.

He’d shoved his plastic Wolverine claws into his jeans because it was difficult to do anything with them on. He hadn’t quite thought that through very well. But he really hadn’t wanted to spend much on a costume, and he’d found them on sale for $6 online. The rest of his outfit consisted of jeans, belt, and a white tank top. The part that had taken the most effort had been his hair, which he’d spiked with gel into two little horns. He’d been warned that people who took their costumes off early or arrived without one would be slimed. He wasn’t sure what that was all about, but he noticed there were girls walking around with slime-filled balloons and smashing them on people’s heads if they did not abide by the code. He figured he should probably wear at least one of his claws at all times to prevent a sliming from the costume police.

His friends’ costumes had not disappointed. Asuma had dressed up as Hugh Hefner, in a bright red robe with black outlines and a pipe (from which he was actually smoking). Kurenai, of course, had dressed up as a Playboy bunny, and Tenzo had to admit she looked smoking hot in that black corset. Iruka had arrived as an evil nun, wearing white makeup and dark black circles around his eyes and mouth. He looked terrifying, and Tenzo wouldn’t have recognized him if it weren’t for his scar. Anko wore a slutty Chucky costume, which came with a plastic knife and a bright red wig. And Gai was a cow, though Tenzo suspected that the onesie he had on was probably what he wore to bed every night.

Tenzo's plan was simple. He was going to get smashed because he didn’t have work in the morning and didn't have to worry about getting home. Asuma’s father’s house was practically a mansion with at least ten bedrooms. His father was a congressman, and he was currently (and quite conveniently) out of town for the week. A lot of people usually ended up staying here after the parties, and those who did not get a room, would end up on the ultra-comfortable couches or on the floor. Even the rugs were comfortable in this house.

He left the group for a moment to go get himself a drink. There were so many people here. Most of them were strangers to him, but he enjoyed taking in all the costumes as he weaved through the crowd. Apparently, food was a common theme this year. He found a couple dressed as a pancake and a syrup bottle, some dude in a banana suit (there’s always at least one) and two girls dressed as slutty pizza. There were the usual zombies and superheroes, as well as a varied collection of sexy nurses, doctors, and police officers.

Then he saw him and his heart nearly exploded.

Apparently, he'd just walked in because he was looking around in awe at the impressive house. Tenzo was not so much surprised to see him there, but to see him there _in costume_. It was simple, but he looked _so damn good_. Tenzo watched his profile as he stood there, slightly slumped with his hands in his pants pockets, looking up at the chandeliers. His silver hair fell over his left eye while the bottom half of his face was covered by the neck of a very form-fitting black turtleneck. And while those were obviously black sweats he had on, he’d managed to make them look good by stuffing them into black combat boots. He had a pouch wrapped around his right thigh, and when he took his hands out of his pockets, Tenzo noticed he was also wearing what looked like fingerless weightlifting gloves. Was he a—?

“NINJA!”

Gai’s laughter bellowed through the house as he approached Kakashi and patted his back. “You look good, rival! I’m glad you made it!” He led him to where their group of friends had relocated out in the patio, and Tenzo hurried to grab a second drink.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The house was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. How many houses actually had crystal chandeliers nowadays?

The patio was just as magnificent, with a large area of couches under a pergola. There was literally a fireplace out here. Not a fire _pit_ —a fire _place_. The group he was starting to warm up to sat on the couches around a beautiful wooden table littered with bottles and chips. They all greeted him eagerly and commented positively on his costume as he sat down.

“There is something missing, though,” Kurenai said, pondering for a moment before tugging on the black belt of Asuma’s robe.

“Hey, hey!” he protested.

“I’m borrowing this,” she stated, pulling it off. “Don’t worry babe, you still look ridiculous.”

“Aw, my sweet girl,” he said planting a kiss on her cheek.

She snickered and headed over to Kakashi. She ordered him to sit still as she laid the silky black belt over his forehead and tied it behind his head. “There!” she beamed, admiring her work. “ _Now_ you’re a ninja!”

He chuckled in response as she hopped away, her bunny ears bouncing with every step.

“Hey,” he heard in his ear as a hand behind the couch handed him a beer. He turned toward it, following the well-defined muscles of the arm to a toned chest covered by nothing but a white tank top. His pulse immediately sped up. Hot _d_ _amn_.

Tenzo smiled down at him and he took the beer. He walked around to join him on the couch. “Ninja, huh? Nice touch,” he said, indicating to the belt around his head.

“Mm,” Kakashi grinned at him, though it was likely he couldn’t tell with the fabric over his face. “And you…” he took the opportunity to check him out once more. Tenzo waved his plastic claws at him. “Ah, of course. Wolverine.”

“It was cheap,” Tenzo shrugged.

He nodded, signaling at his own costume.

“Practically free.”

“Practically?”

“Well, what kind of ninja would I be without my weapons?”

He opened the pouch on his thigh and pulled out two ‘kunai’ knives, slipping them onto his fingers. He lifted an eyebrow as he waved them in Tenzo’s face. They were actually black silicone butt plugs with rings at the ends, but the expression on Tenzo’s face was priceless. He gasped loudly as his eyes widened to their maximum capacity before pulling Kakashi’s hand down to prevent the rest of the group from seeing. He snorted with laughter and Kakashi joined in, trying not to focus on the warmth of his hand around his.

“ARE THOSE BUTT PLUGS?!” Iruka’s voice rang out across the yard.

The whole group turned to stare with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

_Whoops. Too late._


	20. Whiplash

**4 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

Kakashi didn't know what to do.

His father had forgotten to eat breakfast for the third time this week. The only way he knew that was because there were no dirty dishes in the sink or in the dishwasher when he went to check on him in the middle of the day.

Sakumo loved breakfast. The man had travelled all around the world and tried more dishes in a few years than the average person could try in a lifetime, but he’d always said that breakfast foods were his absolute favorite. Kakashi remembered how Sakumo would prepare lavish spreads of bacon, sausage, and eggs with hash browns, buttered toast and pancakes for the two of them when he was a child. Of course, he was never able to finish his plate and his father would happily scoop up his left-overs with a victorious laugh and finish every last piece, much to Kakashi's awe.

So it was alarming when he didn’t eat anything. Kakashi had prepared a week’s worth of food for him, including his bacon, eggs and hash browns, but it all remained intact in the refrigerator. This meant that Sakumo was only eating once a day, and that was when Kakashi got home from work.

He drove with his mind on autopilot as he struggled to come up with a solution that would not upset his father too much. It was probably time to hire a part-time caregiver, but Sakumo did not want to believe that he needed help. He’d been adamant about being able to take care of himself when Kakashi had forced him to retire. 

He let out a disheartened breath. This was not going to be an easy conversation.

He wasn't sure what it was that suddenly snapped him back to reality, but he barely had enough time to notice the red light. _Shit!_ He slammed on the brakes. The car screeched to a halt but still had enough momentum to smash into the car that had already stopped in front of him.

“Ah, fuck.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

 _Goddammit_. Tenzo sighed, glaring into the rearview mirror.

It was too dark outside to see the driver of the black sedan, but he’d already made up his mind that he or she was an asshole. The impact was definitely going to give him stiff shoulders tomorrow. Part of him just wanted to drive off and not bother inspecting his bumper for the new scratches that were sure to be there. He felt gross in his sweaty workout clothes and desperately wanted to jump in the shower. He grumbled as the light turned green and he pulled into the nearest parking lot so that they could survey the damage and exchange insurance information. He felt a twinge of annoyance as the other car followed and parked next to him. He’d half-hoped that he or she would drive away. But now he had no choice. He pulled out his insurance card from the glovebox and sighed again. _Here we go, asshole_.

He stepped out of his car first and made his way to the trunk. There was definitely a gnarly scratch _and_ a dent on his bumper. _Fucking great_.

It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps this wouldn’t be bothering him as much if he weren’t marinating in his own sweat. Still, he prepared his most convincing angry face to greet the asshole. He heard the slam of the sedan's door and a man's voice as he approached. “Hey, man, that was— _Tenzo_?”

He immediately looked up at the sound of his name. He found his own incredulous expression mirrored in the familiar scarred face, and he couldn’t help but break into a broad smile, his resentment dissolving instantly.

“Kakashi! Hey! How are you?”

“Hey,” Kakashi smiled back, looking somewhat relieved. “Um, good—how about you?”

“Tired,” he laughed. “Just got out of the gym. Hey, how’s your dad doing?”

Kakashi's face fell a little and Tenzo quietly wondered if Sakumo had taken a turn for the worse.

“Uh—yeah, he's—he's good too,” he mumbled as he looked down at Tenzo’s bumper. “Hey, I’m really sorry about that. I was—kind of distracted, to be honest. Here’s my insurance stuff,” he handed him a card, but Tenzo shook his head.

“No, no, don’t worry about it. It’s just a scratch,” he grinned.

Kakashi looked unconvinced. “What? Are you sure? There’s a dent. And I chipped a lot of that paint off,” he frowned, still inspecting the damage.

“What about your car?” 

Kakashi shrugged. “It’s an old car, I don’t really care.”

“Well, so is mine, so don’t worry about it.”

He hesitated, regarding him warily. “Mm... well, what if you have whiplash tomorrow?”

Tenzo laughed. “I’ll throw on a heating pad at work. It’s no big deal, man. I’m serious."

He still looked uncertain.

“Fine, look,” Tenzo said. “Let’s exchange numbers and if I change my mind, I’ll give you a call. Does that work for you?”

Kakashi finally relaxed a bit as he handed him his phone. “Alright.”

They entered their numbers into each other’s phones and gave them back.

“So… um—are you in a hurry to get somewhere?” Tenzo asked tentatively.

“I—uh, yeah. I’m actually headed home to check on my dad. He…doesn’t really eat until I get there.”

Tenzo tried to hide the disappointment in his face. “Oh, okay! Well, you shouldn’t keep him waiting,” he smiled. “Please tell him I said hi.”

For a moment, Kakashi seemed hesitant to leave. “I will. And—sorry, again.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it!” Tenzo grinned as he walked back to his car. “Take care, Kakashi!”

"Yeah, you too."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Two days later, Kakashi was still thinking about how he'd literally bumped into Tenzo. It'd been nearly two months after Sakumo had been discharged from therapy, and it truly surprised him that Tenzo had been so happy to see him. Especially considering how much of an ass he'd been to him the whole time his father was his patient. It wasn't that Kakashi didn't like him. Quite the opposite was true, but he genuinely enjoyed making the man blush. It was such a fun power to wield.

He'd been extremely lucky that Tenzo had been so kind about the accident, but it didn't surprise him in the least. Based on his observation of the man's interactions with Sakumo, himself, and other people in the clinic, Tenzo struck him as a compassionate person in general. Not to mention that he made an amazing sight, even in loose, sweaty clothing. Or perhaps _especially_ in loose, sweaty clothing. He chuckled at the thought.

He’d just finished cleaning the dishes that he and Sakumo had used for dinner when his phone buzzed with a text message. His heart fluttered when he saw the name that popped up on the screen. He unlocked his phone with an idiotic grin.

 **Tenzo** : I changed my mind. whiplash really sucks

His heart dropped. So he'd actually hurt him, then? He was about to grab the keys to his car to find his insurance information when the phone buzzed again.

 **Tenzo** : You should make it up to me w coffee

The idiotic grin was back on his face and he replied in an instant, not even thinking about how eager that made him seem.

 **Kakashi** : I don’t like coffee

He snickered and set his phone down to go check on his father. He peered quietly into his room. Sakumo was already fast asleep in bed, but he’d left the lamp on. Kakashi tiptoed over and clicked it off. “Good night, Dad,” he whispered before leaving the room. He grabbed his phone again and settled down in front of the TV, watching nothing in particular as he continued his conversation with the cute little PT.

 **Tenzo** : hey hey this isn’t about you

 **Kakashi** : I like ice cream. there’s coffee-flavored ice cream

 **Tenzo** : hey this is my whiplash, not your whiplash. and I say ice cream sounds amazing

 **Kakashi** : good. tomorrow?

 **Tenzo** : 6pm at Kushina’s

Kakashi was unaccustomed to the excitement that brewed in his gut, but he welcomed it. His mouth turned up at the corners.

 _It’s a date_.


	21. Truth or Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about splitting this into 2 chapters...buuuut I think I'll just keep you guys on this wild rollercoaster of emotions instead ;D

"ARE THOSE BUTT PLUGS?!"

Kakashi maintained an impassive expression as Tenzo turned crimson. “No, Iruka,” he said calmly. “They’re _weapons_.” He flicked one at him.

Iruka dodged with a squeak. “Please tell me you washed those!” 

The group burst into laughter at his reaction.

“They’re unused,” Kakashi winked. “For now.”

Anko let out a high-pitched squeal. “Oh my gosh, Gai! You didn’t tell us Kakashi was a _freak_!” Kakashi flicked his second ‘kunai’ at her and she squealed again, catching it eagerly.

“Okay, okay, guys!” Kurenai waved her hands to get their attention. “We’re gonna play Truth or Shot!”

Iruka groaned, his stiff white makeup flaking off as his forehead creased. “Is it too much to ask for a single party where we _don't_ get fucked up?”

“Shut up, grandpa!” Anko snickered, pointing her plastic Chucky knife at him. “You’re going first!”

He sighed in defeat while Kurenai explained the rules. “You’re each gonna pick out a random question from here,” she lifted a bowl filled with folded pieces of paper, “and you can either answer it or take a _double_ shot,” she emphasized with her index and middle fingers. “It’s double so you’ll think twice before choosing not to answer.”

“And it’s cheap tequila,” Asuma added, “so you know that’s gonna hurt in the morning.”

“Exactly!” Anko giggled excitedly. “Now _go_ , Iruka!”

He rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath (which in his current makeup made him look like he was summoning something) before sticking his hand into the bowl. He pulled a question out and read it out loud. “What’s the most degrading thing you’ve ever done in bed? Oh, shit,” he groaned again.

The group’s laughter turned to heckling as he poured himself two shots. Even Tenzo joined in. “Tell us, you filthy nun!” he teased.

“Come on, Iruka! It can’t be that bad!” Gai urged.

“ _Not_ happening,” the freaky nun said, grimacing after taking the first shot. “Ugh, that tastes like shit,” he coughed before taking the other one.

Anko cackled. “Looks like we got another freak in the house!”

He stuck his tongue out at her.

“My turn!” she announced, sticking her hand in the bowl. “Let's see... If you had to sleep with one person here, who would it be? Oh, that’s easy,” she said without hesitation. “Yamato!”

Everyone hooted and shouted as they focused on Tenzo. He squirmed under the attention. “W-what! Me?”

Anko laughed. “Dude, you’re hot. Of course, I would bang you!”

Kakashi snickered as Tenzo blushed a deep red. _He's just as adorable as he's always been._

Asuma took the next question. “Huh. Who’s the sexiest person at work?” he turned to Kurenai and gave her a wink. “Well, that’s obviously Yamato.”

They all burst into laughter as Kurenai shoved him away with a fake frown. “But baby,” he whined as he pulled her close, “you’re the third sexiest, right after Gai.” She giggled at that, pushing him away again to pull out a question of her own. “Oooh,” she grinned. “Craziest place you’ve ever had sex?” She looked uncertain as she turned to Asuma. “Um—should I… tell them?”

“Well now you have to!” Gai hollered, and the rest of the group eagerly voiced their agreement.

“Um—well, I’m actually stuck between two of them,” she giggled. “But I guess I would say… the roof…”

“Of your house?” Gai asked incredulously.

“Of the hospital,” she murmured, blushing.

“WHAT?!” He bellowed, as everyone else snorted with laughter.

“So, _that’s_ what you do on your smoke breaks,” Tenzo narrowed his eyes at Asuma who gave him a victorious wink.

“Okay, Kakashi, it’s your turn!” Kurenai chirped.

He rose from his seat to get closer to the table and pulled the question out. He immediately reached for the bottle. “Wait, wait!” Asuma and Anko protested in unison. “You have to read the question first!”

Kakashi cleared his throat and read, “Who was the last person you masturbated to?”

“Aww! Come on! You have to tell us!” Anko complained.

“Nope,” he said, pouring the shots of tequila. The burn was even worse than he’d expected, but he was not about to reveal _that._

He saw Anko nudge Iruka before murmuring conspiratorially, “I think I can guess who.”

Iruka glanced over at Tenzo before snickering and winking back at her.

As he returned to his seat, Tenzo raised an eyebrow at him. “There’s definitely a story there,” he grinned, and Kakashi shrugged, grateful for the fabric that was back on his face covering his blush.

“Okay, my turn!” Tenzo said eagerly. But before he could stand, a girl in a pink fairy outfit dropped a slime balloon on his head. Everyone gasped as he turned to the girl, confused. “But wait—why?”

“Where’s your costume?” she demanded with a hand on her hip. He waved the claws at her with a frown and she gasped. “Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry, I couldn’t see them!” she squeaked, covering her mouth with her hand. Tenzo shook his head laughing as he assured her that it was fine. She apologized profusely again before hurrying away, mortified.

“Ugh," he picked at the bright green goo in his hair with a grimace, "what is this stuff?” It was starting to dry and stiffen.

"Yeah, try not to get that on the couch," Kurenai muttered.

“You should probably go wash it off,” Kakashi suggested, standing up. “Come on. I’ll help you.” 

“That’s awful convenient now that it’s your turn, Yamato!” Asuma chuckled.

Tenzo gave them all an apologetic shrug as he followed Kakashi into the house.

“Yeah, don’t be too long, you two!” Anko added with a mischievous grin.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

They went into the kitchen, where a couple of zombies were making out on the island counter and a slutty Disney princess was grabbing snacks from the refrigerator.

“Let me go find a towel, I’ll be right back,” Kakashi said as he walked away.

Tenzo stuck his head in the sink and turned the faucet on. It was a pull-down faucet with a spring spout, and he moved it around like a handheld showerhead as he rinsed the gunk out of his hair. It was thick and slimy. _What the heck is in this?_

Kakashi returned with a maroon towel, which he set on the counter. He removed his gloves and rolled up his sleeves before he took the spout from him. “You missed some back here,” he murmured, rinsing chunks of goo from the base of his head. He sighed quietly as Kakashi’s fingers moved through his hair, making his scalp tingle and his whole body shiver. It was a pleasant sensation. After a while, Kakashi turned the faucet off and handed him the clean towel.

“Thanks," he said as he dried his hair off. "Hey, I wanted to thank you for the jars... they’re really nice.”

“You’re welcome,” Kakashi grinned. “It was really just to thank you for the gift you sent, but... I also wouldn’t want anyone else to experience the trauma I did with that cake.”

Tenzo laughed. “It was _not_ —okay, yeah it was pretty horrible.”

They both chuckled as Tenzo shook his hair free from the towel.

“Here, I’ll take that back,” Kakashi said, reaching for it.

Tenzo handed it over but suddenly froze halfway. Something on Kakashi’s arm caught his eye. With his sleeves rolled up three-quarters, he was able to notice a raised scar that hadn’t been there before. He ignored Kakashi’s questioning glance and grabbed his left wrist, pushing the sleeve up higher. His stomach dropped. The wound had been deep. The scar was darker than the rest of his skin and it was _long._ It ran up the middle of his forearm, from his wrist to the front side of his elbow. Kakashi pulled his hand away and rolled his sleeve back down.

He held his breath as his pulse pounded in his head. _It can’t be._

His mind raced to make sense of what he’d just seen. It must have been an accident. The cut had been a near-perfectly straight line, as if it had been inflicted swiftly by… some kind of machine, perhaps? But what kind of machines did Kakashi handle on a daily basis that could make a cut like that? He worked at a restaurant, and really the only thing there that could leave a mark like that would be a knife…

A memory nagged at him. Gai’s breakdown the morning of Sakumo's funeral.

 _I’m trying to be strong for him, Yamato. I just don’t know how much more of this he can take_.

It suddenly all came into sharp focus, illuminating and painfully clear. A year after they’d broken up.

_What, you didn’t hear?_

Gai’s sunken, bloodshot eyes.

_Sliced his arm up real good. Just one, though._

The reason Gai was permanently anxious about Kakashi’s wellbeing.

_Apparently, he tried to off himself._

Gai’s brother.

“It was you,” he exhaled, feeling sick to his stomach.

Kakashi stared at the floor, his jaw clenching and unclenching. His lips parted, as if to say something, before shutting into a tight line again.

It finally dawned on him that all this time, he could have been living in a world without Kakashi in it. All this time, the man he’d loved with every ounce of his being could have been dead, and he never would have known. This beautiful, wonderful, fragmented man who’d shown him happiness like no other and made him suffer like no other, could have simply stopped existing. Tears stung his eyes as a dreadful sorrow seeped into his heart.

“Gai’s brother,” his voice trembled. “That was you.”

Kakashi avoided his gaze. “I—uh,” he whispered faintly, “I should go.”

Tenzo stared after him stupidly as he disappeared from the kitchen, unable to form any words. His mind was too disoriented to come up with the words to beg him to stop, beg him to explain, beg him to deny that it ever happened. Instead, he remained rooted to the spot as the revelation continued to shake him to his core. More than the pain of knowing he could have lost him forever, he hurt for the agony Kakashi must have endured before reaching that kind of desperation. For the fact that his circumstances had led him to believe that there was no other way out.

_Tenzo… please don’t leave me._

He covered his mouth as he choked on a sob, finally giving in to the wave of anguish that enveloped him.


	22. In My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts
> 
> Oh, gosh. I may have cried a little while writing this. Added to the list of why-do-i-do-this-to-myself? chapters.
> 
> Please feel free to skip this one if you're not in a good place.

**2 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

For the longest time, the day that Obito died had been first in the ranking of the worst days of Kakashi's life. A close second was the day that things had ended with Tenzo. In both instances, he'd been absolutely shattered but had somehow managed to trudge on, holding the broken pieces of himself together by sheer will.

But the day that Sakumo did not recognize him as his son anymore had destroyed him beyond repair. It hurt more than Tenzo begging him to choose him. It hurt more than holding Obito’s hand as he choked on his own blood. It hurt more than Rin screaming at the top of her lungs, “He was my best friend! And you _took_ him from me!”

When he’d visited his father at the nursing home and he’d pushed him away with a terrified shriek, what little light remained in his life had been abruptly snuffed out. It felt like the sun had ceased to exist. And nothing can subsist without the sun.

…………………….

_They stood side by side in front of six different flavors of ice cream, each with a spoon in hand._

_“You ready to lose again?” Sakumo taunted ten-year-old Kakashi._

_“I won last time!”_

_“Nope. I’m the judge, and I say I won.”_

_“You always say that!”_

_Sakumo laughed and began scooping from the strawberry box, then the pistachio._

_Kakashi took some mint chocolate chip and bubblegum before adding a large scoop of pecan. He mixed it all together in a sloppy, melting concoction._

_Every now and then, they would have a competition to determine who could create the best tasting bowl of ice cream by combining a bunch of different flavors. Sometimes the results were amazing. Other times they were quite disgusting. It wasn’t much of a competition, though, because Kakashi was confident that his creations were always the best._

_“Lemme see,” Sakumo said, taking a spoonful of Kakashi’s ice cream._

_“Hmm,” he tasted thoughtfully. “Might have gone a little overboard with that bubblegum. But nothing that can’t be fixed with this!” He pulled out a can of whipped cream and sprayed some into his mouth. “Mm! much better,” he chuckled with his mouth full._

_Kakashi took a bite of Sakumo’s ice cream and decided that it was definitely a better combination than his. His father didn’t have to know that, though._

_“Ugh, gross! I win,_ again _!”_

_“You wish, kid,” Sakumo grinned, spraying whipped cream into his face._

_“DAD!”_

………………………….

He didn’t leave a note. There was nobody left to write to.

Well, there was Gai. But Gai deserved to have his own life, away from Kakashi’s bullshit. Leaving a note would only make him hold on tighter to what little Kakashi had left behind, and Kakashi just wanted his friend to let go already.

_You were the best brother I could have asked for, Gai. I’m sorry I couldn’t be as strong as you._

…………………….

_The sand was uncomfortable between his toes, but he had more important things to focus on. First and foremost was the excavation of a moat around the sandcastle he’d built on top of his father, who was buried in the sand from the neck down. Sakumo peacefully hummed Beatles songs as his son worked._

_At four years old, Kakashi had learned most of the songs, even if he didn’t understand what all the words meant. His father particularly enjoyed belting them out in the shower and humming them while he cooked. He’d played all of the albums during their little road trip here. And he was currently humming one of Kakashi’s favorites: “In My Life.”_

_Sakumo paused._

_“Hey, son, put some sunscreen on my face, will ya? I’m turning into a tomato over here.”_

_Kakashi grumbled unhappily at having to place his excavation on hold for a moment before reaching over for the small orange bottle. His father sang softly as Kakashi squeezed way too much sunblock on his nose and rubbed it messily around his face with his sand-covered hands._

_“_ Though I know I'll never lose affection _,” he started._

 _Kakashi sang along. “_ For people and things that went before _.”_

 _“_ I know I'll often stop and think about them... in my life, I love you more _… Kashi,” he winked before his voice went up into an exaggerated soprano for the big finale, “_ IN MYYY LIFE _…”_

 _Kakashi giggled. “_ I LOVE YOU MORE! _”_

…………………….

His hand moved automatically, as it had thousands of times when slicing fish. He was grateful for the darkness of his small walk-in closet as the smell of iron infiltrated his nostrils. Pakkun barked and scratched anxiously at the closet door from the outside.

_I’m sorry, Pakkun. I'm just so tired._

He trembled as pain overwhelmed his senses.

_I can’t do this anymore._

He heard Rin’s shout from the bedroom next to his, “Shut that stupid dog up!”

_Obito... I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise._

He slid onto his side. The throbbing pain was making him lightheaded.

_Tenzo…_

His chest tightened as tears slid down the bridge of his nose.

_You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you._

Pakkun’s snarling became nothing but a muffled growl as his eyes fluttered shut.

…………………….

_He was sixteen when the convenience store clerk caught him stealing for the third time that month and called his father. The way Sakumo had apologized profusely on his behalf had embarrassed him beyond belief. But they’d been here before. He’d braced himself for the solid scolding that he usually got on the drive home, but his father had surprised him by remaining silent the whole way. He was also silent during dinner that night and during breakfast the next morning._

_At school, Kakashi told his friends what had happened and how his father had reacted, and they congratulated him for getting away with it. He laughed arrogantly and acted tough, but deep down, he worried. His father had not scolded him as he always did when he did something reckless. It was unnerving._

_When he got home that evening, they had dinner as silently as they had the night before, and afterwards, Kakashi went to his room. He finished his homework and played video games for hours after his usual bed time. His father did not knock on his door to tell him to go to bed. It was strange, but he tried not to think about it. He eventually decided that it would be a good idea to get some sleep, given that it was a school night. He headed to the kitchen for a glass of water to bring back to his room._

_A lamp in the living room was still on, and he was surprised to see his father still awake past midnight. Sakumo sat on the couch, silently leafing through a photo album. Kakashi recognized it as the one with all the pictures of his mother._

_He approached his father uncertainly. “Um—Dad?”_

_Sakumo remained quiet. Kakashi watched him gently trace his fingers down the image of his mother. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper._

_“I’m sorry, Kakashi.”_

_Kakashi’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What?”_

_“I’ve failed you as a father. I really thought I’d taught you the difference between right and wrong,” he said softly._

_Kakashi was frozen in place, the knot in his throat making it impossible to speak. He’d never seen his father look so crushed. Sakumo kept his gaze on the faded photograph._

_“I promised her I’d do my best. But my best wasn’t enough,” Sakumo said, his voice breaking, “I've failed her.”_

_The sound made Kakashi’s lip tremble and he lost the battle against the tears that spilled down his cheeks._

_“Dad, don’t say that,” he cried, kneeling at his father’s feet. “You didn’t fail her Dad, I’m the one who let you down. I’m so sorry!” He sobbed as his father pulled him up from the floor to embrace him. “It was my mistake—it was stupid—I just—I wanted my friends to think I was cool. But I know it was wrong, Dad. Please don’t say you failed me.”_

_His father held him tightly as they wept together. As the minutes passed, Kakashi felt his shame slowly melt into his father's comforting arms. When Sakumo found his voice again, he pulled away so he could look his son in the eye._

_“Listen, Kashi. Your real friends—people who care about you—won’t care about petty things like how cool you are. They will love you for you. But they will also challenge you to be better. Those are the people worth keeping around."_

_He wiped the tears from his son's face with his thumbs._

_"In your life, son, you will take many wrong turns along the way. You’ll make more mistakes than you can count. But it’s never too late to get on the right path again. It’s never too late to be better than you were before.”_

…………………….

_I tried, Dad. I really tried._

He took a shaky breath.

_I'm sorry I failed you._

His eyes suddenly registered light behind his eyelids and he heard a piercing scream. A shrill female voice approached him, sounding as if it were under water.

“Kakashi! Oh, god, what have you done? Oh, god, oh god! Can you hear me? Come on, stay with me!”

_Mom? Is that you?_


	23. Breathtaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smuttin' it up! AWWW YEEEEAAHH!!! lol

Kakashi was opening the car door when Tenzo finally caught up to him.

“Kakashi, wait! Please,” he grabbed his arm and pushed the car door shut. “Please,” he repeated breathlessly, trying to recover from the sudden sprint he'd just performed across the Sarutobi mansion.

Kakashi lifted his eyes to meet his, his expression a combination of weariness and shame. “Why?”

"Look," he exhaled heavily, “I’m not judging or—or asking for an explanation. I just—I need to know that you’re okay.”

Kakashi frowned, searching his eyes dubiously. “Why do you care?”

He froze. Why _did_ he care? He’d moved on from their relationship… hadn’t he? It was true that he'd let go of his resentment, but the past was still there. It still haunted him, driving a dagger through his heart every time he thought about it. Why, then, did he still care about the owner of that dagger so much? Why couldn’t he just go back to the way his life had been before they met?

His heart hammered in his chest as he observed the way Kakashi’s lips took on a rosy hue in the cold.

“Well... because…"

Why couldn’t he stop staring at his lips? _Oh, this is bad_.

“Because… I…” he cleared his throat.

 _Stop staring._ He averted his eyes and sighed. Kakashi pulled away from his grasp and he looked up again to find that his gaze had hardened.

“Stop worrying, Yamato," he said as he opened the door again. "Some things, even _you_ can’t fix.”

Tenzo balked at the iciness in his tone. He blinked in confusion as the words sunk in. “Kakashi, I’m not—”

But the car door was already slamming shut behind him. The roar of the engine cemented the uneasiness in his chest and he watched helplessly as Kakashi pulled out of the driveway and disappeared into the distance.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi stared at himself in the faded polaroid picture. His younger, shirtless self stared back with a glint in his eye, his face half-covered by his right hand, his grin peeking through the long, thin fingers. It was blotchy and blurry; a terrible picture, really. But the memory it held within its thin white border and ugly yellow tint was what meant something to him. The moment was immortalized forever.

_He let out a stuttered breath against the back of Tenzo’s neck as his rim clenched around him. He fought the animalistic urge to shove himself deeper, aching to feel himself fully sheathed inside him. He relished the heat of Tenzo’s bare back against his chest as he covered the brunet’s body with his. Tenzo’s knuckles went white as he gripped the sheets with a small whimper. Kakashi slipped his fingers between his as he kissed along his shoulder._

_“It’s okay if you want to stop,” he whispered, causing a visible shiver to travel down the man’s back._

_“I’m okay,” he panted, “keep going.”_

_“Tenzo,” he ran his free hand gently over the beautifully defined muscles of his back, “I don’t want to hurt you.”_

_“I’ll tell you if it’s too much,” he responded, pushing his hips back against him, making him gasp with the sudden jolt of pleasure as he slid further in._

_"Ngh… Tenzo…" He held himself still against the tightness, trying to find his composure as Tenzo adjusted to him. "_ _You feel so good,” he breathed, lips grazing against his neck, “but you need to relax a little more.” He kissed languidly along his neck and buried his face in the dark hair as Tenzo sighed softly. He continued on the other side until he felt him loosen a bit._

_“Kakashi,” Tenzo moaned, the sound making his enveloped cock throb impatiently. “Fuck me.”_

_He groaned into his hair, his body buzzing with need. "I'll fuck you nice and slow," he sighed, his hips rolling forward in gentle waves. Tenzo let out a long, breathy moan as he pressed further, stretching his slick walls. His hand moved slowly over his body, appreciating the hardened muscles before gripping his hip in place. He rhythmically pushed in and pulled out as Tenzo trembled beneath him. The delicious, throaty sounds he produced were driving him insane, and he tightened his grip to keep from plunging in any rougher. Pleasure coursed from his groin and he groaned loudly._

_“Fuck… Tenzo," he panted as the warm, wet friction left him breathless. "I’m not gonna last."_

_“Deeper,” he whined, writhing under him, “please... go deeper.”_

_Kakashi let out a low growl as he used his knee to spread him wider. His hands travelled up his body and under his arms, one holding onto his shoulder and the other loosely gripping his throat as he steadied himself on his knees. He pulled him further down onto his cock until he'd taken him in completely, sliding out more than halfway before thrusting back in. Tenzo yelped and arched against him before melting into a slur of needy moans. Kakashi repeated the slow motion until he begged him to move faster._

_He increased the pace, savoring the short, raspy breaths that emerged from Tenzo's mouth. His movements became more and more frantic as he reached around to encircle Tenzo’s leaking cock. It lay hard and neglected, pinned between the sheets and Tenzo's body. Tenzo cried out as his hand wrapped around him, his eyes shutting tightly as Kakashi's hips forced him to thrust into his hand._

_“Ngh... Kakashi _—_ Fuck, don't stop _—_ please _ _—"___

_"Let go, Tenzo," he commanded, pounding away harder than before, "just let go for me."_

_He felt him inhale sharply as his muscles tensed. From the side, he saw his mouth fall open in a silent scream of ecstasy before he gasped his name and released his warm, creamy seed into his palm. "That's it," Kakashi breathed, trembling with anticipation as he pumped him dry, fully aware that his own peak was unbearably close._

_“Kakashi,” Tenzo moaned with relief, “please _ _ _—___ fill me. I want to feel you come.”_

_The last of Kakashi’s teetering control went out the window with those words and he buried himself deep again as Tenzo’s walls contracted around him. He took a fistful of Tenzo’s hair, pulling at the roots as the force of his orgasm wrecked him. He cursed and moaned blissfully into his neck as he filled him with wave after wave of heat._

_“Ha—ah,” Tenzo gasped. “Mm... I feel you,” he moaned._

_“Tenzo,” he panted shakily as the man slowly gyrated his hips, draining him of every last drop. He sighed and buried his face between his shoulder blades, licking a trail of sweat that had trickled there. “Fuck,” he chuckled, trying to catch his breath as he laced his fingers into his. "Do you even know what you do to me?" His thighs wobbled as he shifted his weight, trying to slip out as gently as possible. There was a sharp intake of breath from Tenzo as he did so, and he rolled off his back, falling beside him to study his face._

_“Hey," he said softly, reaching over to trace the slight frown between his brows. It faded under his fingertips. "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”_

_Tenzo kept his eyes closed but gave him a warm smile. “I’d say I’m a little bit more than okay.”_

_Kakashi grabbed his waist and pulled him close. “You didn’t answer the first question.”_

_“Mm,” he hummed, “I guess... not more than I was expecting for the first time.”_

_He didn't particularly like that answer, but he supposed it could be worse. He traced slow, lazy circles on the small of his back. “Thank you for trusting me.”_

_He nodded weakly. “Of course.”_

_Kakashi brought his forehead close to his, nudging his nose as he whispered,_ _“I love you, Tenzo."_

_Tenzo’s large almond eyes became enormous as they snapped open in astonishment. He blushed a deeper red than he already was and turned away with a frown. “It’s so cliché to say it after sex,” he murmured._

_Kakashi laughed._ _“Doesn’t make it any less true... You know... I would never say it if I didn’t mean it." He pulled his chin back to face him and kissed him softly. Tenzo hummed happily as he kissed him back, breaking away to flash him a wide, beautiful smile. His eyes crinkled in the way that made Kakashi’s heart flutter._

_He grinned back, absorbing the marvelous sight. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”_

_......................................................................................................................................................................................................................_

_It was still dark when he woke up the next morning, but Tenzo was no longer in bed._ _He clicked the lamp on and looked at his phone. It was almost time for him to go, but still way too early for Tenzo. He frowned, wondering if perhaps he’d left in the middle of the night. But then he heard clattering in the kitchen and grinned as relief washed through him._

 _Tenzo walked in a few minutes later, stopping suddenly when he saw him sitting up on the edge of the bed._ _“Oh, I’m sorry I woke you,” he whispered, as if he needed to be quiet still._

_“You didn’t. But I need to get up anyway. How are you feeling?”_

_“Mm… Hurting a little,” he admitted sheepishly. “I was… actually looking for some painkillers."_

_Kakashi frowned, silently scolding himself for getting carried away earlier._

_"But I took some already!" he added, seeing the change in Kakashi's expression. "Don't worry about me," he muttered, waving his concern away with a hand._

_His voice took on a hint of excitement as he approached the bed. “And look what I found in one of the kitchen drawers!” He proudly held up a clunky, gray Polaroid camera that Kakashi vaguely recognized as his father's. He hadn't seen it in ages. “I wonder if it still works.”_ _He held it up to look through the viewfinder and snapped a picture with a loud crack and buzz as the film emerged from the bottom._

_“Oh, it does!” he cried enthusiastically._

_Kakashi hated having his picture taken. There was nothing appealing about his fucked up face in real life and there was certainly no good reason to keep it in a permanent image. He covered it with his hand._

_“Aww, come on,” Tenzo laughed, tugging at his hand._

_“No,” he groaned, refusing to budge._

_“Hey,” Tenzo whispered, moving close enough to run his fingers gently through his hair. Kakashi's tension eased a bit, but he didn't move. Tenzo bent down to kiss the hand that covered his face. “I love you, too, you know.”_

_The words made Kakashi’s heart soar and he grinned behind his fingers._ _At the same time, Tenzo brought the camera up to his face and snapped a second picture. The film buzzed and clicked as it developed. When he removed it, he studied the image for a while before flipping it over to show him._

_“You know you’re breathtaking, right?”_

_He rolled his eyes, ignoring the picture and pulling him by the hips to stand between his legs. He pressed his lips to his toned stomach and chest. “You see me with kind eyes,” he murmured between kisses._

_Tenzo sighed, his fingers sifting through his hair again. “I wish you could see yourself the same way.”_

He set the picture back in his nightstand drawer. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d kept it, though part of him suspected that it was to remember what it felt like to be loved.

The anger remained in his chest, though it had dwindled down to a faint indignation. He was used to dealing with people’s glances on a daily basis, and for the most part, he could shake them off with barely a twinge of annoyance. They were strangers; their opinions didn’t matter to him. But it was completely different when such a glance came from someone who’d once regarded him with admiration and affection.

That had genuinely hurt.

The look of pity on Tenzo’s face after he saw the scar on his arm had felt like a blow to the gut. That had been the last face he’d ever expected that look to be on. But what hurt the most was realizing that he'd been deluding himself all along. Nothing with Tenzo could go back to the way it was before. 


	24. Raunchy Romance

**2 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

Itachi was left in charge of White Fang during his two-week absence. Kakashi would have preferred to go back to work immediately, but Gai had pleaded with him to take a month-long break. This was him compromising.

It was true that he needed time to process how he felt about still being alive. He had an appointment later that week with a psychiatrist he’d been referred to but he was reluctant to go, mostly because he was unsure of what to expect. However, he now understood that he was in desperate need of help.

When he thought of that night, he felt a potent blend of shame and anger. He couldn’t believe he’d been selfish enough to do something like that, especially when he was aware that his father needed him more than ever. He didn’t want to imagine what Sakumo would say if he knew what he’d done. Surely, he’d be ashamed to have him as a son, and Kakashi wouldn’t blame him.

And Gai? Knowing him, it was possible he’d have blamed himself for not catching the fact that Kakashi’s depression had spiraled out of control. He was angry at himself for almost laying a burden like that on his friend, especially considering that he knew exactly what guilt like that could do to a person.

And Pakkun? What would have happened to him if he’d died? It was possible that he would’ve ended up at the pound or at an animal shelter, where it was highly unlikely he’d be adopted, seeing as how he was such an old dog.

Despite these negative feelings, relief was what he felt the strongest. He was relieved that Pakkun had annoyed Rin enough to make her come into his room and find him. He was relieved that she’d fashioned a makeshift tourniquet from the shirts in his closet and called the ambulance on time. He was relieved to still be breathing, even if he'd have to deal with the repercussions of his choice for years to come.

The wound had been deep enough to cut through the muscles in his forearm and he’d been unable to grip the knife tightly enough to cut his other arm. But was that the real reason he hadn’t done it? He wondered if, perhaps subconsciously, he’d wanted to keep living all along.

It felt strange to have so much time on his hands. 

He took advantage of his free mornings to take Pakkun on longer walks. The old pug took on the challenge eagerly, even if he did grow exhausted fairly quickly. They would walk a mile and a half to the library, where Kakashi would check out some lewd romance novels, then walk to the nearby park. He'd lay on the grass under a shady tree to read while Pakkun barked at everything that moved. This particular genre of books entertained him more than he cared to admit, but he needed something lighthearted to take his mind off the heaviness of his reality. The plots were paper thin and the naughty scenes were so outlandish that they cracked him up more often than not, but he found joy in taking in the silly stories. The walk back home usually consisted of Pakkun dragging his paws for half a mile before sitting on his furry behind and refusing to move, his tongue flopping rhythmically out of his mouth. Kakashi carried him the rest of the way back, but he didn’t mind. The loyal ball of fur had saved his life, after all.

Rin was gone most of the day since she taught at a high school now. But when she was home, she'd cook for both of them. It seemed like the anger she’d harbored against him all these years had begun to dissipate in light of his brush with death. Whether from a sense of guilt or compassion, Kakashi didn’t really care. Her cooking was an unexpected kindness and he accepted it, even if they did eat in stony silence. The only time she addressed him was to let him know when the carpet cleaners would be arriving to clean his closet. The rest of the time, they avoided each other and stayed in their rooms.

He wouldn’t exactly call their situation peaceful; it was more of a tenuous cease-fire, but he was tremendously grateful for it.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**4 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

Tenzo tried his best not to gawk at the glorious sight that was Kakashi Hatake walking into Kushina’s Ice Cream Parlor, wearing a simple olive-green t-shirt over jeans. His hair was still messy, but much shorter than it had been three days ago. _Interesting_.

Kakashi grinned broadly as he recognized him at a small table by the wall, and Tenzo’s heart bounced excitedly in his chest. He gave a sly smile as the man approached him. “You didn’t have to get a haircut for this, you know,” he greeted.

Kakashi’s cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink. _Cute._ “Don’t flatter yourself, Tenzo,” he smirked, “I was due for one weeks ago.”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure,” he chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the slightly darker shade of pink that crossed Kakashi’s features.

“Shut up," he glared. "Are we getting ice cream, or what?” 

Tenzo studied the tubs of flavors before him, trying to decide between rocky road and butter pecan as they waited in line. Kakashi glanced over at him. “How’s the whiplash?” 

He shrugged, watching the employee behind the counter scoop a large chunk of vanilla onto someone's banana split. “Still a little stiff, but it’s mostly gone now.”

Kakashi’s expression darkened a little. “I’m sorry.”

He turned to him with a frown. “Hey, it’s really no big deal. Besides, you’ve given me an excuse to slack off at work,” he winked. Kakashi snorted.

In the end, he could not choose one over the other, so he went for both flavors in a cone. Kakashi took a strawberry and pistachio sundae. He pulled his wallet out, but Kakashi beat him to it and paid for both of them. “What?” Kakashi asked, raising an eyebrow at his questioning stare. “I’ll take this over higher car insurance rates any day.”

He couldn't help but smile.

“So, I take it you’re big on sweets?” he assessed as they settled into the chairs at the same table he’d been at earlier.

“Oh, no. I don’t really like sweets,” Kakashi replied without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Tenzo raised an eyebrow as he watched him mix his sundae into a messy glob, trying to figure out if he was messing with him. “Uh- _huh_.”

Kakashi glanced up from his dessert and chuckled. “This is the only exception. Growing up, my dad and I—” he hesitated briefly. “Well, we had this—stupid competition where we had to mix a bunch of flavors to make a better one.” He looked down again, trying to hide his face. It was so damn endearing.

“I’m guessing Sakumo always won,” he grinned, working on his cone.

Kakashi perked up. “Not a chance!” He laughed, and Tenzo marveled at the lovely sound. He could definitely get used to that. They talked and joked for a long while after they’d finished eating. The next time Tenzo checked his watch, over two hours had passed. His eyes widened. “Oh, shit! It’s past 8! Do you need to go check on your dad?”

Kakashi shook his head. “We had dinner earlier. I’m sure he’s passed out in front of the TV by now.”

“Ah, okay.” He looked around. The place had started to fill up and get noisy. “You up for a walk, then?”

As they stepped out of Kushina’s, Tenzo tried to remember the last time he’d spent over two hours talking to someone so comfortably, but no one came to mind. They strolled at a lazy pace around the shopping center Kushina’s sat on the edge of. “So…” he began, trying to keep his tone light, “how is Sakumo, really?” He searched Kakashi’s face for clues that he’d finally crossed a line, but found none. There was only a faint sadness.

“He’s… not great,” he murmured quietly.

He didn’t press further, but Kakashi continued. “He’s lost some weight because he keeps forgetting to eat. I can’t be there for him the way he needs me to, but he gets upset every time I bring up hiring a caregiver. I know I should do it anyway…” he brooded. “I just—I’ve already taken his passion in life away by making him retire. I don’t want to take away his freedom to choose how he lives, too.”

Tenzo regarded him carefully. “Those are tough decisions to make for a parent. I’m sorry you have to do that,” he sympathized. “But I’m sure you’ll do what’s best for him.”

“I hope so,” he muttered.

“Kakashi,” Tenzo stopped, forcing him to turn back to face him. “You’re doing a great job taking care of him.”

He snorted and averted his gaze.

“I’m serious,” he said firmly. “Give yourself some credit. It’s a big responsibility, and it's not an easy one. You kept him active as long as you could with therapy and you make sure he does his exercises at home. You make sure he’s eating well, even if you can’t be there to watch him all the time. You do that while juggling the restaurant and searching for someone to replace him as head chef. You’re doing your best. I mean—I only spent time with him for a few weeks, but I’m sure he’d be proud.”

He worried that maybe he’d said too much when Kakashi’s brow furrowed and he looked away. They continued walking in silence for a minute, then Kakashi cleared his throat. “What about your family? Do you have any siblings?”

He shook his head. “It’s just me and my dad, too.”

“Really?”

“Well,” he muttered, “kind of. Um—we don’t really talk anymore.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” he let out a humorless laugh. “Me, too.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

Tenzo hesitated. He was really enjoying Kakashi’s company… and while he had the sneaking suspicion that the man was into him, he didn’t want to make assumptions. Either way, he’d be happy to have him around, even if just as a friend. But most guys he’d ever been friends with tended to avoid him after they found out he was gay, as if he’d immediately make a move on them just because he preferred men. But Kakashi had been open about his father, and it was only fair that he do the same.

“Well, he’s a surgeon and he really hates that I didn’t become a ‘real’ doctor, like he likes to say. But—the real reason we don’t talk is because— well, I guess he hates that I’m gay."

He observed Kakashi’s reaction and wasn’t surprised to see his eyes widen. “You told him?”

“Mm, yeah. Pretty stupid, huh?”

Kakashi stopped this time, holding on to Tenzo’s arm to stop him, too. His pulse sped up in response to the warmth of his hand against his skin. _Stop doing that, stupid heart._

“No, Tenzo. That’s—incredibly brave.”

He gaped at him. There was nothing but sincerity in the man's eyes. That was definitely not the response he'd been expecting.

Kakashi let go of his arm and continued. “That must have been terrifying... I mean— I still haven’t been able to tell my dad.”

Tenzo's eyes widened further, but he forced himself to recover. He smiled gently. “I know Sakumo would love you as much as he always has.”

"Mm... I don't know," Kakashi gave a despondent sigh. “Do you think your dad will ever come around?”

He twisted his mouth and shrugged. “I doubt it. He said he was better off without me.”

Kakashi’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry, Tenzo.”

“Ah, you know—it’s been a long time. I’m over it,” he forced a smile.

Kakashi searched his face but said nothing. Eventually, they continued their stroll. He regretted leading the conversation into such a heavy topic, so he asked about Kakashi’s hobbies to lighten the mood.

“Reading,” he replied.

“Reading porn?” Tenzo grinned, remembering the books Kakashi would take to Sakumo’s therapy.

“ _Romance_ ,” he corrected.

“ _Raunchy_ romance.”

He chuckled. “I don’t discriminate.”

“Any other hobbies?”

“Mm. I don’t really have time for anything else,” he admitted. “How about you?”

“Well, there's the gym.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “You _would_ think going to the gym is a hobby.”

“Well—exercise is important!" he laughed. "Alright, alright. I like hiking. Does that count?”

“ _Still_ exercise,” Kakashi grumbled, but he was smiling.

“I’m actually going again next weekend. Would you like to come?”

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at him. “I don’t think I’m ready for Everest quite yet,” he signaled to his leg. “I’m _handicapped,_ remember?”

Tenzo snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Only when it’s convenient,” he ribbed. “Come on! It’ll be an easy trail, I promise!”

“Mm,” Kakashi considered for a moment, a playful glint in his eye. “I guess... if you insist... I could give it a shot.”


	25. Little Punk

Kakashi crouched down next to the old dog as he lay on his stomach.

“Hey, little punk,” he murmured, scratching the top of his head, “what’s going on?”

Pakkun kept his head on his paws and let out another low whine. Kakashi felt a cold uneasiness coil in his stomach. Earlier, when Pakkun had skipped his breakfast, he hadn’t thought much of it. It wasn't all that rare for the pug to not touch his food until a few hours later. But it was a completely different story when it came to walks. Usually, at the very sight of his leash, Pakkun would trip over himself in his enthusiasm to get out the door. The fact that he hadn’t so much as glanced at Kakashi when he brought the leash out this time was quite alarming.

He cradled his small, chubby body with his hands and gently pulled him up onto his shoulder, causing a high-pitched whine. “It’s okay, buddy,” he soothed, petting his back as he straightened up. He grabbed the keys from the table and was out the door in seconds. It was late and the veterinary clinic was closed by now, but he knew of an animal hospital nearby that stayed open 24 hours.

He wasted no time loading Pakkun into the car and driving over.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo submitted the last of his notes electronically and stretched his arms high above his head with a frustrated grunt. It was not out of the ordinary for him to stay a few hours later than he had to in order to finish all his paperwork, but today was the latest he'd stayed yet. In fact, he was the last employee left in the small office designated for speech, occupational, and physical therapists.

He hated being so distracted. The last time his personal life had affected his work so much had been three years ago, when he’d been devastated by the end of his relationship. Going back to the clinic after that had been torturous. The whole place reminded him of the person he was trying to forget.

That particular corner was where Kakashi had sat and watched him work with Sakumo, pretending to read his porn. The plinth in the middle of the gym was where Sakumo had quietly told him about Kakashi’s experience with physical therapy following the amputation of his leg. The parallel bars were where Kakashi had learned his first name and started calling him by it ever since. The stationary bike by the entrance was where Kakashi had been leaning when he'd asked him why he decided to be a PT and he'd mindlessly replied that he enjoyed helping people fix themselves. The whole clinic was tainted with memories of the man he'd fallen desperately in love with and he hadn't even noticed until his misery forced him to. 

It was only a matter of time before his productivity suffered. He couldn't concentrate, found himself tuning everyone and everything out, failing to meet deadlines and missing important meetings. After a few weeks of this, the clinic manager essentially asked him to get his shit together or move on someplace else.

He transferred to the job at the hospital two weeks later.

He gathered his things and walked out into the hospital hallway, eager to get home. He'd skip the gym for today, seeing as how he could barely muster the energy to drag himself out of the building. _Or maybe that's why I shouldn't skip the gym today. I always feel better afterwards_. He debated the issue in his mind as he pushed the door to the staircase open. Suddenly, there was a shout behind him, someone across the hall calling out his name. He paused and turned to see Gai jogging his way.

“Oh, hey Gai," he smiled. "What’s up?”

“Yamato! I’m glad I caught you,” he said, out of breath. “Hey—um—I feel terrible asking you for this, but my shift just started and I can’t exactly leave right now.”

Curiosity got the best of him. “What’s going on?”

“I’m—not really sure,” he admitted. “But I think something happened to Pakkun… Kakashi texted me earlier saying he was at the vet, then he called me a few times, but I couldn’t answer. And now he won’t answer my calls.” Tenzo could hear the concern in his voice and instantly felt worry like a heavy stone settling onto his chest. “Would you mind—I mean—I know you just got out—”

“I’ll go check on him."

The relief was immediately evident on Gai’s face. “Thank you so much, Yamato! And—again, I’m sorry to bother you with this. I owe you one.”

“It’s no bother, Gai. I’ll text you, alright?” he said as he pushed past the door into the staircase.

“Yeah—yeah, please do! Oh, wait!” Gai followed him. “Do you know where he lives now?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, Gai. You gave me his address, remember? For that gift?”

Gai thought for a second before finally recalling. “Oh! Right, right! Okay, go, go!” he waved him off, but Tenzo was already rushing downstairs.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi drove home in numb silence. This was definitely not the way he'd expected his day to end. It simply made no sense.

“Sometimes they don’t show any symptoms until it’s very advanced,” the vet had said delicately. “We can try to treat it, but at best I would say he’s got maybe one or two months.” She'd gone on to explain that he would be in quite a bit of pain, but they could give him medication for that, too. He'd absorbed the information in a daze, staring blankly at the shivering pug on the examination table.

“I know it’s a tough decision,” she'd murmured sympathetically. “I’ll give you a few minutes alone to decide how you’d like us to proceed.”

Stomach cancer. And just like that, he’d been forced to decide between keeping his loyal ball of fur in pain for a few more months or letting him go.

 _He sat on a bench and read as Tenzo jogged laps around the park._ _He’d initially wanted him to join him, but Kakashi was no masochist. He was not about to spend his day off running if he wasn't being chased by a bear. But the view was quite pleasant from here._ _He glanced over his book as Tenzo jogged by, his breath barely audible even though he was starting his fifth lap. The man was in ridiculously good shape._ _He shamelessly checked him out as he moved farther away, until something cold and wet pressed against his right leg._

_“Shit!” he instinctively pulled his leg away and glared down at the culprit. “Oh—hello there,” he grinned as a smooshed, wrinkled face started up at him. The friendly pug wagged his curled tail and pressed his cold nose to his leg again. He chuckled._

_“Stop that, you little punk. Where'd you come from, anyway?”_

_He looked around for the dog’s owners but saw no one nearby. He reached over cautiously to scratch under his chin and the dog licked his hand, his tail whipping about frantically._

_“Let’s see,” Kakashi pulled him closer and checked for a collar under the rolls of fur. There was none._ _He was cute despite the distinct wet dog smell and the fact that his tan fur was dark and stiff with dirt. Kakashi turned him over and checked for fleas and ticks. The last thing he needed was a dose of Lyme disease. And… yep, there they were, in between his toes and sticking to the back of his neck._ _“Oh, boy,” he grumbled, setting him back down._

_“Who’s this little guy?”_

_He jumped at the sudden sound as Tenzo appeared from behind him, panting. The dog barked and left Kakashi's side to circle him, sniffing curiously at his feet._

_“I don’t know, he just appeared.”_

_Tenzo crouched down and was about to pet him when Kakashi warned him about the ticks._

_“But you were petting him,” he pointed out._

_“Yes, and now I’m probably infested, too.”_

_Tenzo chuckled and rubbed the dog’s ears anyway.“He’s pretty skinny. Probably a stray.”_

_“Yeah, maybe,” Kakashi shrugged. Either that, or he was extremely neglected. He looked up at Tenzo.“You ready to go?”_

_“Um—yeah. But—what do we do about him?”_

_Kakashi wanted to leave the dog where it was. He really, really did. Owning a dog was hard work. Not to mention expensive and time-consuming. And with his father's declining health and his growing responsibility at the restaurant, he did not have the time or the energy for a dog right now._ _But the pug was back at his side, standing on his hind legs and pawing at him for a head scratch with those big buggy eyes and panting grin._

_“We’ll take him to the vet and see if he has a chip,” he responded._

_“And if he doesn’t?”_

_“Then… we’ll leave him at the animal shelter,” he murmured, finally relenting and scratching under the dog’s chin. He fought a smile when he licked his palm eagerly._

_“Uh-huh.” He looked up to find Tenzo watching him with his arms crossed over his chest and a glimmer of amusement in his eye._

_“What? Don’t look at me like that, I’m serious.”_

_“Yeah, sure. Okay,” he smirked._

_“What about_ you _? Why wouldn’t_ you _keep him?”_

_“Oh, you know. I’m more of a cat person.”_

_Kakashi groaned. “You run for fun_ and _you prefer cats? Why am I with you, again?”_

_Tenzo laughed and pulled him to his feet, pressing his hips into him as he pulled his face close and planted a salty open-mouthed kiss on his lips. The action literally took his breath away._

_“Oh,” he blinked, his mind fuzzy with lust when he released him a minute later. “That’s why.”_

_Tenzo chuckled victoriously as he picked the dog up. “So, what will you name him?”_

_“There's no way in hell_ _I’m keeping this dog!”_

They told him he could pick up the ashes in two weeks. 


	26. Yam-Yam

**4 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“Do you have kids, Yamato?” Sakumo inquired as he pedaled slowly on the stationary bike.

Tenzo usually had him ride the bike by himself for ten minutes as a warm-up before his exercises. Any other day, he'd spend that time catching up on his notes, but for the first time in a while, he was all caught up. For that reason (and because he genuinely enjoyed his conversations with the old man), he leaned against the wall and chit-chatted instead.

“No, I don’t. Why do you ask?”

“Ah, well, I just think you’d be good with kids,” Sakumo revealed thoughtfully. “You’ve definitely got the patience for it.”

“Mm... to be honest, I’ve never really thought about it,” he admitted, scratching his head. “I don’t know if I'd like to be a dad… but I know I’d love to be a grandpa!”

Sakumo laughed heartily. “You may be skipping a big step there."

"Well, I really just want to be able to spoil someone else's kids without dealing with the consequences," he grinned.

"That sounds about right," Sakumo chuckled. "By the way, I already know what your grandkids will call you.”

"Oh," he hummed attentively. "And what would that be?"

“Yam-Yam, of course!”

He heard Kakashi snort as he approached them. “That’d be a good name to call you now, actually,” he smirked. “It’s even better than ‘Heavenly.’”

He didn’t skip a beat. “You're right. It’s better than ‘Scarecrow,’ too.” He grinned as Kakashi narrowed his eyes at him.

“Mm… I see you looked it up,” he said, raising an eyebrow smugly.

He felt his cheeks burn for a second before he cleared his throat. “Well, it’s not exactly a common name.”

Sakumo chuckled. “It was Kashi’s mom’s idea,” he explained. “Kakashi was her grandfather’s name and she didn’t tell me what it meant until after I’d fallen in love with it... she could be sneaky like that,” he smiled ruefully.

Tenzo smiled back. It wasn’t often that Sakumo mentioned his late wife, but when he did, he always got the sense that what the man had felt for her had been the real deal: a love that endured the passage of time and continued to flourish even beyond death. He wondered if he’d ever have the privilege of experiencing something half as intense. He seriously doubted it.

The blaring beep of the timer on Sakumo’s bike jolted him back from his musings. The warm-up was officially over.

“Alright,” Sakumo stopped and looked up with an amused glint in his eyes. “Where to now, Yam-Yam?”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**3 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“Oh. My…” Tenzo covered his mouth with a hand to keep from exploding into laughter as Kakashi walked out of the bathroom with a look of unadulterated horror on his face.

“Tenzo!"

Tenzo squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would help keep the giggles in. A snort escaped from his nose and then another, until he couldn’t hold it anymore and finally freed his mouth to howl with uncontrollable laughter.

“TENZO! YOU SAID IT WOULD WASH OFF!”

The only way he could possibly stop laughing now was by looking away, but he couldn't tear his eyes off him. He would have found the sight of a half-naked, glistening wet Kakashi extremely arousing, were it not for the fact that his unruly silver hair was now a bubblegum pink.

Ah, who was he kidding? He’d jump his bones in a heartbeat. If he could ever stop cackling like a hyena.

“It’s not—that bad,” he (very unconvincingly) managed to gasp between snickers.

“I HAVE COTTON CANDY ON MY HEAD!” Kakashi bellowed, causing Tenzo's laughing fit to worsen tenfold, his abdomen now aching from the force of it.

“How am I gonna go to work like this tomorrow?!" he picked at his hair in front of the mirror. "You really think anyone will take orders from me while I look like this? God! I never should have listened to you,” he pouted.

Tenzo managed to tone his chortling down a bit as he reached for the can of hair spray dye in the color of fire-engine red. Kakashi had agreed to try it because Tenzo had convinced him that it would come off easily in the shower. And because, why _not_ live a little and scratch that particular item off his bucket list?

“I could’ve sworn I read it was washable,” he mumbled, scanning over the directions in the back. “ _Shake well and spray evenly_ …mm… _Rinse with shampoo and water to remove_! There it is! See? Uh…oh.” He lowered his voice as he focused on the warnings: “ _Do not use on light blonde hair_. Oh, shit… I think yours might be considered even lighter than that,” he stifled a giggle. Kakashi's eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

He covered his mouth with a hand to hide his face-splitting grin. “Maybe try washing it again?”

“I’ve washed it four times already!”

“Well, then…" he sighed, trying and miserably failing to keep the amusement out of his voice. "It might be a good time to invest in a beanie.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Yam-Yam!” Sakumo exclaimed eagerly as they strolled into his room at the nursing home.

Kakashi watched Tenzo smile broadly, apparently ecstatic that his former patient had recognized him again. He’d accompanied Kakashi a few times to visit his father, but they were not always good days for Sakumo. During one of those visits, Sakumo had been in a foul mood and had barely said a word. During another, he hadn’t remembered who Tenzo was in the first place.

“Happy birthday, Sakumo!” Tenzo called out, raising a tray of cupcakes that he’d insisted on baking for the occasion.

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” Sakumo said as he stood shakily to hug him. “Thank you so much!”

"It was no problem," Tenzo beamed.

“Happy birthday, Dad,” Kakashi murmured, uncomfortable in the beanie that snugly gripped his head. His father turned to him with a warm smile as he hugged him next.

“Thank you, Kashi.”

Once they’d settled around the small table, each with a cupcake in hand, Tenzo leaned closer to Sakumo conspiratorially.

“Hey Sakumo, I brought you another surprise that I know you'll really enjoy.”

“Even more than these?” Sakumo wondered, biting into his chocolate cupcake.

"Oh, yes."

Kakashi turned to him questioningly. He was not aware of any surprise. Was Tenzo really going to make him look bad by bringing a gift when _he_ hadn’t? He returned his gaze innocently before his lips twisted into a wicked grin.

“Did you know, Sakumo, that one of the items on Kakashi’s bucket list is to dye his hair something crazy?”

_Motherf—_

If looks could kill, Tenzo would have vaporized by now.


	27. How to Stop

When Kakashi stepped out of the car, Tenzo’s stomach clenched with dread. The pug was nowhere to be found. _This can't be good._

He stood from his seat at Kakashi's front steps as he approached. The man barely acknowledged him with a side glance as he walked up the steps and jammed the key into the doorknob.

“Kakashi—”

“Go home, Yamato. I don’t need a babysitter.”

He flinched internally at the hostility but refused to let it show. “Are you okay? Where’s Pakkun?”

Kakashi stiffened before turning the key with a hollow clunk. “Please... just go, alright? Tell Gai everything’s fine.”

“I’m not here for Gai."

“Oh?” he scoffed, his onyx eyes burning into him. “Why _are_ you here, then?”

He took a page from Kakashi’s book and avoided the question completely. “What happened to Pakkun, Kakashi?”

His eyes flashed furiously. “He’s _dead_ , Yamato. Okay?” he snapped. “He’s fucking dead. Now go home and leave me alone!”

Tenzo’s heart sank as his suspicions for the worst-case scenario were confirmed. He reached a hand out, but Kakashi shoved the door open, avoiding his touch. He walked into the house and pushed the door closed behind him, but Tenzo caught it and stepped inside.

“Kakashi. Stop.”

He made it five steps into the hallway before Kakashi spun around to face him, his posture almost threatening. “What the fuck do you _want_ from me, Yamato? You want me to say I'm fine? Well, I’m fine, okay? I’m wonderful! I am just— _fucking_ peachy! I won’t kill myself tonight, if that’s what you’re so worried about.”

Tenzo winced, anger and hurt brewing dangerously in his gut. “That was unfair and you know it,” he said, trying to keep the strain out of his voice.

“Oh! Was it?” Kakashi let out a harsh laugh. “I’m sorry, Yamato. I didn’t realize we were being fair now. I wasn’t aware that’s how life worked, you know? But that makes sense. That would explain why everything around me has a tendency to fucking shrivel up and _die!_ ”

He took a step toward him but Kakashi shoved him away. “Just leave me alone! _God_ , why is that so hard for you to do? Just stop trying to fix everything! Stop trying to fucking fix me!” he yelled, the hurt and fury in his deep black eyes searing through him. “I don’t need anything from you," he spat. "You can keep your _goddamn_ pity.”

Tenzo's jaw clenched as fury boiled over inside him. He pushed Kakashi roughly against the wall and held him there firmly, his forearm digging into his chest. Kakashi released a sharp, surprised breath as his gaze bore into him.

"You want to take your anger out on me? _Fine,_ " he growled. "But let me make one thing clear to you, Kakashi. The only person in this room who pities you, is _you_. So don’t go projecting that bullshit on me.”

Kakashi’s face contorted as a sinister sound emerged from his throat, weakly at first, then louder and harsher. Laughter.

Tenzo removed his arm and watched him slide down to the floor, cackling hysterically. Nearly a minute passed as the laughter gained volume and intensity. At some point, the man actually had to hold his stomach as tears sprung from his eyes. Tenzo blinked in confusion, deeply disturbed and frozen in place by the outrageous sound.

Then the ridiculous howling morphed into something grievous as Kakashi’s face crumbled. He noticed the exact moment that the man's careful facade shattered and the powerful waves of grief poured out. Kakashi folded over onto himself and squeezed his eyes shut as a long, heart-wrenching wail emerged from his throat. His forehead nearly touched the floor as he inhaled sharply and repeated the heartbreaking sound. Tenzo’s throat constricted as the sound echoed through the house, invading his ears with a staggering violence.

“How—could he—" Kakashi cried, his body shaking with the violence of his sobs. "How could he—leave me? I—” he gasped desperately, clawing at his own chest, “I—can’t—"

Tenzo quietly knelt down beside him, tears blurring his sight as he pulled him into his arms. “Shh... I've got you,” he soothed, cradling his head on his shoulder. “It's okay.”

Kakashi continued to gasp as he collapsed into him, clutching at him for dear life. Another agonizing cry escaped him and Tenzo’s own tears spilled down his cheeks as he held on, gently swaying back and forth. 

"He didn't—know me," he whimpered shakily. "In the end, I—I never told him—who I really was... The person—the person he loved all those years—that wasn’t me... he never really knew me,” his voice faded away and he trembled as a strangled cry emerged from his throat. Tenzo felt his heart break even further. Kakashi's sorrow seeped into him as if he were absorbing it through his pores. He was saturated by it. 

“Your father knew you, Kakashi,” he murmured gently. “That aspect of your life was not everything. It was only one part, and not even among the most important, you know? But he knew the rest of you. The things that truly matter—the things that make you who you are. He knew your kindness, your loyalty, your love. He also knew that you can sometimes be an ass—an _incredibly_ stubborn ass—and a perfectionist who is way too hard on himself... but he loved all of that. He loved you so, so much. It was obvious to anyone who saw it, Kakashi. You were the light of his life.”

Kakashi's grief poured harder into his shoulder, and Tenzo tightened his arms around him.

“And I’m not trying to fix you," he whispered. "I just—I want you to start _living_... not for Obito or for your father—not even for me. I want you to start living for yourself because... well, because you're so worth it. You don't need another reason. _Please_ ,” he choked on the words as Kakashi continued to sob.

He lost track of how long he held him, swaying and murmuring soothing words into his hair. Kakashi held on to him as if he were the last life jacket in a sinking ship, but he pulled away eventually, his swollen red eyes searching his. He sniffled for a moment before finding his voice again.

“Yamato,” he whispered thickly, "why are you here?"

Tenzo studied him wearily before emitting a defeated sigh. “You still don’t get it?” he smiled weakly. “For three years, I tried so hard to forget you. I tried so hard I even managed to fool myself for a while... I spent so much time learning how to hate your memory; hate your touch… your words… even the way you said my name… I tried burying the memories somewhere they wouldn't hurt me because for the longest time after you left, that's all I could think about. But the truth is, despite all that effort, no matter how hard I tried, it didn't work because—I never quite learned how to stop loving you.”

Kakashi’s face fell apart again and Tenzo's heart hurt at the sight of his pain. But Kakashi pulled him close, leaning his forehead against his as tears formed silent trails down his face. “Tenzo,” he exhaled.

He shuddered at the sound he’d been craving to hear for so long. The sensation of Kakashi’s breath against his lips sent his heart into overdrive and his eyes fluttered shut. He failed to steady his own breath as Kakashi gently traced his cheek with his fingertips, his touch simultaneously searing and healing his aching heart.

“I have no clue how to stop, either.”

He barely had enough time to register the words before Kakashi was kissing him fiercely, his mouth hot and demanding on his. He parted his lips in welcome, and Kakashi whimpered with relief, his tongue entering and caressing him hungrily, his long fingers weaving tightly into his hair. Tenzo cradled his face in his hands, moaning softly into his lips as he savored the heat and delectable taste of his tongue, the taste he'd craved and dreamt about for years. He pulled his body closer, holding him flush against himself, desperate to feel him everywhere, to take in the very breath he breathed. For a glorious moment, all that existed was Kakashi melting into him, his yearning palpable in the frantic way he tugged at his hair.

“Tenzo,” he breathed, pulling away only far enough to whisper against his lips, “touch me.”

Those three simple words set Tenzo's world on fire and he groaned with longing. He took his time, further intoxicating himself with Kakashi’s open mouth before allowing his hands to slip under his clothes, eagerly complying with the simple request as they met the glorious warmth of his skin.


	28. Clarity

**3 Months Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

It was too soon.

Even for early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, which progressed at a much quicker rate than regular AD, his father’s condition had worsened incredibly fast. Kakashi never would have guessed that his father would be lying on his deathbed less than a decade after his diagnosis.

“Eight to ten years,” the doctors had told him and he’d stupidly counted on those years as if they’d been a guarantee and not a prediction. Since the diagnosis, his hope for a slow progression of the disease had been so powerful that he’d managed to convince himself that they had more time than they actually did. It felt like only yesterday that Kakashi had observed Sakumo bustling around White Fang, his laughter rumbling from his chest as he conversed with his customers, his movements graceful and precise as he created edible magic.

It was too soon.

Weeks before (and much to Kakashi’s dismay), Sakumo had begun uttering nonsensical words and sentences, including what seemed like conversations with his late wife.

“Why did you stop singing, Mikan?” he’d mumble to the wall. “Keep singing. Don’t let me down, Mikan. Keep singing for the sun.”

Sometimes the muttering consisted of repeated phrases for minutes at a time, making him literally sound like a broken record.

“Don’t let me down, don’t let me down, don’t let me down, don’t let me down.”

Kakashi would grab his hand and try to get him to focus.

“Dad. Hey, it’s okay. It’s Kashi.”

But his father’s eyes were light-years away and no amount of calling out could bring him back. The unseeing stare terrified Kakashi more than anything else.

His father had struggled with pneumonia before. It was not at all rare in patients who were bedridden, which Sakumo had been for a while now. But this most recent bacterial attack had been particularly severe; numerous rounds of antibiotics had been unable to subdue the infection in his lungs and it had now spread to his other organs, causing them to fail one by one. That night, the doctor had advised Kakashi to prepare for the worst. But he’d stopped believing in medical estimates long ago.

Sure enough, his father made it two nights past what the physician had originally predicted. For three days, Kakashi had watched him sleep, frightened to his very core that every shaky breath would be his father’s last. He nearly wept with relief every time the man opened his eyes again, even if the look within them was more distant than ever.

That was, until his eyes had unexpectedly managed to focus on him for the first time in months. He immediately noticed the change of his father's usually blank expression to one of confusion, as if he couldn’t remember what had brought him to the hospital. He rushed to his side.

“Dad?”

“Kashi,” he rasped, and Kakashi laughed with relief, grasping his father's fragile, withered hand in his.

“Dad! Yes, it’s me! It’s Kashi.”

Sakumo’s eyes regarded him with a clarity that had been missing for far too long. Kakashi could hardly believe it. His father _knew_ who he was.

“She’s here,” he smiled faintly. “She’s singing for me.”

Kakashi’s face fell. “What? Who, Dad? There’s no one else here.”

“Kashi... Don’t let me... down,” Sakumo sighed before fading to sleep for the last time.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**3 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“Check in the hall closet. Some of my dad’s boxes are in there,” Kakashi murmured absentmindedly as he poured water into the rice cooker.

Tenzo was looking forward to once again using the Polaroid camera he’d found a few months ago, but the film in the camera had quickly run out and there’d been no more in the drawer where he’d found it. “Let’s go look, Pakkun,” he told the excited pug who was already huffing at his heels.

He turned the corner and walked a few feet into the hall before opening the closet door. It only contained a few coats, three large boxes stacked on top of each other, and a whole lot of dust. He gently slid the highest box off its position at the top and set it on the hallway floor, forcing sneezing fits out of himself and the curious dog as layers of dust were displaced into the air. He rubbed at his irritated nose with the back of his hand before settling onto the floor.

It felt odd sifting through someone else’s belongings, but Kakashi _had_ given him permission and he tried to focus on his search. He carefully pulled out neatly folded clothes to reveal a mess of papers, random desk objects, cases of vinyl records, and stacked picture frames at the bottom of the box. He rummaged aimlessly through the items, but it wasn’t long before his attention was diverted to a faded photograph of a tiny Kakashi sitting on Sakumo’s shoulders. The man’s mouth was wide open mid-laugh while the boy crossed his arms and pouted on his father’s head. The image tugged at Tenzo's heartstrings and he found himself grinning like an idiot.

He pulled the picture frame out and carefully set it aside. The framed image beneath it made him laugh out loud. It was Kakashi as a child again, maybe five or six years old, striking his best strong man pose while wearing a bright red cape and a pair of tighty-whities over his face like a mask.

“What’s so funny?” Kakashi called from the kitchen.

He snorted once more before digging in for the next frame. This photo featured a striking young woman with long ebony hair and bright hazel eyes. Her gaze was focused somewhere above the camera, and she smiled broadly as she pushed a wind-swept lock behind her ear. Sprinkled across her cheeks and nose were faint patches of freckles, which only served to emphasize her exquisite features. Tenzo had always thought that Kakashi looked like his father, and he did for the most part, but now he could see where the man got his beautiful bone structure and the subtle softness in his eyes when he smiled. He stared at the image reverently. If the woman was mesmerizing when she was motionless, he couldn’t imagine what she must have been like in real life.

He set the frame next to the others and continued his now-shameless probing, the original intention of his search long-forgotten. The next frame contained a much crisper image of the young couple kissing as they cut into a small tiered cake. They both smiled into the kiss, and Tenzo grinned at the sweetness of their beaming expressions. This was obviously their wedding day.

Except...

The warmth in his chest immediately dissolved.

The man in the dark suit was not Sakumo.

_No._

His breath escaped sharply as his brain went into full panic.

_No, no, no._

What did this mean? Why hadn’t Kakashi told him he’d been married before? And to a _woman_? He’d never even mentioned being bisexual. How long were they married? Did they have any children? Why would Kakashi keep something so important from him? They'd shared everything with each other!

Or... at least, Tenzo had shared everything about himself. In fact, he'd opened himself up more than he ever had with another living being. He’d laid everything out for him, revealed everything about his past, told him about his deepest, most painful insecurities. He'd been naïve enough to believe that Kakashi had done the same.

He’d never questioned the man's intentions or his sincerity. His stupidity really knew no bounds.

“Did you find it?” Kakashi called out, completely oblivious to Tenzo’s entire world crumbling around him. He remained where he was, unable to move or make a sound.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Kakashi muttered after a few seconds.

There had to be a reasonable explanation for this. There _had_ to. Kakashi wouldn’t just lie to him. He wouldn’t do that. He loved him… didn’t he?

He gulped dryly as doubt assaulted his heart. Had his love been a lie, too? Had _any_ of it been real?

Kakashi’s approaching footsteps brought him out of his fog. “You know you’ll probably have to order it on—”

His voice cut off instantly when he noticed the picture in Tenzo’s hands. For a terribly painful minute, there was nothing but silence. Then he uttered a single quivering word.

“Tenzo…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly, afraid of the tremble in his own voice.

He could hear Kakashi’s breathing getting heavier and finally looked up. The man's face had distorted into absolute horror, his eyes blown wide open and his complexion devoid of color. “Tenzo…”

“I didn’t even know you were bi—I mean—why would you keep that from me?” his eyes seared into his. “How long were you married? And when—when did you get divorced?”

His heart was pierced by an icy blade of clarity when Kakashi's lips twisted and he averted his eyes. He finally understood. “You—” he swallowed painfully, his pulse pounding at his temple. “You’re _still_ married.” He bit his trembling lip as the knowledge wreaked havoc in his brain.

Kakashi carefully lowered himself to the floor, as if trying to defuse a bomb. “Tenzo—yes—but please. Please let me explain. It’s not what you think—”

Tenzo scoffed, a strangled laugh escaping his throat. _He couldn’t come up with a more original phrase than that?_

“Really, Kakashi? So, you’re telling me you’re _not_ married, is that it?”

“Look, please—”

“How long?”

Kakashi grimaced, which only served to fuel his fury.

“Tell me how long!”

The man closed his eyes, his eyebrows drawing together tightly before he whispered, “Almost… seven years.”

Tenzo's breath escaped him like he’d been punched in the gut. _Seven years_. Kakashi had kept him in the dark about his seven year marriage for _months_. Roughly over a year, if he counted the months before they actually started dating. Could he even call it that anymore, if he was dating a married man? Once again, he’d been stupid enough to fall in love with the wrong person. Someone for whom he’d been nothing but a side piece. Kakashi had only kept him around to fuck with him, to alleviate his boredom. Who knew how many others there were? He grimaced as tears finally emerged, burning trails down his face. 

“But Tenzo, you have to believe me—I feel nothing for her—it was all fake—”

“This looks pretty damn real to me!” he shouted, flinging the picture frame at him as he stood. Kakashi didn’t try to catch it and it clattered to the floor, glass smashing to pieces as it landed on a corner. Pakkun barked anxiously at the sudden commotion.

“Tenzo, I swear—it was a promise—I made a promise to Obito right before he died—” he rose and followed Tenzo as he grabbed his phone and keys from the dining table and made a beeline for the door.

“Listen, _please!_ I promised I’d take care of Rin—and she—she had to be married to receive money her mom left her when she died—and I just—Tenzo, stop!” his hand gripped his arm but Tenzo ripped it away, turning to face him so suddenly that Kakashi nearly ran into him.

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” he cried. “Can you hear how fucking ridiculous you sound?!”

“It’s the truth!”

“Oh, that’s rich!” he laughed bitterly. “Now you want to talk about the truth? After I’ve fallen for every fucking lie you ever told? I don’t even know who you are!”

“But you do,” Kakashi implored, reaching across the divide for him. Tenzo smacked his hand away as if he were offering a venomous snake.

“Touch me and I'll fucking _break_ you.”

“Tenzo…” he pleaded, his voice wavering. “Please—"

“It was all a lie, wasn’t it?” he growled through clenched teeth. “You never loved me. You just enjoyed fucking with me from the beginning. It was all a sick joke to you.”

“No, Tenzo! I _do_ love you! I swear that—”

“And the worst part is that you knew. _You knew_ how pathetic—how desperate I was for a connection with someone. You knew how much that meant to me. And you—still led me on with your stupid little game. You let me _fall_ for you. How—” he choked. “How _could_ you?” 

Kakashi’s face crumbled. “Tenzo, I’m—I’m so sorry,” he stammered. “I swear, I never meant to hurt you. I know I fucked up. I should have told you from the beginning—But I was so scared of losing you. You’re everything to me—please—"

“Just stop, Kakashi."

He took a tremulous breath and turned away as he wiped his face with the back of his hand.

"Just—" he sniffled, berating himself for being such an idiot, such a terrible judge of character. He turned back to Kakashi, whose face was so broken, and whose pain looked so real, that Tenzo was convinced he must have practiced it for hours, just in case he ever needed to look pathetic enough to convince him to stay. It was humiliating, how the man even knew which expressions to make in order to break his heart.

"God, I can’t fucking look at you," he sighed, yanking the door open to step out into the darkness. He allowed the tears to flow freely as he ignored the incessant barking and hollow pleas behind him.


	29. Planets and Galaxies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more SMUT! WUT, WUT! ;)

It was definitely a dream. 

Except...

Even in Kakashi’s most vivid dreams, he usually couldn’t feel the heat radiating off of Tenzo’s skin under his fingertips or the rough scrape of the textured wall against his back as he slid up and down on it. He usually couldn’t taste the saltiness of their combined sweat as their mouths collided messily, sometimes missing each other completely in their haste to unite. And he certainly could not remember his brain ever recreating the soft moans at the end of every one of Tenzo’s shallow breaths.

No. It was definitely not a dream.

Tenzo really was standing between his legs, buried deep inside him, his lube-slicked hand holding his weight up against the wall of his bedroom while the other cradled the side of his face, his thumb gliding gently across his cheek. His body really was burning from the inside out, pulsing with the satisfaction of being filled completely, of being whole again.

He tilted his head back with a wanton groan, his mind empty of anything that wasn't the sublime friction between them. Tenzo immediately took advantage of the access to the sensitive skin of his neck, ravenously stroking it with his tongue and his teeth. He gasped heavily with every one of Tenzo’s thrusts and raked his fingers into the dark hair, using his grip to pull Tenzo’s panting mouth to his.

He let out a heated moan against his lips as his hand wrapped around the head of his cock, the thumb rolling over his dripping slit shooting sparks to the base of his spine. For a moment, he pulled back to focus on Tenzo's expression; his flushed cheeks and swollen, slightly parted lips caused a new wave of heat to spread from Kakashi's ears all the way to his toes. _He_ was responsible for that. _He_ was doing this to him. It'd certainly been a while since he'd had that effect on someone. He lost himself in the intensity of his eyes, the tenderness and longing and pain within them that he was all too familiar with. Then Tenzo's hand began to move, bringing him out of his daze as he spread the slickness from his tip down to his shaft. Kakashi quivered and arched against the wall. The change in the angle of Tenzo's thrusts forced a whine from his throat.

“Fuck, Tenzo… right there,” he pleaded breathlessly. Tenzo gripped his hip tightly in place before plunging in and holding himself in that spot. Kakashi cried out and shut his eyes, focusing on the shockwaves of pleasure coursing through him as Tenzo repeated the motion. "Ngh! Don't stop, Tenzo... please!"

“Mm,” Tenzo murmured into his neck as the hand on his cock began to move faster, stroking his length with varying pressure. “I love it when you say my name.” He pressed deep into him again and Kakashi whined and tightened around him. “Fuck, I missed hearing you like this” he groaned. “Tell me, Kakashi—when you fucked yourself with your fingers—did you imagine it was me?”

Kakashi whimpered, his senses overwhelmed by the combination of Tenzo's efforts and his filthy words.

“Did you imagine covering me in your cum?” he panted against his throat. “Making it run down my chest? Down my neck? Because you know how much I love it?”

“Fuck!” he cried. “Yes, Tenzo!”

Tenzo grinned as his movements increased to a punishing pace. “Show me, Kakashi.”

He didn't fight the rising waves of pleasure as every muscle in his body tightened. He dug his nails into Tenzo’s back and did as he asked, letting out a strangled noise as he came hard, gasping as ropes of warmth burst forth between them. He trembled as Tenzo captured his moans in his mouth, moving with him to ride out his orgasm.

"Just like that," Tenzo whispered, grimacing and biting down on Kakashi’s lip as his own release followed. He shut his eyes tightly and Kakashi used his legs to pull him deeper, his chest heaving as he gasped. “Holy fuck, Kakashi,” he panted, nearly tumbling to the floor as he collapsed into his embrace.

Kakashi snickered, trembling legs still wrapped around his waist as he kissed him softly, twisting sweaty strands of dark hair between his fingers. He sighed and pressed their sticky foreheads together. “I missed you so much,” he whispered, his eyes wet with tears again.

Tenzo pulled him away from the wall and took his full weight, falling into bed with their limbs still tangled around each other.

“Yeah,” he smiled, wiping a tear that had rolled down Kakashi's cheek, “I missed you, too.” Their lips locked again as Tenzo's fingers trailed tenderly over the irritated skin on his back caused by the friction against the wall. Kakashi hummed appreciatively, suddenly feeling the exhaustion tugging at his eyelids now that the euphoric high had faded. Tenzo pulled away gently. “Mm, hold on.”

He got up and Kakashi grinned as he watched Tenzo’s glorious ass tighten and relax with every wobbly step toward the bathroom. He heard him clean himself off before bringing a towel for him to do the same. While he did so, Tenzo quietly helped him take the prosthetic leg off. It was odd, Kakashi thought, how natural that particular gesture felt. Had it been anybody else, the action would have made him feel extremely uncomfortable. But Tenzo had a calming presence that made him feel safe above anything else and it was one of his favorite things about him.

Besides his magnificent ass, which he squeezed as Tenzo tangled himself around him again. Tenzo cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

Kakashi grinned back. “Your ass is my favorite planet.”

He laughed and Kakashi appreciated the gentle rumble against his chest.

“Mm,” he beamed, “I love you, too, Kakashi,” he whispered, pushing sticky strands of silver hair off his forehead before leaning in to press a tender kiss to his lips. Kakashi sighed into him, his hands slowly rediscovering the familiar terrain of his body. He lost himself in the hills and valleys of the firm muscles on Tenzo's back while Tenzo's hands created new trails of goosebumps on his skin.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo snored softly beside him.

Kakashi turned his body so that they were facing each other and grinned. He’d forgotten about that particular detail. If he remembered correctly, the snoring got much louder when Tenzo slept on his back. But he didn't mind. He could probably sleep through a nuclear bomb. The only reason he was awake now was because the full-body soreness had woken him. Besides the obvious reason for it, he suspected that the sudden, intense outpour of emotion had also played a part in his physical exhaustion. His body was definitely not used to that and he felt drained of all energy.

He focused all of his attention on the lovely man in his bed. His relaxed features were the epitome of peace, while wild strands of his short brown hair stuck out in all directions and revealed hints of gold as they caught the faint sunlight that had begun to stream into the room. It amazed and saddened him to realize that he’d succeeded in wiping so much of Tenzo from his memory; the galaxy of freckles that speckled his skin from collarbone to shoulder blades; the way he cradled his arms into his chest when he lay on his side; the small twitch in the corner of his mouth when he slept this deeply.

He sighed.

Last night had been, in a word, unexpected.

He hadn’t expected Tenzo at his doorstep. Or the rage that had erupted against him. He knew Tenzo hadn’t been the cause of it; he’d just needed someone to take it out on. Unfortunately for Tenzo, he’d been within the radius of Kakashi’s misplaced fury; the fury that arose at the unfairness of his life being a series of losses. He hadn’t expected his heartache over losing Pakkun to unearth the abysmal grief he’d managed to keep under wraps until now. He honestly hadn't expected Tenzo to stay after his ridiculous outburst, but it was also true that the man never ceased to amaze him. As a result of Tenzo's compassion, he now understood that his loss was something he had to face, eventually. He had to stop hiding from it. Feelings could be buried and ignored for an indefinite amount of time, but they had a tendency to resurface with a vengeance when they found the slightest opening.

As the sunlight that trickled in between the blinds became more intense, he suddenly remembered that his reality did not usually take place in an idyllic bubble with the love of his life.

_The restaurant._

He sat up roughly enough to jolt the bed and the other man on it. Tenzo grumbled and stirred awake, opening a single disapproving eye.

“Sorry, Tenzo,” he murmured as he searched for his prosthesis on the floor. “I’m so late. Fuck.”

“Mm,” Tenzo reached lazily to wind an arm around his waist. “Relax,” he slurred sleepily, “I called Itachi last night. Told him you weren’t going in today. Figured you’d need a little break.”

He stopped searching and looked back at him. “What—how?”

Tenzo chuckled. “Fingerprint recognition may not be the safest way to lock your phone when you sleep like death. Seriously, I could’ve emptied your bank accounts. You’re lucky I kind of like you.”

Kakashi snorted, relaxing into his hold as he pulled him back to bed. “Mm. What did Itachi say?”

“Not much," he sighed, his breath tickling Kakashi's neck as he burrowed into it. "Just that he’d take care of everything, no questions asked. I like him.”

“Yeah. His brother’s a little shit, though. Too bad they’re a package deal.”

He laughed. “Oh, come on. He can’t be that bad.”

“Mm,” Kakashi was about to expand on Sasuke’s numerous shortcomings when he was distracted by another thought. “Hey, what about you? Don’t you work today?”

Tenzo shrugged. “Asuma’s covering for me. I could take a decade off with the times he owes me."

Kakashi grinned and then remembered something else. “Oh, and… Gai? I know he was blowing up my phone and I never got to call him back...”

“He’s worried, obviously. But I told him you were okay. You should still call him, though.”

He nodded solemnly and thought quietly for a moment. “So…um… what does this mean?”

“It means you’re stuck with me today.”

“No, I mean—” he chewed on his lip. “You know… what does—last night—mean?”

Tenzo’s eyes locked on his as his thumb traced his cheekbone. He offered a small smile. “It means I’m not going anywhere.”

Kakashi averted his eyes uneasily. “I don’t know…" he sighed. "I mean—so much has happened and... I hurt you, Tenzo. And I'm so, so sorry. I can't tell you how much I've hated myself for doing that. Even if it was never my intention, the fact remains the same and you deserve a lot better. You deserve the best of everything, Tenzo... and I’m not sure I can be that. I don't know if things can be like they were before. Or... if they should.”

“You’re right. Things can’t be the same as they were before," Tenzo agreed quietly. "But I believe they can be better,” he grinned, his eyes glimmering with hope. “They can be better, Kakashi. You know... no more secrets. No more lies. I mean—” he let out a shallow breath, “I've forgiven you. Did you forget that? I don't want you to hate yourself. I'm willing to move on, but you need to be willing to, as well. I know you’re afraid of fucking things up. And trust me, I’m terrified, too. But—I think—you know—you’re worth it. That fear—it's so minimal—it's _nothing_ compared to what I gain by having you in my life. You say I deserve the best... well, you are it. And I just—I want everything with you, Kakashi.”

He watched with a knot in his throat at Tenzo exposed his very soul to him again. How did he do that? How could he continue to trust someone as untrustworthy as him with the raw contents of his tender heart? How could he ever be good enough to deserve someone like him? He bit his lip as he felt the sting of fresh tears in his eyes. What was with this sudden outpouring of emotion? It was so strange. Would it ever stop, now that he'd opened the floodgates? Or was he just going to cry every time he felt anything?

Tenzo slowly brought his face closer, his voice barely above a whisper. “Look, I—don’t want you to feel obligated, okay? You don’t owe me anything. If you don't want this, just say so, and I’ll go. I promise, I won’t bother you again.”

“Tenzo,” he began, watching the brunet’s eyes focus intently on his as he clung to every word. “Look—I've always been a mess... and right now, I’m an even bigger mess. Honestly, I don't know how long it'll take for me to get my shit together—there's just—so much of it I have to deal with but... I don’t want to do it alone. I want you by my side, Tenzo. You make me want to be better. And if you want to be with me, I want to be worthy of your trust. So... if we try this again—if you're willing to trust me again—I promise I won’t keep anything from you.”

Tenzo shut his eyes and exhaled heavily, looking almost as if _he'd_ been the one receiving a second chance. Then he smiled the most beautiful, heartbreaking smile Kakashi had ever seen and pulled him into a deep kiss, holding his face like it was the most precious gift he'd ever received. Kakashi’s heart expanded until it felt like the joy inside it would grow large enough to crack his ribs. He smiled into his lips and kissed him back, savoring every soft, happy noise he made.

Tenzo finally broke the kiss with a relieved laugh and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Nuzzling into the crook of Kakashi’s neck, he sighed. “Thank you.”


	30. Ghost

**1 Year Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

The extremely hairy man avoided his gaze as he threw his too-tight button-up shirt back on. “I better head out. That was uh—yeah, thanks, uh—Yanto,” he mumbled under his breath.

Tenzo didn’t bother correcting him. It’s not like he remembered the guy’s name, either.

"I'll—uh—call you, or whatever," hairy-guy said, in lieu of goodbye.

“Mm, yeah,” he responded indifferently, eyes fixed on the TV. When he finally heard the bang of his front door closing, he sighed. He'd had his share of depressing Christmas days, but this one definitely took the cake. No matter how many times he came to the realization that it was better to be alone than in terrible company, he continued to search for warmth in all the wrong places, like a freezing animal seeking shelter under the heat of a running truck.

It was the fourth time he'd been catfished, but only the second that he’d actually decided to go through with it and taken the fraud home anyway. The whole routine left him drained, both physically and emotionally. Especially since he knew that what he was doing would get him nowhere. It was an impossible uphill race where he was chasing after the ghost of his happiness with the shackles of his previous love around his ankles. 

His standards had gone out the window, for the most part, but he tried not to think about that too much. He'd put up a decent effort at first, when he'd decided that moping around the apartment during his time off wasn't the best way to end his loneliness. Genma had set him up on a few disastrous dates before he'd decided not to trust him with matchmaking _ever_ again. He'd managed to pick some guys up at clubs, even though that had never been his scene and he was an awkward flirt at best. He'd even given online dating a try. But it was soon clear that none of the people he went on these unremarkable dates with could ever give him what he sought. The Kakashi-shaped hole in his heart could never be filled by anyone else, so instead, he settled for a good fuck. It was usually a mediocre fuck, but he was past being picky.

It wasn’t about sex, anyway. He was perfectly fine getting himself off (and much, _much_ better at it than any of the men he encountered, to be honest). He simply craved a lover’s touch; the brush of skin on skin that transferred more than body heat. He yearned for that silent connection that made him feel like a sentient being; like he was part of something greater than himself. It was something that made him feel _wanted_ —more than a stiff dick ever could.

But he also knew that his need for intimacy was impossible to fulfill by a stranger. He first had to form an authentic bond with someone, and that was definitely out of the question. There was no way he was going to expose himself like that again. From that, he finally _had_ learned. The burn of betrayal was too sharp and too deep to simply push to the back of his mind. So, he settled for the cheap substitution that was a series of one-night stands, fully understanding that it was like trying to quench his thirst with saltwater. Eventually, he lost track of the number, basing his rough estimate on the number of condom packets that remained in his nightstand drawer.

He resigned himself to a numb existence. At least it was pain-free.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**3 Years Ago**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

Even though it was late, Kakashi drove to the first place that came to mind.

He parked roughly and managed to stifle his sobs long enough to step out of the car and walk the short distance he needed to cover. In the back of his mind, he found it macabre to be in a completely isolated cemetery in the middle of the night, but he shook the uneasiness away and shuffled on, finally collapsing to his knees on the familiar spot.

The agony finally pushed itself out of his mouth like emotional vomit as he wept.

“He's gone, Obito,” he moaned. "Tenzo... he's gone and— _fuck_! I’ve never hated you as much as I do right now!”

 _How is this my fault?_ His mental version of Obito replied. _I didn’t do shit!_

“Why would you make me promise something like that?! I was a fucking _child!_ I had no idea what I was getting into—the things I’d have to give up! Why would you force something like that on me?”

_Didn’t have much of a choice, did I?_

“God, I hate you.”

_Hey, hey! Fuck you! You’re the one who killed me, remember?_

“Asshole.”

_It’s the least you could do, and you know it._

“Go to hell.”

_See ya there, buddy._

He mentally flipped him off before burying his face in his hands.

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

It took six days after the photograph incident to get Tenzo to agree to see him again. Six days of well-deserved agony; countless ignored calls and text messages and getting the door of Tenzo’s apartment slammed in his face. But it seemed Kakashi had finally worn him down enough to make him see that he would not give up on their relationship that easily.

Tenzo had agreed to meet him at the park, on neutral ground. He wasn’t looking forward to having such an important conversation out in the open, but he was not about to argue with his one condition, either.

He nervously walked a lap around the park, recalling the many times he'd watched Tenzo run the same distance with incredible ease, before settling into a metal bench away from the small group of parents and children giggling and chasing each other on the playground. He’d arrived uncharacteristically early, wanting to gather his thoughts before facing Tenzo’s wrath. But it wasn’t long before his ever-punctual lover arrived ten minutes before the agreed-upon time. His heart broke when he saw the stony look on his face as he approached. He hadn’t even known the man was capable of such an expression, much less had it directed at him before.

When he was closer, he noticed Tenzo’s sickly pale complexion and the bags under his eyes, which told of numerous sleepless nights. No doubt, the past week had been as brutal for him as it had been for Kakashi, if not more. Shame bit at him as he recalled being the reason for his distress. The poor, sweet man before him had been guilty of nothing but loving him. He felt sick to his stomach.

Without greeting him, the brunet sat on the far end of the bench.

“Tenzo," he began softly, "I’m so sorry.”

“Just get to the point,” he snapped.

He slid closer, trying to bridge the distance between them, but stopped when Tenzo recoiled. He sighed miserably and sat still for a moment.

He was losing him. And fast.

He took a long, heavy breath before diving into his past. He shared, in great detail, about the night of Obito's death. He explained the reason why he’d married Rin, as well as the details of their arrangement and the way they'd decided it was necessary to lie to everyone for a decade. As he talked, he studied Tenzo’s body language for clues that perhaps he was getting through to him. For a moment, he thought he saw his shoulders relax, but his sad eyes stared ahead, giving nothing away. He rambled on until his voice faltered, unaccustomed to being used for so long and under such strain.

“But… I swear on Obito's grave that I never lied about loving you,” he finished weakly.

Tenzo remained quiet for what felt like an eternity, clearly mulling over the facts. Kakashi knew it was absurd to expect him to believe anything after he'd been kept in the dark for so long, but still hoped that part of him was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. When he finally spoke, his voice was surprisingly soft.

“Are you going to leave her?” 

Kakashi held his breath. “I—”

How had he managed to get this wonderful man tangled in his mess?

“I can’t do that,” he replied gently.

Tenzo’s jaw clenched. “You’re suggesting I remain your perpetual side-piece, then?”

“No… I— I don’t even see her as my wife, Tenzo. She’s just… _there_. It’s only three more years.”

“Right!” he scoffed. “ _Only_ three more years!”

“Tenzo, that marriage means nothing to me!”

“Well, it does to me!” he bellowed. Curious eyes darted their way and he reluctantly lowered his voice. “I mean— _fuck_ , Kakashi. Did you see a future with me at all?”

His heart clenched as he realized that Tenzo was still convinced that he’d been nothing but a fling.

“Tenzo, of course! I want to be with _you!_ ”

“But you never even considered marrying me, did you?”

He paused, taken aback. “I—uh—I didn’t know you wanted to,” he stuttered, “I mean—marriage—we've never talked about it before.”

“Yes! And now I understand why,” he retorted bitterly.

“Tenzo... it just—it doesn’t mean anything to me. Why do you need a signed document for me to prove my love for you?”

He regretted the words as soon as they tumbled out. Tenzo grimaced as if he’d been stabbed.

“Because..." he uttered through clenched teeth, "it means we’re committed to each other. It means we won’t just pick up and leave whenever we get into stupid fights. It means we give our word to care for each other, no matter what comes our way. It means we… become family,” he turned away, but not fast enough for Kakashi to miss the tear that slipped from his eye. "God, Kakashi," he sniffed as he wiped his face, "is it so hard to choose me?” 

Kakashi's heart shattered. “Tenzo…” he whispered, longing to pull him into his arms and absorb every bit of pain he’d caused him, yet fully aware that it would only make things worse. "I—I have to keep my promise.”

“When will you stop hiding behind your guilt?” he hissed. “ _Fuck_ that promise! How do you know that's what Obito wanted you to do? He was agonizing, Kakashi! He wasn’t thinking straight!”

He balked at the sting of his words, refusing to believe that he’d wasted the past seven years of his life trying to appease his own remorse instead of honoring his friend’s dying wish.

Tenzo finally turned to him, his face contorted with pain.

“Kakashi, please… please don’t choose a ghost over what we have. This is real. This—is more substantial than your guilt could ever be. Kakashi,” he reached for his hand, holding it tightly in both of his, “I am begging you. _Please_ get a divorce… _please_ come be with me.”

Kakashi hadn't thought it possible for his heart to break any more, but Tenzo’s plea proved him wrong. He knew asking him to wait was selfish and beyond unfair. _Seriously, Hatake. Who the hell do you think you are?_

Tenzo deserved so much better. He always had. He deserved something Kakashi couldn’t provide and it had been incredibly stupid of him to even entertain the idea of happiness when he knew he was so unworthy of it. The dream had gone on long enough. He had to end things now. _Make it a clean break_.

He pulled his hand away, forcing his features into an impassive expression.

“I’m not leaving her.”

Tenzo gaped in disbelief as his words sunk in. He let out a harsh breath. “You choose her."

"Yes."

His voice wavered as tears spilled onto his cheeks. "That's it, then? After everything..."

“That’s it.”

He stood from the bench and took one last look at Tenzo’s distraught face, burning it into his memory for later self-affliction. Without another word, he turned and walked away, dying internally when Tenzo’s voice broke with a last supplication.

“Kakashi, please… don’t do this… please…”

He bit down on his lip, refusing to look back as he forced himself to keep his steps light. It wasn’t until he'd driven halfway to his father's house, and stopped at the red light where they'd had their fateful fender-bender, that he finally allowed himself to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, before you go and call my boy Kakashi crazy for having conversations with Obito, lemme just tell you... I've done the same thing lol. Heck, maybe I am crazy. But if grief doesn't make you a little crazy, idk what will.
> 
> Full disclosure: One of my best friends died May 2018 and I miss her like you wouldn't believe. I guess "talking" to her and thinking of ways she'd respond to my stories/opinions/whatever is my way of keeping her alive in my heart.
> 
> Huh. Now that I think about it, she's on my mind a lot while I write this. I guess it kinda makes sense that this story's such a downer half the time lol. Oh, well. I hope you take something out of it, anyway. 
> 
> Still plenty more to come. Thanks for reading!


	31. Nirvana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys! I think I've taken you through the most relevant moments of their past. From here on out, every chapter will take place in the present with memories sprinkled here and there :D Hope you enjoy!

Their second round of love-making was softer, though not any less intense. 

Overwhelmed by emotion, Tenzo poured the entirety of his soul into cherishing every inch of Kakashi's body. Every accumulated feeling he’d ever buried had suddenly been forced back to the surface, and while he didn’t fully understand it, for the first time in years, he allowed himself to feel without questioning. He made every movement deliberate, immersing himself in the lovely variety of sounds that came out of Kakashi's mouth, observing every subtle change that crossed his beautiful face. He could feel each fervent kiss and gentle caress slowly cleansing his heart of all bitterness, filling it instead with the deep affection that had lived there once upon a time. Equally entranced, Kakashi reciprocated his passion, taking him above and beyond the surge of carnal pleasure to a nirvana of their own, where nothing else existed and nothing else mattered.

The experience was powerful enough to leave Tenzo trembling in its wake. He felt as if every nerve ending in his body had been seared, making it difficult to move or think or breathe. He panted and kept his eyes closed as he climbed down from his ecstasy, focusing on every section of his flesh that still grazed against Kakashi’s. His fingertips traced the knobby ridges of Kakashi’s spine as the man slowly and reverently kissed along his jaw and neck, across his collarbone to the hollow of his throat, continuing over his chest and down every one of his ribs on one side. The chaotic silver hair tickled him as he moved, and he sighed contentedly, wishing he could have this every morning for the rest of his life.

“Mm,” Kakashi smirked, his lips never leaving his skin, “I take it I did well.”

Tenzo hummed in response, finally cracking an eye open when he felt hair tickle his nose. He smiled lazily as Kakashi’s finger traced his profile from the top of his forehead, down his nose and lips to the bottom of his chin.

“You know, I just realized something,” Kakashi murmured, leaning on his elbow as he watched him.

“Mm?”

“I’ve never seen you with facial hair."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? You haven't?"

"Nope. At least, not more than a five o’clock shadow. Are you able to grow a full beard?”

“Yeah.”

“But you don’t like it?”

"Eh," he shrugged. “E. coli.”

“What?”

Tenzo grumbled. Clearly, he needed more time to recover before he could formulate coherent sentences. “Full beards have more E. coli than toilet seats.”

“What?!” Kakashi snickered. “That sounds like a total myth.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he conceded. “Don’t remember where I heard that. Just stuck with me. And you?”

“I can, if I want to look like Santa Claus.”

“Mm," he grinned, "you’d make a damn fine Santa.”

“Oh, no," Kakashi snorted. "Please don’t tell me you have a Santa kink.”

Tenzo chuckled, pulling him onto his chest again. “Now that you mention it, I can feel one developing as we speak.”

The sound of Kakashi's laughter echoing through the house made his heart soar.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Taking advantage of their impromptu day off, they slept until noon, and after a not-so-quick make-out session in the shower (followed by an actual shower), Tenzo ordered delivery from the nearest Chinese food restaurant, too lazy to cook.

“So that’s how much I mean to you, hm?” Kakashi murmured, taking his Styrofoam box of food. “You screw me and don’t even cook afterwards?”

Tenzo grinned. “What can I say? It takes a truly remarkable performance to deserve one of my meals.”

“Woah-ho-ho,” Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t wanna know what _you’ve_ been up to these past three years.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. Like you didn’t fuck around.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kakashi mumbled innocently, taking a bite of his chicken. “Alright,” he pointed his chopsticks at him, “you first. How many?”

“Mm.” Tenzo frowned.

“You’re gonna make me guess?” he teased.

“Maybe.”

He smirked. “Alright. Five? Six?”

Tenzo bit his lip and averted his gaze.

“Ten?”

He took a bite of his food as Kakashi’s eyes widened. “ _Over_ ten? Fifteen?”

He cleared his throat. “Mm—double that, I’d say.”

His face burned under Kakashi’s astonished gaze.

“ _Jesus_ , Tenzo! Please tell me you wrapped it up every time!”

He almost choked on his food.

“Of course!” he nearly shouted. “And—I mean—I also get tested every few months…” he mumbled, embarrassed. “I swear, I’m clean.”

Kakashi let out a relieved breath, though not as subtly as he thought.

Tenzo set his chopsticks down and shot him a pointed glance. “I wouldn’t—you know—expose you to—if I had something—”

Kakashi placed a hand on his forearm. “I know, Tenzo,” he offered an apologetic smile. “I’ve always trusted you. I was just… surprised—I mean—thirty’s a big number…”

A small smile finally broke through Tenzo’s frown. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Well, aren’t _you_ going to tell me your number?”

Kakashi took his hand back and focused on his noodles. “Mm… nope.”

“Five?”

Kakashi shook his head.

“Eight?”

“No.”

“No, I have the wrong number or no, you won’t tell me?”

“Wrong number.”

“Ten?” He raised an eyebrow when Kakashi shook his head again. “Seriously?” he laughed. “Looks like I’m not the only one who was busy.”

Kakashi shrugged.

“ _Well?_ ” Tenzo pried.

“One,” he mumbled.

Tenzo laughed heartily. “Yeah. Right. Seriously, though.” When Kakashi’s expression didn’t change, his smile faded and his eyes bulged from his head. “ _Wha_ —you’re so full of shit.”

Kakashi fussed over his noodles as a blush invaded his face.

“ _One_ , Kakashi?”

“Mm.”

Tenzo remained quiet, a sudden rush of uneasiness flowing into his gut. He knew why his own number was so high. But what did _one_ mean to Kakashi?

He felt Kakashi’s gaze on him but decided to change the subject. “Hey, um—I wanted to say I’m sorry—about Pakkun. You—uh—never really told me what happened.”

Kakashi’s lip twisted and Tenzo regretted saying anything.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to,” he amended, kicking himself.

“No, it’s—” he sighed. “He wasn’t just a dog to me, you know. I mean—I used to think it was ridiculous when people referred to their pets as family members but… Pakkun was something else. He—um...” The words died on his tongue and Tenzo reached for his hand, patiently waiting for him to continue. “He saved me that night, Tenzo.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

As Kakashi explained, Tenzo’s chest tightened. Apparently, the quirky little pug had been there for Kakashi when no one else had. Had he still been alive, he would’ve repaid him with a buffet of treats for the rest of his life.

“Anyway,” Kakashi continued quietly, “it was stomach cancer. The vet said he only had a few months left and—I didn’t want him to suffer.”

He squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, Kakashi.”

He received a squeeze back.

They finished their food in silence and headed to the living room, settling on the couch to watch TV. Kakashi flipped through the channels, eventually deciding on an old martial arts movie. Tenzo tried to watch, but his mind kept circling back to the unbelievable fact that over the course of three years, Kakashi had only slept with one person. He knew exactly why it unsettled him, even if it made no sense. He was stupidly, irrationally, embarrassingly _jealous_. He didn’t notice Kakashi comment on something until he felt him squeeze his knee. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

He forced a grin, avoiding his gaze. “Ah it's—nothing.”

"Are you still hung up on the numbers?"

_How the hell did he know?_

"Um..." he scratched his head nervously, trying to come up with something less ridiculous than the truth.

“Tenzo,” Kakashi’s eyes pierced into him, clearly recognizing the telltale signs of him trying to conceal something. “What happened to no secrets?”

 _Damn it_. His own words biting him in the ass mere hours after he’d spoken them. He sighed. “I guess—um—I know it’s not really any of my business and—you don’t have to tell me—”

“Spit it out, Tenzo.”

He hesitated a moment, terrified of the answer he was about to receive. “Did—um—did you… love him?”

Much to his surprise, Kakashi snorted loudly. “ _Deidara_? Oh, God!” he laughed, and the tension in Tenzo’s shoulders eased a bit. “That’s what you were so worried about?” he searched his face, still very much amused.

Tenzo chewed on his lip, blushing under the stare. “I just—” he gulped, stalling to think of the right words. “It was—hard—trying to get over you. I saw so many people because—I guess—I was trying really hard to… erase you or replace you—I don’t know. But that was impossible. No one even came close. So… I thought—maybe—”

“You thought I’d found someone to replace you,” Kakashi finished for him, the teasing tone gone from his voice.

He shrugged and Kakashi’s fingers were suddenly weaving through his hair, sending sparks from his scalp to his spine. “I didn’t try very hard, Tenzo... that’s all it was. Truth is... I didn’t want to replace you. I didn’t want anybody who wasn’t you. And I learned that with the first one. I mean—I saw him to get off every now and then, but to say that I liked the guy would really be pushing it.” He smiled and Tenzo let out a relieved chuckle.

“I only want _you_ , Tenzo,” he whispered earnestly, bridging the distance between them. “I only love _you_.”

Tenzo’s heart thundered in his chest when their lips met. How was it possible to feel so much for another person and _not_ go insane?

They shared a soft, slow kiss that quickly evolved into heated bites and caresses, their craving for each other far from being satiated. Kakashi climbed on top of him, his hands roaming through his hair and back to his face, unable to hold them still as he pulled Tenzo into his inebriating warmth. Tenzo lost himself in the familiarity of Kakashi's weight on his lap, the unrelenting pressure of his mouth on his, and the wrangling of their tongues as they struggled for air.

Kakashi pulled away, his swollen lips still grazing his. “I want to taste you,” he breathed, his eyes half-lidded with desire as he pressed a long finger to Tenzo’s erection over his briefs. Tenzo exhaled shakily, giving a small nod as he throbbed against his touch. His eyes drifted closed and he hummed in approval as Kakashi began his descent, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses down his chest and abdomen as he went. He gripped the edge of the couch as Kakashi’s face settled between his legs, his hands resting on his hips as his tongue traveled languidly along the inside of his thighs. He painfully slowly freed his cock from the constraining fabric and hovered the heat of his breath over the pulsing head.

"Ngh," Tenzo groaned in frustration, “you’re killing me here."

A loud moan escaped him when Kakashi’s tongue lapped gently on the precum budding at his slit.

"You know," Kakashi squeezed his hips and grinned smugly, “I'm thinking _homemade_ lasagna sounds good for dinner tonight.”

He let out a breathless laugh. “Shut up,” he huffed, pushing Kakashi’s head back down.


	32. The Difference

“Well, look who’s going home on time for the fourth time this week,” Asuma drawled as Tenzo passed by the nurses’ station.

Tenzo paused to acknowledge his friend’s comment with a chuckle. “What? I’m all done with documentation.”

“Exactly my point,” Asuma crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the counter in front of Iruka’s computer. “Since when do you finish before me? You know, this can only mean one thing,” he stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Are you getting _laid_ , Yamato?”

Iruka gasped dramatically as his eyes lit up. “Oh. My. God. It’s Butt Plug Boy, isn’t it?!”

Tenzo’s eyes widened and he felt the familiar heat spread across his cheeks.

“There’s our answer!” Asuma shouted mirthfully as Iruka whooped along.

“I—am walking away now,” he muttered with an eye-roll. Perhaps he might have gotten away had he not been intercepted by a bone-crushing hug. “YAMATO!” Gai bellowed directly into his ear. _Who needs eardrums, anyway?_ “I’m so happy for you! And for my rival, of course! You are both wonderful for each other!”

Tenzo smiled awkwardly, simultaneously touched and annoyed that Gai had just confirmed everyone’s suspicions about his sex life.

“Ooooh, Yamato!” Anko hollered across the hall. “Did you break those butt plugs in already?”

Tenzo's blush grew ten times darker, the remains of his dignity going up in flames as Gai clapped him on the shoulder with a wink. "Have _fun_ tonight, my friend!"

"Yes, have _fun!_ " Asuma and Iruka sing-songed in unison, making numerous obscene gestures. He couldn't help but laugh as he flipped them off. Having Kakashi in his bed tonight would definitely be worth the teasing.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Why—do you still live—on the third floor?” Kakashi reproached breathlessly when Tenzo opened the door.

He chuckled. “It’s your workout for the day.”

Kakashi gave a disapproving grunt before leaning in to kiss him. "I had other ideas to get my cardio in today," he bit his lip playfully, grinning at the soft moan it elicited.

He pulled away and Tenzo followed him inside. “What’s that?” he motioned to the small white box in Kakashi’s hands.

“My homework. You’re helping me with it.”

“Am I?” he pulled a chair at the table and sat as Kakashi took his coat off and threw it over the back of the couch. “And what do I get out of it?”

“Free world-class sushi?”

He immediately perked up. “Did you make it?”

Kakashi shook his head as he settled into a chair next to him and Tenzo felt his excitement dim. He’d only had the privilege of tasting Kakashi’s creations once, years ago, and all he remembered of the experience was that it had been mind-blowing. Almost as good as the sex.

 _Almost_.

“Some are Sasuke’s and others are Naruto’s," Kakashi explained. "I’ve already tasted them myself, but I need a second opinion. I want you to tell me what you think about each piece. I may try something new in the restaurant based on your thoughts.”

Tenzo's jaw dropped. He’d never expected Kakashi to trust him with something like that, especially considering how he knew nothing about sushi and had zero experience working in the food industry. “I may just be the least qualified person to do this,” he muttered nervously. “I mean—I don’t even know how to describe flavors.”

“You don’t have to describe them. Just tell me the first thing that comes to mind when you taste each one.”

“Hm. Okay.”

“But you can’t look,” he instructed. “I don’t want you to judge them based on their appearance, so keep your eyes closed. I’ll feed them to you.”

A ripple of excitement began in Tenzo’s chest again and he did as he was told. He heard the scrape of the box as Kakashi opened it and the gentle clink of chopsticks before he was told to open his mouth. He did, and a small, round piece of sushi was placed on his tongue. He focused on the smooth, smoky flavor as he chewed, humming appreciatively when he noticed the crunchy texture of sesame seeds that appeared suddenly.

“Well?” Kakashi asked.

“That’s good,” he replied. 

Kakashi laughed softly. “Could you give me a little more than that?”

“Mm,” Tenzo thought for a moment. “I liked the combination of crunchy and smooth.”

“Okay. Next is a palate cleanser.”

Tenzo munched on the pickled ginger, marveling quietly at its unexpected sweetness.

“Ready?”

Tenzo nodded and Kakashi deposited an oval-shaped piece in his mouth. The fish was so soft that it immediately melted upon contact with his tongue. The sauce that accompanied it was the perfect combination of sweet and spicy. He moaned. “That may just be the best thing I’ve ever had,” he sighed, awestruck.

“Anything come to mind while you ate it?”

“Hm… not really. I was just focused on the flavors," he chewed on his lip. "I’m sorry—I’m really bad at this.”

“You’re doing fine,” Kakashi assured him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Tenzo relaxed, grinning as he pulled away. There was the faint clinking of chopsticks. “More ginger,” he cued.

Tenzo wasn’t sure how his input would help Kakashi in any way, but he shrugged and pressed on. After two more awe-inspiring pieces that did not quite make him _feel_ anything other than grateful for the opportunity to taste them, Kakashi placed a very different piece in his mouth. This one was oddly shaped, and not quite compact enough to stay in its original form for very long. The soft creaminess of the fish exploded into a delightfully zesty flavor, followed by an unexpected nuttiness.

_A large, heavy hand ruffled his hair. Tenzo looked up at the towering figure of his father. The man smiled down at him._

_“You did well, Kinoe.”_

He gasped and his eyes snapped open. “What—the _fuck_?”

Kakashi’s expression mirrored his. “What is it? What's wrong?”

“I—“ he shook his head, struggling to understand what had just happened. He hadn’t thought of Danzo in years. _Why now?_

“Uh—my dad,” he muttered.

Kakashi's mouth twisted as he made a thoughtful noise. “Something bad?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Tenzo frowned. “It was… actually... a good memory.”

“Mm,” Kakashi grinned. “Alright, take this and close your eyes again.”

He hesitated for a moment before accepting the ginger and shutting his eyes, chewing slowly and deliberately, as if the flavor could also cleanse his mind of memories of his father.

“Open.”

He welcomed the distraction of the similarly messy piece of sushi that plopped onto his tongue. The fish on this one had a smoky flavor, laced with a subtle spiciness that barely caused his mouth to tingle. And at the very end, like a smack in the face, was the brightest spark of citrus.

_The sudden presence at his back startled him awake, but Kakashi hummed soothingly, pressing a series of slow kisses to his shoulder. The warmth of his lips simultaneously eased his racing heart and made his skin break into goosebumps. His low voice flowed like honey against his neck._

_“Tenzo,” he sighed, inhaling deeply as their fingers laced together. “You really are heavenly.”_

His eyes shot wide open again and Kakashi regarded him with amusement.

“ _Wha_ —how—how does he _do_ that?” he stuttered.

Kakashi chuckled. “Good. It wasn’t just me, then.”

“Was that—”

“Naruto’s, yeah. At first, I thought I was biased because his sushi reminded me of my dad’s. But it seems to invoke something in you, too.”

“Yeah…” he whispered, finally understanding the difference. Sasuke’s pieces were all carefully crafted and extraordinarily delicious. In fact, they were something out of a dream. But as awe-inspiring as they were, they were not quite capable of generating emotional responses the way Naruto’s were. And, for decades, that particular trait had been exactly what made White Fang stand apart from every other sushi restaurant in town.

“That’s… amazing,” he exhaled.

Kakashi hummed in agreement. “Want more?”

He scoffed. “Well, _obviously!_ ”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Have you lost your mind?!” Sasuke snarled as Naruto punched the air with a victorious whoop. “There’s no way this idiot is going in the front with us!”

“ _Sasuke_ ,” Itachi shot him a warning glance.

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest and regarded the younger Uchiha with a bored expression. “It’s not a suggestion,” he responded evenly.

“You've _got_ to be kidding me! He has no idea what he’s doing!” the angry boy continued. “He’ll only get in the way!”

“And that is exactly why you will help him,” Kakashi replied.

“But—”

“Of course, Kakashi,” Itachi raised his voice to cut his brother off.

“Thank you, Itachi. That is all.”

Sasuke scoffed incredulously, turning his scowl from his boss to his brother before storming off. Itachi tilted his head apologetically at Kakashi and withdrew as well.

Naruto’s blindingly bright smile invaded his entire face. “Thank you so much, Kakashi!” he shouted as he hopped over with his arms outstretched, clearly intending to hug him.

Kakashi raised his hands to stop him. “That’s… not necessary,” he murmured. “Just try to learn as much as you can. You have a long way to go before you can be up there by yourself.”

Naruto beamed and threw his arms around him anyway. “I won’t disappoint you, Kakashi!”

“Okay, okay," he grumbled, "now get back to work." He fought a grin, watching the boy whoop excitedly as he bounced away.

Naruto would still be a kitchenhand, but for a few hours a day, he’d be observing and working directly under the brothers. Kakashi was fully aware that he could not expect him to ever be at the same level as them without any formal training, but he was convinced that the boy had potential for greatness. His hope was that with some guidance (most likely all from Itachi), and exposure to a different style of sushi, the boy would pick up some valuable knowledge and apply it to his own creations. The result was either going to be incredible or incredibly disastrous.

He hoped Sakumo approved of his decision, wherever he was. 

_I won't let you down, Dad._


	33. Weakness

Tenzo resigned himself to the fact that sleep would not be visiting him tonight. 

_At least I have tomorrow off_.

He'd been expecting it, given that tomorrow was Thanksgiving Day. He couldn't explain why, but every night before a holiday, he found himself overcome with anxiety. This time, however, there was a second factor to thank for his restlessness. That morning at work, he’d checked his phone to find that he had missed a call.

 _Danzo_.

He was positive it'd been a fluke. Surely, after seven years of hearing nothing from him, the man had dialed him accidentally. It was the only reasonable explanation. Even so, it was enough to ruin the rest of his day. His gut twisted into knots at the very thought of having that particular missed call as part of his phone call history. Not to mention the uncomfortable weight that settled onto his chest every time he recalled their last encounter. His friends had immediately noticed something was wrong. 

"You seem a little off today," Iruka pointed out during a break.

"Trouble in paradise?" Anko piped in mischievously.

He shook his head, but offered nothing else. He hated how bad he was at hiding his feelings. The physical discomfort had made him so irritable throughout the day that even Asuma had dialed back on his usual banter.

At dinner, he'd heard Kakashi tell him about Naruto’s daily screw-up and Sasuke’s daily tantrum, but his mind was miles away. He didn’t find it odd that the kitchen had gone so silent as he washed the dishes, until a hand reached from behind him to turn the water off and take the plate he was rinsing from his hand. He turned around to protest but was met with Kakashi’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Hey. You okay?”

He offered a faint smile and nodded. Kakashi moved closer, setting the plate down on the counter before sliding his arms around his waist and pulling him close enough to lean their foreheads together.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

Tenzo frowned, reluctant to talk about it. There was really nothing to talk about. He’d let a butt-dial ruin his whole day and it felt absolutely ridiculous to admit it. _Is that how weak I am?_

“I’m okay,” he replied.

Kakashi’s hand came up to stroke his cheek as he searched his eyes. “Tenzo... tell me.”

He closed his eyes, inhaling the words as he leaned into the touch. For a flickering moment, he considered doing just that. Instead, he tilted his face to press their mouths together. It was definitely the better option. Kakashi’s lips hesitated for a moment before molding into his with a little coaxing from his tongue. He leaned against the counter as he raked wet fingers through Kakashi’s hair, deepening the kiss. His lover sighed and melted into him, nails scratching lightly at his back. He savored the breath he stole from him as he slipped his free hand into the front of his pants.

He was equally grateful and ashamed that the diversion had succeeded.

It’d been hours since he could feel his left arm, but he was not about to shift his position. It was not often that Kakashi fell asleep on his chest, but he loved having him there. His pale hand rested on his sternum and twitched sporadically as soft whimpers formed in his throat. Tenzo covered the twitching fingers with his free hand and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, hoping his warmth provided some comfort from whatever was tormenting him in his dreams. Kakashi groaned and uttered something incoherent before quieting again.

He sighed and stared up at the ceiling.

_It was an old game, but it remained an effective way to pass the time._

_Every night, as he waited for his father to get home, his imagination would spend hours forming shapes out of the textured ceiling above his bed. From those shapes, colorful characters and stories emerged; sometimes the bumps were an army of dragon-riding samurai on their way to rescue the kidnapped royal family; other times, they became an ocean teeming with pirate ships blowing monsters to bits in their search for treasure. There were even times when Tenzo himself would make an appearance as the savior of the world, thwarting unwanted alien invasions with his trusty feline sidekick, Boneless.*_

_His father was adamant about him going to bed by a certain hour, but Tenzo couldn’t help himself. He had an irrational fear of his father dying if he didn’t stay up waiting for him. Perhaps it could be attributed to his overzealous imagination, but he’d convinced himself that only he could prevent such a tragedy._

_Although he was independent, he was definitely not ready to be alone in the world._ _At ten years old, Tenzo cooked and cleaned for himself, set his own lunch, did his own laundry, and ironed his uniforms for the next day, all while completing his homework on time. His father believed a messy house reflected a weakness of character, and if there was one thing the man despised, it was weakness. Thus, Tenzo made sure to keep the house tidy at all times, especially his room. He didn’t own any toys or electronics (“Entertainment is a waste of time,” Danzo drilled) but he was allowed to have some books, all nonfiction and educational, though he kept a secret stash of fantasy books from the school library under a loose floorboard in his closet._

_At a quarter past midnight, he heard the front door unlock with a click and his father’s heavy footsteps as he walked into the house. He held his breath as the footsteps approached and paused by his open bedroom (he was not allowed to keep the door closed). His back was towards the door, but he knew his father inspected his room carefully from the doorway. Though how he managed to make anything out in the darkness remained a mystery to him._

_“Go to sleep, Kinoe,” his father scolded, “or you can say goodbye to the books you're hiding in your closet.”_

_His blood ran cold._

_“Yes, sir,” he uttered meekly._

A sudden dampness on his chest brought him back to reality. He looked down and chuckled softly. Kakashi was drooling on him.

He reached over to caress his peaceful features, amazed at how beautiful he looked while producing such an undignified amount of slobber. He smiled and buried his face in his hair, wishing with all his might that his soothing scent could shield his heart from the terror his father inspired in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping to bring Boneless into the story at some point, but all you need to know for now is that he was a real cat Tenzo loved as a child ;)


	34. Thank You

Kakashi gave his employees the day off on Thanksgiving, but he was up bright and early running last-minute errands of his own.

He was surprised to find Tenzo still asleep when he returned hours later. It was odd, but he did not disturb him. Sleeping in was a luxury neither of them was used to and he would have taken advantage of the opportunity himself, had he not had a few things to take care of for the day he'd planned for them. His plan wasn’t anything extraordinary, but he hoped it could be the start of a tradition of their own.

He was aware that Tenzo was not particularly fond of the holiday season, and to a certain degree, he could understand why. From what little Kakashi knew about Danzo, he could gather that holidays had probably not been very much fun in Tenzo’s household. His own experience was so different that he worried he'd never be able to relate to Tenzo in that aspect of his life. Sakumo had believed in going all out for Thanksgiving and Christmas, even if it was just the two of them. Before the memories came flooding back, he focused on prepping for the day ahead. He was not ready to open that can of worms just yet.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 

Tenzo cracked a heavy eyelid open with a groan. His whole body ached. Clearly, he’d been in bed way longer than he was used to, but instead of feeling rested, he felt like he’d just run a marathon. He knew that if he allowed his eyelids to drift closed, sleep would take him again, so he dragged himself out of bed to take a leak instead.

“Good sleep?” Kakashi asked from the couch when Tenzo stepped out of the bedroom. He held a book in his hands. Tenzo shrugged with a grunt and poured himself a glass of water.

“There’s lunch in the fridge,” Kakashi informed him as he turned back to his book.

“ _Lunch_? What time is it?”

“Quarter till 2.”

“What?! Kakashi! Why didn’t you wake me?”

The man turned a page nonchalantly. “It’s your day off.”

He frowned, feeling guilty for wasting most of the time they had together. He had the rest of the week off; Kakashi didn't. He went over to him, bending down to hug his neck and rest his chin on his shoulder. “I wanted to spend it with you, though,” he sighed. Kakashi turned to kiss his cheek and he managed to read some of the words from the book he was holding. “Wait, they’re doing _what_ with the mashed potatoes?" he grimaced. "What the hell are you reading?”

Kakashi chuckled and closed the book to show him the cover: _Stuffed with Desire_.

He snorted. “Really? _Thanksgiving_ porn?”

“What? It helps me get in the giving spirit,” he winked.

“Definitely keeping you away from potatoes tonight,” Tenzo murmured as he straightened to go into the kitchen.

“That’s fine. We won’t be eating here tonight, anyway.”

He looked up from the fridge. “We won’t?”

Kakashi shook his head. “Nope. We’re going on a hike.”

Tenzo’s jaw dropped for a second. “But… what about your leg?”

“You really didn’t notice?” Kakashi smirked, kicking his left leg up. “New socket. Doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Tenzo's eyes widened before he broke into a face-splitting grin.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Bright pink and yellow hues splashed across the forest floor as their feet crunched over the fallen leaves. Kakashi knew Tenzo was moving slower than usual for his sake and was silently grateful. He’d started huffing and puffing half an hour into their hike, but he pushed on. There was something he needed to do, but he needed Tenzo's help.

“Can you take us to the tree before we go to the top?” he inquired, his heart dancing at the sight of Tenzo’s bright smile.

“Of course.”

He was glad Tenzo knew the area like the back of his hand because he never would have made it there by himself, especially with darkness falling. It took another twenty minutes before they reached their destination. As he looked up at the majestic tree, he couldn’t help but smile at the memory of the adorable stuttering mess Tenzo had been the very first time they'd kissed. Tenzo must have been thinking along the same lines, because he found a similar expression on his face when their eyes met.

“Dinner?” he asked, taking his pack off.

“Yes, I’m starving,” Tenzo replied.

He pulled out two ham and turkey sandwiches and threw one at him, along with a bag of chips and an apple.

Tenzo grinned. “No mashed potatoes?”

“Unfortunately,” he chuckled as he sat by the tree, leaning his back against the heavily scarred trunk.

Tenzo settled beside him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“Thank you, Kakashi.”

He knew from the earnestness in the dark chocolate eyes that Tenzo was not just thanking him for dinner. He was certain now, that he’d made the right decision in bringing him here.

“This is nothing yet,” he grinned as he popped his bag of chips open.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

They devoured their dinner in only a few minutes. Tenzo wondered what the night had in store for them. He would have been perfectly content with just the hike, but now he was excited, knowing that Kakashi had planned something else. He glanced at him expectantly. To his surprise, Kakashi looked unsure.

He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

“Well, um—there’s something I wanted to do before anything else,” he muttered, opening his pack hesitantly. Tenzo watched as Kakashi pulled out a small wooden box and held it reverently in his hands. He frowned before realization washed over him.

“Oh… is that…?”

Kakashi nodded as he stood. “It’s Pakkun.”

Tenzo joined him.

“I wanted him to rest somewhere special,” Kakashi began, “and—this place means a lot to me. It’s—where I found the courage to finally do something about the way you made me feel—but most importantly—it’s where I realized that you were the most amazing person I’d ever met in my life,” he smiled softly.

A sudden warmth flowed into Tenzo’s chest even as a knot formed in his throat. _He really thinks that?_

“So," Kakashi continued, shoulders slumping a bit. “I think this is a good spot for him, you know? We found him together so… I figured we could say goodbye the same way,” his voice wavered, and Tenzo slid an arm around him.

“I think that would be perfect,” he agreed, kissing his temple. Kakashi leaned into him as they both looked down quietly at the box. Tenzo placed his hand on it. 

“Hey, Pakkun,” he said. “Just so you know, this place is very special to Kakashi and me. But having you here will make it even more so. Watch over our tree, okay? Help it keep growing strong.”

Kakashi offered him a faint smile before returning his gaze to the box. “Hey, little punk,” he whispered. “I—uh—I guess I just wanted to say thank you for—everything.”

Tenzo’s heart ached when he heard his sharp inhalation. “I’m—uh—I'm sorry you didn't get a better owner. I know I forgot to feed you a few times when things got crazy. And maybe I didn't play with you as often as I should have. I could have taken you on more of those walks you loved, but I didn't, and I'm sorry about that. But—um,” he cleared his throat, “anyway, thank you for… annoying me and making me laugh and… for giving me a reason to get out of bed when I didn't see the point in it. And thank you for… never giving up on me. I don’t know if I’d still be here if it weren’t for you... so... thank you, Pakkun.”

He opened the box and gently sprinkled the ashes by the tree. "Goodbye, little punk.”

When the box was empty, he lowered his head again. Tenzo fought back tears as he took his face in his hands. Kakashi avoided his gaze, chewing on his lip as tears streamed silently down his face.

“Kakashi, listen to me," he said softly, "when we found him, he had nothing. Who knows how long he went like that? Maybe his whole life up to that point. But you gave him a home. Sure, it wasn't perfect, but maybe for the first time ever, he belonged somewhere. You did that for him."

Kakashi's brow furrowed as their eyes finally met.

"He was so lucky to be loved by you," Tenzo murmured.

He held on tightly as Kakashi sighed and buried his face in his shoulder.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The sun had neatly tucked itself into the horizon by the time they reached the summit. Kakashi was glad he wasn’t the only one out of breath as they stared out into the wooded area below. He was barely able to make out the outlines of the ridges and trees, but the sky was breathtaking. At the edge of the horizon, the mist above the treetops glowed light pink and softly blended into the navy blue above. Kakashi knew nothing about constellations but that didn’t stop him from marveling at their incredible beauty. He glanced sideways at Tenzo, who was doing the same. Euphoria washed over him at the sight of his broad smile and awestruck almond eyes.

“So beautiful,” Tenzo puffed, finally catching his breath.

“Yes, you are,” Kakashi wheezed, and Tenzo laughed, reaching for his hand.

“Really, Kakashi. Thank you for this.”

Kakashi squeezed his hand before reaching to slip his pack off. He pulled out a blanket and laid it on the ground so they could sit without freezing their asses. “There’s another one in yours,” he informed Tenzo as he pulled out a thermos and two black teacups. He poured scalding hot chocolate into each one as Tenzo sat next to him, wrapping the second blanket around the both of them. He handed him one of the cups.

“Classy,” Tenzo grinned.

“Always,” he winked, snuggling closer as their fingers laced together.

They sipped their chocolate as they looked up at the sky. Kakashi quietly wished he could spend an eternity in this very moment. “This is the part where you say something smart about the stars,” he whispered.

Tenzo giggled. “No, that’s your line. You’re the one who brought me here.”

“Mm,” he thought for a moment. “Well, did you know there’s exactly five million fewer stars in the sky than freckles on your shoulder?”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I counted.”

His heart fluttered as Tenzo’s breath warmed his scalp with a chuckle. “Kakashi," he sighed. "This is the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had."

“Same,” he responded, pressing his lips to the back of Tenzo's hand. “But you know it could've been so much better if there’d been potatoes mashed in unusual places.”

Tenzo snickered. “You should be so lucky.”

He suddenly remembered something he’d procured this morning, just for today.

“Oh, hey. By the way…”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo’s eyes widened when Kakashi pulled out a small joint from the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Mm," he grinned. "I'm listening."

“Well," Kakashi explained with a shrug, "I remembered you’d never tried it, so I got it from Asuma this morning in case you wanted to. But only if you want to,” he emphasized. “It’s no big deal if you don’t.”

_As soon as he walked through the door, his father knocked him into the wall with such force that stars clouded his vision. He could feel his hot breath on his face._

_“If I ever see you around those worthless junkies you call friends again,” he growled, “I'll have you out on the street, you hear me?!”_

He willed Danzo's voice away as he set his eyes on the joint. 

"Okay. Let’s do it.”


	35. Choreography

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at him. “You sure?”

He nodded eagerly.

Kakashi chuckled and straightened to reach for the lighter in his pack. “It should be pretty mild. According to Asuma, anyway. He said the high only lasts about half an hour.”

Tenzo watched attentively as he placed the joint between his lips and lit it. As much as he disliked when people smoked, he couldn't help but be entranced by how incredibly sexy Kakashi looked as he took a long drag and smiled at him, smoke flowing smoothly out his nostrils. 

"Here," he said, passing it to him. “Just take a slow, deep breath.”

He tried to do as he said, but the sudden heat of the smoke irritated the back of his throat and he turned away, coughing and sputtering as his lungs burned.

Kakashi chuckled. “Slowly, Tenzo. And try to hold it a bit before you let it out.”

His eyes teared up and his throat felt raw, but he nodded and tried again. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it right, but when he felt the warm smoke at his throat, he held his breath as long as he could before releasing it. The burn was not so bad this time, but he still coughed.

When he passed it back, Kakashi shook his head. “It's alright. You can finish it. I'll stay lucid and take care of you.”

"Are you sure?" he frowned. "That's no fun for you."

"Just in case it's stronger than Asuma said. And, trust me," Kakashi smirked, "it will _definitely_ be fun for me to see you high." 

Tenzo supposed it did make sense for one of them to stay sober while they sat on top of a mountain at night. “Should I be feeling something already?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “You relaxed yet?”

Tenzo’s face scrunched in concentration, focusing on his five senses to determine if he felt any differently.

“I guess not,” Kakashi snickered at his expression. “Give it a minute.”

He took another hit as he watched Kakashi pour more chocolate into the empty cups. All of a sudden, a nagging question appeared from the corner of his mind. “Hey," he released the smoke, "can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” 

“What was your ex-wife like?”

Kakashi stiffened briefly before he cleared his throat and handed him a cup. “Well... Rin was a sweet girl when we were friends. She was very lively and caring, even though she had a rough childhood. I remember she had the most infectious laugh," he smiled wistfully. "Once she'd start, everyone within a twenty-foot radius had to laugh as well... but... she changed a lot after Obito died... well, I guess we both did," his expression darkened again. "When we got married, things were okay, at first. We got along very well and tried to make the best of it. But all of that changed when she found out I was gay.”

Tenzo's eyebrows shot to his hairline as he shifted his body to face him. “She didn’t know?”

He shook his head sadly. “I know I should’ve told her from the beginning. I just hadn’t thought it would ever be an issue since we weren’t—you know—going to actually be physical. I didn't realize she'd expected it to happen eventually.”

The misery in his eyes made Tenzo's chest tighten.

“She hurt you.”

He traced the shape of Kakashi’s cheekbone as his gaze fixed on him. Kakashi gave him a small, mirthless smile.

“We hurt each other. I can't say I was blameless. We just—brought out the worst in each other, I guess.” 

"And your divorce..." he murmured tentatively. "Is it finalized?" 

He nodded. "It took forever, but yes... it's over now."

Tenzo studied his face curiously. He thought Kakashi would have been overjoyed to finally rid himself of the decade-long responsibility. However, his features revealed a hint of sorrow amidst the relief. "Are you sad that it's over?"

Kakashi contemplated his question as he drank slowly. Finally, he set his cup down. "I'm sad that I couldn't keep my promise to Obito. While I was married to Rin, I didn't do a very good job of taking care of her. And now, I have no idea what's become of her life. She was going to AA meetings for a while, but I don't know if she's still sober and working. I don't know if she's relapsed and living under a bridge. But... I guess I shouldn't think of her as my responsibility anymore."

Tenzo scoffed, which unintentionally turned into a laugh. "She never should have been your responsibility. But—I mean—even if you're not together—you're paying alimony, right?"

He nodded slowly.

"Well, even if you feel like it's not enough, you're still taking care of her."

"I suppose," he said softly.

"She's an adult, Kakashi. Honestly," he shook his head, "I think you and Obito really underestimated her. I'm sure the woman is more than capable of taking care of herself. She's proven that by holding down a job and reaching for help with her addiction. So you should stop beating yourself up about it. You deserve to be happy, you know.”

Kakashi eyed him solemnly before breaking into a small grin. “And you’re gonna make that happen, are you?”

“I am,” he stated as he took another drag. “Personal mission.”

The small grin widened. “Well, you’re definitely qualified.”

He sipped on his chocolate as Kakashi leaned his head on his shoulder.

"So... have you added anything to your bucket list?" Tenzo asked.

"You mean, _besides_ posing in my birthday suit in a room full of strangers?"

Tenzo giggled a little too long at the image of Kakashi donning nothing but his best Blue Steel impression.* 

"Honestly, I didn't give it much thought these past few years," Kakashi admitted. And Tenzo was saddened by how much truth there was behind that statement. Kakashi most likely hadn't been in the correct mindset to experience anything new or exciting with the stresses of his awful marriage, struggling business, and ill father weighing his heart down.

Suddenly, Kakashi's face lit up like he’d just discovered the answer to the meaning of life. “Tenzo," he gasped, "do you trust me?” 

“Well, if I didn't, I'd be a little worried about being lured into the darkness out in the middle of nowhere."

He watched as a mischievous grin split Kakashi's face.

"Actually," he amended, "now I am a little worried," he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

“Well," Kakashi drawled, "because there’s something you _have_ to experience, at least once in your life, while you’re high.”

"Hm," Tenzo shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t feel any different. But sure, what is it?”

“Your dick in my mouth.”

“W-what?!” he exploded into laughter, suddenly feeling very giddy.

Kakashi’s throaty laughter joined his.

“Would you like that, Tenzo?”

The way he dragged the last syllable sent a jolt straight to his groin.

“But—but anyone could come up here and see us!”

“I really doubt anyone else is out here on Thanksgiving night,” he leaned into him, lowering his voice to a whisper, “but we can be quiet, if you’re so worried.”

As if the half-lidded eyes weren't enough to have Tenzo’s pulse racing, Kakashi bit his lower lip obscenely as he smiled. Tenzo grabbed him by the front of his jacket and pulled him into a hungry kiss. He could feel the seductive grin disappear as Kakashi kissed him back just as fiercely.

Then the man was on top of him, his forearms at either side of his head as their kiss slowed. He sighed, enjoying the gentle movement of Kakashi’s tongue in his mouth as he filled his lungs with the essence of him. Despite the wonderful distraction, he vaguely registered that his limbs felt completely weightless, as if he were floating in a body of water. He was grateful for Kakashi's weight on him, keeping him grounded. He gently bit down on the lips moving against his, earning him a heated groan and the roll of Kakashi’s hips against his. The combined sensations were overwhelming, and he broke away to catch his breath as a warm mouth left hot, tingling spots along his throat. His ragged breath fogged up the air in front of his face, but he felt incredibly warm, his agitated heart becoming a furnace that heated him from within. He ran his fingers through the messy silver mane and turned his eyes to the sky, intrigued that the stars had begun to swirl in slow, coordinated motions.

“Kakashi,” he whispered.

“Mm?” he breathed.

“The stars. They’re dancing.”

Kakashi laughed and interrupted his work to smile down at him. “Are they, now?”

He nodded seriously as his eyes roamed the skies. Kakashi chuckled and rolled off him, taking his hand in his. “This is okay, too, you know? If you want, you can just relax and enjoy this. And I can marvel at all the things you come up with."

Tenzo pouted and rolled onto his side, bringing his lips to his. “No…” he whined between kisses, “I want to be in your mouth.”

He melted and released a needy moan as Kakashi's hand traveled down to press against his erection, his hips rocking forward of their own accord.

“Okay,” Kakashi whispered into his ear, his hot breath sending shivers down his spine. “Just relax. I'll make you feel good.”

Tenzo sighed and loosened under Kakashi’s hands as he looked up at the sky. The stars continued their choreography across the perfectly cloudless blanket of indigo. He felt a chill across his stomach as Kakashi raised his jacket to unbutton his pants, but the man’s face was there in an instant, covering his abdomen with heated strokes of his tongue. He wove a hand into Kakashi’s hair, struggling to control his breath. He yelped in surprise when an icy hand pressed into his back. He heard Kakashi’s low chuckle. “Sorry. I need to warm it up a little.”

He let out an impatient huff as he waited for the uncomfortable cold to fade.

Then he began to notice that the texture of Kakashi’s hair was changing. He twisted a strand between his fingers, astounded that its downy quality had become coarse and wiry before returning to its usual softness. In fact, he was so fascinated by the interchanging sensations that he was caught off guard when Kakashi’s mouth closed around his cock. He gasped and tightened his grip on his head when a hand wrapped around his base and stroked up and down his length. A warm, slippery tongue followed the languid movements. He let out a series of short, shallow breaths as a welcome heat concentrated in his belly. The stars appeared to twirl faster, almost to the tempo of his accelerated pulse. He groaned when he looked down at Kakashi’s bobbing head. Even in the darkness, he could make out the beautiful sight of his lover’s dripping mouth as he worked on him, his eyes shut in concentration.

“Ah… Kakashi,” he moaned, and his eyes opened slightly to meet his. He felt Kakashi’s hand slide down and press two fingers into his perineum. He let out a sharp whine of pleasure and Kakashi’s other hand reached up to cover his mouth. He'd all but forgotten about the possibility of getting caught in the act. At this point, he could focus on nothing but the immense pleasure he was receiving. He panted against the pale hand before taking two of its fingers into his mouth. He felt Kakashi’s startled moan against his cock and proceeded to suck, relishing the longer moan that followed. Suddenly, there was a change of pace as Kakashi pumped his cock with a tighter grip, his tongue teasing at his tip.

Tenzo moaned in approval feeling the heat above his groin expand and contract. Then without a warning, he was enveloped in the tightness of Kakashi’s throat.

"Ngh! Fuck, fuck..."

A shockwave of pleasure radiated from his groin and he let his head fall back to the ground. His hips bucked rhythmically into the delicious heat as Kakashi took him deep, the wet, slurping noises he produced becoming sweet music to Tenzo’s ears. His breath became erratic as he felt the heat in his belly intensify exponentially.

“Hah—Kakashi… I’m—ngh—so close,” he panted. Kakashi squeezed his hip encouragingly and continued. When he pressed three firm knuckles to his perineum, Tenzo went over the edge. The intensity of his spasms was extraordinarily amplified and he bit down on his own hand to stifle his gasping moans. The waves of pleasure continued for what felt like eons longer than usual and he whimpered into his hand, focusing on the gentle pressure of Kakashi’s mouth as he drank him down. He struggled to catch his breath, glad that he had Kakashi to tuck him back into his briefs and button his pants. He seriously doubted he had the coordination in his shaking hands to accomplish such feat.

The stars were so close to his face now. He reached out to touch them, but they dodged playfully out of his grasp. Kakashi took his hand and brought it to his lips.

“What are you—are you trying to grab the stars?” he rasped, amused.

“They’re right _there_ ,” he laughed, his body so light now that if Kakashi let go, he might actually soar away. He squinted, trying to focus on Kakashi’s face, but his eyes refused to cooperate. It almost felt like an optical illusion, the way he’d concentrate his attention on a certain spot and the image would escape his field of vision. Eventually, he gave up and traced the outline of his face instead as the stars quivered and swayed. He followed their movement as they surrounded the back of Kakashi’s head, enveloping him in a silver radiance.

“You’re glowing,” he exhaled reverently.

Kakashi chortled and leaned down to kiss him, his clammy hands surrounding his face. Tenzo was shocked to find that they alternated between feeling like a mold of rubber and the finest silk. His mind felt strange, as if every one of his thoughts had been cut off and unraveled into oblivion, never to return again. As soon as he tried to focus on one of them, a completely different thought would distract him. He’d forgotten exactly where he was or how he’d gotten there, but it didn't matter much. Even without that knowledge, he felt safe and warm in Kakashi's arms.

He ran his tongue lazily over every inch of Kakashi’s mouth, fascinated by the contrasting sharpness and smoothness of the surfaces he found there. His tongue must have been there hundreds of times, but bizarrely enough, it felt as if he were exploring new territory. Even the taste was different. There was a new flavor mixed into the sweetness of Kakashi’s breath. Somewhere in the back of his mind it felt foreign, but not necessarily unpleasant. He kept his eyes closed when they broke the kiss and their noses brushed affectionately.

“You taste funny,” he muttered, intrigued by the way his own tongue moved in slow motion.

Kakashi’s voice was mirthful. “Mm. I taste like you.”

He groaned, not quite able to put the pieces of Kakashi’s statement together with his sluggish brain.

“Mmm... I taste funny,” he sighed finally, and Kakashi let out a low chuckle.

Before he remembered what they'd been talking about, the blanket had been pulled over them to maintain their shared body heat and strong arms had wrapped securely around him. He tucked his face under Kakashi's chin and felt the man’s laughter reverberate through him. There was the brief warmth of Kakashi’s lips against his forehead before he heard his voice in his ear.

“You are precious.”

He was unable to stop the giggles as he burrowed further into his favorite scent in the whole, entire world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Zoolander reference! ;D


	36. Terror

Kakashi found therapy to be about as pleasant as a root canal. It was not his first experience with it, after all.

Letting an outsider pick and prod at the rotten workings of his mind was uncomfortable, to say the least. But as counterintuitive as it felt to have a stranger analyze his thought processes to help him gain insight about himself, he knew the input was unbiased, and he trusted it more than that of his loved ones’. He felt a pang of guilt even admitting it to himself, but he simply found it more reliable and therefore more comforting to have a professional confirm that he was not broken beyond repair.

He’d lived in the misery of the past for so long that even considering a different kind of future brought an onslaught of anxiety in its unfamiliarity. Having Tenzo back in his life had ignited something within him that he thought had been lost for good. With his soothing presence, Kakashi could often go days without a negative thought, but he wasn't naive enough to believe that he was healed of his emotional wounds. It was true that Tenzo’s love was the most wonderful salve, but it could not magically repair the years of damage he’d inflicted upon himself.

His therapist, Inoichi, had warned him that it would take years of practice and conscious effort to train his mind to avoid the familiar, berating thought patterns he'd nurtured for decades. Not only that, but he'd also have to find a way to form more compassionate ones. It would be a long process, and by no means easy, but he was determined to get to a point where he could tolerate and maybe even like himself without requiring constant assurance. He'd be lying if he said he was eager to start digging into his grief or his deep-seated self-loathing, but the little flame of hope in his chest motivated him to put in the work. 

One of the benefits of being the owner of White Fang was that he could come and go as he pleased (though he made it a point to be present if he expected his employees to do the same), so he gave himself a longer lunch once a week to make it to his appointments. It was in the middle of his third session that his phone began to buzz relentlessly. He ignored it, wanting to be fully present in his conversation with Inoichi. But the phone had other plans. It continued to vibrate and it soon became apparent that it had no intention of ceasing. He grudgingly took it out of his pocket and glanced down at the screen.

Seven missed calls. Two from Itachi; the rest from Naruto.

His pulse immediately sped up. Those two _never_ called him. And for them to have called several times within the same hour? Something serious must have happened.

“Is something wrong?” Inoichi asked, just as the phone buzzed again.

_Naruto._

“I—uh—maybe. Do you mind if I step out to take this?”

Inoichi gestured to the door. “Not at all.”

Kakashi hurried into the hallway, his heart pounding as he answered the call.

“Naruto. What’s going on?”

“KAKASHI!” the boy blared, nearly blowing out his eardrum.

He grimaced. “What? What is it, Naruto?”

“I SWEAR I DIDN’T MEAN TO I’M SO SORRY PLEASE YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME PLEASE I’M SO SO SORRY!”

A twinge of panic made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, but he forced composure into his voice. “I need you to calm down. Just take a breath.”

He heard the boy sniffle as he drew a shuddering breath.

"Good. Now another one," he instructed.

Naruto hiccuped but did as he was told.

“Better?” he asked, struggling to keep the strain out of his voice.

“Uh—uh-huh,” Naruto sniffled again.

“Okay,” he sighed, “now, tell me what happened.”

There was a long pause before Naruto spoke again, his voice so small that he sounded ten years younger than he really was.

“Promise not to freak out?” 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Any big plans for Christmas and New Years’?” Kurenai asked, twirling her fork at him before digging into her salad.

“I don’t think so,” Tenzo mumbled, distracted. He was trying very hard not to think about the second unwanted missed call he’d received today, but was desperately failing to think of anything else. He took another bite of unexceptional cafeteria pizza before continuing. “I never do anything, but I don’t know if Kakashi has anything planned. Usually, he’d spend it with his dad, but…” he trailed off, suddenly realizing that this would be Kakashi’s first Christmas season without Sakumo. Uneasiness stirred in his gut. 

Maybe he could make the day extra special for him to keep his mind off his loss... but where to start? He only had a few days to think of something and holidays were definitely not his strong suit. Growing up, they’d just been regular days to him. His father worked while he stayed home alone. Playing outside in the snow provided the only reprieve from the mind-numbing boredom he was subjected to. At first, he’d sneak out to play with his school friends who lived nearby. They would build forts and have snowball fights to their hearts' content. Sometimes, they would come over to his backyard to drink tea and build snowmen, but it only took one of his father’s beatings to dissuade him from doing any of those things again.

“Well,” Kurenai chirped, happily unaware of the dark turn in his thoughts. “If you’re not doing anything for New Years’, you guys should come to the Sarutobi party. It’s mostly a bunch of rich dudes who work with Asuma’s dad, but there’s plenty of food and booze to go around,” she winked. "Plus, they always have the most amazing fireworks display!"

He forced a smile. “Thanks, that sounds like fun. I’ll let you know.”

When his break came to an end, he made his way back to the second floor, deep in thought. New Years’ Eve felt so far away. First, he had to plan the perfect Christmas. He made a mental note to track Gai down to ask him what kind of traditions Kakashi was used to.

As he opened the door to the second floor from the staircase, he immediately heard Gai’s booming voice off to his left as he assisted a visitor. Tenzo grinned, taking a few steps in that direction. Finding Gai never took much effort, given that he was about as subtle as an ambulance siren. He heard him speak again as he moved, scanning the hallway for the familiar bowl cut. 

“Of course! How can I help you, sir?” 

Tenzo froze, feeling the color drain from his face when he recognized the man that stood merely yards away, with his back to him. His deep, authoritative voice responded coolly.

“Yes. Is there a PT here by the name of Kinoe Shimura?”

_“I’ve found a good match for you, Kinoe,” Danzo announced from across the hall as Tenzo ironed his brand new uniform for his first professional job. He'd acquired it even before he'd attained his license. Impressed by his knowledge and skills, his clinical instructor had offered him the position before he was out of PT school. Tenzo was eager to finally gain his independence, but he knew that it would take longer to pay off his thousands of dollars in student loan debt if he moved out too soon, so he continued to endure his father’s rigid rule with the hope that someday, his sacrifice would pay off._

_He froze mid-stroke, staring down at the steaming iron in his hand._ _His father’s slow steps echoed ominously before he appeared at his doorway._

_“Did you hear what I said?” he demanded._

_“A match?” Tenzo scowled._

_It was not the first time his father had suggested the archaic idea of an arranged courtship, but Tenzo had successfully managed to ruin his chances with the two previous options: first, it had been the daughter of Danzo’s associate, then it had been the police chief’s granddaughter. His father had been livid, but there was not much he could do if the women wanted nothing to do with Tenzo after their first 'date'. That last attempt had been over two years ago, and he’d hoped Danzo had given up on his matchmaking ambitions._

_“Yes," he huffed. "She’s the mayor’s youngest daughter. You will meet her for dinner tomorrow night_ and _you will make a good impression,” he emphasized sternly._

_Tenzo tightened his grip on the iron. Up to this point, his father had controlled every single aspect of his life; from the food he ate, to the friends he was allowed to have. His greatest rebellion had been choosing PT school over medical school, but even then, he was still going into the healthcare field._ _He had to remind himself that he was no longer a helpless child. In fact, he was now slightly taller than Danzo, even if his frame was still much slimmer. Two years ago, when he’d still been completely dependent on him, he’d been terrified to disobey his orders to date the two women. But now, with freedom just within his reach, he'd be damned if he was about to let him choose his lifetime companion for the sake of his own political connections._

_“No."_

_His father had turned to walk back to his study, but immediately stiffened. Tenzo felt the prickling sensation of the hair on his arms standing on end when he turned his attention back to him._

_“What was that?”_

_Tenzo returned his steely gaze. "_ _I said no,” he replied firmly._

_“Excuse me?” his father stomped forward, eyes blazing. Tenzo became hyperaware of the gurgling iron he still held on to._

_“I won’t be dating any of the women you find for me,” he said, barely keeping the tremble out of his voice while his pulse hammered in his head._

_“And why—exactly—would that be?” Danzo hissed, his eyes drilling into his._

_His throat was uncomfortably dry as he gulped and took a steadying breath. There was no backing down now._

_“Because I like men.”_

_Danzo's expression betrayed his shock before morphing into rage. But for the smallest fraction of a second before it did, Tenzo could've sworn he saw a hint of concern in his eyes._ Fear is playing tricks on my mind.

_Fury scorched in Danzo’s eyes as he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt._ _"What did you just say?" he growled._

_Tenzo held his gaze, trembling breath revealing the terror that surged through his veins._

_"You heard me."_

_Danzo's grip tightened and Tenzo could feel the fabric of his shirt compressing the blood vessels in his neck. His eyes flickered to the iron in his hand as he debated using it as a weapon._ _A treacherous smirk spread across Danzo’s face as he caught the fleeting glance._

_“Oh, brave little fairy, aren’t you?” he taunted in a low voice. “Do it. I dare you.”_

“I’m sorry,” Gai muttered uncertainly. “That doesn’t sound familiar, but I’ll double-check for you.”

A fresh surge of terror forced Tenzo to press his back against the nearest door, his hands scrambling to find the doorknob. When he did, he pushed the door open and immediately slid into the darkness of what appeared to be a maintenance closet. He crouched down low into the nearest corner, trying to breathe in through his nose to settle his thrashing heart. It took him too long to realize that he was not the only one panting. Apparently, the closet was much larger than he'd originally thought.

He heard a muffled, "Fuck!" 

“Shit! Sorry,” he turned away, even though his eyes had not adjusted yet to make out the shape of the entwined bodies. “I just—need a minute,” he whispered.

“Dude! What the hell?” a man groaned from the darkness. “Can’t we get a little privacy, here?"

“Yamato?” a soft, familiar voice inquired breathlessly.

He didn’t respond, letting the creak of a mattress and the rustle of clothes be the only sounds in the room as he focused on slowing his breaths.

“Seriously, you couldn’t find a different room—” the stranger began before he was cut off.

“Just shut up and get out,” Iruka commanded, and Tenzo's eyes widened at the harshness in his usually mellow tone. There was a brief pause, followed by an exasperated huff from the other man as he presumably glowered at his partner—it was too dark for Tenzo to actually see his face. He stomped to the door, pausing to glare down at Tenzo before yanking it open and stepping out. Tenzo had no time to wonder who the stranger he'd pissed off was before he heard Iruka's footsteps approaching.

“Yamato?” he asked again, flipping the light on to get a better look at him. His long brown hair was loose and disheveled, and there was a flush on his glistening skin, but he was otherwise decent. Concern knit his brows together as he bent down to lay a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yeah," he exhaled unsteadily. "I’m fine.” 

The scar over the bridge of Iruka's nose scrunched as his frown deepened. “Yeah, right. First, you stumble in here like the devil himself is chasing you and now you're shaking like a leaf. What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” he sighed. "Can you please—just forget you saw me?"

“Hey,” Iruka’s eyes softened. “It’s alright if you don’t want to tell me. Just—know I’m here, if you ever need to talk." He offered a kind smile, and Tenzo was surprised to find some comfort in it. "I know you only see me as a coworker," he continued, "but I’d also like to be your friend, you know?” 

Tenzo's fear remained coiled in his stomach, but he couldn't help but notice that Iruka's kindness kept it somewhat subdued. The tension in his chest eased a bit.

“Yeah. I'd—I'd like that, too,” he replied honestly.

Iruka’s smile widened as he rose to his feet. His fingers tangled in his long locks as he worked them up into a messy pony tail. Tenzo stood as well, looking around for the first time. Now that there was light, he could see that the room was not a maintenance closet at all, but a much larger room with two sets of bunk beds—probably meant to be slept on, though he doubted that's what they were mostly used for—and a small bathroom in the corner.

“Well—as a friend,” Iruka interrupted his inspection, tilting his face up and turning slowly side to side, “will you tell me if I've got any hickeys on me?”

Much more at ease, Tenzo chuckled as he swept his eyes over Iruka’s exposed neck. There were a few reddish marks on his skin, but he doubted any of them would develop into bruises. 

"Not yet, at least,” he assessed.

“Good,” Iruka said, tugging at his wrinkled scrub top. “Well, I should get back to work now that the fun’s over,” he grinned.

“Oh—um, I'm really sorry,” Tenzo muttered, scratching at his head. “What was that, anyway?”

Iruka laughed. “Oh, just stress relief. Don't worry about it. Not getting hitched any time soon.”

He grinned. “Maybe lock the door next time?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Iruka sighed as he pulled the door open. “It wasn’t exactly planned. He just kept looking at me with those fuck-me eyes and I decided to do something about it,” he winked before giving him a small wave. “Well, I’ll see you around, Yamato.”

“Wait—” he blurted out before he could stop himself. Iruka paused mid-step and turned back to look at him.

He hesitated, not sure why he suddenly felt like he'd explode if he kept his mouth shut a second longer. The truth was that he found it exhausting, pretending to be strong. It was exhausting, _wanting_ more than anything _,_ to be the man that Kakashi needed him to be. He knew he was being a coward and a hypocrite, asking him to be fully transparent with him while concealing his own feelings, but he was afraid of disappointing him, of letting him see the fragile child that he still was. He'd lied and told him he was over his father's rejection, over his hatred... but nothing could be further from the truth. He felt like a fraud, allowing him to think that he could be his shelter, his steadfast source of comfort amidst his grief, when in reality he felt like a single word from Danzo could shatter him to the bone.

He stared back, his brow furrowing. It was hard to decide if the gossip-loving man before him would keep their conversation to himself or if revealing too much would come back to bite him in the ass. But the soft eyes revealed such sincerity, such genuine concern, that Tenzo yearned for the former to be true. Iruka waited patiently, watching as he worked through his inner turmoil.

He decided to trust him.


	37. The Brave Ones

Iruka released the door handle and the hinges squeaked faintly as the door closed. He paused for a moment before going down to sit on the floor, keeping his back against the wall opposite Tenzo. He crossed his legs and looked up attentively. Tenzo watched him closely, suddenly feeling like he was about to give a presentation in front of an audience. He knew Iruka was trying to make him feel at ease, but his position was, unfortunately, having the opposite effect. The concerned look came back to Iruka's face, and he fiddled with his hands, as if unsure of what to do with them. Perhaps he could sense that the slightest misunderstanding of body language could fracture the thin layer of trust that was forming between them. Tenzo appreciated the gesture and decided to calm his own nerves by sliding down to join him on the floor. Iruka appeared to relax a bit. They sat quietly for a moment, and he was grateful for the silence as he organized and reorganized his thoughts. Finally, he took a deep breath and spoke before he could question his decision again.

“I—um—changed my name. A few years ago.”

Iruka's eyebrows rose slightly. "Yamato's not your real name?" 

He shook his head. "It was my mother's maiden name."

"Ah," he nodded slowly. Tenzo could practically see the gears in the man's brain turn as he chose his words carefully.

“Can I ask why you changed it?”

_Tenzo froze under his father's maniacal expression. His brain scrambled under the influence of paralyzing fear to direct air into his lungs and convince his muscles to contract. He urged them to move, to defend or attack, or just make a decision, any decision! But there appeared to be a blockage, and the signal fizzled and died before it could reach its destination. Instead, the decision was made for him._

_The back of Danzo's hand whipped across his face, making him stumble. The blow shocked him awake and he managed to remain on his feet, but in the sudden confusion, his grip on the iron loosened and Danzo wrenched it from him. For a horrifying second, Tenzo realized that he was about to be struck with it. Before his mind could convince his body to move, his father surprised him by flinging the iron against the wall, forming a large crater in the plaster before it crashed to the floor with a furious hiss._

_"You are pitiful," Danzo spat. "I can't believe—" he laughed bitterly, "God, I can't believe I've wasted my life on someone as pathetic as you."_

_Tenzo straightened again, silently cursing the involuntary tears that pooled in his eyes as the side of his face stung. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying desperately to diffuse the violent energy that sparked in his chest and flowed through him as if his very heart were pumping gasoline, urging him to deliver the most explosive retaliation. He forced himself to breathe in and breathe out, counting the breaths as his nails dug into his palms._

_His father glowered._

_“You are not worthy of carrying my name. You never were.”_

“My father and I—" he began hesitantly, weighing the words in his mind, "we—um, don’t... get along. And—I don’t... want to be associated with him,” he muttered. “He calls me by my middle name. He always said the name my mother chose for me was ridiculous; that it didn't fit me at all. So... because of that, I removed the names that tied me to him and only kept 'Tenzo'."

“I see,” Iruka replied softly. “I'm sorry to hear that."

He shrugged.

"And… where... is your mother now?” Iruka asked tentatively.

"Dead," he responded, perhaps a bit too harshly, judging by Iruka's widened eyes and repeated blinking before he averted his gaze. "She—uh—died when I was three," he explained, though he was convinced he still sounded like an insensitive ass. "I... don't remember much about her."

He merely nodded again, keeping his face neutral this time. Silence stretched uncomfortably between them before Iruka cleared his throat. "So, then... why are you in here?"

Tenzo's shoulders slumped as his mind replayed the last encounter with his father for the hundredth time that day. “The last time we spoke was over seven years ago—and it didn’t go very well," he let out a humorless chuckle. "I guess that's quite the understatement... he actually disowned me... but he’s here—looking for me.”

Iruka’s eyebrows traveled higher up his forehead with every word. Tenzo knew he must be itching to ask what he did to make his father disown him. But he didn't.

“You mean—he's here right _now_?”

He nodded sullenly.

“Oh man," he sympathized. "But... how does he know where you work?”

Tenzo had been wondering the same thing. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Do you know why he’s looking for you?”

“No,” he admitted, "but I doubt it's to wish me a merry Christmas."

Iruka hummed thoughtfully for a moment. “Well, I mean—you can't really stay in here all day... but—if you want, I can check and see if he’s still out there.”

Tenzo's face brightened with childlike hope. “Could you, please?"

"Of course," he grinned, pushing himself back to his feet.

"Well... when I saw him earlier, he was talking to Gai.”

Before he could describe what the man looked like, Iruka pulled the door open and stuck his head out, his eyes scanning his surroundings almost comically.

“Oh,” he said in a hushed tone, pulling back slightly. “I think he's still there... stocky, scary-looking dude with a scar on his chin?” he asked.

Tenzo felt his heart pick up speed again as dread corroded his hope. “Yeah.”

“Oh, wait,” Iruka corrected, observing for a few more seconds before speaking again. “He turned away… it looks like… yeah, he just got on the elevator.”

Tenzo let out a sigh of relief, leaning his head against the wall as he finally allowed himself to relax. He felt completely drained.

“The coast is clear,” Iruka assured him with a small smile.

He nodded to indicate his understanding.

"I should— _we_ should really get back to work," Iruka mumbled, searching his face as he stretched out a hand to help him to his feet. "Will you be alright?" 

Tenzo willed what he hoped was a more convincing smile on his face as he took the offered hand.

“I will. Thank you, Iruka.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

**Earlier that day**

**~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~**

“I'll leave the extra key on the counter,” Kakashi said, focusing intently on the mirror as he shaved. "That way, you can come over whenever."

Still in bed, Tenzo's eyes remained sealed and his brain foggy with sleep as he registered the words. Was this Kakashi's casual way of asking him to move in? 

_Stop overthinking it. It's a matter of practicality._

"You just don't want to climb three flights of stairs," he grumbled, trying to hide the fact that his heart was throwing a parade inside his chest.

"That—is exactly the case," Kakashi responded, the faucet running for a moment before he stepped out of the bathroom. The mattress creaked with his weight when he sat next to him. "Also, your bed is terrible on my back," he murmured, and Tenzo was suddenly hit with the fresh smell of aftershave when he bent down to kiss him. His eyes flew open as Kakashi pulled away and he grabbed him by the undershirt, yanking him back to his lips. Kakashi chuckled and kissed him a bit longer, his still-damp fingers tracing lightly along his jaw.

"I'm dating an old man," he sighed when Kakashi finally broke the kiss. 

"Hm. I prefer the term 'wise'," he pouted.

With a last playful tug at his earlobe, he pulled away and Tenzo let him. His knees and back cracked when he stood up, further reinforcing Tenzo's statement. He froze and glared daggers at him, daring him to make a comment. 

A smirk flashed over Tenzo's face.

"I rest my case," he chuckled, turning over to go back to sleep.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi tried to get a hold of Itachi and Sasuke, to no avail.

The restaurant was closed when he got there and a small crowd of customers had gathered outside the front doors, looking in with puzzled expressions. He cursed under his breath, hurrying in through the back door. Mixed voices and laughter erupted from within, but as soon as he appeared before his remaining employees, the relaxed conversations ended abruptly and they stood at attention. Naruto sat by himself in a corner, staring gloomily at the floor as he twiddled his thumbs.

“Boss, we had no choice—” Choji, another kitchenhand, began.

“I know," he cut him off. "But we’re opening back up,” he announced as he walked past them to the back office. Everyone scurried back to their respective stations. Everyone except Naruto, who remained isolated in the corner like a scolded child.

“Naruto, come with me,” Kakashi called evenly, without turning to see if the boy had obeyed. Once in the office, he paused to take a deep breath. He could feel the nervous tension building in his shoulders and at the base of his neck. It had definitely been a while since he'd had to take over the sushi bar, and a mixture of fear and excitement swirled uncomfortably in his belly. He exhaled sharply before turning to the coat rack in the corner furthest from his desk. It was the corner he'd consciously avoided for the past few months. Sakumo’s old chef uniform still hung on the rack, casually waiting for its owner to bring it back to life. It hung there, stark white against the charcoal gray of the wall, only slightly wrinkled and gathering dust. He walked over slowly, approaching as he would a wild creature, his throat constricting when his trembling fingers finally came into contact with it. 

_Breathe_.

He did, gradually, his eyes roaming over every thread and crease as he rubbed the rough fabric between his thumb and forefinger. He resisted the urge to bring it up to his nose and breathe deeply. He couldn’t imagine which would hurt more: recognizing the scent that he loved and missed with a visceral ache... or finding out that the material held no trace of his father anymore.

_“Kashi!” Sakumo popped his head into the office, wild silver ponytail whipping over his shoulder. “Come over here a second!”_

_“What is it?” he grumbled, reluctantly looking up from the papers he’d been poring over._

_“Hurry!” he urged, before disappearing back into the kitchen._

_Kakashi groaned, fully expecting another knife-juggling competition between his father and his assistant. They were always coming up with ridiculous challenges, and at first, he'd enjoyed them too as he fondly recalled his own challenges with Gai. But now, he worried it was only a matter of time before one of them lost a finger._

_He stood up warily, shuffling the papers into a neat stack before dropping them back on the desk. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to stretch his legs for a bit._ _He stepped out into the kitchen, and was pleasantly surprised to find that there was no competition. Instead, his father was unwrapping the morning order with cautious movements. Although he was being careful, Kakashi could recognize the excitement in Sakumo's posture, from the roll of his shoulders to the wired wiggle of his fingers. He stepped closer as the man revealed what he was practically jumping up and down about. His eyes widened as he inspected the contents of the package, immediately recognizing what they were._

_Pufferfish. They’d never served it before, as it was not only ridiculously expensive to acquire on a regular basis, but also extremely dangerous to use. The smallest mistake could prove deadly. In fact, the poison from one pufferfish was enough to kill over two dozen people. Only a few specially trained chefs were able to prepare it because of its potential toxicity, and Sakumo was one of them._

_“Really?” Kakashi murmured, genuinely intrigued. “You think customers will actually order it?”_

_“Of course! The brave ones will.”_

_He snorted. “You're telling me you would_ _trust a stranger to serve you a potentially deadly meal?”_

_His father chuckled, an audacious glint in his eye. “Well, you know," he shrugged, "sometimes you have to risk it all to experience something truly remarkable.”_

Kakashi quickly untucked and unbuttoned his dress shirt, chucking it on the desk without a second thought. He ignored the dull ache in his chest as he pulled his dad's uniform from the coat rack and shook the dust off. He held his breath as he slipped it on, choosing to remain in the dark about which of the painful options was true. He was immediately taken aback by how well it fit over his shoulders. He’d forgotten they’d once had the same build.

Naruto finally appeared by the doorway as he rolled up the sleeves.

“Alright," Kakashi sighed, "walk me through what happened, again."

Naruto resembled a fish on dry land as he attempted to force the words out. There wasn't so much as a squeak.

Kakashi stifled an eye-roll. “I’m not upset, Naruto,” he reassured him. “Just talk to me.”

“I—um…” Naruto chewed on his lip. “Okay... well... I was slicing the yellowtail up in the front with them when Itachi asked me to bring more rice from the back, so I set my knife down and went to get it. When I came back, I gave them each a tub and went back to the fish, but... I noticed the knife was gone, so I grabbed one from the bar next to Sasuke... but he didn’t notice what I was doing and started waving his hands around while he was talking to a customer and—” his voice faltered as his eyes began to fill with tears. “I know I should’ve warned him, but I didn’t want to interrupt his conversation, and— and before I knew what happened, he was screaming and grabbing his hand and then—there was blood—like— _so_ much blood _everywhere_ —and he started screaming at me and bleeding and screaming—" he tugged at his hair anxiously. "And then the customers started freaking out so Itachi apologized to them and told them their meal was on the house. When they left, he took Sasuke to the back to try to stop the bleeding—but the gash was really, _really_ deep, and I just felt so awful! I tried to tell him how sorry I was... but he kept screaming at me—so Itachi wrapped his hand in a towel and took him to the hospital to—get stitches, I guess. And since... since they were both gone, and you were gone...”

His voice trailed off as he hung his head, practically radiating shame. Kakashi nodded, even though the boy was no longer looking at him. “Okay," he sighed. "Well, make sure to apologize properly when he comes back.”

 _If he comes back,_ he thought bitterly.

“Huh?” Naruto frowned. “Wait... you—you’re not firing me?”

Kakashi kept his expression neutral as he approached him. “You were reckless, Naruto, and I will need you to fill out an incident report before the day is over. But I know you didn’t hurt him intentionally." He reached up to squeeze the boy's shoulder. "Accidents happen in the kitchen. It’s not the first time, and it probably won’t be the last. Just know that we have those safety rules in place for a reason. I'm sure you won't forget that after this. But you know—I have my own inventory of embarrassing kitchen mistakes which... I may or may not tell you about someday," he grinned. "Now, come on. Pull yourself together, you’re helping me at the bar.”

Naruto’s teary eyes widened dramatically. “W-what? You mean—you want _me_ —up there? With—with the _customers_?”

“Is there a reason why I shouldn't?" he raised an eyebrow. "Now’s your chance to show me what you’ve learned so far.”

Naruto averted his gaze, his brow furrowing nervously. “Are you sure? I—I don’t—I mean—what if—”

“Of course, I’m sure, Naruto,” he smiled earnestly. “I believe in you."

Naruto’s bright blue eyes somehow managed to grow even wider. His lower lip quivered dangerously. Kakashi patted his shoulder before slipping past him to the kitchen.

“You’re not giving up before you start, are you?” he called over his shoulder.

He heard Naruto's loud sniffle and couldn't help but grin when he finally bellowed out in his usual, hyperactive voice, “Of course not!”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

It was nearly midnight when Kakashi finally got home. What he'd originally expected to be a relatively easy day had turned out to be quite the opposite and he could feel it in his bones. He'd stood for nearly eight hours straight and even the new socket of his prosthetic leg had failed to keep the dull pain in his limb away. For all the discomfort he was in, he moved quietly, positive that Tenzo was asleep by now. As he slipped out of his coat, he was surprised to hear the muffled sounds of the TV coming from the living room. He stepped further into the house and found Tenzo passed out on the couch, still fully dressed in his uniform. Kakashi's brow furrowed. That was so unlike him.

_He must have had a long day._

He could definitely relate. Having to cover for two chefs while trying to teach and assuage Naruto’s worries had been exhausting. He knew his skills were rusty, but muscle memory had taken over as soon as he got into the old familiar rhythm his father had taught him. He was pleasantly surprised by the joy he felt when his creations managed to bring smiles to his customers faces. Eventually, he'd allowed Naruto to demonstrate what he’d learned so far and was genuinely impressed by the boy’s growth in such a short period of time. There was definitely much room for improvement, but he could tell that he was taking his learning and practice very seriously. The most difficult part of the day had been the preparation of the menu and list of ingredients for the next day. It was usually Itachi’s job to bring the creativity and Kakashi discovered it was a lot harder to do when he was out of practice. Thankfully, Naruto stayed later than usual to offer ideas and help plan the shopping for the next morning.

He limped to his bedroom where he obtained a light blanket. When he returned to the living room, he gently draped it over Tenzo, careful not to wake him. He found the remote on the floor by Tenzo’s hand and switched the TV off. The lack of sound appeared to disrupt his sleep and he shifted, the pattern of the couch creasing his face as he turned to look at him through squinted eyes. A tired smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when their eyes met.

"You cooked today?" he asked, voice thick with sleep.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "How did—" he looked around, then down at himself.

 _Oh, right_. He'd forgotten he was still wearing Sakumo's uniform.

"Yeah," he smiled weakly. "Long story."

Tenzo patted a spot on the couch by his head and he immediately took the hint, shuffling over to sit where Tenzo could rest his head on his lap. He was painfully aware that he reeked of fish and vinegar and sweat, but Tenzo didn't seem to mind. He felt his thumb trace slow, gentle circles over his left knee.

"Your leg... 'kay?" he slurred, his eyes blinking sluggishly. 

His heart fluttered. Tenzo never missed a thing.

"Yeah... just hurts a little," he replied, completely entranced by the slow descent of the long, dark lashes as his fingers found their way into his hair to gently massage his scalp. He heard a soft sigh escape Tenzo’s nose.

"Yoush... take it..."

"I know, I'll take it off in a bit," he whispered. "Just..." he continued rubbing lightly through his hair, "let me be here with you."

Tenzo lazily turned over onto his back to look up at him. Kakashi noticed that the creases around his eyes and lips were more pronounced than usual. There was something unsettling in the deep, dark eyes that tugged uneasily at his heart. Was that... worry? Sadness? Pain? Or was it simply stress from a long day at work?

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

Tenzo's eyes drifted closed as he exhaled heavily. "Mm. Just..."

He waited nervously, his heart trying to climb out of his throat.

“Just... a rough day."

His heart calmed, but the uneasiness remained. _Why won't he talk to me?_

He studied him quietly, saddened by his reluctance to trust him with whatever it was. Finally, he sighed. "Yeah," he leaned his head against the back pillows. "Same." He continued to play with the brunet's hair as he gave in to the heaviness of his own eyelids.

"Kakashi," he heard faintly.

"Hm?"

"You know I love you, right?"

He frowned, tilting his head back down to look into the conflicted eyes before him. There was definitely something painful behind them. But as much as he ached to know what it was, he didn't want to press too hard. He was all too familiar with the need to withhold his own feelings. He'd done it for most of his life and was in no position to pressure Tenzo when he was barely learning how to deal with his own issues. All he could do was wait for Tenzo to open up whenever he was ready, hopefully before he experienced a breakdown of his own. He let his left hand move over the sharp angles of Tenzo's face, carefully trailing over each one as if committing them to memory. "I know, Tenzo," he murmured. "And I love you."

Tenzo's morose expression brightened a bit and he reached for the hand that cradled his face. He turned toward it and pressed a kiss to the palm before going slightly further to where the gruesome scar began. Kakashi reflexively stiffened, suppressing the impulse to jerk away. But there was nothing to be wary about, only a faint tingling when Tenzo's warm lips brushed against the sensitive skin. His tension dissolved as quickly as it had appeared. 

Then, with a small smile, Tenzo returned to his original sleeping position on his side, shutting his eyes with a heavy sigh. In less than a minute, his body went limp and his breathing slowed. For a while afterwards, Kakashi watched Tenzo's now-peaceful features twitch and relax, tracing the lovely shape of his lips with his thumb before nodding off as well, lulled to sleep by the soft hum of snores that emerged from his nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't realize how long this chapter was until it took me three times as long to edit :O  
> whoops! lol


	38. Part of Me

Kakashi nearly jumped out of his skin as a stabbing pain shot through his leg. Disoriented, he hissed as it continued to spread from the end of his residual limb to right above his knee. It took a few seconds for him to realize where he was. _Living room?_ It came back to him in a flash: working the sushi bar, the pain in his leg, Tenzo on the couch. Based on the crick in his neck, he’d fallen asleep in an awkward position, probably hunched over him. But now he was on his back, legs elevated over several pillows and a cushion under his head. He still reeked to high heaven, though he was only in his undershirt and boxers now, wrapped in the blanket he’d brought from the room. Tenzo had exposed his left leg to wrap a wet towel and a bag of crushed ice around the swollen stump.

“It really is impressive, what you can sleep through,” Tenzo muttered stiffly as he finished positioning the bag. “I could drag your body around the block a few times and you wouldn’t even budge. Honestly, I’m surprised _this_ is what woke you.”

Kakashi rested his head back on the cushion with a groan. The cold was not so bad now that he knew what it was, but a merciless throbbing had begun to radiate from his limb.

“I told you to take it off,” Tenzo glowered down at him.

“ _Technically_ ,” he grumbled, “you never actually— _ow!_ —said that.” He grimaced as Tenzo pressed his thumbs into the sore ball of his right foot, rubbing down the arch to the heel in slow, tight circles. “Damn, Tenzo,” he writhed, clutching at the blanket, “I thought foot massages were supposed to— _ow, fuck_ — be relaxing!”

“Not when you’re the genius who sleeps with his feet on the ground after standing all day. You let the blood just pool there all night—of course you’re gonna be hurting!” he scolded. “I’m trying to bring the inflammation down, but your leg’s so swollen I don’t know how it’s going to fit in the socket today.”

Kakashi crossed his arms and pouted. “And why are _you_ upset? I’m the one who has to boss people around while hopping on one leg.” Tenzo rolled his eyes, clearly not amused.

He sighed in defeat, “Will you lighten up? It’s not like I _planned_ to sleep there. I was tired and just wanted to spend a few minutes with you... Is that so bad? I wasn’t— _ow, ow!_ —thinking about that,” he groaned through clenched teeth.

Tenzo decreased the pressure of his strokes as his scowl softened a bit. “Well… someone has to,” he muttered, the fire gone from his voice. “What happened yesterday, anyway? Why were you limping?”

“I stood for eight hours straight,” he grumbled. “There was an accident. Naruto cut Sasuke’s hand—I’m not really sure how badly. I just know he had to get stitches and I had to cover him and Itachi for the rest of the day. Naruto helped, but I’m not used to standing for that long.”

Tenzo hummed in understanding as his thumbs rubbed gently at his toes. Kakashi squirmed and covered his face with his hands as the light pressure tickled unbearably. He stifled a childish squeal and peeked through his fingers to find that the serious line Tenzo had pressed his lips into had twitched upwards into a grin. “And how was it,” he asked, “being at the front again?”

“Fun,” he mumbled behind his hands, and Tenzo’s face lit up. “It was more fun than I expected... interacting with people again, hearing about their struggles at work, their relationship issues. Seeing their expressions change into something bright after they ate what I made. I don't know…” he sighed, recalling the flickering delight in his heart every time a customer nodded or smiled in appreciation. “It’s… kinda hard to describe.”

Tenzo nodded. “I think I know what you mean,” he said, hands kneading at his calf now. “I think it might be kind of like what I feel every time I see one of my patients walk by himself when he could barely sit up in bed a few weeks ago. It’s this feeling in your chest, like you want to break out into a ridiculous dance in front of everybody,” he chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “It’s like, you know all the preparation and hours of hard work—all the countless monotonous things you have to do as part of the job—they’re all worth it for that one moment. It’s like… even if that person knows nothing about you, won’t ever see you again after that, and probably won’t remember you five years from now—in that instant, you made a difference. You added something of value to his life, you know? I—uh,” he paused and giggled awkwardly, a light blush appearing at his cheeks as he noticed Kakashi’s wide eyes on him. “I don’t know if that makes any sense,” he mumbled, turning his focus to the movement of his hands to avoid his gaze.

Kakashi blinked once, twice, his jaw dropping as if a mythical creature had suddenly appeared before him and offered to grow him a new leg.

Just when he thought it couldn’t be possible, his heart swelled with even more admiration for Tenzo, once again deeply amazed at the sweetness of his precious soul. His brow furrowed as the feeling strangled the breath from his lungs. He’d never imagined they could possibly experience identical sentiments in such different occupations, but Tenzo understood exactly what he meant. Not only that, but he _felt_ it, too.

“Yeah,” he said softly. Tenzo finally looked back down at him, pausing his massage. “That’s exactly what it’s like,” he smiled, reaching for him.

Tenzo beamed at him for a moment before moving to kneel on the floor beside him. Kakashi welcomed the familiar weight on his chest as he slumped over to rest his head there. “Do you think that’s what you’re meant to be doing, then?” he asked. “If it makes you so happy?”

His fingers found the spaces between his. “I’m not a chef, Tenzo.”

“But you are,” he countered. “You’re a leader. You know how to manage people—how to run a kitchen. You already do the difficult part of the job to keep the business running. Why not do some of the fun stuff, too?”

He laughed. “It’s not that simple. I can’t just get rid of the Uchihas on a whim. They bring something amazing to White Fang, Tenzo—maybe not what my father did, or what Naruto is starting to—but it’s special in its own right. It’s this ingenuity—this vision—to create new and better things, try combinations no one’s ever thought of before. I think that’s just as valuable as my dad’s passion, you know? I wish you could see them work—the way the creativity flows—the way they inspire and feed off each other’s energy. You'd think there was only so much they could do with the ingredients we have, but somehow, they continue to push the envelope. I know I complain about Sasuke a lot, but he’s so talented, Tenzo. It blows my mind, the shit he comes up with on the spot. And Itachi... his brain is like a machine—just formulating all these new ideas faster than he can write them. I mean—it truly is an honor to have them work for me. They’ve been loyal employees— _excellent_ employees, despite the drama Sasuke loves to start with Naruto every other day.” He grinned. “I guess, if I’m being completely honest, their rivalry does keep things interesting in the kitchen.”

Tenzo gave his hand a tight squeeze. “They’re not the only ones who are talented, Kakashi. And Naruto’s not the only one who can do what Sakumo did,” he murmured. “ _Your_ sushi. It's fucking _magical_.”

He chuckled as Kakashi’s eyes widened. “What? You didn’t know?” he snorted. “I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. That’s just you being the perfectionist you’ve always been—thinking you don’t have what it takes. But you’re Sakumo’s son, after all. I'm telling you. I tried your sushi once _. Once,_ Kakashi _,_ and I _still_ remember how it made me feel.”

“What—” Kakashi's breath hitched and he gulped, his throat threatening to constrict, “what did you feel?”

“I felt,” his voice lowered as he straightened his head to better hold his gaze, “exactly like I did the first time you kissed me." He grinned, and it was enough to take Kakashi's breath away again. “Maybe that doesn't sound like something out of this world," he shrugged, "but it was to me. When you kissed me under the tree— _our_ tree—it was so electrifying that I forgot how to breathe. You know, there was this powerful thrill—to the marrow of my bones—that told me there was no getting rid of you. From that moment on, you became a part of me.”

Kakashi gaped, utterly dumbfounded.

“It seems to me,” Tenzo continued thoughtfully, “that maybe you got your degree for the sake of the business—to keep it afloat. But—and correct me if I’m wrong—I think what you’re really passionate about is interacting with people. Making food that will impact them one way or another, just like Sakumo’s did. So, keep the brothers. Obviously, they're special. But maybe share the bar with one of them a few hours a day. Or a few times a week. That way you can enjoy yourself and your customers can experience both sushi styles. Honestly, I think they'd love it.”

Kakashi blinked the stubborn tears that had sprouted to his eyes away as he considered his suggestion, roaming through the possibilities. “You really think I should?” he whispered.

Tenzo nodded bringing Kakashi’s hand up to his lips. "I think," his breath tickled and sent chills up his arm as he kissed along the knuckles, "you’d finally be doing something for yourself, you know? Something that makes you happy. But what do _you_ think?”

He genuinely had no idea what to think. He’d always enjoyed making sushi; applying his father’s lessons into each of his creations, capturing people's responses and storing them away in his mind's eye. But he’d never considered himself a "people person," and much less imagined that his pieces were capable of evoking the same kinds of reactions his father’s had. Tenzo’s revelation certainly changed the way he thought of his own abilities, but what if his perspective was so biased that he was simply drawing from their shared history to convince himself that what he made was special? It was something he’d have to think a lot more about before making such a vital change in the kitchen. He cleared his throat of the lingering tension.

“All I know, Tenzo,” he declared solemnly, “is that I really want to see that ridiculous dance of yours.”

Tenzo studied him with such intensity that Kakashi knew he could see right through his deflection. But then his features relaxed and he smiled, releasing his hand to touch along the side of his face. "Kakashi," he sighed, his voice dripping with saccharine affection. Kakashi's heart thrashed against his ribs as he watched Tenzo lean in, his eyelids drawing downward until he could feel the delicious warmth of his lips without actually touching them. He waited for Tenzo to melt into him, but when he didn't close the gap between them, he frowned, cracking his eyes open impatiently. There was a playful smirk plastered on Tenzo's stupidly adorable face as he winked. “Not in a million years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh... the fluff before the storm... don't mind if I do ;)


	39. Take It to the Grave

A furious Sasuke. A petulant Sasuke. Maybe even a vengeful Sasuke.

Kakashi had been ready to deal with any or _all_ of these when he'd come into the office this morning.

But… a _tearful_ Sasuke?

He wasn't sure if anything could have prepared him for that. In fact, he might have been less shocked if he'd walked into the kitchen to find Itachi twerking on the bar.

Naruto had similar thoughts, if his bulging eyes were any indication. He sat on the chair next to Sasuke's, in front of Kakashi's desk. They exchanged a bewildered look before focusing back on the sniveling mess before them.

“W-what—why— _huh_?” Naruto stammered.

Kakashi didn't do much better. “Wait—Sasuke, what—why—are you crying?”

“I’m not _crying!_ ” he bellowed, scowling as he wiped the tears away with the back of his hand.

“Um…” Naruto chewed on his lip before leaning close to him, cocking his head like a curious puppy. He swiped the remaining moisture from Sasuke's cheek with his thumb, "then what would you call this?"

Sasuke’s eyes widened as an intense blush exploded across his face. “Don't fucking touch me!” he swatted him away with his bandaged hand and immediately grimaced, holding it to his chest. “Ah, fuck!”

Naruto snickered. “That one was on you.”

“Shut up! This is all your fault!”

Naruto’s grin quickly faded. “I told you I was sorry.”

“Yeah, and you know where you can shove that apology!” he sneered. “This works out perfectly for you, doesn’t it? My hand's fucking useless for a week and you finally get to replace me!”

“W-what?!” Naruto flinched, nearly toppling over the side of his chair.

Kakashi frowned. “What are you talking about?”

He turned his glare on him. “Oh, _please_ , Kakashi. Don’t act like you haven’t been itching to get rid of me! This whole time, you’ve been grooming him to take my place. You can’t _stand_ having me here!”

Kakashi regarded him quietly for a moment, trying to wrap his mind around the absurdity of what he was witnessing. In the four years they’d worked together, Kakashi had hardly seen him exhibit any emotion. At least, that was true until Naruto entered the scene. There was no denying that the blond rubbed him the wrong way, but Kakashi wondered if perhaps there was more to it than a simple rivalry. For the first time in all the years he'd known him, he noticed a vulnerable tinge in the jet-black eyes. It had never occurred to him that Sasuke would be worried about losing his position at White Fang. The fact that he appeared so afflicted about it genuinely blew his mind. Sasuke was an _Uchiha:_ one of the most sought-after chefs in the _country_. Kakashi couldn't even fathom why he'd stayed at White Fang for so long when he could be making much better money elsewhere.

_Color me intrigued._

“Naruto,” he finally spoke, “go help Itachi unload the order, please.”

“What? But what about—”

“Go on,” he urged.

Naruto turned his concerned eyes to Sasuke, who ignored his gaze. With a dramatic sigh, he stood and left the office. Kakashi watched him go, listening as his heavy steps faded away. When he was certain he was out of earshot, he returned his attention to Sasuke.

“It is true, Sasuke, that I’ve never thought of you as a ray of sunshine,” he acknowledged, “but it has never been my intention to replace you. You are as essential to this restaurant as your brother is, and I apologize if my actions made you think otherwise."

Sasuke watched him with wide eyes before his frown returned.

"But I think you can learn something from Naruto," he added. "You may not think much of him, but he’s passionate and it shows in his work ethic. It shows in the way he treats everyone around him with respect, regardless of who they are. Surely, you’ve seen the way he interacts with the customers, the way he relates to them? That's an important part of the job. Almost as vital as the food itself.”

Sasuke crossed his arms with a huff. “Well, that comes naturally to him. We can’t all be stupidly happy for no reason.”

Kakashi laughed, taking Sasuke by surprise again. “It doesn’t come naturally to me either, you know? But it's a skill. And as with any skill, it takes practice to master. My father taught me that. His personality was so much like Naruto's. He could strike a conversation with a perfect stranger and have a new friend by the end of it. It was effortless for him. But I've never had that charisma. I've had to push myself to open up to people. To let people in. And you may not have that charisma either, but that's okay. That's where Naruto comes in."

“Right," he snorted. "And why on earth would he help me? He probably hates my guts.”

“I highly doubt Naruto is capable of hating anyone. Especially you.”

"What?" Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?”

“He admires you, Sasuke," Kakashi shrugged. "You’re both the same age, but you’ve already accomplished so much with your career. He looks up to you. Sushi doesn’t come naturally to him like it does to you, but having you around motivates him to try harder. So, I’m not saying you have to become friends, but at least try to keep an open mind.”

The boy rolled his eyes.

“I am curious, though…" Kakashi continued. "Why were you so worried about your position here? If you lost this job today, you’d have five different offers as soon as you stepped out the door.”

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he released an exasperated breath. “Well, I don't know, Kakashi! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I _like_ working here?"

Kakashi raised an inquisitive brow.

"That's right! Ever since I started my training, I've wanted to work here. Your father was a _legend_. Even my dad admired him and he is not easily impressed. He drilled Itachi and me on Sakumo Hatake's technique, but we were never quite able to capture emotions into food like he did. I still don't understand how that's even possible! Honestly, I was so disappointed when I heard he retired. But when it was rumored that you were continuing his legacy, I couldn’t wait to work here! So, I convinced Itachi to contact you when I heard you were hiring a replacement. I wasn't sure you'd want to hire two chefs, but when you agreed, I was ecstatic! I had the opportunity to work alongside my brother _and_ Sakumo’s son? It was a dream come true."

Kakashi watched in awe as Sasuke revealed a side of him that he'd never known existed. It was surreal, the way his usually somber face glowed as he expressed his admiration for his father. His admiration for _him_.

But his enthusiasm faded as quickly as it appeared and his features darkened again. "Then Naruto came into the picture," he seethed, "and I could sense your preference immediately. It was like he could do nothing wrong, even when he _did_ fuck things up! You stopped listening to me altogether, as if all of my suggestions were worthless. And that pissed me off! I didn’t want him to improve because I hated that he could do what you and Sakumo could do, without an _ounce_ of training and I—with years and _years_ of it—still haven’t been able to figure it out!”

Kakashi gaped. What he and Sakumo could do?

“It was _so_ lucky," Sasuke rambled on, "that you found someone with that same extraordinary Hatake ability and he’s all sunshine and rainbows and it's great! Just fucking great! It doesn't matter that I’ve worked so hard! You and the rest of the world think I have some special talent, but it’s not true! That's Itachi. _He's_ the natural. I’ve always fallen behind, always had to work twice as hard to be half as good as him! And now?—Now there’s no reason for you to keep me around when you have two geniuses in the kitchen.”

Kakashi remained silent, trying to process everything he'd just heard. _Extraordinary Hatake ability?_ Tenzo's voice echoed at the back of his mind. _Your sushi is fucking magical._

Could it... be true?

And... _what?_ Sasuke had to work twice as hard to be half as good as Itachi? How could _that_ be true? There was no way he could've missed something like that.

“Sasuke," he said softly, "if you'd just talked to me like you are now instead of relying on a tirade of insults against Naruto, I would have been far more inclined to listen to your perspective.”

Sasuke scoffed. "Yeah, right. Whatever."

He sighed. "I'll admit, I did focus on Naruto a bit more, but only because I know what an excellent chef you already are. I honestly never would have guessed how difficult it was for you, since you make it seem so easy. But I am sorry I made you feel unheard. That was my mistake and I assure you I'll do better in the future." 

Sasuke studied him intently before he muttered,“You’re not replacing me, then?”

Kakashi bit down on his lip to keep his expression neutral. The twinge of insecurity in Sasuke's voice reminded him how young he really was.

“I’m not," he confirmed, and the boy visibly relaxed. "But I would like you to share the space with him, as well as your knowledge," he declared. "Maybe tone down your pride a bit and learn something from him. I think you could both benefit from each other's strengths. And yes... White Fang might see some changes in the coming months, but I want you and Itachi to be part of them.”

Sasuke mulled over his words before giving another eye roll. “Fine," he grumbled. "But you can't tell that idiot I said he was a genius.”

"Oh, right," he smirked.

"I'm serious, Kakashi! You better take it to the grave!"

“Right, yeah. I’ll do that."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

An unusually large snowflake landed on Tenzo’s nose as he unlocked the trunk of his car. Startled, he gazed up at the night sky in wonder. The first snow of the season was quite late this year, but still very much welcome as far as he was concerned. A few more landed on his eyelashes and he blinked them away with a budding smile, returning his attention to the overflowing bags of Christmas _everything_ he’d just bought. He loaded them into the trunk and decided that the long box containing the artificial tree would have to go in the back seat. He sighed happily as the flurries cascaded all around him, shining golden under the parking lot light. It was a beautiful dance, similar to that of the stars during his first high experience on Thanksgiving night. He chuckled, shutting the trunk with a loud bang and making his way around to load the tree into the back seat.

If he was completely honest, shopping for this tree, the decorations, lights, and Kakashi’s gift, had been more fun than he’d expected. At first, he’d been annoyed at having to maneuver through large crowds and wait in long lines when all he wanted to do was get home and rest. But eventually, keeping in mind that he was doing all of this to make Kakashi smile had gotten him into the holiday spirit. It was an odd but pleasant feeling, and soon he was enjoying himself tremendously.

He hadn't gotten around to asking Gai about the Hatake traditions, so he’d decided to play it by ear and hope for the best. It would be a joyous day, if he had any say in it. Everything was going to be _perfect_.

He looked forward to making this Christmas as memorable for Kakashi as he’d made Thanksgiving for him.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Normally, Kakashi would have thought it pathetic to find his bed so lonely without Tenzo in it. But he was past caring at this point. He missed him, and that was that.

Tenzo had texted earlier that he wouldn’t be going to his place tonight. Something about having to catch up on laundry.

“Just bring the damn laundry over _here_ ,” he pouted to himself. “And everything you own, while you're at it.”

He supposed it was silly to assume Tenzo would want to move in. It was too soon, wasn’t it? They’d only reconciled a few weeks ago, even if it did feel like they'd been together for ages. They’d both lived alone for so long that it made sense for Tenzo to still want to have his own space. He respected that, even if he wished he could spend every waking moment that he wasn’t at the restaurant with him.

He glared at the ceiling. Only a few weeks back together and he'd already grown accustomed to the wonderful warmth by his side. How was he supposed to sleep _now?_

“Damn it, Tenzo!” he huffed, turning over onto his stomach. “Get that sweet ass over here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww! Sasuke is one sweet, angry kitty lol


	40. That Kind of Love

Tenzo narrowed his eyes as he focused intently on the gravity-defying properties of Kakashi’s hair. He wasn’t doing the mess any favors as he ran his fingers through it. In fact, he was making it a lot worse, generating enough static to make it crackle and stick out in all directions. He snickered at the mad scientist look he'd created, wishing he hadn’t left his phone in the living room. Before he realized it, his fingers had tangled into a stubborn knot and he yanked unintentionally hard on a strand. Kakashi frowned and grumbled unhappily as he turned over to his side. His snoring continued moments later and Tenzo sighed. It was still early. He should probably let him rest. 

_Probably._

A mischievous grin spread across his face and he tugged on Kakashi’s hair again. _Hmm. Nothing?_

He tried a little harder and stifled a laugh when Kakashi growled in his sleep. Finding new ways to bring Kakashi out of his near-comatose slumber was becoming one of his favorite pastimes. But he supposed he could be a little nicer about it today, given that it was a special occasion. He climbed under the covers and sighed, immediately relishing the warmth that encompassed him. How he'd survived the past three years without it was beyond him. Slipping an arm around Kakashi, he pulled him to his chest and nuzzled behind his ear. "Hey," he whispered, as the mad scientist hair tickled his face, "wake up." Kakashi exhaled and pressed back against him. Tenzo squeezed him tightly before releasing him again. His very scent made the hair on his arms stand up and he grazed the soft skin of his neck with his lips. "Wake up," he repeated in singsong, forming small, gentle circles on him with his tongue. He smiled when he was rewarded with a faint moan. Then Kakashi reached back for him in an uncontrolled motion and smacked him in the face. Tenzo snorted into the frizzy mess as the loud slap startled Kakashi fully awake. _Well,_ _so much for a smooth transition._

“Shit,” Kakashi said, his hand trying to rub the sting out of Tenzo's cheek. "Sorry."

“Merry Christmas to you too,” he chuckled, pressing his lips along the stubble of his jaw. Kakashi closed his eyes and smiled before turning over on his back. He spread himself out and Tenzo settled between his hips, pleased by the way he eagerly drew him closer with all four limbs. "When did you get here?" he asked.

"A while ago."

Kakashi nodded and smiled sleepily. But as Tenzo approached his lips, he turned away slightly. “My breath's pretty bad right now,” he warned. Tenzo snorted, amused that he’d think he was under any illusions at this point. He tugged his chin back and kissed him. “Mm, you weren't kidding,” he teased before tilting his face to deepen the kiss, inviting his tongue along for a ride. Kakashi gave an amused hum and wrapped his arms around his neck. “So gross,” he breathed, licking his lower lip before capturing it in his mouth again. Kakashi groaned and tugged at his hair as he stroked the smooth skin of his torso, hand traveling lower over the dip of his spine. Tenzo reluctantly broke the kiss to study him breathlessly.

There were still moments when he couldn't believe he was really back in his arms. The desire in Kakashi's flushed face as he struggled to steady his breath... his searing gaze and deliciously parted lips... he feared waking up to realize that it had all been a dream. After all, his imagination had betrayed him that way more than once before. So, he shut his eyes for a moment, focusing on the pounding of Kakashi's heart against his own. It was strong and steady and very much real. A contented hum emerged from Kakashi's throat as he stroked his cheek. He decided it was more than enough convincing and put up no fight when he was pulled down into another blissful kiss. 

"Your wake-up tactics have definitely improved," Kakashi pointed out after a while.

"Haven't they?" he grinned, bumping his forehead gently with his. He chuckled when Kakashi’s eyelashes poked him in the eye.

“Ow. Hey," he whispered, "I have a surprise for you."

Kakashi hummed and ground against him, squeezing him with his thighs. “I think I can guess what it is.”

He laughed softly. “Alright. Make that two surprises.”

Their lips molded into yet another messy, grinning kiss and Tenzo gripped his ass tightly. Kakashi moaned when his hand slipped under the waistband of his boxers and he lifted his hips to help remove the bothersome fabric. It was on the floor an instant later.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“So, where is it?”

“Mm?” Tenzo’s drooping lids rose slightly as Kakashi’s chest pressed closer to his back, his breath tickling his neck.

“Where’s my surprise?”

He groaned and buried his face in the pillow. “Later. I need a nap.”

Kakashi’s grin was audible. “Oh, but I’m the old man in this relationship? What happened to all that stamina?”

"You depleted my reserves."

Kakashi laughed. "But we just woke up!"

“Correction: _you_ just woke up. I’ve been up for hours.”

“Mm… you spent all those hours creeping on me?” he teased.

“Maybe,” he grinned, loving the prickly kisses Kakashi was placing along his shoulder.

“Fine," he grumbled. "I’ll give you five minutes."

“Make that ten.”

Two hours later, Tenzo woke up to Kakashi’s breath in his ear. “Five minutes are up, Tenzo.”

He exhaled heavily and rolled over to glare at him. Kakashi’s smile was contagious as he wagged his eyebrows at him and he snickered, reaching over to trace the crinkled edges of his eyes. They relaxed under his touch and Kakashi leaned in, lingering for a moment over his lips before grazing them softly with his own.

“Okay," Tenzo said when he finally pulled away, "but you have to wait here and I’ll come get you.”

Kakashi fell onto the pillow with a huff. “You’re being awfully mysterious, Tenzo.”

He smiled and jumped out of bed, pulling on his sweats before shutting the bedroom door. Kakashi was walking out of the bathroom wearing loose pajama pants by the time he got back. Tenzo leaned on the doorway with his arms crossed, inspecting the way they hung low over his narrow hips before turning his attention back to his face.

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. "Enjoying the view?" 

"Always," he grinned. "You ready?"

Kakashi's face lit up. "Yes! Where is it?”

He chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited for anything.”

“Well, it's been a while since anyone's had a surprise for me.”

Tenzo's face fell as a twinge of sadness jabbed at his heart, but he did his best to shake it off before Kakashi noticed. “Let’s go then,” he smiled, moving behind him to place his hands over his eyes. “Walk.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi did as he was told, holding his arms out in front of him as if he didn’t know exactly where every wall of his house was. As soon as they entered the hallway, his nostrils were struck by the sweet aroma of warm sugar cookies. There was soft, jingly music playing in the background. _Christmas carols?_

It got louder as they approached the living room. When they were finally at the end of the hall, Tenzo removed his hands. The slight pressure of Tenzo's hands had caused his vision to blur a bit and he blinked it away, his eyes slowly adjusting to the sight before him. His jaw dropped as he took it all in. Tenzo had shut the blinds to darken the living room so he could appreciate the soft white lights that hung from every wall. Two large golden stockings hung over the lit fireplace, which was lined with more lights and an interesting collection of ceramic Santas, reindeer, nutcrackers, and snowmen. A bright golden star sat atop a tall Christmas tree in the corner; it looked mere seconds from toppling over with the colorful lights, candy canes and wide assortment of ornaments hanging precariously from its branches. A few of the embellishments fell off with successive clinks as Kakashi gaped.

“I—may have overdone the tree,” Tenzo muttered, scratching his head.

Kakashi barely heard him as he stepped closer to the fireplace. His fingers trailed over the edges of each stocking as he stared silently at the glowing embers behind the small metallic gate. The heat they produced was overwhelming, but somehow still pleasant on his bare skin. He hadn't used the fireplace in this house before, but the fire danced with such delight over the maple firewood, that it seemed as if it had only been waiting for the perfect moment to claim it as its home. 

_"That is the single worst s'more I have ever seen," his father chuckled as Kakashi smushed the blackened marshmallow between the block of chocolate and graham crackers._

_"Like yours is so much better," he huffed, taking a bite of his gooey creation._

_His father raised the skewer from the crackling bonfire and frowned at what now resembled a piece of charcoal at the end. "Oh, Mikan," he mumbled under his breath, "you were the one who was supposed to teach our boy how to do this, remember? I always burn the snot out of them."_

_Kakashi scowled at his s'more as he listened to the self-deprecating rant. His treat had turned sour in his mouth. "Why do you do that?" he demanded._

_Sakumo raised an eyebrow as he tugged the ruined marshmallow off with a broken cracker. "Do what?"_

_He ground his teeth as the crackers snapped in his hand. "She's been gone for over thirteen years, Dad! Why do you act like she's still here? Why haven't you just—I don't know—" he threw the crushed dessert on the ground, "—found someone else, or something?"_

_He glared at the broken man before him. Why couldn't he just be normal like his friends' dads? Why did his dead wife's memory have to haunt every one of their interactions? Sakumo's expression was unreadable as he silently pulled a new marshmallow out of the bag and pierced it with the skewer. His eyes took on a distant look as he gazed into the fire. Finally, he met his eyes and Kakashi was taken aback by the devastating shame he saw in them. "It's not something I can turn off, Kashi," he said softly. "And honestly—I don't think I want to try, either." Kakashi frowned and averted his eyes, unable to bear his father's pain a second longer. But when he spoke again, he could hear the smile in his voice. "I hope you get to experience that kind of love someday. Maybe then, you'll understand."_

The swaying flames became a distorted blur of golden hues as tears filled his eyes. He exhaled slowly through parted lips as they fell. _I do. I understand now, Dad._

"Kakashi?" Tenzo's anxious voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “It’s too much, isn’t it? I’m sorry—”

“It’s not,” he replied, clearing his throat and wiping his face as he turned to face him. Tenzo's expression grew more panicked.

"I know it's all over the place—I wasn't sure what you liked—or what you were used to—"

"It's alright, Tenzo."

"I'll take it down, it's no big deal. I just—"

"Tenzo," he silenced him with a hand over his mouth. "Stop." He smiled at the wide, worried eyes. "It's perfect, okay?"

Tenzo searched his face, his features etched with concern even after he relaxed. Kakashi smiled wider and removed his hand to wrap his arms around him instead. "It's perfect, Tenzo. Thank you."

After a brief moment of uncertainty, Tenzo sighed and held him tight, resting his head against his. Kakashi closed his eyes and breathed him in, new tears sliding down his cheeks as they swayed slowly and offbeat to a drawled out Christmas song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley. Still my fave xmas song ;)


	41. The Best Gift

Kakashi inhaled deeply. He could almost feel his blood sugar spike with the overwhelming sweetness in the air.

“Did you make cookies?”

“Oh, that’s just a candle,” Tenzo chuckled. “I read somewhere it's what Christmas smells like. But I know you don’t like sweets.”

He furrowed his brow. "Well, no. But _you_ do."

"I wasn't going to eat a whole batch of cookies by myself."

"I would've tried one," he argued. "They couldn't possibly be as bad as your cakes."

He received a jab in the ribs. "That was one time!"

"Yes, once was more than enough," he chuckled as he turned his attention to the dangerously decorated tree again. He let go of him to step closer, the lights making his skin glow blue and purple as he approached. He smiled and admired every detail, eyes straining a bit from overstimulation. But he knew he wouldn't change a thing about it. The tree was beautiful in its abundance and eccentricity.

His eye was caught by two small ornaments at the very top, right next to the star. One was a tiny scarecrow made of straw and right next to it hung a small ceramic pug wearing a green and red vest. They brought such incredible warmth to his chest that it was almost hard to breathe. Tenzo had thought of everything. As much as he wanted to, he dared not touch them, lest the movement offset the balance the tree held on to by a thread. 

He felt Tenzo's arms wrap around him from behind. "Do you like it?"

"More than I can say," he admitted. "You were definitely inspired," he added amusingly, leaning back against him.

"I was," Tenzo replied, his tone serious. "I wanted this Christmas to be special for you." 

He sighed and closed his eyes as Tenzo's hands slowly explored him. He bent his neck to the side and his warm lips were there, making him shiver despite their proximity to the fireplace.

"You didn't have to do all this," he murmured. "Spending it with you makes it special already."

Tenzo pressed a final kiss to his neck and remained quiet, seemingly lost in thought. The jolly song playing from his phone ended abruptly as a commercial interrupted it. His tone was soft when he spoke again.

"I just—I imagine it must be difficult—without your dad. And Pakkun."

Kakashi stiffened as a hollow began to form in his chest. It was too painful to think about how he'd started the year with both of those large pieces still in his life and how he was ending it without them. "Yeah," was all he could muster because it was really a terrible idea to think further about it at the moment. He shoved that can of worms away again as he cleared his throat and pointed out the window. “And what—did you plan the snow, too?”

“Of course," Tenzo tugged on his hips to turn him around. "Put in the order for a few tons yesterday."

"Overnight shipping really delivered, huh?”

"It was free, too," Tenzo chuckled, pulling him close until their foreheads touched. Kakashi was about to bring their smiles together when Tenzo pulled away. “Oh, wait, wait!”

He frowned as he watched him disappear into the kitchen. He emerged moments later with a few leafy branches held together by a red ribbon. Kakashi fought a smirk as he studied the tiny bouquet of fragrant leaves Tenzo now held above his head. “Hm."

“Something on your mind?” Tenzo inquired innocently. 

“Oh, there is."

"Let's hear it."

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's not mistletoe."

“Right.”

“That’s cilantro.”

"Ah, details, details," Tenzo shrugged. "There’s not much you can do with mistletoe after you make out.”

“Hm." Kakashi stroked his chin as if deep in thought. "There’s no arguing that. Also, you are a hopeless sap.”

Tenzo snorted. “Takes one to know one, hm? Blowing me under the stars and whatnot.”

“Mm. Touché,” he grinned before yanking him to his lips.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Laughter bubbled up in Tenzo's throat. Kakashi’s drawn out gasp as he tore into his poorly wrapped gift was the most dramatic thing he’d heard in a long while. “Tenzo!” His eyes sparkled as he dragged the last syllable. “You _didn’t!_ ”

“Unfortunately, I did,” he sighed with feigned regret. “Worst shopping experience of my life.”

Kakashi stroked the spines of the three books out in front of him with deep reverence as if he were holding the holiest of scriptures and not badly-written Christmas porn.

He wagged his eyebrows at him. “You like it?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Well, you know… it’s only _the best_ gift I’ve ever received.”

He snorted. “Damn. Were you given lumps of coal these past thirty years?”

“I'm serious!" he beamed. "But I must say, an even better gift would have been footage of you squirming at the register when you bought these."

“I’m telling you, I was sweating more than the first time I bought condoms.”

That made Kakashi laugh harder and Tenzo cherished the wonderful sound. “I would’ve paid good money to see that!"

Kakashi reached back behind the couch and a reindeer gift bag emerged. He set it on Tenzo's lap with a smile. “Here."

A thrill ran down Tenzo's spine. It was his very first Christmas present.

“Really?” he asked softly. 

“ _Really_ , really. Open it.”

He wasted no time tugging on each piece of green tissue paper until he had a collection on his lap. But he was careful not to tear any of them, folding them neatly by his side instead. He was almost certain that Kakashi would poke fun at him for it, but he didn’t. He knew how special this was to him, or at least Tenzo hoped he knew, and only observed attentively, his warm smile never leaving his face. When all of the tissue paper had been properly stacked to the side, Tenzo looked in the bag. His jaw nearly dropped to his lap when he pulled out a modern model of the Polaroid camera he'd once found.

“I figured you’d need it for all the new memories we’ll be making together,” Kakashi winked and Tenzo’s heart somersaulted in his chest. There was no way Kakashi didn't know what that simple gesture did to him. He gaped until Kakashi's brow lifted. “So, what do you think?”

He shook his head incredulously. Maybe he really didn't know. “I think," he said, taking his hand without breaking eye contact, "the fact that you want to make memories with me is the best gift you could've given me. But the camera is a close second.”

Kakashi's responding smile melted him. “Tenzo,” he said softly, “I—um—”

“Yeah?”

He fell silent and averted his gaze as he chewed on his lip. When it became obvious that he would say no more without persuasion, Tenzo squeezed his hand. "What is it?"

He frowned, as if not fully convinced that he should say anything. When he did, he did so in a hushed voice. “Why—um—why haven’t you moved in?”

“Oh.”

Kakashi's panicked eyes found his again as he backpedalled. “Not—not that I’m asking you—I mean—I am!—I guess, if—if you’d like—”

Tenzo bit himself to keep from bursting out laughing. So, _this_ was why Kakashi loved it when he got flustered. He could definitely see the appeal. It was much better on this end of the exchange. “Well, to be honest,” he began, fighting the twitch of his lip that threatened to become a face-splitting grin, “that's because you never asked.”

Kakashi's eyes blew wide open before he let out an amused snort. “I didn't realize I was being subtle when I gave you a key.”

“Well, unlike you, I am a gentleman and would make no such assumptions," Tenzo narrowed his eyes playfully. "Besides, what makes you think I’d give up my apartment so easily? Why wouldn’t _you_ move in with _me_?”

Kakashi hummed and drummed his fingers on his lips. "Fair question. Lemme think. House or apartment? House… with 4,000 square foot backyard _which_ , I should add, happens to be covered in four inches of snow. _Which_ I know you’re dying to get into…”

“I wouldn’t say _dying—_ ”

“Or apartment… with a 4x10 deck and a lovely view of the _opposite_ 4x10 deck…”

"Trust me, it's not the worst thing to have a view of."

"House..." Kakashi continued, ignoring him, "with a little thing called privacy _,_ which could come in handy whenever I want to bang your brains out...or apartment... where you can literally hear your neighbors breathing through the walls."

“It’s the stairs, isn’t it,” he deadpanned.

Kakashi gasped. “I’m handicapped!” 

“You literally climbed a mountain—”

“ _Handicapped_ , Tenzo!”

He rolled his eyes with a dramatic sigh. “ _Fine_. Your house it is.”

“Really?” Kakashi's eager smile turned smug in milliseconds. "Well. That was easy.”

Tenzo frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t flatter yourself. I’m only doing it for the snow.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

And for the two hours they spent outside, Kakashi was almost convinced that he was. It was endearing to see Tenzo's pitiful attempts at building a snowman, but he offered no help. Instead, he sipped his tea and advised from the sidelines using his creative expertise, which was just as nonexistent as Tenzo's. Even all bundled up, he was absolutely miserable in the cold. He could barely feel his nose and ears and was certain that they were just as red as the scarf he was wearing for the first time, which had been a gift from Gai two years ago. He set his mug down when his tea was finished and figured it was as good a time as any to destroy Tenzo's progress (or lack thereof). 

He scampered over to where Tenzo knelt in the snow. The brunet's eyes crinkled as he watched him approach and Kakashi offered him a sweet smile before sending the oddly shaped humanoid into oblivion with a jovial kick.

Tenzo's eyes widened with such disbelief that Kakashi almost regretted his decision, feeling as if he'd kicked a puppy. But the shock on Tenzo's face didn't last long and a look of determination quickly replaced it. In fact, too quickly for Kakashi. His reaction time was way too slow when Tenzo pounced and grabbed his prosthetic leg, nearly pulling it off as he brought him down in a swift motion. Kakashi landed on his back with a _hoomph!_ and desperately scrambled to get away. Unfortunately, Tenzo easily overpowered him ( _damn his stupid, sexy muscles!_ ) and crawled his way up his body to meet him with a triumphant smirk.

In a last feeble attempt to get away, Kakashi pushed two handfuls of snow into his face, but Tenzo only laughed and tugged the neck of his jacket down. He had no time to realize what was about to happen before Tenzo started shoving snow down his shirt. If the cold had been bad before, he was now a human popsicle. He cursed and squirmed to no avail as Tenzo pinned him down and continued to shovel snow into his clothes.

"There," he smiled, pecking Kakashi's numb nose when he'd finally given in to his soaking, freezing fate. "I have my snowman, now."

“I hate you,” he grumbled with a scowl.

Tenzo snickered before taking his face in his hands and claiming his cold, chapped lips with his. It was a welcome warmth, but Kakashi grabbed more snow and stuffed it in his ears. He chuckled when Tenzo groaned in protest but the sweet, gentle movement of his lips did not falter. When he finally pulled away, he shook his head to rid himself of the snow in his ears and Kakashi laughed, scrunching his nose as it landed on his face. 

Tenzo's eyes regarded him quietly before he smiled again. A soft, simple thing. 

“You’re so beautiful, Kakashi.”

His heart stuttered and he knew he would’ve turned the brightest shade of red if the cold hadn’t already taken care of that. So he looked into the warm, earnest eyes and smiled back.

“Can we take a picture together?" Tenzo asked tentatively. "With my new camera?”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, what else did I get it for?”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

After they'd finished three-quarters of the large pan of Tenzo’s (surprisingly delicious) first attempt at homemade lasagna, Kakashi read one of his new books on the couch, happily warmed by the fireplace. Tenzo leaned on his shoulder and read with him, barely able to contain the snorts that came out after every line of dialogue.

For the third time in twenty minutes, Kakashi sighed and put the book down to fix him with a tired glare.

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled appeasingly. “I’ll judge quietly.”

“Go find something better to do," he ordered.

Tenzo’s face lit up. “Oh, hey! I almost forgot.” He jumped off the couch and scurried to the bedroom, returning moments later with three DVD cases in his hands. “It can’t really be Christmas without these.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Christmas movie marathon?”

“Even better,” Tenzo grinned, putting the DVDs up to his face like he was showing off a winning poker hand.

Kakashi’s eyes widened further. “Christmas _horror_ movie marathon?!”

He chuckled. Kakashi was too cute when he was excited. He made a mental note to surprise him more often. “Do you still have that DVD player?” he asked. “That’s the one thing I forgot to bring.”

“Mm… yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s in my closet somewhere,” he uttered as he rose from his seat. “Let me go find it.” After he'd disappeared into the hallway, Tenzo sprawled on the couch and inspected the instant pictures he'd just taken with his new camera. Of the three, there was only one where they were both smiling perfectly for the camera, all red noses and snowy eyebrows, but he loved the other two just as much. In one, Kakashi's face was blurred because he'd turned to kiss him on the cheek and in the other, Tenzo had been caught mid-sentence, one eyebrow higher than the other as he explained something to him, but the look on Kakashi's face as he regarded him with brimming adoration was what took his breath away. It filled him with so much joy that he might just explode. Never in his twenty-eight years of existence had anyone looked at him that way.

He chuckled as he vowed to use the camera so much that Kakashi would rue the day he'd chosen it as his Christmas present. From the corner of his eye, he noticed his phone light up on the table and he remembered that he'd left it on silent mode since the previous night so as not to risk waking Kakashi while he was setting everything up. Not that it was ever a real threat to begin with. He jumped to his feet and grabbed it, switching it back to vibrate before scrolling through numerous notifications to get to his text messages. There was one from Genma, one from Iruka, one from Gai where he’d included Kakashi, and a few from some unknown numbers.

 **Genma** : Merry xmas! Or winter solstice, you pagan ;P

 **Iruka** : Merry christmas, Yamato :) say hi to buttplugboy for me

 **Gai** : MERRY CHRISTMAS, LOVEBIRDS!!! MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!!!

He grinned as he typed out replies for each of them, grateful that they'd thought of him and Kakashi. He also felt a pang of guilt that he didn't speak to them more often. Life had a way of isolating people under the guise of increasingly swamped schedules. Appreciating the few friends he still had was definitely something he needed to work on. _New year's resolution, perhaps?_

He knew it was a waste of time to look through the messages from unknown numbers, as they were usually businesses trying to sell him something or politicians trying to sell themselves. But he had nothing better to do as he waited for Kakashi to return, so he went through them anyway.

 **Unknown #1** : Warmest holiday greetings to you, Mr. Yamato! Kiba Dental Center is proud to offer you a 30% off limited-time holiday treat!

He stopped reading and deleted it before moving on to the next message.

 **Unknown #2** : SHOCKING CHRISTMAS DEALS ON ALL UNIFORMS!

He deleted it with a grumble. He really needed to stop dropping his number _everywhere_. He opened the next one and briefly glanced over it to check for a paragraph promising the lowest prices on X, Y, Z. But it was only three words long.

 **Unknown #3** : Unblock my number.

His heart rate skyrocketed as he read it over and over, his eyes growing wider with every repetition. There was only one number he’d ever blocked on his phone and he had no intention of unblocking it. His hand began to buzz and he dropped the phone with a startled gasp. It clattered across the floor and landed screen up. Frozen, Tenzo watched from afar as it continued to vibrate, eyeing it as if it'd turn into a grenade if he stepped any closer. It was an incoming call from the same unknown number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, oh boy, oh boy, did I have fun writing this! XD (up until the very end XO) What was your favorite part of these silly boys' Christmas?? :D


	42. The Hardest Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOH. Y'ALL. I DON'T THINK YOU READY FOR THIS JELLY! DX
> 
> For real though. Talk about ugly crying while I wrote this! haha  
> But hey, at least no one dies in this one. That's something, right? ;P

The DVD player was nowhere to be found. This was the third box Kakashi had inspected on the closet floor and all he’d managed to find were his father’s record player and wide assortment of records. He wondered how long it had been since any of them had seen the light of day. The gently worn covers had certainly gathered what looked like a century’s worth of dust. Guilt nagged at him when he recalled how well Sakumo had taken care of his extensive collection until he was no longer able to. In stark contrast, Kakashi had been careless when he'd thrown them all into the boxes, stacking them horizontally instead of vertically—something that Sakumo had warned him could damage the vinyl by causing it to warp under the uneven weight distribution of the records.

"God, I'm such an idiot," he groaned, noticing that some of the sleeves had acquired distinct ring wear—another consequence of stacking them haphazardly. "I'm sorry, Dad," he sighed, gently pulling them out one by one to sort them and store them properly later. As he lifted a bright red one that had been flipped upside down, a few folded pieces of paper slid out and landed on top of the other sleeves. He paused and regarded the unexpected arrival curiously before plucking it up and unfolding it. The sheets looked as if they’d been hastily tucked into the sleeve and some of the ink had faded under the more compact creases. He recognized the small cursive handwriting right away.

**_My dear Kashi,_ **

He stopped reading, his fists clenching as the wind was knocked out of him.

_Dad?_

His heart raced as he dragged his gaze away from the words. The letter crumpled in his grip. _Breathe._

Drawing in a short shaky breath and then a longer, steadier one, he forced his hand to relax. He stared ahead, unblinking and not really seeing the shirts that hung in disarray above his head. When he finally managed to blink his semi-catatonic state away, he looked down at the red record sleeve he still held in his hand: _The Beatles Get Back-Don't Let Me Down._

“No fucking way,” he breathed, his hand trembling as he recalled his father's last words.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The phone continued to buzz for what felt like an eternity. Tenzo couldn’t understand. Was it not obvious that he had no interest in speaking to him? Why go through the trouble of looking for him at work and contacting him from a different number when he'd been blocked? What could Danzo possibly want with him now? No--fuck it. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t care. The man had gotten what he wanted. His worthless son was out of his life and Tenzo was more than glad to keep it that way.

When the stubborn vibration died, he sighed with relief. Then he nearly jumped a foot in the air when it began again. But it was only a notification this time. He had a new voice message. He let out a breath, slow and controlled. _What is wrong with you?_ _You're overreacting. He’s not here. He can't hurt you._

Taking a long, deep breath, he inched closer until he was right above the phone. _It's fine. He has no power over you anymore._ He bent down and carefully picked it up, handling it as if it would grow fangs and bite his thumb off if he jostled it too much.

His pulse roared in his head as he unlocked it and watched the inevitable voicemail icon. _Just delete it. Whatever he has to say is not important._ But his fingers seemed to move of their own accord and he clicked ‘play’ on the nine-second message. He gulped dryly as he brought the phone up to his ear.

A chill ran over his skin as Danzo's gruff voice, oozing with disapproval, assaulted his ear.

“Kinoe. How is it that a grown man is avoiding me like a sulking pup, hm? This is an important matter. Stop being a child and call me back.”

His body's response was immediate and automatic as fury rushed through his veins. Before he could control himself, he slammed his phone to the ground with all his might, sending fragments of the electronic flying in every direction. The loud smash echoed throughout the house and he bit down on his tongue to keep from screaming. _How fucking dare he demand anything?_

He released a seething breath between his teeth as his hands tightened into fists. _Stop. Slow breaths, slow breaths. Focus on the slow breaths._ But it wasn't happening. He was burning from the inside and his father's voice replayed in his head, fueling the desire to unleash a violence that destroyed everything in its path.

A distant “Tenzo?” snapped him back to his surroundings, to the mess of plastic and glass he’d made on the light gray wood. He had to calm down. He couldn't be around anyone like this.

He ran his hands through his hair and inhaled deeply. He held the air in as long as he could before releasing it in a long, drawn out breath. _Again._

But it wasn't enough. His blood was still boiling as his body shook with the urge to crush. The phone wasn’t enough. He needed to cause further damage, yearned for the sick satisfaction of feeling something— _anything_ —break in his hands. He didn't want to think he was capable of hurting anyone, much less Kakashi… but he'd done it before, hadn't he?

He ground his teeth until his jaw hurt. The memory of Kakashi’s bruised face cut him deep. It didn't matter how justified his drink-addled mind had believed it was at the time. He'd injured him without the slightest provocation. The man had literally wished him a happy birthday, unknowingly lighting a fuse that blew up in his face. So, Tenzo knew the truth. He was more than capable. He was downright dangerous when he was like this.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

It took minutes longer for Kakashi to convince himself to look down at the letter again. Unfolding the unevenly creased pages, he forced another calming breath into his lungs. _It's okay. I can do this._ His eyes lingered over the first three words for a moment before finally pushing through to the rest.

**_My dear Kashi,_ **

**_Today marks a quarter of a century since you decided to bless my life with your existence. I know it’s not a day you like celebrating, and I’m afraid I’m to blame for that. I apologize, son. I don’t want you to ever think I resent you in any way. But even after all this time, it’s still difficult for me to reconcile the fact that the worst day of my life was also the best._ **

**_What I felt for her is not something that could ever be replicated. I hope you understand what I’m talking about. There is nothing more marvelous than the joy of being seen, truly seen, for who you are. Of being cherished, flaws and all. But just because someone wants you the way you are does not mean you get lazy about improving yourself. A love like that makes you want to tackle the day with renewed vigor and push yourself further than you ever have before. That's what your mother did for me, even after she was gone._ **

**_That's not to say it was easy. The day she died was the day I lost the most important piece of me. Not even out of my twenties, and love was gone from my life forever. At least, that’s what I thought until I held you in my arms for the first time. You were so unlike anything I'd expected. So quiet and calm. And so unbelievably tiny. I couldn't put you down. I was so eager to see your very first smile. That's when you looked up at me and frowned. That made me laugh and cry so hard, Kashi. That was her pout! It was the same face she made whenever she didn't get her way. I could see it so clearly! That was the moment I knew that there was nothing in the world more precious, more worthy of my protection and love than you. I promised her in my heart that I would spend the rest of my life doing just that. I asked her to guide me from wherever she was, as I tried my best to raise you into a decent human being._ **

**_I don’t know if I ever told you, but the Beatles were her favorite band. I never cared for them much before I met her. Didn’t see the reason for the hype, to be honest. But listening to them after she was gone made me feel like she was still around. Like I could turn the corner and find her dancing in the kitchen or singing in the shower. With their songs, as simple and silly as many of them are, I found a spark of joy that helped me move forward on days when I didn’t have the energy to face the world. They helped me be there for you at the lowest point of my life, when I felt dead inside while simultaneously trying to keep an infant alive. Those first few years, I was so clueless about everything that I was completely convinced that there could be no bigger failure as a father than me. I’d like to think that, through their music, your mother had a hand in helping me keep my sanity._ **

**_I see her in you all the time, son. When you were younger, I would see her in the silly pranks you pulled. But she was also there in the proud way you carried yourself and in the intensity of your eyes when you became absorbed in a book. Just like you, she could be headstrong and ignore any well-meaning advice that went against what was ingrained in her beliefs. But she was also aware of the impact her actions had on the people around her. She was quick to apologize and accept responsibility for her actions when she knew she’d done something wrong and I’m grateful that you inherited that from her, too._ **

**_To be honest, I debated whether to write this letter. I don’t want you to worry about me. You need to get out there and live your best life, not stick around fussing over your old man. But I am frightened, Kashi. My mind is playing tricks on me. It’s not just that my body feels like it’s being controlled by someone else. Someone else’s thoughts and moods and memories. There are times when I cannot remember my employees’ names. Sometimes their faces will not register as familiar until minutes or even hours later. People who have worked with me for nine, ten years! Forgetting them feels like the worst kind of betrayal and it absolutely breaks my heart. I am terrified, Kashi. I am so terrified of betraying you in the same way. And I am so sorry for what this disease will put you through. I am sorry that you'll have to watch me fade away, one day at a time. Truly, the hardest part of this is knowing that I will hurt you and that there is nothing I can do about it._ **

**_All I’ve dedicated my life to, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. I hope you know that. The success of White Fang means nothing to me if it doesn’t contribute to your happiness somehow. I pray that someday, it does._**

**_I am proud of who you’ve become, Kashi. You have truly grown into a fine young man and I am honored to call you my son. I know your mother would agree, one hundred percent. And if there’s anything you take away from this letter, let it be this: I will always love you and there is nothing you could possibly do to make me love you any less._ **

**_Happy 25th birthday, son._ **

**_Dad_ **

He covered his mouth as he curled in on himself, stifling the sound of his pain. How could it be that he'd never noticed his father's fear? Had he really been so absorbed in his own problems that he'd failed to notice how frightened he was of the progression of his disease? All those years... his father had hidden his distress from him so well. Why hadn't he ever questioned that?

Instead, he'd questioned his love. But truly, his father had loved him. Loved and believed in him unconditionally from the day he was born. How could he have doubted that for a minute?

_"You ready, Dad?"_

_He knocked once and didn't wait for a reply, letting himself into the study as he usually did. He froze with his hand still on the doorknob when he saw his father turn away and rub at his eyes._

_"Ah, yes," he replied with sniffle. "I was uh—I was just cleaning these," he signaled at the small stack of vinyl records on the desk. Kakashi noticed that the dry carbon fiber brush he used to clean the vinyl was still in its original spot on the bookshelf. He frowned._

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Of course," he cleared his throat. "It's all the dust in here. See what happens when I try to organize?" he chuckled, returning the colorful stack to its place on the bookshelf. Kakashi continued to observe him, trying to search his eyes, but Sakumo avoided his gaze. Finally, he cleared his throat and signaled to the door. "Let's go, son. Gai and Rin are waiting, aren't they? We don't want to be late for your birthday dinner."_

Could it be…

Could it be that his father _wanted_ him to find this? Was it a coincidence that the name of the album he'd tucked it into was also the phrase he'd repeated in his last moments? Was _this_ what he'd meant?

Why had he hidden it in the first place? Had he changed his mind at the last minute about revealing his feelings?

Had he simply stored it to give it to him later but forgotten where he'd left it? Or that he'd written it at all?

The swirling questions in his mind were interrupted by a loud crash in the living room. As initially shocking as it was, he found it more disconcerting when no other sound followed it. Confused, he called out over his shoulder.

“Tenzo?”

There was no reply. His frown deepened and he sniffed, quickly wiping the moisture off his face with his shirt. Setting the letter down, he pushed himself up to his feet and made his way out into the hallway.

“Tenzo? What happened?”

The living room was empty but for a badly shattered cell phone. His eyes narrowed as he stepped closer and took it in his hand. Pieces of plastic and glass littered the floor around it and the screen had peeled off from two of the corners. The damage was too extensive for it to have been an accident. For a dreadful moment, panic coiled in his stomach. Something was very wrong and the hair on the back of his neck stood on high alert. He looked around in search of an intruder, a note, a clue, literally _anything_ that could explain what had just happened. Tenzo's keys were still on the kitchen counter. Nothing of value was missing. The front door was still locked. The back sliding door, however, was not.

The relief that washed over him when he saw Tenzo pacing in the backyard was short lived when he noticed that he was only wearing his sweatpants.

_What the hell?_

He threw his coat and soaking shoes on before yanking the door open, stifling a string of curses as the icy evening air bit into him. “Are you _trying_ to freeze to death?” he shouted. Tenzo ignored him but stopped walking yards away, his back to him as he ran his hands through his hair. Something about his demeanor was off. Besides the obvious bizarreness of him standing around barefoot and shirtless in the snow, there was something unsettling about the tension in his back, the repeated clenching of his fists. Kakashi could see his quick, shallow breaths fogging up the air in front of his face.

He stepped outside, blinking rapidly as a powerful gust of wind hit him more directly. He focused on the crunch of snow under his feet as he approached him, his heart hammering a warning against his chest. When he was only a few feet away, Tenzo held up his hand, the only indication that he'd noticed his presence. Kakashi stopped.

“Please, just give me a minute,” Tenzo muttered.

Kakashi stepped closer. Only a few more strides and he could touch him. “Tenzo, what's going—”

But Tenzo moved further away before turning to face him. “Kakashi,” he said, his eyes pleading in a way Kakashi had never seen them do before. “Please, go back inside.”

He gulped and stayed where he was as Tenzo turned his back on him again. It was surreal, watching his strange behavior when only hours before, they’d been laughing and kissing without a care in the world in this very same spot. What could have possibly happened in the few minutes they’d been apart to cause such affliction? Before he could convince himself otherwise, he shrugged his coat off and threw it at him. Tenzo stiffened as the fabric landed on him and slid off his shoulder.

“I'm not going back in without you,” Kakashi announced, crossing his arms over his thin T-shirt and glaring at him. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the hell am I doing, it's so fucking cold!_ His shivering worsened by tenfold and he dug his nails into his arms in an effort to bring it under control. He could feel the tears that he'd failed to dry off his eyelashes start to stiffen into miniature icicles and he cursed under his breath when his teeth began to clatter. In contrast, Tenzo didn't seem to be affected by the cold. It must have been only a few seconds that passed, but it felt like a lifetime as Kakashi stared at the tensing muscles of his back. Finally, his shoulders relaxed into a slump and his breath evened out. He turned slightly and stared at the coat on the ground for a moment before picking it up.

He approached Kakashi, face blank as he avoided his gaze. “Fine,” he sighed, wrapping the coat around Kakashi's shoulders before walking off ahead of him into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuuuudge... that letter was rough, man T.T *sniff, sniff*


	43. Remarkable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You do NOT wanna see my boy go ape shit! >:O
> 
> Possibly(?) disturbing violence ahead. I'm sure you've seen worse. But you've been warned ;P

_Apart from being forced to work in groups several times, Tenzo had never spoken to Kotetsu before. He only knew that he sat in the far back in every class they’d ever had together. They were both sixteen, though Kotetsu hadn’t quite reached the peak of his growth spurt yet. That, along with his nervous stutter and lack of friends made him an ideal target for bigger boys to pick on._

_This certainly wasn't the first time Tenzo had witnessed them mocking him, but until now, he'd done what everyone else did in situations like this: turned the other way and hoped he wasn't targeted next. He wasn't sure what made him stay this time, even after the rest of his classmates had left the locker room, ignoring the fact that the two older boys had forced Kotetsu into a corner. Maybe it was the fact that they were dragging it out longer than usual. Or that Kotetsu would be completely alone with them if he left. All Tenzo really knew was that he couldn't stand it, the way they towered over him while he cowered, whimpering as they smacked him, their vicious laughter echoing around the stuffy room. He sighed, knowing what a terrible idea this was even as he slammed his locker shut._

_“Leave him alone, assholes."_

_Two glares and a wide, frightened pair of eyes turned to him. He gulped dryly._

_Sasori shoved Kotetsu into a locker before cocking his head at him with a smirk, his wild red hair glowing bright under the fluorescent lights. Hidan scoffed incredulously as he approached, sizing him up. “And who the hell—" his eyes glimmered with recognition. "Oh, hey! You’re that little fag Torune told us about.” Tenzo stiffened as the boy’s cruel smile got closer. “Oh yeah—he told us how you cried like a little bitch when he wouldn’t let you suck his cock.”_

_Sasori cackled obnoxiously, the grating sound making Tenzo’s skin crawl. He clenched his jaw as Hidan shoved him into the lockers and grabbed him by the chin, Sasori not far behind. “But you know, since you’re so desperate,” Tenzo’s heart pounded as he heard a zipper open. “I don’t mind giving you something to play with.”_

_It was just like a fever, though nowhere as gradual. Instead, the unbearable heat snuck up on him, burning his skin and his lungs as Hidan pressed harder against him. Soon, there was no sound in his ears but the roar of his heart and the sneering voice of his father in his head._ You want something to cry about, Kinoe?

_His body turned, almost of its own accord, with such speed that it took Hidan by surprise. He did not have time to block the elbow that struck his temple. Disoriented, he shook his head, trying to focus on him again, but Tenzo’s knee was already in his crotch, forcing a wheeze out of him as he doubled over onto his knees. His face practically landed in Tenzo’s hands and he slammed it against the edge of the bench. There was a crunch, but Tenzo didn’t get to register what it meant before a fist connected with his nose, knocking him back against the lockers. Another blow to the gut had him doubled over in pain. He was kicked to the floor, where he curled up, trying his best to protect his head, but Sasori still landed a few solid kicks to his stomach, huffing and cursing. "You think—you're so—brave, huh?" He spat on him, only stopping a few seconds to catch his breath. But Tenzo saw the opening and kicked the back of his knee as hard as he could, making his legs buckle under him. Sasori let out a startled screech when Tenzo lunged at him, his fist slamming into his jaw. He huffed as he landed on his stomach and Tenzo was quickly on top of him, pushing his face to the floor as he twisted his arm backward._

_“No, no, no, stop! Please!”_

_There was a loud snap and Tenzo felt a thrill in his veins._

You did well, Kinoe.

_Then there was screaming._

_He gasped, startled by the wails that filled his ears. It took a few seconds for him to realize that they were coming from the redhead below him and he jumped off, landing hard on his behind. He dragged himself away until his back was against the lockers, gaping at the scene before him._

_“Fuck! My arm! You crazy motherfucker!”_

_Trembling, he watched Sasori’s arm fall limp to his side as he writhed in agony. "God, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"_

_Not far from where he sat, Hidan’s unconscious body lay sprawled across the floor, blood trickling from his head. Tenzo’s breath came in short gasps, his head swimming as he took in the extent of what he’d done. Tears stung at his eyes and he opened his mouth to apologize, but the words refused to come out. Instead, he tasted iron. He reached up to find that blood was still flowing from his nose._

_He flinched at a new sound in the corner, but it was only Kotetsu finally crawling out of the locker. His knees almost gave out as they shook violently. Mouth gaping, he scanned his surroundings; Hidan grumbling something incoherent and Sasori weeping on the floor. Then his wide eyes focused on Tenzo with more terror than they ever had with the other two boys._

_And he ran._

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The pattering of water on the tile was the only sound as steam gathered around them, fogging up the glass door. Kakashi knew it was stupid to be standing on his one leg in a slippery shower, but he wasn't at all concerned. He had Tenzo to hold onto. Besides, the main reason he didn't want to sit was because it almost felt like the contact of their skin was the only thing keeping Tenzo _here_. He feared that letting go would only push him further away. He stared at the tiled wall behind him, wondering how their perfect day could have taken such a drastic turn.

He wanted to warm him up as soon as possible and Tenzo had not protested when he'd dragged him to the bathroom and ordered him to strip and get in the shower. In fact, he hadn't spoken a word since they'd come back inside. He only maintained the same blank expression.

It broke his heart to see him like this, as if every ounce of joy and peace had been sucked out of him. Now, more than ever he ached to know why.

Water trickled down Tenzo's back and Kakashi buried his face in his neck. He was glad that Tenzo's skin was finally warming, but couldn't quite stifle the shiver that ran through his own frozen body. Tenzo tightened his arms around him and helped him maneuver until he was directly under the spray. Kakashi sighed as the water thawed him, lowering his head to let it drench his hair with warmth. Tenzo pulled away slightly, his hand moving up along his back and neck before settling over his cheek. He tilted his face back up, rigid almond eyes searching him for a moment before their edges softened. Then he briefly brought his lips to his.

“I'm sorry,” he sighed.

Water trickled between them as he rested his forehead on his.

Kakashi nudged his nose. “Don't shut me out,” he whispered.

Tenzo's thumb stroked his cheek as he leaned into him. “I don't want to burden you with this.”

“Tenzo," he frowned. "You could never be a burden to me. Let me be here for you. Just like you are for me.”

He was quiet for so long that Kakashi was afraid he would retreat and say no more. With his heart in his throat, he listened to the water run over their bodies and around their feet. Finally, Tenzo released a heavy breath and nodded.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi handed him a mug of tea before curling up next to him on the couch with a mug of his own.

"Thanks."

The fragments of his phone had been cleared off the floor. He frowned at the thought of having to get a new one tomorrow.

He took a sip of tea, a small smile forming on his lips when Kakashi tucked his cold foot under him instead of putting a sock on. They drank quietly, listening to the crackle of the fire while Tenzo thought of the words to begin. He was surprised to find that he was not as nervous as he'd been when he opened up to Iruka. And while Iruka had not pressured him to talk, this still felt different. Perhaps it was that he had nowhere to be and could take all the time he needed to gather his thoughts. Or because Kakashi was not looking at him; he was studying the tree again. More of the candy canes and ornaments had fallen off throughout the day, but he was still completely entranced. A surge of warmth settled in Tenzo's chest, knowing that he'd managed to bring that expression to his face.

“I didn't want to hurt you,” he finally said.

Kakashi turned his attention to him again. “Hurt me?” 

“Again.”

“Again?” he parroted. “What are you talking about?”

Tenzo reached over to caress his cheek, a sharp pain chasing the warmth from his chest when his mind filled in the gruesome, dark bruises he'd left there only a few months before. He gently traced the scar that ran over his eye, recalling how badly the extensive swelling had contorted its shape. His throat tightened.

Kakashi's brows knit in confusion, staring at him as if he'd just grown sunflowers out of his head. Then it seemed to dawn on him, what he was referring to, and he took Tenzo's hand from his face. “Tenzo—that—come on—I deserved that after what I did—”

“No. You didn't,” Tenzo cut him off firmly.

“Well—I mean—you were drunk, you weren't—”

“Don’t,” Tenzo grimaced, taking his hand back. “Just—stop trying to justify it, alright?” he murmured, turning away.

"Fine." Kakashi gave an exasperated sigh. "But why were you so worried about that today?”

“It's just—sometimes, when I'm angry—I—" he stared at his hands. "I can’t control myself. I mean—I've—"

_You crazy motherfucker! What the fuck is wrong with you?!_

He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the memory away. "I've sent people to the hospital before."

Kakashi was quiet for a moment. "That bad?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," he sighed. "And today I was so angry I couldn’t stop myself from breaking my phone. I went outside to cool down because I—didn't want to do something I'd regret."

Kakashi set his mug down and moved closer. "Tenzo," he rested a hand on his knee. "I don’t believe for a second that you'd ever hurt me again."

He didn't respond, focusing intently on the lines of his hands to avoid his gaze.

"Will you tell me what upset you so much?"

He took a long breath. "My dad called. He left a message that—just—undermined the way I've felt all these years. The way he's made me feel all my life." He finally turned to face him. "I thought I'd gotten over it, Kakashi. But—I guess I never did,” he murmured slowly, allowing himself to process the weight of that truth for the first time.

Kakashi nodded. “It's not something you just get over, Tenzo. Is that why you’ve been acting so strange lately?”

“I—" he looked away, ashamed that he hadn't confided in him sooner. "Yeah. He's been trying to contact me for weeks. He even showed up at the hospital.”

“Well, what does he want?”

He shook his head. “I don't know.”

“And you're not curious?”

“No, I want nothing to do with him,” he muttered quickly.

He watched the fireplace in silence. The flames had begun to dwindle and fade until only golden embers remained.

“What if he wants to make amends?”

He frowned. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. It was too ridiculous. “You don't know him. That's not something he would do.”

“People can change, Tenzo.”

“People don't change," he snapped. "They just hide their true selves when it's convenient.”

Kakash balked at his tone. “You can't really believe that.”

“Why not?”

“Because then you wouldn't be here with me.”

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

“You said it yourself, that you believed things could get better. That's because we've changed. We’ve both been through so much, Tenzo. We’re not the same people we were three years ago.”

“That's different.”

“Is it? How do you know he hasn’t had a change of heart? What if he regrets the way he treated you and that’s why he’s reaching out?”

He scoffed and shook his head. “He wouldn’t, Kakashi. I’m not even sure he’s capable of feeling remorse.”

Kakashi’s gaze burrowed into him and he avoided it again by hiding his face in his hands. “I know I can’t hide from him forever. I know I have to face him, eventually. I just--I don't want to. I--” He was surprised by the force that gripped at his lungs and threatened with rising bile at the mere thought of seeing him again. “I can't,” he said, his voice sounding just as small as he felt.

Kakashi gently took him into his arms, his hand tangling in his hair and drawing him close.

“You don't have to do anything you're not ready to do.”

Tenzo shut his eyes and nestled into his chest, the burning in his throat subsiding with every breath of him that he took.

“I'm such a coward, Kakashi—I’m so— _weak_ ,” he spat. “I don't think I'll ever be ready.”

“Tenzo,” Kakashi pulled away to bring his face level with his. “I don't know what he said to you but you are so far from being either of those things. You actually had the guts to come out to him. That is no easy feat. Not to mention that it takes incredible courage to be as genuinely kind as you are in this fucked up world. I mean, truly—you are—” his eyes softened as he smiled down on him, “the most remarkable man I've ever met."

Tenzo held his breath, eyes widening at the revelation.

“And if you're never ready to face him," Kakashi continued with a shrug, "I’ll still be here, believing the sun shines out of your ass.”

He snorted and Kakashi laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple. Then he rose from the couch, holding out his hand.

“Come on, I want to show you something.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi sat on the bed, watching in silence as Tenzo read Sakumo’s letter. The broad range of emotions that crossed his face was exactly what he'd experienced. His eyes filled with tears as they skimmed across the page and then he chuckled. “You were a grumpy baby, weren’t you?” he murmured, poking his cheek. Kakashi smiled.

Tenzo’s grin faded as he kept reading, his brows knitting together until tears eventually spilled over. Kakashi chewed his lip trying to stop a new flood of sorrow as he recalled the impact of his father's words. But it was in vain. By the time Tenzo set the letter down and turned to him with a loud sniffle, his own face was a mess again. “Fuck,” Tenzo sighed, pulling him into his arms. “That must have been so hard for you to read. Are you okay?”

He nodded, his throat too tight to squeeze any words out. Tenzo’s hand soothed down his back and for a while, he closed his eyes and held on, listening to his gentle breathing.

When Tenzo pulled away, he was grinning. “I hate to be that guy," he wiped a stray tear from his cheek, "but I was _so _right.”__

“You were,” Kakashi smiled and sniffed, wiping his face on his shirt again before clearing his throat. “But I really wanted you to read how he felt about my mom. As a kid, I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just move on. But I do, now. And that's because I feel the same way about you, Tenzo. You _see_ me and I guess—because of that—I’m finally starting to see myself.”

Tenzo gave him a small smile, his eyes glimmering with the same sentiment Kakashi could feel in his bones.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The next week went by with only the slightest quarrel between Naruto and Sasuke. It was a strange but welcome respite from the constant bickering Kakashi had grown used to hearing on a daily basis. At the end of every day, he stayed later than usual to brainstorm combination ideas with the Uchiha and Naruto and it had gone surprisingly smoothly, the young boys only calling each other names a few times before settling down and focusing on the task at hand.

He went to his appointment with Inoichi, where they focused on unpacking the conflicting feelings he was dwelling on regarding his father’s letter. He’d been tempted to bury the negative ones and focus only on the good, but Inoichi called him out on it.

He visited Gai, feeling a twinge of guilt when his best friend nearly wept with joy at seeing him on his doorstep unannounced. He’d brought Sakumo’s collection of records and record player to give him.

“He would’ve wanted you to have them,” he admitted when Gai stared at him dumbfounded. “You’ve always been more musically inclined than me.”

He didn’t mind too much when the breath was squeezed out of him by Gai’s two-minute bear hug.

He was saddened to realize how badly he’d neglected their friendship over the past few months when Gai revealed that he’d started dating someone he'd met at the Halloween party.

"Really?" he crossed his arms in feigned indignation. "Why didn't you tell me?"

“Ah, well—you know," Gai shrugged, embarrassed. "You've had a lot on your plate recently.”

That stung more than he cared to admit, but before he could protest at all, Gai’s face lit up brighter than the sun.

“But her name is Konan and she’s _the_ most beautiful creature I have ever seen!” Gai announced. “I’ll introduce you at the New Year’s party!” he flashed his signature blindingly bright smile. “You _are_ going, right?”

“I guess I have to now,” Kakashi mumbled, hiding the very real excitement he felt to meet the person who had his friend gushing for the first time in years.

It didn’t take long for Tenzo to move in all his things, as they all fit into two boxes. The largest pieces of furniture were sold or given away, as he didn’t really care enough to keep them. He was usually asleep by the time he got home, but Kakashi didn’t mind. Every night, he did his best not to disturb him when he climbed into bed with him, and after shutting his book and turning the lamp off, he’d press a kiss to his lips. Sometimes, he'd wake up and snake an arm around him. Other times, his lip would twitch and a scrunched nose was all the response Kakashi would get. But he was happy either way. He smiled and closed his eyes. Things were finally looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gai x Konan  
> Can you say RARE-PAIR?! XD Oh well. They be cute in my mind #konandeservedbetter


	44. All I See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry the last chapter was so rushed at the end, but I really needed to get through it to get the story moving again lol. I hope you enjoy this one! ;) Lemme know what you think. Love y'all!

To say that Konan was far from the realm of what Kakashi had expected would have been the understatement of the year. At first glance she looked, in a word, _dangerous_.

It wasn't just the black, form-fitting leather dress and matching thigh-high boots. Half her lilac hair was shaved while the other half cascaded down to her shoulder blades. The full tattoo sleeve on her right arm was brightly colored and abstract while the one on her left was dark, geometric and stunningly detailed. The snake bite piercings on her lips made her stern expression seem almost hostile.

But as she saw him approach, her face softened immediately and her warm, caramel eyes glimmered as she flashed a beautiful smile his way. She held her hand out to him. “Hey, I’m Konan. You must be Kakashi. Gai has told me so much about you, I feel like I know you already.”

“That's definitely Gai,” he smiled, shaking it. “It's nice to meet you, Konan. What do you think of the party?”

She shrugged, looking around and catching plenty of appraising glances from passing politicians and their wives. 

“Well, you know. I’ve had my fair share of parties full of judgmental assholes, but the champagne was never quite this good.”

Kakashi grinned. He could definitely relate. He hadn't been immune to the scanning looks when he'd walked into the congressman's house, perhaps a bit too close to Tenzo. But they'd eventually separated throughout the night when someone had recognized Kakashi as the owner of White Fang and dragged him into a conversation while Tenzo went with Asuma and Kurenai. He'd finally managed to escape and make his way to the group. Even though they were all spread out and surrounded by strange faces, they were all still within a twenty-foot radius of each other and that eased some of his social anxiety. Though he suspected a few shots of liquid courage couldn't hurt.

They listened as Kurenai and Iruka argued about who’d had the most difficult case load that week, complete with graphic descriptions and medical jargon.

Konan turned to him with a confused frown. "Do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

"It's Mandarin to me," he admitted.

"Oh, thank god!" she huffed. "I'm not the only one who has to pretend."

He chuckled, secretly relieved as well. "So, what do you do?"

She paused for a beat too long as her expression changed into something Kakashi couldn’t quite read. For a moment, he wondered if maybe he'd mentioned a touchy subject, but then she averted her gaze with a smirk. “Sorry, that shouldn’t take me so long to answer. It's been over a year, but I guess I'm still not used to it." Her brow furrowed. "I _was_ a dancer but now I’m a dance instructor. You know what they say, those who can’t do, teach.”

He frowned sympathetically, not really thinking too much before pressing further. “What changed?"

"Eh, you know. Same as every tragic dancer story. Just as I was getting where I'd worked to be for decades, it was all gone in the blink of an eye with a career-ending injury."

"Oh. I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Yeah, it blows."

"I can only imagine. But you know, we’re all teachers at some point in our lives. That doesn’t make you less of an athlete and an artist than you were before. It doesn't mean you stop learning and growing. It's only in different—maybe slightly unexpected—ways.”

Her piercing eyes glimmered as she let out a soft laugh. “Good Lord, you sound exactly like Gai.”

“Mm,” he smiled. “I guess we’re not brothers for nothing.”

She nodded slowly, regarding him as she brought her tulip glass to her lips.

“So," she said, her tone much lighter, now. "I hear you’re quite the celebrity."

"Celebrity?" He snorted. “That’s the first I’m hearing about it.”

“No need to be modest,” she smiled. “You should be proud of your success. Trust me, I know better than most that it’s not easy to come by these days.”

“Well, I appreciate it,” he responded sincerely, “but I can’t really take credit for that. It was all my dad. And I’m sure Gai has been hyping the restaurant up more than it deserves at the moment. It’s actually been losing traction ever since my father retired—but I am making some changes and haven’t given up hope for a comeback."

"I see," she murmured thoughtfully. "Well, I really hope it works out."

"Thanks."

They stood in mildly awkward silence for a moment before he introduced a new subject. "So um—how did you and Gai meet?”

“Ah, he didn’t tell you?" she grinned, her eyebrows nearly reaching her hairline. "I’m surprised he didn’t tell you,” she chuckled, looking to where Gai was gesticulating wildly in his emerald green suit, deep in discussion with two old men in tuxedos. “It was actually thanks to you, in a way,” she revealed.

“To me?”

“Yeah. It was at the Halloween party. I was there because a friend of a friend invited me, even though I'm not a huge fan of parties. But I'd had a rough week so I figured, eh, what the hell. So, it was towards the end of the night and I was already pretty hammered when someone bumped into me and I slipped. I probably would’ve cracked my head open if Gai hadn’t been there in his ridiculous cow onesie and I hadn’t grabbed his udders as I went down." Kakashi pictured the scene and laughed harder than he thought he would and she happily joined in.

"But _no_ ," she continued, "instead, I ended up spraining my ankle because I was wearing hooker heels with my slutty nurse costume and it took at least 15 minutes for me to believe him when he said he was an _actual_ nurse. That was, until he examined my foot and helped me ice it. I was so drunk, I'm pretty sure I threw myself at him for being such a sweetheart, but of course he was a perfect gentleman and instead distracted me with conversation. He told me he was looking for a masked ninja with silver hair and we had a very long and very ridiculous discussion about the absurdity of a ninja wearing a mask to hide his identity while simultaneously having the most distinguishing hair of all time. And then he found a pillow for me and I passed out on the couch. The next morning, I woke up with a massive hangover and two bottles by my phone. One of water and one of aspirin. There was also a sweet little note that included instructions on how to take care of my ankle along with his number, just in case I had any questions," she chuckled, rolling her eyes.

“Very smooth," Kakashi smirked. "Well. I guess I can add ‘accidental matchmaker’ to my resume now,” he murmured, nodding politely to the waiter who handed him a glass of wine from his tray.

“I guess so,” Konan agreed. “Though, to be fair, I was ready to be all over that cow without your help.”

They laughed again, but their laughter was quickly overshadowed by Iruka’s only a few feet away and they turned toward the sound, watching as the man in question smacked Tenzo’s shoulder playfully. Kakashi was surprised to feel a twinge of—something unfamiliar in his gut, and he frowned. But he was quickly distracted by a small hand on his forearm. He looked down to find an elegantly-clad elderly woman who was perhaps two feet shorter than him, gazing up at him with wide, blue eyes.

"Young man, is it true you are the owner of White Fang?"

He smiled and confirmed her suspicions, quietly dreading her next words. 

"Oh, how wonderful! My husband absolutely loves your sushi! Please, come meet him! It would absolutely make his day."

He nodded and gave Konan a defeated glance but she only winked and mouthed the word 'celebrity' as the tiny woman dragged him away.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
Their eyes met again for the third time that hour and Kakashi smiled at him before returning his attention to the small group of older couples who’d stolen him away from the group.

“ _Stop_ ,” Iruka groaned with a dramatic eye roll. “Do you guys need a room?”

Tenzo snickered, still watching Kakashi in his slim-fitted black suit and tie. He’d just gotten a haircut the day before and it reminded him of their very first not-really-a-date-ice-cream-date at Kushina’s. The man was gorgeous when he _didn’t_ try, so when he actually _did_ …

“You know, that’s not a bad idea,” he responded with a mischievous grin, to which Iruka shook his head vehemently.

“Ugh! I do _not_ want to know the filthy things you guys are up to.” Then he paused for dramatic effect before mirroring Tenzo’s grin. “Oh, who am I kidding? I want to know every detail, tell me _everything_! How _is_ he? Is he as kinky as I think he is?!” He narrowed his eyes then gasped loudly. “Oh my GOD, you guys do some freaky shit with his leg, don’t you?! Oh my GOD!”

Tenzo had never been more grateful to see Anko as she appeared in her skin-tight sequined minidress to yank Iruka off the couch. “You! Me! Dance floor! NOW!”

“I can’t!” Iruka cried, reaching back dramatically for Tenzo as she took him away. “I need _answers!_ ”

Tenzo sighed with relief as he watched them go and downed the rest of his drink, which was now too diluted to taste like anything. The house—no, _mansion—_ was large enough that the jazzy music from the live band in the next open space was not loud enough to drown out the many conversations going on in the massive drawing room, but it still flowed in, and Tenzo found himself tapping his foot to the rhythm. 

He looked in Kakashi's direction again and immediately recognized the glazed-over look his eyes took on when he was just about done socializing with strangers, even if he couldn’t quite tear himself away from the conversation. He took that as his cue and pushed himself off the couch, leaving his empty glass on a ceramic coaster before making his way over to him.

“So then she said, ‘What does it matter if it’s squid or octopus, as long as it doesn’t climb out of my throat!’” the old woman next to Kakashi guffawed at her own joke as the rest of the group chuckled graciously.

Tenzo placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt, but you’re needed for a _very_ urgent matter,” he said loudly enough to be heard over the woman’s obnoxious laughter.

“Ah! A kitchen emergency?” she squealed.

Tenzo flashed his most charming smile. “Yes, I’m afraid the lobsters have finally decided to rise up in arms.”

“Oh, my!” she cackled and he wrapped an arm over Kakashi, who politely excused himself before allowing himself to be pulled away.

“Ugh, thanks,” Kakashi sighed when they were far enough away and Tenzo dropped his arm to his side. “I don’t know how many more seafood jokes I could’ve taken before choking her with my tie.”

“Goodness. No need for senicide, yet," Tenzo laughed. "But I really wasn’t joking about that urgent matter,” he added cryptically.

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. “Mm. Really? What is it?”

The corner of his mouth twitched into a grin. “I’ll only tell you if you dance with me.”

“Oh, dance with you, huh?” he responded with exaggerated nonchalance. “You sure you don’t want to ask Iruka?”

"Iruka?" Tenzo’s mouth morphed into a shocked, face-splitting grin. “Well, I guess he _was_ my first choice, but seeing as how Anko stole him away…”

Kakashi huffed and Tenzo let out a loud laugh. “Oh, no, I love this! You’re way too cute when you’re jealous! I need to find more men to flirt with.”

The searing glare Kakashi shot him only made him beam even more. After another cheerful laugh, he bumped his shoulder into him. “Come on, dance with me."

"Yeah, I'll pass."

"Aw, come on!" he pouted. "You're not really upset, are you?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. “ _Dance_ , Tenzo? You can't be serious.”

“What? Why not?”

“You want to dance. _Here_?”

“Well...yes, here,” he laughed. “And if you use the handicapped excuse one more time, I swear to _Christ_ \--”

“Tenzo,” Kakashi frowned, lowering his voice, “you realize this is a conservative congressman’s party we’re in, right?”

“So?”

“So, I’d rather _not_ get lynched before I'm drunk off my ass on that classy champagne!”

Tenzo chuckled. “We’re not getting lynched. Come on...” He took a slow step to close the space between them, his hand inching toward his, but not quite touching. “Please?” His pleading eyes searched his, almost childish in their hopeful anticipation.

Kakashi's uncertain gaze softened for a moment and Tenzo took advantage of the subtle change to grab his hand and pull him onto the dance floor to blend in with the couples who were already dancing. He cleared his throat and straightened up, wrapping an arm around his waist and holding his hand out in the other. And off they went.

He couldn't say he knew what he was doing, but he figured stepping to the beat was close enough to what everyone around them was doing. Kakashi seemed just as clueless, the major difference being that he was growing much more self-conscious by the second. 

“Everyone’s staring,” he muttered nervously, his body rigid as a board in Tenzo's arms. 

Tenzo had noticed it as well, of course. But he couldn't bring himself to care. They'd all disappeared the moment Kakashi had embraced him back. 

“Just focus on me,” he said softly, moving his face so close to his that their noses almost touched. “You know, I barely noticed they were here because all I see is you.”

Even in the golden light cast by the chandeliers above, Tenzo could appreciate the faint blush that crossed Kakashi's features and when his lower lip twitched into the beginnings of a grin, he experienced an incredible urge to bite down on it, if only to hear one of his delicious moans. But he shook the thought away and somehow managed to contain himself. After a few more stiff steps, he could feel Kakashi relaxing, his body moving more freely in his hold. And soon, he was beaming. Tenzo twirled him as awkwardly as a twirl could possibly get and his responding laughter made his heart soar. It was something out of a dream, watching Kakashi enjoy himself so much, eyes shimmering brightly as they found his again.

Someone bumped into Tenzo purposely and he turned his head to see Iruka wagging his eyebrows suggestively while Anko giggled and stuck her tongue out playfully. He chuckled and it wasn’t long before Gai caught up with them too, flashing his blinding smile as he danced past them with Konan, who looked perfectly graceful in his arms, shooting them a sly wink, mid-twirl.

Tenzo lost track of the number of jazzy songs they danced to before the music finally slowed, but they were both out of breath and sweaty by that time, and he was quietly grateful for the small break. The band began to play “Put Your Head on My Shoulder” and he chuckled breathlessly, pulling Kakashi closer than before. “Just in case you had any doubts about this party being for old farts, there's a song from before our _parents_ were born.”

Kakashi snorted but sagged into him anyway. “So," he started, still trying to catch his breath. "Are you going to tell me what this urgent matter is?"

They continued to move and Tenzo closed his eyes, relishing the warmth of Kakashi’s body leaning on him as they swayed gently. He angled his face towards his ear, revealing nothing until his lips were lightly grazing it.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“I want you.”

A shiver traveled down Kakashi's spine and he shut his eyes with a grin to play it off. Tenzo's hand tightened around his waist and his warm breath tickled his ear again. “I want you _right now_.”

He gulped and focused on steadying his heart, but it was proving to be quite a challenge with Tenzo pressed so tightly against him.

“So…” Tenzo continued, and Kakashi could hear the amusement in his voice, “you think that's something the famous Kakashi Hatake could help me with?”

He hummed thoughtfully, looking around. Some stray eyes still glowered in their direction, but they turned away as soon as they met his. Most of the guests seemed to have forgotten about them altogether. He smiled and squeezed Tenzo's hand. “Whatever you need, Doctor Yamato.”

"Mm," Tenzo sighed into his ear, sending another rush of heat through him. “I like that." 

Then Tenzo stopped moving, holding Kakashi tightly to stop him too. He pressed a kiss to Kakashi's cheek and whispered, "Twenty minutes. Upstairs. Last room to the right.” 

And just like that, Tenzo was walking away from him, making his way to the staircase. Kakashi stared after him dumbfounded, positive that his entire face was glowing red.

He already had a _room?_


	45. Threat

Passing the twenty minutes he'd apparently agreed to wait before going up to meet Tenzo was harder than he'd expected. He had to stay alert in order to avoid his friends if he wanted to be able to sneak upstairs without them noticing. The thought of them questioning him while knowing exactly what he and Tenzo were up to made him blush to the tips of his ears so he kept close to the bar, ordering a drink he didn't actually want and looking over his shoulder every two minutes like he was about to commit a heist. The excitement brewing in his gut had him restless and twitchy and time _dragged on_. 

He checked his phone for the fifth and last time before deciding that eighteen minutes was a good enough wait in order to not be _completely_ obvious. He doubted the chatterboxes around him were paying attention anyway, but still. Chugging the rest of his drink, he stood from his seat and set the glass down. Just as he was about to take a step, a deep, somber voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I wouldn't get involved with him, if I were you."

He probably should have ignored it, but curiosity got the best of him and he turned to see who the man was talking to. Surely, he wasn't addressing _him_. Except that the man's hard eyes were focused on no one else.

Kakashi blinked in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

The stranger smirked, gaze dark and penetrating. He'd apparently been sitting two stools away, but had been nothing more than background noise until now. He made no move to get up. Kakashi recognized him from the circle of older gentlemen Congressman Sarutobi had been surrounded by earlier that night. And although he was sharply dressed, he didn't seem to fit in with the crowd around them. He lacked the practiced jovial expression of a politician. On the contrary, he seemed to be making no attempt to mask his distaste.

Had he been watching them this whole time? 

“This— _thing—_ you have,” he gestured in the direction of the dance floor, and it took no time for Kakashi to understand that he meant _the thing with Tenzo._ “Sure, the high is fun while it lasts. But do you really think you're ready for the crash that follows it? I don't think you are.”

An unfamiliar throbbing began in Kakashi's temple, growing strong enough to leave him breathless for a moment. Fury.

He tried his best to relax. “With all due respect, sir, you know nothing about me,” he said, straining to keep his voice even, "and my personal relationships are none of your goddamn business." 

"Perhaps," he murmured in the low, smug voice of a man who was confident he’d be heard even if it meant the listener had to lean in. "But I do know his type. And I can tell you, it's not pretty. You can see it in his eyes, can't you? A ticking time bomb. You think you know who he is, but he'll prove you wrong, eventually. It only takes a little push." He prodded his glass on the bar with his index finger to illustrate the point before taking it up to his lips.

 _What the actual fuck?_ Kakashi clenched his jaw, unable to believe the bullshit that was spewing from the man's mouth. He blinked again when, much against his will, his mind flashed back to Tenzo's pleading eyes only a few days earlier as he stood half naked in the snow.

The man's self-satisfied smirk returned. "Ah. So you _have_ seen it."

He took a steadying breath before schooling his expression back to neutral. "Sir, I don't know who you think you are and I honestly could not care less. Your assumptions are irrelevant and what you expect to get out of this conversation is beyond me. But I can see you're in with the congressman, so you've got power; you're used to being influential, that much is obvious. But neither that, nor all the money I'm sure you possess, means anything, does it? Because you're miserable." He narrowed his eyes. "Here you are, wasting your breath, trying to ruin something that has nothing to do with you. Something that you can't even begin to comprehend because there's no one in your life who's as special to you as that man is to me. And, really, that's just... sad. I don't think I've ever pitied anyone as much as I do you."

The man's eyes flashed furiously for a split second, lips pursed in an effort to maintain his indifference.

 _Not_ _too_ _far off the mark, then._

He attempted an icy smile, but the tight scar on his chin pulled his lips down so that it was closer to a grimace. “You're going to regret that, boy."

Kakashi scoffed. This guy was too much.

"The only thing I'm going to regret is wasting another second in your pathetic company."

Without another word, he took his leave and headed in the direction of the stairs. Really, he'd gotten too comfortable in this party. He should have expected to come across at least _one_ homophobic prick in this crowd. If anything, he was surprised that it'd taken this long. 

"Enjoy your night, _Kakashi_."

He stiffened for a second, the hair on the back of his neck standing up before he resumed walking. Hearing his name on strangers' lips all night had been weird, but it was a whole new level of unnerving coming from someone he'd acquired an aversion to in less than five minutes. Not to mention the implied threat in his tone. He could hear him chuckling behind him as he moved away and tried his best to drown out the furious pounding in his head.

He continued to the base of the stairs, swiftly grabbing a flute of champagne from a passing waiter who didn't seem to notice the movement at all. He took a swig and another deep breath before climbing the winding staircase, trying to appear as if he actually had a valid reason for being up there. Which, he did. But he doubted it would make for a comfortable conversation with anyone who happened to cross his way. Thankfully, he did not encounter anyone as he reached the top and turned right. Compared to the rest of the house, the long corridor was strangely bare of all decoration except for some art deco paintings set in matching silver frames. Perhaps after years of hosting drunken guests after wild parties, the Sarutobi family had grown wiser about displaying their most expensive pieces in the least supervised area of the house. 

He did not understand what the purpose of having such a large house was to begin with, if the only people who currently lived in it were the congressman and his wife. But he didn't have much time to wonder before he reached his destination. The last door.

He sighed. There was no point in ruining the mood because some asshole had decided to press his buttons. So he pushed the incident aside and instead pictured Tenzo in his _very_ well-fitted navy suit and charcoal tie. God, he was stunning. Was it any wonder that his eyes had kept wandering back to him all night? The tension finally eased off his shoulders and he shook himself loose of all ill feelings before knocking. 

He heard a muffled “Kakashi?” from within and pushed the door open into what resembled a high-end hotel suite, complete with a personal bathroom and an enormous sitting room. It was elegantly furnished with chairs and tables that Kakashi imagined were probably worth more than his and Tenzo’s cars combined.

“It's me,” he said, locking the door behind him. Tenzo was nowhere in sight. The sitting room was part of a larger bedroom, which was separated by frosted-glass double doors. He paused right outside them before calling out his name. There was no reply. Instead, he was surprised to hear the rhythmic creaking of a mattress and soft panting coming from within.

Tentatively, he pushed the doors open. All thoughts of his earlier encounter vanished as he took in the scene before him.

Tenzo lay completely naked and spread out on the bed, face flushed and needy as he worked himself open with one hand and languidly stroked his swollen cock with the other.

All the blood in Kakashi's head rushed south.

“Holy shit,” he exhaled, suddenly aware that he'd been holding his breath.

“Oh, hey. Nice of you to join me.” Tenzo peered at him with an impish grin, hips grinding in slow waves. “I thought I told you it was urgent.”

“Yeah, um—you did. I was—" the lewd squelching of Tenzo's pistoning fingers was overriding every word in his vocabulary, "um—I'm uh—”

Tenzo's grin grew as he cocked his head. “You gonna stutter all night?”

He let out an amused breath, recovering just enough to set his glass down on the nightstand before moving to stand between his legs, hands trailing over solid muscle as Tenzo sighed and followed him with his eyes. The man put forth quite an effort to maintain his glorious physique and Kakashi would never get tired of appreciating it.

Without further hesitation, he knelt before him and took him in his mouth. It was as natural as breathing, and he loved it. He loved the taste of his arousal and the soft, stuttered breaths he produced as he got used to being inside his mouth. But most of all, he loved it when he moaned his name.

Using his hand and his tongue, he eagerly stroked the familiar girth, coating it with a generous layer of saliva to suck with fervor. Tenzo moaned and gripped the sheets, hips elevating to meet his mouth. He hummed smugly, aware that he was trying to control himself. He was about to relax his jaw to take more of him, when Tenzo's hands in his hair stopped him. “Wait. Wait, I--I want--not like this.”

Kakashi let the dick fall out of his mouth and bounce against Tenzo's stomach. He stood slowly, leaning over him. “What do you want?”

Tenzo’s eyes bored into his. “I want you in me. However you want, just… just keep the suit on.”

"Keep it on?" Kakashi's eyebrows reached his hairline and he straightened up with a grin. “Guess I made the right wardrobe choice tonight.”

“Well, I did bring lube with me when I saw you pick that out," he admitted. "Plus that damn cologne, and your hair… God, you’ve had me half-hard since we left the house.”

Kakashi chuckled, climbing onto his lap. “Yeah? Well, you made quite a sight yourself,” he murmured, "but your birthday suit is still my favorite."

Tenzo snorted and sat up, leaning in to catch his lips in a soft kiss.

“Pants?” Kakashi asked as he undid his belt.

“Everything stays on.”

“Hm. Alright,” he shrugged, sighing when Tenzo’s hand trailed down into his briefs.

His piercing brown eyes never left his as he applied the lube and Kakashi groaned when he felt him grasp both cocks in his hand to stroke them simultaneously. He shuddered under his touch, brows knitting together as Tenzo's shallow breath met his lips. His eyes were closed now, and a low, steady hum rolled forth from his throat. Tenzo was clearly enjoying the sensation of their cocks pressed together as much as he was. Kakashi kissed him again, holding his face this time. That warm, delicious tongue was inebriating, and he savored it even though it put his mind in a deeper haze the more it moved. 

Tenzo pulled away, gazing down at his lips before meeting his eyes again. “I need you, Kakashi. Don’t hold back, okay?"

Kakashi traced his cheek with a grin. "Anything I want?" he asked, just as an idea occurred to him. Tenzo gave an earnest nod.

His grin widened and he reached over to the pile of clothes on the other side of the bed, grabbing the charcoal tie and lifting it to Tenzo’s face. Tenzo blinked up in surprise and he proceeded to tie it snugly over his eyes.

“But... I wanted to see you fucking me in that outfit,” Tenzo protested without actually trying to remove it.

“You said anything I want,” Kakashi reminded him, voice soft as he tilted his face up to press slow, wet kisses to his neck. “So here it is, Tenzo. I'm gonna get you off and it's going to blow your mind. But I'm in charge of when and how that happens. Do you understand?"

Tenzo gulped audibly before nodding again.

"Oh, and one more thing," he whispered, tracing his ear with his tongue. "You can only take the tie off to watch me come.”

"Shit," he groaned, hips grinding up against him. “You really got me going now.”

“Good," Kakashi smirked, pressing one last kiss to his lips before climbing off his lap. "Now shut up and bend over.”


	46. Champagne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be part of the previous chapter but it was a little too long so I decided to split it. Which means you get TWO chapters with this update! Ayyeee surprise ^_^ hehe

A pleasant shudder ran through Tenzo as he registered the change in Kakashi's tone. It wasn’t one he’d ever used with him but he imagined that before this, it’d been strictly reserved for when he was bossing people around at the restaurant. Blindfolded, he could only imagine the stern look on his face as he gave him the orders.

Yup, boss-mode Kakashi was definitely a turn-on.

Without another word, he obeyed and turned over onto his stomach. With his legs off the edge and ass in the air, he rested his head between his forearms and waited. Kakashi was quiet behind him, his fingers sliding over the back of his thighs, leaving goosebumps in their wake. The brush of fabric against him when Kakashi leaned over to press his lips to his shoulder blades made him quiver with anticipation. It felt nice, but he was way past the foreplay and in desperate need of being fucked senseless.

Still, Kakashi continued with the slow caresses over his ass and his sides, humming softly without a care in the world.

He gave an exasperated huff. “Could you speed this up a little? I've been ready for a while, now.”

Kakashi stopped and took his hands off him completely, which felt considerably worse than being teased. Then a hand weaved into his hair and pulled his head back, not hard enough to hurt, but firmly enough to get the message across. Kakashi’s voice was low and dangerous in his ear.

“I still have another tie, Tenzo. Don’t make me gag you.”

Tenzo’s heart skipped a beat, cock throbbing painfully. But he would settle for anything Kakashi would give him, at this point. He was already desperately missing his touch. It felt like an eternity before he felt a hand on his hip again.

“Have you tried the champagne?” Kakashi murmured casually and Tenzo vaguely remembered seeing him with a champagne flute when he'd entered the room. “It’s the best I’ve ever had," he continued thoughtfully, "but I bet it tastes even better on you.”

The liquid was icy when it landed on his skin and he flinched. It gathered at the small of his back before Kakashi lapped it up, his tongue neutralizing the cold. He poured more, perhaps a bit too fast, and Tenzo let out a shaky breath as it trickled down his waist and onto the sheets. Kakashi seemed unperturbed by the fact that he was making a mess and took his time licking the trail of liquor off his skin. Tenzo had to admit it felt good--amazing even, to have Kakashi’s mouth all over him, hearing the same contented hum he produced whenever he enjoyed a particularly tasty meal. With a sigh, he focused on the new stream of champagne that rolled down his spine, trembling when it dipped into his ass. And when Kakashi’s hands parted his cheeks to follow the trail with his tongue, Tenzo gasped so hard he began to choke on his own saliva. He coughed and sputtered, feeling like a complete idiot. 

Kakashi paused, giving his thigh a light squeeze. "You okay?"

It was nearly half a minute before his airway was clear. “Holy shit,” he croaked, “I was not expecting that.”

“Want me to stop?”

“You better fucking not!”

Kakashi chuckled, hands gliding back up to their original position. “I was right, you know.”

“Mm?”

“About it tasting better on you.”

His knees nearly gave out as Kakashi buried his face between his cheeks, hot breath sending a jolt to his cock. His tongue slid over his rim and he let out a shameless moan, maybe a bit louder than he'd intended, and clutched desperately at the sheets. He lost his mind when it actually slipped inside, cursing and whimpering as it moved, the sensation unlike anything he’d ever felt before. And that’s when Kakashi decided to pull him away from the bed, just far enough to grab hold of his pulsating dick, already soaked with precum and lube and maybe a little bit of champagne.

It didn’t matter much anymore that he couldn’t see anything because he was squeezing his eyes shut, delirious with pleasure as Kakashi continued to fuck him with his tongue, still humming and making him vibrate from the inside out, all while working the full length of his shaft with the exact pressure he needed.

Soon, he found himself gasping, unable to take another second. This was it. Not even ten minutes into their little adventure and he was going to come so hard he was gonna give himself an aneurysm.

Death by nutting.

He supposed it really wasn’t a bad way to go.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi wasn’t about to make it that easy for him. There was something strangely powerful in being fully dressed while his lover lay completely exposed and obedient before him. He wasn't sure what that said about him and it could have been the illusion of power getting to his head, but he was going to make Tenzo beg for his release.

He only had himself to blame.

So he abruptly stopped what he was doing, delighting in the sharp whine that escaped Tenzo’s throat. "No, no, Kakashi—"

“You come when I say you can come.”

Tenzo groaned but said nothing else, his body heaving with uneven breaths. Kakashi waited for him to cool down a bit, caressing the length of his legs from the well-defined calves to the powerful thighs. He could spend hours appreciating every inch of Tenzo’s body, though he suspected Tenzo wouldn’t appreciate it as much.

When Tenzo’s breathing normalized, he finally stood and positioned himself behind him. Cock still slick with lube, he spread him open again before prodding gently at his asshole.

“Let's see how ready you are, then.”

He pressed forward all the way, in one smooth motion.

A sharp whimper escaped Tenzo before he groaned, “Fuck, yes."

Kakashi paused a second to bask in the tight, wet heat that enveloped him before gripping Tenzo’s hips. The initial languid rhythm he set did not last long as Tenzo moaned for more. He lost himself in the rhythmic squelching as their bodies moved, going at him with greater force until they were both gasping for air. 

“Shit,” he breathed, focused on the jiggle of his ass as he plunged into him. It’d been a while since they’d fucked like this and he’d almost forgotten what an amazing view Tenzo’s ass made when it flexed and relaxed around his dick.

“This is what you want, mm? You wanna come with my cock in your ass?” he panted, making Tenzo’s entire body move as he pounded into him.

“Yes! Yes... fuck, you feel so good.”

“Are you close?” he asked.

“Ngh...”

“I can’t hear you, Tenzo,” he pulled him hard against his hips, and Tenzo hissed.

“Fuck—yes! Yes, please!”

Kakashi chuckled, slowing down to change his angle and lean more of his weight on him. After a moment of readjustment, Tenzo’s gasp told him he’d found the right spot and he snapped his hips to reproduce the sound. He was not disappointed. Tenzo leaned his head back and reached for him, hand tangling in his sweat-drenched hair as he begged him not to stop. Kakashi knew he wouldn’t last much longer with Tenzo sounding like that, but he was not done with his fun. He bit down on his shoulder, making him whine again before grinding to a stop.

Tenzo’s voice gained a flustered note as he turned back to look at him. Or would have, if his eyes weren't covered. 

“No, no what are you—” then he collapsed on the sheets as it dawned on him. “You’re _still_ edging me? God, I hate you. I hate you so much!”

Kakashi laughed and pulled out, tugging Tenzo reluctantly onto his back to face him. He grumbled something about hating orgasm denial when Kakashi grabbed his pouting face to kiss him. “Shut up. I’ll make it worth it.”

He pulled away and straightened again, setting Tenzo’s legs over his shoulders and letting his ass hang over the edge. Tenzo's chest heaved as he waited. He didn’t have to wait long. His breath rushed out in a moan as Kakashi buried himself in him.

“God, Tenzo. You are so—fucking perfect,” he panted, entranced by the way Tenzo’s muscles contracted with every thrust. He really was beautiful. 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

It was getting harder to breathe the longer Kakashi moved inside him. He was going deeper and faster, gripping his hips in a vise. And if Kakashi's sounds were anything to go by, it wouldn't be long now. He was taken by surprise once again when Kakashi leaned over him, pushing his legs back as far as they'd go. Tenzo knew he was fit but really not that flexible, and his hips came up off the bed. He was thinking he was definitely going to start cramping up if he held this position for too long when Kakashi carried out a perfectly aimed thrust to his prostate. "Fuck!" he cried, clenching his teeth when he repeated the motion and stayed there. He gasped for air, pleasure coursing through him before concentrating just below his belly. "Kakashi, I need to—"

"Not yet," Kakashi huffed, drops of his sweat landing on Tenzo's cheek as he began to move again in slow circles. "The tie—take it off—” he ordered, and Tenzo could hear the note of urgency in his voice announcing his impending orgasm. He was also hanging by a thread. He slipped the tie off his head and was met with Kakashi’s pink, sweaty face mere inches from his, brows knit tightly as his breaths got more shallow. It was always hot to see him this close to the edge, but seeing his disheveled appearance while still fully clothed in the outfit that complemented him perfectly was almost too much to handle.

“Don't take—your eyes off me,” he panted, brow furrowing deeper. Tenzo nodded breathlessly, holding his gaze as he set his legs down on the bed and pulled out. It only took a few strokes before he was digging his fingers into his thigh for stability, gasping as cum shot out of him in long, thick ropes. Tenzo bit his lip, relishing the heat that landed on his chest and stomach. 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

He blinked the haze away and got back to the most important part. He may have had his release, but he wasn't satisfied yet. It was Tenzo’s pleasure he was after. And for that, he was ravenous.

“Looks like you’ve got a pretty big load for me,” he purred, stroking the taut skin around Tenzo's balls. “I want all of it.”

"Kakashi," he moaned, "touch me... fuck... _please_."

He grinned. Using his own cum as lubrication, he slid two fingers deep into Tenzo again, milking his dick with the other hand. The desperation in Tenzo’s voice was delicious. "Fuck—Kakashi—fuck me...so good!"

He curled his fingers inside him, pressing hard. Tenzo cried out. “Kakashi, please! Please! I can’t—” 

He quickly dropped down to his knees.

“Give it to me, Tenzo. I love the way you taste.” He took him into his mouth, not caring that he’d get a mouthful of his own fluids in the process, and sucked like his life depended on it. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard Tenzo like this, reaching new highs in his vocal range and nearly weeping with relief as he came. He massaged his balls as they emptied into him, some of the creaminess in his mouth spilling over the edge of his lip. He didn't stop until Tenzo finally quieted, his hands falling out of his hair. Wiping his mouth with his thumb, he climbed up on the bed next to him. Tenzo was staring at the ceiling in a daze, actual tears rolling down his temples as he took heaving breaths.

"You alright there, love?" Kakashi teased, maybe a tiny bit concerned. The tears _were_ a first.

"I almost died," he responded, awestruck.

Kakashi laughed, tugging him close to press a kiss to his head. "Careful what you wish for, then."

Tenzo let out what sounded like a cross between a laugh and a wheeze. "Yeah. Noted."

After recovering for a bit longer than usual, Tenzo slipped away to use the bathroom.

Kakashi checked the time. 10:40. That gave them plenty of time before their friends started looking for them to welcome the new year, so he finally stripped his clothes off and swung them over the opposite side of the bed. It was a glorious feeling to be free of the hot, sticky fabric on his skin.

“Shouldn't you be adding clothes?” Tenzo inquired moments later when he stepped back into the room.

Kakashi smiled up at him and patted a spot next to him. “We've got time for a nap.”

Tenzo collapsed theatrically on the bed. “Yes, please! I'm not ready to face people yet.”

He chuckled and snuggled up to his back, fingers gliding over the curve of his hip before finding their place in his hand.

“Alarm?” Tenzo mumbled, dozing off.

“Already set.”

Tenzo hummed and squeezed his fingers. “I think I might love you.”

Kakashi grinned. He knew without a sliver of a doubt that he would go through hell and back for the man in his arms. And that wasn't just the post-coital endorphins talking. He pressed his nose to the nape of his neck before squeezing his hand back. 

“You know you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very special thanks to the wonderful frackin_sweet for sending me that amazingly written smut featuring these two dorks. I know you said it was something you came up with real quick and maybe you didn't think much of it, but it really meant the world to me! So much so, that it inspired this filth. 
> 
> I hope you're pleased with yourself ;P


	47. Tsunami

After ten whole minutes of trying to fix his hair, Tenzo decided it was a lost cause. Kakashi had slipped out a while before that, insisting they appear with their group of friends at different times so as to not be blatantly obvious. Personally, he thought it was silly. With both of their newly relaxed hairstyles, who were they fooling, really? There was no way that detail was going to get past any of them, especially Iruka, and he knew they were in for a _whole_ lot of teasing. But he went along with it. 

He also knew that the Sarutobi had plenty of maids to dust the Statue of Liberty, but tidied up as best as he could anyway.

It was half past eleven when he finally stepped out of the room and went to grab a drink before meeting up with the bunch. Once said drink was in his hand, he looked around for Kakashi's hair to signal the spot where they'd all migrated to amongst the sea of chattering strangers. Under normal circumstances, he would have made his way across the room in less than half a minute, but considering the place was filled to the brim with elderly guests, traffic was considerably slower. 

Iruka was the first to catch his eye from across the room. He lifted an eyebrow with a sly grin. Tenzo sighed as he wound his way through the crowd, knowing there'd be plenty of questions to dodge from him for the next hour, _at least_. A line of elderly gentlemen decided to stroll against traffic at a snail's pace, unconcerned with the fact that they were blocking its natural flow. It really took all of Tenzo's professional patience to not shove past them. Still holding Iruka’s gaze, he rolled his eyes and shook his head. _Can you believe this shit?_

To his surprise, Iruka’s mischievous grin had been replaced with a slack jaw and wide eyes. He looked like someone witnessing an oncoming tsunami. Tenzo snorted and cocked his head curiously. _What's the face for?_

“Speak of the devil!" a jovial voice behind him said, just as a hand landed on his shoulder. He'd recognize that voice anywhere. _Congressman Sarutobi._

"Yamato! I've been looking all over for you, son! It's been so long!”

He turned to greet his former patient and current party host with a smile. The man seemed to have aged a good ten years since the last time he'd seen him in the hospital, even though it had been much less than that. He supposed that was just a side effect of life in politics. He shook his hand firmly and muttered a polite greeting. Sarutobi returned his smile and continued talking to the man who accompanied him. Tenzo only half-listened, turning to the stranger and holding his hand out automatically.

His breath caught in his throat when he recognized the iron grip around his hand. His heart took a nosedive when their eyes finally met.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Shit!”

Iruka leapt from his spot on the couch next to Anko, spilling some of his drink over himself and nearly knocking hers out of her hand.

“Dude!” she squawked, but he was already making his way across the room, blurting out apologies as he bumped into people and shoved others out of the way. Asuma froze mid-story, hands still in the air from his illustration of just _how_ big that one guy's ass tumor was. Kakashi frowned, exchanging a look with Gai.

“What the hell was that?” Konan mused, articulating exactly what they were all thinking.

“Dammit! He got his stupid cosmo on me!” Anko groaned, dabbing furiously at the scarlet stain on her dress with a small napkin. “He better enjoy that fine piece of ass he went after while he can because I am going to _murder_ \--ugh, Kurenai!” she whined, slumping in defeat. “It’s not coming off!”

Kurenai inspected the damage. "Nothing a little club soda can't fix," she assessed, grabbing her hand to pull her to her feet. “Come on, Let’s try to get it off before it dries.”

Kakashi watched them go for a moment before looking down to check his phone again. He frowned. Still nothing from Tenzo. He’d probably taken a detour to grab some drinks. A _very_ long detour. 

Iruka came back minutes later, looking flustered. “Shit. I can’t find him. I can’t find Yamato,” he panted, resting his hands on his knees like he'd sprinted around the block.

“What?” Kakashi cocked a brow.

Iruka glanced around at all of their expectant faces, his mouth twisting as if trying to decide the best course of action. His gaze focused on him again. “I—um—can I—talk to you? Alone?”

"What's up with Yamato?" demanded Asuma.

"Yeah, is everything alright?" Gai chimed in.

"I—it's not really my place—" Iruka began and Kakashi stood, uneasiness coursing through him as he signaled for Iruka to lead the way. He could feel his friends' eyes on him as he followed him to an isolated spot down the hallway. Once they were out of earshot, Iruka turned his anxious eyes on him. 

"Kakashi, we need to find him."

“I was just with him. What’s going on?”

“It’s his dad. He’s here.”

"What?" He scoffed. “What are you talking about?”

“Yamato’s dad, Kakashi! He’s here, I saw him!” There was a note of aggravation in his voice. “Tall, creepy dude with a scar on his chin?”

Kakashi froze, his stomach twisting in knots. The asshole at the bar. Could that really be his dad? It seemed far-fetched to even imagine that his sweet, kind Tenzo could be related to _that_. Iruka’s words seemed so out of place that it felt like trying to assemble a puzzle without a major piece.

“But… how—how do you know his dad?”

Iruka sighed, clearly losing patience. “Look, that day he panicked at the hospital, he told me—”

“Wait. He panicked? Why? _When_?” 

“Yeah man, I don’t know...I thought you knew about it. The guy showed up at the hospital a few days ago and Yamato freaked the hell out. I mean, now that I mention it, it was actually kind of embarrassing for me 'cause he caught me--”

Kakashi's mind swirIed as Iruka went on a tangent. While he rambled on, he tried to remember Tenzo mentioning anything about the incident. There was something...something he said on Christmas day… That's right. He'd said Danzo had tried to contact him and showed up at the hospital. Something like that. A brief mention.

“...but I mean—things must’ve gone pretty badly between them if he went so far as to change his name, you know?”

His eyes widened as the words registered in his mind. “Wait. He—told you about that?"

Iruka blinked, perplexed.

"Why would—why would he—” Why would he tell _Iruka_ about something so personal? Something he'd been so deeply ashamed to talk about that he'd only briefly mentioned it years ago, and then asked to not be questioned about it when Kakashi expressed curiosity?

It felt childish to voice the question now, even though he desperately needed an answer.

Iruka frowned. “I—well—I mean—yeah, he was stressed out. Maybe he just needed to vent, I don’t know! Look, you're focusing on the wrong things right now, alright? The point is, we need to find him and make sure he's okay. I don't think it ever crossed his mind that he'd run into him here.”

He sighed. Iruka was right. The questions could wait.

“Alright. Where did you see them last?”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

It was cold outside but he couldn’t feel it. Only by seeing the fog of his breath in front of his face did he know. He couldn’t feel much apart from the growing dread in his stomach. The soft, moonlit clouds overhead brought little comfort.

He’d only followed them out to the gardens because the congressman had expressed the need to discuss a matter of utmost importance with him. His father had not spoken a word but that only heightened his wariness and every step had a fraying effect on his nerves, as if he were willingly walking into a trap.

Congressman Sarutobi came to a stop before a series of fountains, all illuminated with bright lights. Water swished loudly all around them, forming different shapes as it shot into the sky. It would have been a beautiful sight, under different circumstances.

The congressman lit his pipe and Tenzo focused on the smoke floating in front of his face. It was the only way to ignore Danzo's gaze boring into his back.

“I understand there’s a bit of a strain between you,” Sarutobi began, taking another slow drag from his pipe. He released the smoke with practiced ease. “But it's my hope that you’ll be able to let bygones be bygones. It’s a new year, after all. Keep in mind that this can be as good for you as it can be for us, son. Don’t let the past keep you from accepting one of the best, if not _the_ best, professional opportunities you’ll ever receive.”

He frowned, puzzled. “What are you talking about, sir?”

“Well, Yamato, your father and I will be joining forces on a major project this year. Very soon, in fact, and we’d like you to be part of it.”

Astonished, he finally turned to Danzo. He was not sure what he expected to find but was not surprised to see zero trace of emotion in his face. There was only a slightly raised brow, evaluating his reaction.

Tenzo averted his gaze. “I don’t understand.”

“Danzo is opening his own practice in Anchorage, which I am helping fund," Sarutobi revealed. "I believe it’s a good investment; he is one of the top orthopedic surgeons in the country. I know this first-hand, since he has performed numerous surgeries on me over the years.”

“I'm sorry. Anchorage— _Alaska_?”

“Yes. Did you know my family is originally from there? I thought I mentioned it at some point during one of our many conversations, but perhaps it slipped my mind. We own several businesses in town. All of them thriving.”

He paused to take another drag. “Several surgeries mean I’ve had my fair share of physical therapy, as you well know. You provided my treatments for a while, and I must say I was impressed.”

Tenzo shook his head. There had to be more to it.

“With all due respect, congressman, there are great therapists everywhere. Why do you want me, specifically?”

“You mean besides your outstanding work ethic and attention to detail?" the congressman grinned. "You have a way with people, Yamato. There’s genuine compassion in you that patients can perceive. It makes one _want_ to seek physical therapy when taking painkillers is always the easier option. Given my extensive experience in hospitals and clinics, I believe I am qualified to say that you, my boy, are an _excellent_ therapist. By far, the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. But you know...also... family is important to folks up in my hometown."

_There it is._

"It's one of the reasons our enterprises have managed to be so successful. People trust family-owned business. And Danzo’s practice will provide physical therapy in the same facility. It only makes sense to keep it in the family, so I believe you’d make the perfect addition as head of the physical therapy department in Anchorage. It's really quite lovely up there. A fit young man such as yourself, always ready for adventure, I think you'd really enjoy it.”

Tenzo gaped, struggling to wrap his mind around all of that. “You want me to move to Alaska. To be head of PT. And work for _him_.”

Congressman Sarutobi either did not hear the aversion in his tone or chose to ignore it. “Of course, all of your expenses would be covered while the business gains traction, which could take several months, maybe up to a year. But when it does, your salary will be twice what it is now."

Tenzo held back a snort. _Twice?_ He wouldn't do it if they paid him ten times his current earnings.

"So what do you think, son?" The congressman smiled. "Are you up for the adventure?”

"Absolutely not," he responded and Sarutobi's smile faded. "I may not earn the highest pay, sir, but I do enjoy my job. My friends, my...everything...is here. I appreciate the offer, I really do. But this is my home and I have no intention of leaving it. Besides," he added, signaling between Danzo and himself, "we are _not_ family."

The congressman nodded solemnly, watching the spray of the fountains as he took another puff. "I see."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I really should be getting back—"

“If you don’t mind, Hiruzen,” Danzo cut him off, voice deep and severe as it pierced through the swish of the fountains. “I’d like to speak to my son alone for a minute.”

Tenzo's chest tightened. Of course he'd been right about the trap. He forced himself still as Sarutobi gave another curt nod. The man took his leave, smoke trailing away along the row of fountains. There was silence between them until the smoke dispersed.

"So it's _Yamato_ now, hm?"

Tenzo ignored the jab. "You already have my answer. What the hell do you want?"

Danzo shook his head. "It's not the right answer, Kinoe."

He scoffed. “Are you serious? Why would _you_ , of all people, want to work with me?”

“I don't," Danzo's eyes narrowed. "But Hiruzen and I go way back. Over the years, we’ve come to realize that we have the same mentality. We both know how to win. And offering PT in the same facility as the surgery is the way to do it. Why send my patients to unknown, mediocre physical therapists, when I can provide the best in the same establishment? And why send all that precious money to someone else when it can come right back to me? I don't know what you did to make such an impression on him but he is convinced that you are the best. He will be helping finance this little venture of mine and that is one condition he will not budge on. You as head of PT. He won't go through with the project without you. So you will do exactly as he says.”

Tenzo burst into laughter, a harsh, bitter sound. To think Kakashi really gave this man the benefit of the doubt.

“Wow. You are unbelievable, you know that? All the shit you gave me for becoming a therapist and now you want me to work for you?”

“You owe me this much," Danzo snapped. "You’d be nothing if it weren’t for me.”

“No. I am where I am in spite of you, not because.”

“Is that what your little boyfriend wants you to believe?”

A fire sparked in his chest. His eyes narrowed. “You keep him out of this."

“My, my. Cute little Kakashi has really made you soft." 

“Don't you fucking say his name,” he growled, fists clenching.

“Oh, Kinoe. You think he loves you?" he taunted, "Can he really love someone he doesn't know? Or does he know that you like breaking things more than you like fixing them?”

“I'm done with you,” he muttered, going back the way they'd come from.

"What do you think he'd say, Kinoe?" Danzo called after him, "If he knew about Hidan?"

He froze, the hair on his arms standing on end. He hadn't heard that name spoken in years.

"Hm?" Danzo sneered, sounding closer with every word. "You think he'd be impressed that you put someone in a coma?"

The atmosphere around him became more and more constricting. He forced a deep breath and let it out with his words. "That's in the past. He recovered."

"Oh," Danzo chuckled, "so you would call permanent brain damage a recovery? That's quite optimistic."

He dug his nails into his palm, swallowing dryly.

"Kakashi loves me. He would understand if I explained. It was an accident—it was— it was self-defense—"

"You don't sound so sure, Kinoe. And really, I'm not so sure myself. I had a little chat with him earlier. He seems to be in denial. Could it be he's already had a taste of what you can do?"

 _The numbness in his knuckles with the second impact against Kakashi's cheekbone. The snap of his face as it followed the path of his swing_. _Blood._

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the memory away. "You—spoke to him?"

"Yes. Quite the knight in shining armor you've got defending your honor," he sneered. "But I can see the fear in his eyes. Even if he won't admit it's there."

Tenzo shook his head. "You are so full of shit."

Danzo shrugged, looking out over the fountains. He continued as if Tenzo hadn't spoken at all. "I suppose it's understandable. Someone like him could never grasp how you feel. But me? I have my hands on bones all the time. That rush of power when they break. It's really something, isn't it?"

"You are sick."

"Oh, Kinoe," he laughed. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You can hide behind that facade of altruism and fool everyone around you all you want. But I know who you really are. I will always know."

Tenzo scoffed, taking a step away from him to head back to the house. “I don’t need to listen to this.”

Danzo grabbed his arm tightly, his voice a low threat. “Where the hell do you think you’re going? We’re not done here.”

Tenzo recoiled at the touch and glared down at the familiar hand. It sported new age spots and wrinkles but retained the same strength. He turned his glare on him. “You better take your hand off me if you want to perform surgery again.”

Danzo snorted, baring his teeth in a hideous grin.

“I see you haven’t changed at all."

Tenzo yanked his arm free and continued on his way. But two words from the man stopped him in his tracks again.

" _White Fang_."

His blood ran cold. He couldn't remember ever hearing the name said with such derision.

"I hear it's quite the culinary phenomenon. So much hype lately. I'm sure Kakashi's father would be proud, wouldn't you agree, Kinoe?"

Only Danzo could make a compliment feel like knives twisting in his gut. Tenzo stared at the floor, watching as his father's dress shoes appeared before him. 

"It'd be a real shame for it to go under, just as it started to rise again.”

He didn't look up. His throat felt like he'd swallowed cotton balls. "You wouldn't," he whispered, not believing his own words as he spoke them.

"You're right," his father shrugged again. "I wouldn't bother with something so trivial. But I have plenty of friends who would."

Danzo's heavy hand landed on his shoulder but he didn't try to shrug it off. The man leaned forward until Tenzo could feel his breath in his ear.

"Want to find out if he still loves you after you destroy his father's legacy?"

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, feeling ten years old again. Danzo pulled away, keeping his hand where it was.

“It's time you made yourself useful, Kinoe. From now on, I _own_ you. And Hiruzen... well... when he says jump, you ask how high. Do you understand?"

Tenzo said nothing, still focused on the light from the fountains dancing off his father's shoes.

"Oh Kinoe," Danzo chuckled, squeezing his shoulder until it hurt. "I told you countless times. Love is nothing but weakness."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Hey, it's Yamato. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as..."

"Goddammit," Kakashi sighed, taking the phone away from his ear as Tenzo's voicemail repeated its message for the ninth time. 

He hurried down the stairs, having searched every unlocked room and coming up empty. It was like Tenzo had vanished into thin air. 

Stopping halfway down, he scanned the area below again, finding Iruka within the crowd. Their eyes met and Iruka shook his head. _Shit._

The band had stopped playing and a hefty white screen had been brought down behind the instruments. The lights were dimmed and a large timer on the screen announced that it was two minutes till midnight. The vast majority of guests had gathered on the dance floor and chattered away as a swarm of waiters weaved through them, taking empty glasses of champagne and handing out full ones.

Kakashi weaved through them as well, searching every face, apprehension growing in his chest with every step. It felt like an endless free fall. He wasn't sure what he was afraid of, exactly, only that he _should be_ afraid. 

There was a distant clinking of silverware against glass and he noticed people turning their attention to the stage.

"My honored guests, if I could have a moment of your time, just before we welcome the new year..." He heard but didn't really listen as he continued his search. Then a hand on his shoulder made him turn around quickly, hope flickering strong and bright in his heart and just as quickly dissipating when he met Gai's concerned gaze.

"What's going on, rival?"

Konan and Asuma appeared beside him, confusion rampant on their faces.

He took a breath. "It's Tenzo—I need to find him. It's urgent."

Asuma inspected him warily, as if suspecting some kind of prank, before pointing to the stage. "He's right _there_."

Kakashi followed his finger and took what felt like the first real breath in ages as he recognized Tenzo on the far left side of the stage. He held a full glass of champagne and wore a vacant expression. Kakashi would have laughed at the pitiful state of his post-sex hair if the relief hadn't evaporated when he saw the man standing next to him. The cold, hard eyes and tight-lipped smile. _Danzo_.

And in center stage was Congressman Sarutobi speaking into the microphone.

"...to announce that we have finally found the perfect addition for that particular project, which I hope you will continue to support. I had the pleasure of being his patient and can vouch for his expertise, but most of all, his wholehearted dedication to providing the highest quality of care to every patient and client that comes his way. Please join me in welcoming with a warm round of applause, our new head of physical therapy in Anchorage, Alaska, Dr. Tenzo Yamato!"

The crowd cheered as Tenzo stepped forward with a tight smile and gave a small nod.

Kakashi's eyes went wide. _Did he just say Anchorage--Alaska?_

Sarutobi spoke again, but Kakashi didn't quite catch what he said. His head was swimming. The crowd laughed and began to chant around him.

"Ten! Nine!"

Their united voices made the floor vibrate under his feet.

"Eight!"

Tenzo's eyes found their way to him, hollow and cold as they held his gaze.

"Seven!"

_This isn't happening. Please, tell me this isn't happening._

"Six! Five!"

For a moment, his blank expression faltered and he looked away.

"Four! Three!"

He watched, stricken, as Tenzo shut his eyes and drained his glass in one go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa-ho-ho. I promised you drama and IT IS HERE. I am going full telenovela on the next chapter, so be ready for THAT lol. 
> 
> Sadly, it might be a while before I post the next one since I need to work on a few things for KakaYama week (and finals, for school, whatever :P YAWN)
> 
> HOWEVER if you're craving a lighthearted, steamy side of sexy times for these two, make sure to check out frackin_sweet's fic Days Off. Trust me, it is a smutty masterpiece and you will not regret it ;D


	48. Damage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been TOO DAMN LONG, peeps! So sorry for the wait! Been a crazy month :P
> 
> Also, please don't hate me for this XO

Tenzo stood stiffly by the fountains, surrounded by the massive crowd of chattering guests who’d gathered there to watch what promised to be the greatest fireworks display in the city. Doubtless, it would be, even if he didn't have the stomach to appreciate it this time around. He was on his fifth glass of champagne and nowhere near drunk enough for the damage he was about to inflict. His fingers thrummed restlessly on his thigh as he waited. Any minute, now.

Sure enough, it was only four long, shaky breaths later that the distinguishing mess of silver appeared in the corner of his eye. He swallowed roughly and kept his eyes to the sky, ignoring the sharp edge of Kakashi's gaze on him. 

Fractured conversations floated around them, filling up the atmosphere with anticipation for a moment before Kakashi announced in a low, hollow voice what Tenzo had been dreading for nearly half an hour. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah,” he replied, but made no movement to detach himself from the crowd.

“Now, Tenzo.”

There was no point in delaying the inevitable, yet he searched for the words that would somehow buy him more time. “The fireworks," he said stupidly, grasping at straws, "they're supposed to be the best."

He could feel the heat of Kakashi's glare on his face even as he refused to meet it head on. Kakashi remained quiet for a moment, no doubt assessing Tenzo's cognitive functioning before muttering, “I don’t give a fuck about the fireworks. And I know you don't, either."

Tenzo's skin prickled with the ice in Kakashi's tone, then immediately felt a needle through his heart as hurt colored Kakashi's fading voice. “You can’t just avoid me.” 

Tenzo lowered his head and closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath. "I know," he sighed quietly.

Tenzo _knew_ he was supposed to be breaking and hurting Kakashi, causing damage beyond repair, but instead found himself tentatively reaching for his hand. The long, cold fingers immediately stiffened when he came into contact with them. He hesitated and considered pulling away, knowing full well how undeserving of this small comfort he was. Then Kakashi's fingers spread slowly, embracing him, allowing Tenzo to weave his own into the spaces. 

"Tenzo…"

The thundering crack of a firework cut through Kakashi's words and Tenzo looked up as the sky became illuminated in red and white, cueing excited exclamations all around. 

As an endless succession of colorful explosions blossomed before his eyes, he ignored the brewing anxiety in his gut for what was to come, along with the perishing hope for a future that would never be. He focused on feeling nothing but Kakashi's hand in his. _Please let me have this,_ he begged wordlessly _,_ squeezing his hand. _Just this one moment, here, with you_.

Kakashi's thumb traced over his knuckles, a silent truce that lasted all of ten seconds before Tenzo was being dragged away from the burning sky by Kakashi's solid grip. He bit regretfully on his lip but didn't fight it. 

Even under the shadows of a carefully trimmed hedge, Tenzo avoided Kakashi's eyes, feeling too much like cracked glass and only a gaze away from shattering. Kakashi's hand cradled his face and Tenzo instinctively leaned into his touch.

The softness of Kakashi's voice nearly had the same shattering effect.

"Tenzo, look at me." 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The creases between Tenzo's eyebrows deepened as he shut his eyes tightly. The shake of his head was barely noticeable and Kakashi might have missed it entirely had his palm not been resting against Tenzo's warm cheek. He didn't know what to make of that subtle movement or of Tenzo's stubborn silence, but he quashed the stinging rejection in favor of easing the obvious tension in Tenzo's body. Kakashi let his hand travel higher over Tenzo's ear until his fingers could slip through his hair. He closed the distance between them, bringing his cheek to rest next to his. If Tenzo was dead set on avoiding eye contact, maybe he'd be alright with this.

"I just need to know you're okay," Kakashi whispered.

He felt Tenzo's face turn into the junction of his neck and shoulder and take a deep breath. It was warm against his neck when he blew it back out. He repeated the action several times.

Overhead, the sky flashed with swirls of color that would have been impressive if Kakashi could've spared a fraction of his attention to enjoy them. He tugged on the strands at the base of Tenzo's neck in what he hoped was a soothing gesture and not an impatient one. It was still a while longer before Tenzo spoke, his voice muffled against Kakashi's collar.

“I'm moving to Alaska.” 

Kakashi stiffened, barely resisting the urge to pull back. He continued threading through Tenzo's hair and merely shook his head.

"Kakashi…"

"You're not going anywhere,” he managed to say with enough conviction to almost believe it himself.

"Don't be selfish."

That...was not at all what Kakashi had expected to hear. He froze. "W-what?" 

Tenzo's voice was low and laced with something that Kakashi couldn't quite identify but left his stomach tangling into messier knots. "You're growing in every way, Kakashi. Your career is thriving. Don't you think I deserve the same?"

Kakashi slowly pulled away, nearly recoiling when Tenzo's unwavering gaze found his. He couldn't help but feel unsettled by the smooth, unreadable features that had replaced the obvious anguish that had been there only seconds before. Like flipping a switch.

Kakashi pursed his lips until he could find his words again.

"I thought you were happy working at the hospital."

Tenzo's expression did not change. "I need more."

Kakashi dropped his hand from Tenzo's hair to grasp his shoulder. His voice came out more solid than he'd expected.

"Since you spoke to your dad, you mean?"

The flicker of surprise in Tenzo's eyes died out just as quickly as it had appeared.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo swallowed the knot in his throat. _He's not buying it,_ he realized.

He tried again. "He knows what's best for me."

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah? Since _when_?"

"Look," he forced out, "I know this isn't what you had in mind when you said he was probably trying to make amends, but he _is._ This is an olive branch, as much as an opportunity for professional growth. I don't understand why you can't just be happy for me."

Kakashi took his face in his hands, regarding him as if he'd just suffered a severe concussion. "What kind of brainwashing bullshit did he pull on you?" he asked softly.

Tenzo removed Kakashi's hands from his face and reluctantly let them drop. "Look, there's—something I should've told you a long time ago."

He watched as Kakashi held his breath, waiting for a blow he couldn't possibly brace himself for. Momentarily, his resolve faltered. "Kakashi—" _Please don't hate me._

He hadn't realized how parched his mouth had become until the words dried up on his tongue. The thought of losing Kakashi again had him trembling in a way that even the cold itself hadn't managed. 

Kakashi released his breath in a longer cloud of fog as his hands rubbed up and down Tenzo's arms. “Let’s go inside. You’re shivering.”

 _He's still trying to comfort me_ , Tenzo thought bitterly. He stayed where he was. “When I told you I’d sent someone to the hospital," he started, rushing through the words, "that—that wasn’t the whole story.”

There was confusion in Kakashi's face before understanding took its place. "You mean, that time you lost control?" he asked. 

Tenzo nodded stiffly.

“Tenzo, whatever it is—it’s okay—”

“No, just listen," he sighed. "Please?”

Kakashi exhaled roughly but said nothing else.

“When I was sixteen—I hurt someone so badly, Kakashi. Two guys, actually. They both went to the hospital. But one of them—well, he—he ended up in a coma for a few days and...was never really the same after that. I caused some extensive brain damage." 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi turned his gaze to Tenzo's loose tie knot and wondered how it could feel like a lifetime since he'd been upstairs tying it over Tenzo's eyes. He desperately wished they'd stayed in the sleepy tangled mess they'd ended up in.

"What kind of damage?" he asked flatly, not really sure what he would actually do with the answer.

Tenzo hesitated, frown returning as he chewed on his lip. "Cognitive problems. Speech impediment.”

Well. If Kakashi was being honest with himself, that wasn't nearly as bad as he'd expected. But it still felt like the ground was shifting below him. _His_ Tenzo put someone in a _coma_? He took a breath.

"Why?" he managed to whisper.

Tenzo was quiet once more and Kakashi searched his face, finding traces of sadness in the lines around his eyes, but not much else.

"I was defending someone." He dropped his gaze to his hands. "At least, it started off that way."

Kakashi’s frown deepened, trying to make sense of that statement. If Tenzo was defending someone, surely his actions were justified, even if he _had_ gone a bit overboard. Right?

“What do you mean?” he asked.

"I mean I _enjoyed_ _it_ , Kakashi.”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

For the first time, Tenzo caught a glimpse of doubt in Kakashi’s face, in the twitch of his lip. He shook his head. “You were just a kid,” he murmured.

“I was," Tenzo agreed. "And I felt... invincible. Like there was nothing in this world I couldn’t conquer.”

Kakashi shook his head again, greater conviction accenting the movement this time. “That's not true. That's not you.”

Tenzo pulled away from his grasp, grateful that the alcohol was finally dulling his senses a bit. There was no way he'd be able to pull this off completely sober.

“Are you trying to convince yourself?” he asked, and Kakashi gaped at him. Tenzo let out a mirthless chuckle, shaking his head. “No, trust me, I get it. I’ve tried convincing myself of the same thing for a very long time.”

“No, Tenzo," Kakashi snapped. "This is all your father’s doing. He’s fucking with your mind. I _know_ he is.”

Tenzo laughed bitterly. _If you only knew_. “What happened to your theory of him wanting to make amends?”

“That was before I met him,” Kakashi muttered, clenching his jaw. “I should’ve listened to you. I just— I mean, I thought—”

“You thought all fathers were like yours?”

Kakashi’s lip twitched again, eyes flashing with something that resembled anger, but said nothing.

“He is trying to make amends, though," Tenzo repeated, and because he knew that the best way to hide a lie was to wrap it in a bit of truth, he added, "Do you remember when I tried Naruto’s sushi and I had a good memory of my father? Would you like to know what that was?”

Kakashi blinked in confusion at the apparent tangent but Tenzo didn’t wait for him to answer. 

“I was maybe four or five when I beat someone up for the first time. I still remember it so clearly. It was on the playground, my very first day at this new school. The other kids didn’t want to play with me because they thought it was weird that I didn’t have a mom. It was all giggles and whispers until one of them actually said it out loud. So, y'know, I knocked him down and hit him until he apologized. Or maybe he didn't apologize and just cried the whole time, I don't remember that part very well," he murmured quietly, trailing off into his thoughts for a moment.

He pulled himself back. "Anyway, I didn’t know my dad was watching at the time, but he was. He'd gotten there before any of the other parents. When all the kids ran away and I finally let the kid go, my dad came over and smiled down at me. Actually _smiled_ , genuine and proud. He told me I’d done well and really, that's the first time I remember feeling worthy of anything." He swallowed dryly, "I guess it'd be nice to feel that again.”

Kakashi’s brow furrowed. “Tenzo… why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

Tenzo’s lips tightened. “It’s not something you would understand.”

Kakashi scoffed. “ _I_ wouldn’t understand? But _Iruka_ would?”

“Iruka?” he repeated, taken aback.

“Yes,” he hissed. “Tenzo, when we started this again, we agreed to complete transparency. But all you’ve done is hide from me. Oh, but Iruka knows your father. He knows why you changed your name. Why is that, huh? What makes him so special?”

“Nothing, he—he just—" Tenzo stuttered, still recovering from the sudden...was it... an _accusation_? Was Kakashi actually _jealous_? "—happened to be there when I needed it.”

The sound from Kakashi's throat was harsher this time, and when he spoke, a note of exasperation colored his voice. “I didn’t want to press, I wanted to let you have your space, give you the opportunity to open up whenever you were ready. But what, he’s there _one_ time and he knows the entire history you won't even let me ask about! So tell me _right now,_ Tenzo _,_ what it is about me that makes it so impossible for you to confide in me. What, do you think I can’t handle it?”

Tenzo saw the opportunity and hated himself a little bit more as he took it. He schooled his face into an impassive mask and lied. “I know you can’t.”

Kakashi blinked incredulously. “ _What_?”

"You can barely handle your own issues," he added coolly.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed in challenge. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Tenzo glanced pointedly at Kakashi's left wrist before meeting his eyes again. "You really want me to answer that?"

Kakashi flinched so hard he actually took two steps away from him.

Tenzo had been wrong. So, _so_ wrong. No amount of alcohol could ever have dulled the stab of guilt as shock and pain invaded Kakashi's face. His chest ached as his lover's eyes filled with tears. The moisture glistened blue and red and green in turn, as it reflected the changing colors of the sky. Tenzo distantly wondered if that's what the fountains would have looked like under the bright explosions, had he and Kakashi still been watching, hand-in-hand. He should've fought Kakashi's hand when he'd dragged him away from the spectacle. Not that it would've changed how things were going to end.

 _There's no hope for me,_ he thought, reminding himself for the hundredth time why he was doing this in the first place _. But I won't let him hurt you._

He forced himself still and let the distance between them cut deep. Tenzo knew he'd break and beg for forgiveness if he inched any closer. So he delivered the final blow instead.

“I didn't tell you because I was trying to be someone I'm not, for you. But my father has always known who I am, Kakashi. Is that something you can say about yours?” 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

There was a stupid quote bouncing around somewhere in Kakashi's head. Something about handing your beloved the weapons to hurt you and trusting them not to wield them against you. It was stupid that he had enough clarity to recall it at all, just as Tenzo yanked out the second blade he'd plunged into his back. Was it really a betrayal if you only had yourself to blame? Kakashi might have laughed, if it wasn't so hard to breathe.

Tenzo's head tilted thoughtfully, as if wondering why Kakashi was still standing before him. Kakashi couldn't think of a good reason, himself. Even so, Tenzo's voice was surprisingly soft as he said, "Do you understand now, Kakashi? He's always been right about me."

 _A ticking time bomb,_ Danzo had said. _You think you know who he is, but he'll prove you wrong, eventually._

"Oh, that—" Kakashi replied faintly, choking on a small chuckle that escaped his burning throat as tears finally dragged warm lines across his cheeks. "Yeah, that much is clear now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T_T Look, I KNOW it's looking bleak, but just trust the process alright? ;) You know I believe in happy endings <3


	49. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate the ending of my nightmare 6-week rotation, I decided to spend the WHOLE DAY writing this chapter from start to finish and I can't believe I actually completed it! So, there you go ;)
> 
> Also, it's a different kind of chapter and I had so much fun exploring POV apart from our leads. I hope you enjoy! Even if you don't, lemme know what you think! Feedback's always appreciated ;)

Gai looked in the rearview mirror for the third time in two minutes to find Kakashi still gazing out the window with the same forlorn expression he'd worn on the way to Sakumo's funeral. It made the old, familiar anxiety bubble up in his chest again and he itched to ask what had happened between him and Yamato, but he doubted Kakashi would be sharing any time soon. His best friend wasn't a talker, especially with strangers around, which for all intents and purposes, Konan still was to him.

Gai didn't quite notice that he was scratching at the steering wheel with his index finger again, until Konan reached for his restless hand and held it firmly in hers. Less than two months into their relationship and she could already recognize his nervous twitches, the faults in his exuberant exterior. He glanced over at her and offered the brightest smile he could muster, though it fell a bit flat. Her caramel eyes acknowledged him with a small crinkle but she didn't return the smile. Unlike him, she was frugal with the smiles and only offered them when they were genuine. Still, there was softness in her expression; a silent reminder that he didn't have to pretend around her. The fact that he even had that option with her often unsettled him as much as it enchanted him. 

He returned his gaze to the road and didn't look in the rearview mirror nearly as many times as he wanted to.

When they arrived to Konan's place, she graciously allowed him to walk her to her apartment door without the usual comment about him being old fashioned or overprotective. She unlocked the door and turned back to place a gentle hand on his face. He smiled down at her and covered her small hand with his own.

"Thanks for inviting me tonight," she said, eyes glittering brightly under the artificial lights. "I had so much fun dancing with you. And I enjoyed meeting your friends."

Gai managed a lopsided grin. "I had fun, too. And thank _you_ for putting up with them. I know they can get a little rowdy after a few drinks."

She snorted and rolled her eyes fondly. "Clearly, you haven't met mine yet. We'll need to fix that soon."

Gai's smile broadened and she pulled him in for a soft kiss that made his skin tingle. When she pulled away, her eyes flickered to the car before meeting his gaze again. 

"He's going to be okay," she added gently.

There was no possible way she could know that for sure, but Gai appreciated the sentiment nevertheless. His smile faded a bit, but he nodded in thanks. "Sleep well, darling. I'll let you know when I'm home."

"Good night, Gai," she smiled, melting his heart into gelatinous goo before slipping into the apartment with a wink. He stared at the door for a while after she’d shut it, slumping a bit now that the warmth of her hand against his cheek was gone.

It truly had been a wonderful night with Konan in it. But now, all that was left was an empty feeling in his stomach. He was not looking forward to trying to coax an answer out of Kakashi mid shutdown. _Stop it, you idiot,_ he scolded himself. _It doesn’t matter what it is. Kakashi needs you. That’s all you need to know._

With renewed resolve, he straightened and made his way back to the car, only to stop dead in his tracks when he caught sight of Kakashi in the back seat with his face in his hands. Gai’s stomach clenched and he stood outside for a while longer to give Kakashi time to compose himself. This was already more grief than Gai had ever seen him express and it felt wrong to intrude. But after a few minutes, Kakashi did not change his position and the cold was starting to bite into Gai’s skin. The wind ruffled his hair, digging icy fingers into his scalp.

He sighed and opened the door, allowing a few seconds of warning for Kakashi to collect himself before slipping into the driver’s seat and shutting the door. To his surprise, Kakashi maintained the same hunched position, shoulders trembling as he sniffled softly. Gai didn’t dare speak. For all the effort he expended trying to crack Kakashi’s rock-solid veneer, he had no clue how to proceed once the tender contents of his friend's heart finally spilled out.

So he drove in silence and swallowed his questions along with his own grief at seeing his best friend in such pain. The drive from Konan’s to Kakashi’s was a bit longer than half an hour and eventually, his friend raised his head. Gai was shocked once more when their eyes met in the rearview mirror and Kakashi didn’t look away. His eyes were red-rimmed and his cheekbones raw, most likely from the pressure of his palms digging into them. His cheeks and nose held a lingering moisture that Kakashi didn’t bother wiping away.

Gai opened his mouth, but Kakashi surprised him for a third time that night by answering hoarsely before he could articulate the question. “I’m not okay, Gai.”

Gai shut his mouth again and nodded.

“I just— I never thought—” Kakashi swallowed and sniffed, turning his gaze out the window again. “I didn’t know—” he stopped, looking down at his hands. For a moment, Gai thought he would say nothing more but the words came out in a whisper. “I didn’t know he could be so cruel.”

Gai frowned. He could not, for the life of him, reconcile the idea of Yamato being capable of _cruelty_ under any circumstances. But Kakashi was not a sharer. Or a crier, for that matter. And right now he was doing _both_ of those things, which could only mean Yamato really _had_ done something vicious. 

Kakashi leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes with a sigh. Fresh tears slid down his cheeks and Gai had to fight the urge to pull over in the middle of the highway to hug him. 

“What happened?” he asked, failing to keep the incredulity out of his voice. He could still see the bright joy on Yamato’s face as he watched Kakashi laugh while they spun on the dance floor. Had that really been just a few hours ago?

He recalled the announcement Congressman Sarutobi had made just before the New Year’s countdown and the utter shock on his rival’s face. Kakashi'd had no idea. No one had, Gai learned eventually, after asking Asuma, Kurenai and Iruka.

“Was it—the job thing?” he tried, when it was clear Kakashi needed prompting to start somewhere. Kakashi met his eyes wearily.

“He finally told me what he really thinks of me," he murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"He thinks I'm selfish. And weak. That I can't handle his past because I… can't even handle my own," he swallowed and the corners of his lips turned down again. "Maybe there's some truth to that."

Gai didn't bother hiding his dropped jaw but his friend was no longer looking at him. He was staring down at his hands. Gai didn't hide his outrage, either.

"Kakashi, that is absurd! How can he say those things? And how can you believe them? You _know_ they're not true!"

When Kakashi ignored him, he went on. "Who in your relationship was the one who actually had the courage to face his demons and sought the help needed to conquer them? You're far from weak, rival! That takes some real guts and you're doing amazing! You've told me yourself, how much counseling is helping. I just know Sakumo would be so proud of you. Not because you're keeping the business alive, but because _you_ are finally living. So don't you dare go down that road again, Kakashi. I won't let you."

He was expecting no response at all and that's what he got. Until Kakashi's lips twitched and he gave a stiff nod.

It occurred to Gai that he didn't actually _know_ Yamato much outside of work. And yet, he'd pushed for Kakashi to get together with him. Had he pushed his brother into an unhealthy relationship? Was there more to this pain than Kakashi was letting on?

"Has he—" he began, worry gnawing at his chest, "I mean—has he hurt you? Or talked to you this way before? Because if he has, _so help me god_ , I will polish the sidewalk with his face!"

Kakashi let out a snort that sounded close to a small laugh. "I doubt you'd get the chance, since he'll be a whole country away from here." Then more solemnly, he added, "But no. Besides that time at the karaoke bar, he's never hurt me, physically or otherwise. He's never said things like that before. But if he was pretending to be someone else… maybe he's always thought them."

"It just—" Gai started, trying to pinpoint what bothered him most about the whole situation. "I don't understand what he was thinking. Did you get into a fight? What changed between the start of the night and now?"

Kakashi remained thoughtful for a while before responding. "His dad got to him."

Gai waited for him to elaborate.

"I knew they'd had a strained relationship and that his dad didn't approve of...really anything about him, I guess, but... I had no idea the level of… of fucked-up twisted they both were," Kakashi said bitterly. 

Gai remained silent, mulling that over in his mind. If Yamato's dad didn't approve of his son's lifestyle, he probably didn't approve of Kakashi, either. "You think—maybe—" Gai shut his mouth again, feeling ridiculous for even thinking it.

You think his dad is _making him_ hurt you on purpose?

 _Please_ , he scolded himself again. _Yamato's a grown-ass man, completely independent of his father. He can do whatever the hell he wants._

And that could only mean that Yamato was being an asshole of his own accord, which officially landed him a spot on Gai's shit list.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

It occurred to Iruka, halfway through hauling Yamato's incredibly heavy ass upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms (seriously, what the hell did he eat, _rocks_?) that it was easily one of the stupidest tasks he'd ever taken on.

Even with the assistance of the super cute (and most likely super _straight_ , dammit!) bartender who'd helped him peel his blubbering, semi-conscious friend off the bar, they were coming dangerously close to taking a death dive down the winding staircase.

"You got him?" Cute Bartender asked, bracing himself against the polished handrail as Yamato's foot slipped off the edge of the step they were on. Iruka grit his teeth and tightened his arm around his friend's waist, grunting an affirmative. He looked up over the sweaty strands of hair that had come loose from his ponytail and glared at the remaining stairs with a huff. Had someone added _more_ stairs since the last time he'd been here? There was no way he'd climbed this many before. 

"I should've left him on the couch," he groaned.

"We could still roll him down the stairs and hope for the best," Cute Bartender offered with a smile. Iruka stared a little too long at the flash of white under the dark curtain of hair that covered the right side of the man's face before realizing it was a joke. Cute Bartender was joking. Cute _and_ Funny. _Huh_. Okay.

Iruka gave an amused snort. "Tempting," he said, dragging Yamato along as he took another step. "Would serve him right for getting this plastered."

It certainly wasn't Iruka's first rodeo dealing with drunk friends after a party. And he certainly couldn't claim to be a saint either, having lost count of the times he'd gotten blackout drunk in his very short lifetime. But he couldn't remember ever seeing _Yamato_ like this. Yamato drank in the company of friends to have fun, not alone at the bar just for the hell of it. It wasn't like him to lose control like this.

Also, now that he thought about it, where the hell were the rest of their friends? Asuma and Kurenai, he could only assume were off being their horny selves. Even Anko, if she'd found someone with a senior citizen discount to take her home (totally judging, by the way!) But what about Gai? He wasn't one to leave a party unannounced. And Kakashi? Shouldn't taking care of his drunk boyfriend be _his_ job? What the hell was going _on_?

"Up we go, then," Cute and Funny grunted as he followed his lead. 

Twenty-five heavy-lifting minutes later, they found an unoccupied room and dropped Yamato's snoring ass on the bed. He didn't wake up.

Iruka sat on the bed beside him, practically gasping for breath as he undid his friend's shoelaces. _Thanks, Yamato, for another reminder of how out of shape I am._ Cute and Funny clicked the bed stand lamp on as he worked on catching his breath, too. They hadn't even bothered turning on the light when they'd entered the room and now Iruka could appreciate the splendor around them. It wasn't one of the biggest rooms, but it was still impeccably decorated. He didn't spend too much time glancing around though, because the finest thing in that room was still the adorable bartender. 

Iruka cursed and blew on the messy strands of hair that framed his face. They floated upwards then settled back exactly where they were. _So much for a good impression_.

He sighed and worked Yamato's shoes off before swinging his friend's legs gently onto the bed. Yamato made a soft rumbling noise in his throat but otherwise did not stir.

Iruka finally looked up to his assistant with a tired grin. "Thanks, um—?"

"Izumo," he responded with a smile of his own.

"Izumo," Iruka repeated, savoring the name. "Thank you. I never would've managed by myself."

Izumo shrugged, "It's really no problem. Just another part of the job."

"Ah, right," Iruka nodded and glanced away awkwardly. Of course this wasn't the first drunk the guy'd had to haul off the bar. Though that was closer to bouncer territory, if Iruka really thought about it.

He was still rolling that over in his head when Izumo took a step towards him. He didn't have time to hide his shock when Izumo's fingers tucked a stray lock of hair away behind his ear. A ridiculous little gasp escaped Iruka's throat when Izumo tilted his chin up toward him.

"I didn't catch your name," he murmured, dark eyes glowing in the soft, golden light. Iruka wondered if that's what his own eyes looked like right now. He knew they were just as dark, though maybe three or four times as wide, currently. Izumo's hand lingered under Iruka's chin and Iruka had to swallow hard before responding with his name. 

"Iruka," Izumo repeated softly, taking his hand back. "That's a lovely name."

Iruka struggled _not_ to pull the guy's hand back to where it was. His pulse hammered in his temple as he continued to stare. Cute and Funny and at least A Little Gay. The new year was starting to look promising, after all. 

"Um," he cleared his throat. "Do you—?”

A soft gurgling noise followed by a series of sharp gasps interrupted the offer he was about to make. They both turned to find Yamato still on his back, arms twitching reflexively as he sputtered on the steady stream of liquid that had begun to flow from his mouth. 

_Shit on a stick!_

Iruka was a flash of movement, flinging himself across the bed to turn his friend over onto his side. Frothy liquid splattered everywhere and Yamato coughed uncontrollably as Iruka thumped him on the back. He continued to gasp desperately before projectile vomiting onto Iruka's lap. Iruka couldn't register an ounce of disgust over the staggering relief that vibrated through his bones. He continued thumping between Yamato's shoulder blades as the expulsion continued in spraying intervals. It almost seemed like the flow would never cease as it dripped onto the bed and formed puddles on the floor, but eventually, all that remained was the painful dry heaving. Yamato’s eyes were wide and terrified now, though they seemed unable to focus on anything as he wheezed and gasped for breath. 

"—hah-shi?" he choked, going into a new fit of violent coughs that lasted longer than the last. Iruka rubbed his back gently and prayed to whatever higher power was out there that Yamato's cough wouldn't develop into aspiration pneumonia. That road held no fun for _anyone_.

He was suddenly aware of the fact that Izumo had left the room without a word. Disappointing, but he supposed he couldn't really blame him for wanting to steer clear of the splash zone. Especially now that Iruka himself was soaking in a killer combination of bile and alcohol. 

Yamato's face crumpled as he grasped at Iruka's filthy clothes, shaking with unrestrained sobs. Iruka was not surprised. Near-death experiences tended to have that effect on people.

“Shhh, it's okay,” he soothed softly, pushing his friend’s damp hair away from his face. “You’re okay... totally owe me a new suit since you killed my groove with that cute bartender. But you’re okay, I'm here.”

Still sniffling and without loosening his grip, Yamato curled into a miserable coughing ball beside him.

“Is there another cute bartender I should be worried about?” 

Iruka turned his head too quickly to try and play off his surprise. Izumo grinned at him from the doorway, holding two water bottles, a plastic wastebasket, and a small stack of towels tucked against his side. _From the bar_ , Iruka realized. He blinked incredulously at him and turned back to Yamato to hide the pleasant blush that had spread across his cheeks. He cleared his throat.

“So you think you’re cute?” he said.

“No,” Izumo chuckled, walking over to set the water down beside the lamp and the bin on the floor. “I think _you’re_ cute. I know I am, for sure.”

Iruka snorted, taking a few towels from him to wipe the mess on Yamato’s face. “I have to question your taste, then,” Iruka murmured. “You usually go for tall, dark, and covered in barf?”

Izumo hummed thoughtfully as he stroked an imaginary goatee. “Usually just the barf.”

Iruka’s laugh echoed around the room and he bit down guiltily on his lips when Yamato stirred and mumbled something in his sleep. Izumo made a wide-eyed 'oops' face and let out a low chuckle as he dropped the remaining towels onto the floor and began wiping the mess. 

Iruka cringed. “Oh, no, please. Just—leave it, I’ll get that—”

“You focus on keeping your friend alive,” Izumo said, dismissing him with a wave. “This is mostly alcohol, anyway.”

 _Mostly_. Iruka grimaced at the trail of nondescript food chunks on his pants. He wiped them down without a word before reaching over Yamato for a couple pillows to tuck behind him to keep him from rolling onto his back again.

“This is not how I pictured my night ending,” Iruka admitted with a sigh. For one, it wasn’t nearly as naked or vomit-free as he’d hoped.

Izumo nodded sympathetically. “Something tells me your friend is on the same boat.”

Iruka glanced down at Yamato, whose breathing was still raspy, though much deeper than before.

 _He's right_ , Iruka thought guiltily. He’d already forgotten about Yamato’s dad. Their meeting must’ve gone worse than he thought, if this was the aftermath.

Izumo interrupted his worried musings with a cheerful tone. “As for me, my night’s already better than I expected it to be.”

Iruka smirked to keep the warmth in his chest from spreading further. “I’m starting to worry you’re actually very much into other people’s vomit," he teased.

“Only when it gets me cute guys’ numbers," Izumo winked, flashing him that unfairly attractive smile again. "Especially ones who say things like ‘shit on a stick’!”

Iruka’s eyes widened as blood rushed to his face and all the way to his ears. He’d actually said that _out loud_?

Izumo's laugh was a pleasant sound and Iruka found that he didn't mind all that much that it came at his expense. Izumo dropped the soiled towels into the bin and went into the restroom to wash his hands.

Again, he really didn't mind it. But.. _still_.

Mortified, Iruka smacked a palm to his face before recalling that he seriously needed a hand washing himself. He narrowed his eyes at Yamato's curled-up, sleeping form. Regardless of what had led his friend to drink himself into this state, it had been a reckless and stupid move. Really, as a _healthcare professional_ , the guy should've known better!

Not to mention, it was _totally_ messing with Iruka's game right now.

When Yamato woke up tomorrow (assuming he didn't aspirate his own vomit again) he and Iruka were going to have some serious _words_.


	50. Evidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! 50 chapters?!! Never thought I'd make it this far, tbh XD lol

Kakashi didn’t sleep.

Tenzo’s words buzzed too loudly in his mind to achieve anything resembling rest. His guard had been down, and Tenzo's attack had been sharp and merciless, scalpel-like in its precision. Much like the moments right after the wreckage eleven years ago, when the absence of Obito in the passenger seat had made him doubt his own memory, the shock of Tenzo turning against him in such a vicious, unexpected way had left him floating in a surreal plane of hurt and denial.

Of course, the first thing Kakashi had done was run to the closest thing he had to family. For the first time since their friendship had started, he'd clung to Gai the way he’d secretly wanted to all those years ago, when his reality had been swept out from under him in the blink of an eye, taking half of his leg and his best friend with it. Or more recently when his father’s death, as expected as it was, had left him numb and unwilling to feel the true magnitude of his loss.

Gai had been shocked. Probably because it was so unlike Kakashi to ask for anyone's help before he was literally (or figuratively) flat on the ground. Perhaps that’s why Gai hadn’t unleashed his usual collection of questions and had only regarded him with deep concern when Kakashi had asked for a ride home. The small part of Kakashi that _wasn’t_ in agony had actually managed to feel ashamed for ruining Gai and Konan’s first New Year’s Eve together. But it was a vague, distant feeling—much like the guilt of throwing up on someone else's shoes while stomach-churning pain still circulated through one's veins.

He regretted it, now.

Tenzo had hurt him and it had felt real. His knee-jerk reaction had been to flee before it got any worse. But now, in the darkness and silence of his empty home, he wasn’t so sure he’d made the right decision. He wasn’t sure Tenzo’s intention had been real, either. Though—if he was being honest with himself— that’s usually how denial worked.

The first rays of sunlight began to slip through the blinds and Kakashi was briefly distracted by the relief of knowing Itachi could handle the restaurant while he dealt with… whatever this was.

It felt a lot like an ending, what with his eyes swollen and throbbing from too many tears shed and his nose clogged up until further notice. But he refused to believe it truly was The End. At least, not before Tenzo’s belongings had disappeared for good from their shared living space. 

It was possible Tenzo would try to pick his things up while Kakashi was away, but he wouldn’t give him that chance. For a moment, anger flared in place of the ache. Tenzo owed him _something_. An explanation. Something real and whole, not shards of scattered truths to piece together without any idea of what the finished product should resemble.

Kakashi forced himself to sit up on the edge of the bed with a frustrated sigh. He glanced over at his phone, which lay unbearably blank and silent on the nightstand. An uneasy feeling stirred in his chest as he continued to stare it down. None of this made sense.

Tenzo had hurt him but it didn’t add up with everything Kakashi knew— _really knew—_ about him.

Tenzo had _said_ that he was trying to be a different person for Kakashi's sake... but those were words and nothing else. Words didn’t hold much weight if there were no actions to back them up. And unless Tenzo was some highly-trained con artist or a complete psychopath, there was simply no way he could have been faking _everything_ , all this time. 

To reassure himself, he pulled the nightstand drawer open and took out the small, inconspicuous box he'd wrapped in soft cloth. If Tenzo had noticed it before, he'd never said. Kakashi hadn't been hiding it so much as storing it carefully to keep the small treasures within it safe.

And now they served as evidence that their love had been _real_. 

He took the box out, carefully unwrapped it and lay its contents on the bed. 

The polaroid picture Tenzo had taken three years ago. _You know you’re breathtaking right?_

The simple birthday card Kakashi didn’t have to open because he’d memorized Tenzo's words long ago. ... _Wishing you many more sweet ones._

The scarecrow and pug ornaments that had brought him such joy in the midst of loss.

But there was something else, too.

He unfolded the simple sheet of notebook paper he'd neatly folded up into quarters. A bucket list. For now, it was only four items long, but he’d slowly started to build it after that night on the mountain, when the weight of his giggly, slightly stoned boyfriend on his chest had solidified the idea that there were definitely experiences worth living for.

Kakashi folded the sheet up again and closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids, a mosaic of memories began to form the most beautiful mural highlighting Tenzo’s significance in his life.

A collection of kisses through sleepy morning fogs, through smiles and tears and chunks of inedible cake. A gentle hand weaving through his unruly hair after waking from another nightmare featuring Obito's bloody mouth laying blame. Tenzo's equally gentle voice breathing warmth and comfort into his scalp. _I’m sorry you’ve carried this for so long._

The concern that pinched at Tenzo's eyebrows when he'd figured out that Kakashi wasn’t taking care of his residual limb as he should. The gentle massages that had helped ease the aches and pains that Kakashi had come to accept as a permanent part of life after an amputation. The genuine awe on Tenzo's face when he'd described what it felt like to eat Kakashi's sushi creations. The haunting shame darkening his chocolate brown eyes when he'd explained why he’d needed to flee into the snow. _I didn’t want to hurt you again._

Steady arms that had held Kakashi as he fell apart after holding himself together for too long. A myriad of laughs and lingering glances, of touches that soothed and anchored and drew fire across his skin. 

_That_ was Tenzo. Not the stone-faced impostor who’d wielded those blades last night. The one who’d seemed to relish scraping at Kakashi's deepest wounds.

Another equally stony face appeared in his mind’s eye with a sneer.

_You’re going to regret that, boy._

This was all Danzo’s doing. Of course it was. Kakashi had known that all along. He’d been _warned_ , for fuck’s sake. And yet… Tenzo’s behavior had still caught him completely off guard.

Tenzo's father was a wicked man. He’d _done_ something, _said_ something to Tenzo to make him react the way he did, like a rubber band snapped after being yanked too far. Kakashi could understand. He knew first hand what it was like when emotion stewed inside for far too long and boiled over in the form of words that scorched everything in their path. He could even find it in himself to forgive the hateful intent with which they'd been spoken, just as Tenzo had once forgiven him.

Last night, he'd turned and fled like a wounded animal. Now his phone was too quiet and Tenzo hadn't made it home. 

Uneasiness stirred some more, spreading all through his limbs.

How much had Tenzo drunk last night? If Kakashi remembered correctly, his eyes had held the beginnings of a drink-induced glaze during their fight, but he couldn't be too sure. Tenzo wouldn't risk driving home in that state... would he? 

No. Tenzo was smarter than that. He'd most likely stayed the night at the mansion. 

And yes, Kakashi had been hurt and angry. But that didn't mean he'd stopped caring that Tenzo was safe. He ground his teeth together as a flicker of anger mixed in with the worry.

The asshole hadn't even bothered sending a text to let Kakashi know he was alive. Although, to be fair... he hadn't exactly done so either.

He let out a huff as anxiety conquered his wounded pride and he forced himself to dial Tenzo's phone.

There was no answer.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

This was the first walk of shame in which Tenzo hadn't actually slept with the person he'd woken up next to. 

His throat usually wasn't this raw afterwards, either, not even after giving the most enthusiastic head. Not to mention, the guys he slept with didn't usually try to attack him first thing in the morning. 

A plastic water bottle hit his throbbing head before he could dodge it. Iruka's voice hit his hangover-sensitive ears almost as hard. _"_ You scared the _shit_ out of me, asshole!"

Iruka's fuming died down only a fraction after he was done giving his sermon on how _stupid_ and _irresponsible_ he'd been the night before. On how he could have choked on his own barf and _died_ and wouldn't that just be a _lovely_ way for everybody to start the new year?

Tenzo managed to get up and cough through an apology, grimacing when he noticed the lingering reek of vomit and booze on his clothes. He popped the cap off the water bottle and drained it in a few desperate gulps. He tried to check the time on his phone and wasn't surprised to find that it was dead.

Not long after that, he'd agreed to a) get the cough checked out if it got worse by the end of the day, b) buy Iruka a brand new suit, c) drive Iruka home, since he'd missed his ride to take care of him and d) never, _ever_ drink himself into a stupor again without inviting Iruka first.

They made it out into the extensive driveway, but not without gathering a collection of glances from the other guests who'd stayed; they ranged from the vaguely inquisitive to the outright disgusted and Tenzo couldn't find it in himself to care.

There was a steady throb at his temple as he drove. No doubt, spilling his guts out onto Iruka's lap the previous night had helped dull the sharpest edges of his hangover this morning, but the overwhelming amount of light still felt like teeth clamping down over his eyes. He squinted against it, finding no relief.

"Sunglasses?" Iruka offered from the passenger seat.

Tenzo took them like a lifeline and sighed as the sharp sensation eased a bit. "Thanks."

Iruka's voice was significantly softer now that his tirade was over. "Dude. What the hell happened last night?"

Tenzo downed the second water bottle to buy himself time to answer. In the end, he found he was too tired to weave any lies he'd have to remember later. He finished the bottle and chucked it into the back seat.

"The congressman asked me to move to Alaska to work with my dad and I agreed."

Iruka's curious gaze drilled holes into his skull, but he kept his eyes on the road.

"But… I thought you hated your dad."

"I don't hate him," Tenzo responded, surprisingly earnest. "He hates _me_."

Iruka was silent for a moment before wondering, "And he doesn't mind working with the son he disowned?" 

"Doesn't have much of a choice," Tenzo said, doing his best to keep his tone neutral. "Sarutobi's footing the bill and he chose me, of all people, to be head of PT. Some shit about family business doing better up where he's from."

Iruka paused before muttering dryly, "Well, you sound thrilled to go."

"Mm."

Silence fell between them, but Tenzo didn't have to wait long for the inevitable question.

"Why did you agree?"

Tenzo couldn't help the small twitch in his mouth that turned into a sad smile. "I thought I'd be immune to my father by now. But... he's always been able to find my weaknesses." 

Understanding brought a small gasp out of Iruka before he murmured, "Kakashi?"

Tenzo continued watching the road.

"And if you don't go?" Iruka asked.

"He'll hurt him."

Iruka made a horrified sound. " _Hurt_ him? Hurt him _how_?"

"He'll ruin White Fang."

Iruka shook his head as if trying to make sense of his words. "Wait. Hold on. He'll ruin the _restaurant_?"

"He's got connections everywhere," Tenzo said quietly. "He'll find a way."

"You really believe that?"

A series of bitter memories made Tenzo's chest tighten and he bit his lip to push them to the back of his mind again. "He's always made good on his threats," he said simply.

Iruka chewed on that for a moment before asking, "What does Kakashi think about that?"

Tenzo hesitated, frowning. "He doesn't know."

" _What_? Why—"

Tenzo raised his voice to drown out Iruka's protest. "I _won't_ have him choose between me or the restaurant his father worked to build his entire life. It's not fair to him."

"Assuming he _had_ to choose in the first place," Iruka said skeptically, "don't you think, ultimately, that's his choice to make?"

Tenzo grasped the steering wheel tightly and took a deep breath. He released it at the same time as he relaxed his grip. "I've already chosen for him."

"Now _that_ doesn't sound very fair."

Tenzo remained silent. Iruka didn't have all the facts. He didn't know Tenzo's father or what he was capable of. But... at the same time...what if...

 _No._ Tenzo shook his head. There was no point in doubting his actions now. It was too late to go back. 

"Is that why Kakashi left last night without you?" Iruka inquired. "Did you break up with him?"

"I—" Tenzo swallowed the tightness in his throat as the memory of the colorful glow of Kakashi's tears sliced through his heart again. "I tried to make it about my career. He didn't believe it for a second. So...then I tried scaring him away and when that didn't work...I said things that—I'm sure he hates me for, now," he ended quietly, staring ahead at nothing in particular. He could still see Kakashi's defeated slump as he walked away from him.

It had to be done.

He sighed and straightened his shoulders with new resolve. "But that's okay. He won't understand and he'll hurt for a while but… I know he'll be alright. He's found his calling following his father's footsteps. He'll be okay, eventually. With time, he might even forget I was in his life at all."

Incredulity seeped into Iruka's voice. "And that's what you want?"

Tenzo set his jaw. "That's what needs to happen."

Iruka regarded him for a moment before shaking his head disapprovingly. "So what I'm hearing is, you choose what's best for Kakashi because you don't trust that he knows what's best for himself."

"What? No, I—"

"And apparently, you're not trying to save him from hurt. I mean, yes, your dad might've planned to hurt him at some point, but you didn't even give him a chance to _try_ ; you went out there and took care of that yourself. So—I mean—who are you protecting, _really_?" 

Tenzo's anger flared as he processed Iruka's words. He opened his mouth to argue and immediately snapped it shut when no words came to his defense. Iruka's sharp observation _hurt_ but... what if he was right?

He chewed on his lip as he considered Iruka's final question carefully.

Danzo sneered in the back of his mind: _Want to find out if he still loves you after you destroy his father's legacy?_

Realization hit him like a punch in the gut and he staggered over his own logic.

When he finally found the courage to speak, he formed the words slowly. "Kakashi would… resent me if the business went under. Maybe not right away… but eventually… once he realized the extent of what was lost. And I—" his voice had started to quiver dangerously and he waited for the tightness in his throat to ease a bit before continuing. "I wouldn't be enough...to make him happy. At least this way, he can hate me but still keep Sakumo's legacy intact."

"Yamato," Iruka said softly, placing a hand over Tenzo's forearm, "if the restaurant went under—and that's a really big _if_ — it wouldn't be because of you."

 _Of course it would!_ Tenzo wanted to snap. _Who else brought the threat of Danzo into Kakashi's life?_

Iruka's head whipped up like he'd just realized something. "Oh. Um... you passed the entrance to my condo," he murmured, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. 

"Shit! Right. Sorry," Tenzo shook himself from his guilty haze and made an illegal U turn at the next light to go back.

Once outside Iruka's condo, Iruka offered to make a quick breakfast if Tenzo wanted to continue the conversation inside. Tenzo found that both suggestions made his stomach flip unpleasantly. He politely declined. 

Iruka stepped out of the car and turned back to eye him sternly. "Yamato," he said, with all the authority of a disappointed parent. "Just _talk_ to him."

Tenzo met his gaze for a moment before glancing away. "Thanks, Iruka. For everything. I owe you big time."

"Yeah, you do!" Iruka chuckled, his voice softening a bit. "But still...if you need a place to crash, you're always welcome to take the couch." 

Tenzo nodded gratefully and waved him off. He'd already planned on staying at a hotel, just needed to pick up his few belongings. It would probably be best to do it while Kakashi was at the restaurant. 

He tried not to think about Iruka's words making sense as he drove to Kakashi's house.

As he arrived, his eyes widened when he caught sight of Kakashi's car in the driveway. For a second, he considered turning around and coming back later. But that was childish. He had to go through with it at some point, right? Besides, Kakashi hated him now. His things were probably already packed by the door, if not lying in a dumpster somewhere.

Tenzo parked and set his forehead on the steering wheel, focusing on counting his breaths to calm his hammering heart. 

"It'll be over soon," he whispered like a mantra. "It'll be over soon."

He took a large gulp of air and peeled himself off the steering wheel, forcing himself out of the car. His heart and his feet were heavy as he made his way to the door, trying not to think about how this was the last time he'd go up these steps.

His pulse was racing again, making his fingers shake. It took one too many tries to find the right key and just as many to try to fit it into the lock. He'd finally managed it and was starting to turn the lock, when the door swung open from the inside. He only had a split second to brace himself for impact before Kakashi flung himself at him.

Breath came out of him in a sharp wheeze but there was no pain. Instead of delivering a much-deserved blow, Kakashi had wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him close. 

"Asshole," Kakashi sighed into his neck. "You had me so worried."

Tenzo blinked in shock as Kakashi's hold tightened. He couldn't believe his ears when Kakashi's tone softened. "I shouldn't have left you there, Tenzo. I'm so sorry."

Tenzo's breath caught in his throat and he had to grind his teeth to keep his lower lip from trembling. How was it possible that Kakashi didn't _hate_ him?

He tentatively raised his arms to wrap around Kakashi's back, shutting his eyes tightly when he felt Kakashi's hand cradle the back of his head.

His plan and his resolve crumbled at Kakashi's feet.


	51. The Road to Hell

If Tenzo kept his eyes shut, focusing only on the loose tug of Kakashi’s hand in his hair, he could almost pretend like last night never happened.

For a moment, he allowed himself to imagine that instead of being bullied by his father into an all-too-familiar submission, he’d never left Kakashi's side. They'd kissed in front of everyone, during the entire countdown to the new year, not caring that they were ten seconds ahead or that people around them were staring.

Instead of tearing Kakashi’s heart apart to the sound of pyrotechnics above, Tenzo had pushed him into the shadows of that same hedgerow and given him head until Kakashi gasped with the fireworks in his veins.

“You smell awful,” Kakashi mumbled distantly. His hold around Tenzo’s neck didn’t loosen, though.

Tenzo reluctantly blinked back to reality.

Kakashi smelled of the citrusy fabric softener from his soft cotton shirt, along with the lingering traces of sweat and last night’s cologne.

Mostly, he smelled like home. Tenzo inhaled deeply.

“Sorry,” he replied, instantly cringing as the word left his mouth. Of all the things he needed to apologize for, the reek on his clothes was the one of least consequence. It hadn't even been on the list.

He couldn't waste another second. Kakashi had to know how terrible he felt about betraying his trust. 

Tenzo relaxed his arms, keeping his fingertips at Kakashi’s waist. Kakashi responded to his cue by releasing his neck and taking a step back to meet his gaze. Tenzo inhaled sharply when he caught sight of Kakashi’s swollen, red-rimmed eyes. The hollows underneath were dark as bruises, providing a harsh contrast against his pale complexion. Turns out, it _was_ possible for Tenzo to feel worse than he already did.

_He’ll hurt for a while... but he’ll be okay._

Right now, Tenzo couldn’t believe those words had actually come out of his mouth. The pain etched in Kakashi’s eyes was not okay. Not even a fraction of it. Not even for a little while.

Hesitantly, he brought his fingers up to trace the darkness under Kakashi’s eye. He could imagine the moisture that had pooled there in the hours following their final interaction. His hand moved lower, fingertips grazing the rough stubble on Kakashi’s cheek.

“Kakashi—”

A strange expression flickered across Kakashi’s face, something like embarrassment, before his mouth set into a firm line. His fingers wrapped around Tenzo’s wrist and gently pulled it away. 

“Go shower,” Kakashi said, releasing Tenzo’s hand. His voice was low as he turned away. “I’ll make breakfast.”

Tenzo's heart rate skyrocketed, fueled by fear. “Wait. Can we—I mean—is it okay—if we talk?”

Kakashi paused for a moment, shoulders tensing under the simple white shirt. 

“Please, Kakashi,” Tenzo said weakly to his back, ”I’m... so sorry.”

Kakashi didn’t turn to look at him. 

“Shower,” he replied quietly before making his way into the kitchen.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

For a moment, it seemed like Tenzo was going to argue. Kakashi was prepared to ignore everything that came out of his mouth, at least until after breakfast.

Once the initial wave of relief had receded, exhaustion had finally caught up to him and brought the sharp edge of resentment with it. Tenzo had looked repentant enough, his expression seconds from crumbling when he’d caught sight of Kakashi’s ragged appearance. But it wasn't enough.

He’d let Tenzo in, and the small, cynical voice in the darkest corner of his mind had started to grow louder with its smug ‘I told you so’s. Thinking of all the good times had managed to keep it at a low drone for a while, but it was back now, at screaming volumes. For the first time since they'd gotten back together, Tenzo's gaze had felt too invasive on Kakashi’s skin. It was like a peeler tearing at Kakashi's layers of defense and he was too tired to fight the fresh surge of irritation that bubbled in his chest.

Tenzo didn’t argue, just stood frozen in place. Kakashi caught him in his peripheral vision, watching as Kakashi poured grounds into the coffeemaker. He seemed to be debating how counterproductive it would be to try again before visibly deflating and disappearing into the hallway.

When Kakashi heard the distant click of the bathroom door closing, he leaned against the counter and released the breath he hadn't meant to hold but had done so anyway. 

A hissing, distorted version of Tenzo's voice snickered in his head.

_You can barely handle your own issues!_

He took a deep breath and turned his left palm up. He counted to five as he breathed out, glancing down at the long, straight scar that travelled along his forearm.

The skin around it was no longer tender, but the scar itself remained sensitive, even after all this time. The injured tendons had healed as well as expected, but he would always have a much weaker grip on that hand, as he could barely make a fist.

Of all the scars on his body, it was the least disfiguring and the most shameful. Tenzo had known that.

Kakashi repeated the breathing technique as he slowly traced the prominent scar tissue, recalling the pain that had made him see stars—the overpowering metallic smell that had attached itself to the roof of his mouth until he could taste nothing but his life slipping away.

_My father has always known who I am, Kakashi. Is that something you can say about yours?_

No. He really couldn't. 

The most desperate moment of his life had been just a drop in the ocean of things he’d hidden from Sakumo.

Perhaps his dad hadn't known him...but he'd certainly been acquainted with pain.

Kakashi knew his dad had never fully recovered from his grief, wearing it like a tattoo, hidden under layers of vibrant laughter. Despite the brightness he projected out into the world, Kakashi had always been able to catch the traces of sorrow that slipped through the cracks.

There was the permanently sad tilt of Sakumo's mouth when he didn't think anyone was watching, as if the additional amount of effort to form another false smile would physically break him

There were the distant looks Sakumo would get sometimes in the middle of conversations, where his eyes remained open but he wasn't truly seeing. Kakashi imagined it was his way of replaying distant memories, though he never asked for confirmation. 

Sakumo had tried to keep his daily turmoil from Kakashi for his entire life. Perhaps, with a less observant child, his efforts might've succeeded. But Kakashi had never mentioned that he knew. He'd let his old man think he was convinced he was fine. But now, he wished he could've had at least that one honest conversation with him, about the darkness that connected them.

_There is nothing you could possibly do to make me love you any less._

Kakashiclosedhis eyes, fresh tears threatening to emerge. 

"You would've understood, right?" he asked under his breath. 

The sharp, staccato beeping of the coffeemaker replied. 

Kakashi shook his head and wiped the moisture from his eyes.

 _Breakfast. Right_. 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo wasn’t hiding.

His showers weren’t usually over five minutes long, but the rising steam was soothing on his battered throat, now that the cough had subsided.

There’d been more phlegm than he cared to admit and his head still throbbed from the pressure it'd taken to expel it, but there was no shortness of breath or fever (that he could perceive at the moment), so maybe a round of antibiotics wouldn’t be necessary after all.

But he wasn’t hiding. He just needed time to think, which was incredibly hard to do with Kakashi’s heartache out on display. 

Every instinct told him to hold Kakashi close and assure him that everything would be okay. But how could Tenzo do that, when he wasn't convinced of that, himself? How could he possibly fix the damage he'd done when Kakashi couldn't stand to look at him?

He was lost. The looming problem of his father was far from being solved. If anything, the threat was more powerful now that Tenzo’s original plan had evaporated.

Regardless of Iruka's thoughts, Tenzo wasn't entirely convinced that staying by Kakashi's side was the right thing to do. It was presumptuous to believe Kakashi would want him around once he laid everything out in the open.

 _It’s Kakashi’s decision and you just have to live with it,_ he reminded himself, dropping his forehead against the tiled wall.

Just thinking about what lay ahead was twisting his stomach into knots. The conversation he needed to have with Kakashi would contain all the history that he'd much rather not dig up. But how else was he going to explain the logic behind his precipitous actions if not by revealing the many times his father’s threats had come true?

Would Kakashi even care to listen for that long? He’d certainly seemed reluctant a few minutes ago.

And if he _did_ listen, would it really make a difference? Everyone knew that the road to hell was paved with good intentions. The outcome would still be the same: Kakashi hurt, the trust between them fractured, perhaps beyond repair. Tenzo wasn’t naive enough to think they could sustain a relationship without it. Maybe he was making a huge mistake and he really _should_ be sticking to the plan and packing his things—

Iruka glared at him in his mind. _Just talk to him!_

Tenzo groaned. “I know, I know, shut _up."_

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi was on his second cup of coffee and the simple omelet he’d made to split with Tenzo was getting cold. 

All the way from the kitchen, he’d heard Tenzo hacking up a lung in the bathroom and vaguely wondered if it was possible to develop a cold in the relatively brief amount of time they'd been apart. He made a mental note to add cough medicine to the grocery list.

The next ten minutes grew quiet. He debated going to check if maybe Tenzo had drowned in the shower when the sound of the bathroom door opening decided for him.

It was a while longer before Tenzo appeared fully clothed, water dripping from his hair to form tiny dark dots on his loose navy t-shirt. On any other day, Tenzo would have emerged from the shower in only his briefs. Kakashi was surprised by how disconcerting those extra layers of clothes were. He focused on his coffee and wondered quietly if it was irrational to think of additional clothing as another barrier between them.

Tenzo slipped past him to pour himself some coffee and Kakashi took the opportunity to plate the divided omelet for both of them. He secured utensils and handed Tenzo his portion. A queasy look settled over Tenzo’s face.

“Oh, I’m not…” Tenzo frowned, looking every bit like he was making a life-or-death decision. Then he took the plate. “Um. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to eat it,” Kakashi said simply, offering an out.

Tenzo's features didn't quite relax. “I will! I’ll just...give my stomach some time to settle, first.”

Kakashi shrugged and took his meal to the dining table. Tenzo followed with his steaming mug.

Silence hung like a heavy stormcloud between them as he ate. Kakashi couldn't remember ever experiencing a silence as awkward as this. He could practically hear the movement of his teeth and tongue working together as he chewed.

He cleared his throat. Tenzo startled and looked up from the spot on the table he’d been intently studying.

“You getting sick?” Kakashi asked.

Tenzo shook his head, very obviously trying not to avert his eyes. “Just a little hungover,” he replied.

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow as he took a sip from his own mug. “Hangovers come with coughs now?”

“I, uh,” Tenzo hesitated, his eyes returning to the same spot on the table. He reminded Kakashi of Pakkun whenever he'd been caught tearing up toilet paper rolls. When Tenzo finally spoke, it was in fractured sentences, as if he were hoping the words would lose their meaning if he separated them far enough. 

“Last night… I... might’ve blacked out... a little. And choked. On my vomit... a little.”

Kakashi didn’t _mean_ to spill his coffee, but that’s usually what happens when people slam their mugs on tables. “You _what?!_ ”

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo shrunk five sizes under Kakashi’s livid gaze. 

“Ah, I know— it was stupid, I just—” _couldn’t think of your tears glowing in different colors anymore_. “It wasn’t that bad. Iruka—” _Oh, fuck. Iruka._

Tenzo kicked himself. It probably wasn’t the best move to mention spending the night with another man, especially when he was already on thin ice. But lying about it now wouldn’t earn him any points. He sighed and forced himself to start again, slower this time.

“Last night, I didn't want to think about what I'd done. So I drank until I forgot where I was. Then I fell asleep and Iruka kept an eye on me. Made sure I... made it through the night.”

Kakashi’s expression contorted into something painful and complicated before he closed his eyes with a defeated sigh. Tenzo wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want Kakashi to get the wrong idea and was still tripping over the best way to explain that nothing else had happened between them, that nothing ever _had_ happened, that he wasn’t sure what had given Kakashi that impression in the first place, when Kakashi finally said softly, “I’m glad he did.”

Tenzo’s heart twinged. It must have taken a massive amount of restraint for Kakashi to admit that, if he really did harbor doubts about Tenzo’s fidelity.

Kakashi busied himself spreading out a couple of napkins to absorb the spilled coffee and Tenzo suppressed the reflex to defend himself. That would only push Kakashi away. 

Instead, he rose to grab the garbage bin from the kitchen and brought it over to the table. Kakashi offered a brief acknowledging smile before dumping the soiled napkins into it. Tenzo took Kakashi’s empty plate with him when he returned the bin to the kitchen. 

He proceeded to store his half of the omelet in the refrigerator and wash the few dishes Kakashi had used. Then he went on to wipe down the stove and the already-clean counters before taking out the trash, even though it was less than half full. 

He was not stalling.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo was stalling.

And Kakashi was _tired_. The heavy, bone-deep tired he always got after long bouts of crying. If Tenzo was planning to clean the entire house, Kakashi might as well make himself comfortable. The caffeine was already taking too long to kick in.

With that in mind, he migrated to the living room and turned the TV on, yawning as he flipped through the channels and curled up on the couch. 

He was starting to become invested in a true crime case by the time Tenzo settled in beside him, gently, as if to not disturb him and two feet farther away than he normally would. Kakashi continued to watch without paying attention to the details of the case. His mind kept returning to the fact that Tenzo had spent the night with Iruka. 

_Jealousy is making you stupid_ , the rational part of his brain chastised. _In what world is ‘Tenzo spent the night with Iruka’ worse than ‘Tenzo almost choked to death’?_

As if his thoughts were being broadcast across his forehead, Tenzo asked softly, “You really think I’m cheating on you?”

His voice didn't sound defensive. Mostly sad. Kakashi paused and gave the question serious thought. He knew he was jealous. But... it wasn’t because he truly believed Tenzo were screwing around behind his back. Maybe it was naive to believe Tenzo would never do that to him, seeing how things had gone down last night. But deep down, he knew Tenzo wouldn't give himself that way to anyone else.

No. He was jealous of Iruka’s intimate knowledge of Tenzo’s past. That was a connection Kakashi yearned to share with the man he loved. He didn't have a problem with Tenzo having close friendships. He deserved to have that as much as anyone else and he couldn’t just rely on Kakashi all the time. 

It was the fact that he didn’t rely on him for _any of it_ that really hurt.

Kakashi glanced at Tenzo, whose jaw muscles were bunched tight, waiting. 

“No,” he admitted, not waiting to see how Tenzo’s face changed with the revelation. He didn't want Tenzo to see how much it pained him to say the words that followed. “I just wish you trusted me like you trust him.”

“Kakashi, I trust you,” Tenzo said urgently, “I trust you with my life. I just… I was… scared.”

Kakashi waited, eyes trained on the TV even though his brain registered none of the images.

Tenzo swallowed audibly. “With your dad’s passing… and then Pakkun… I wanted to be strong for you. I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“So you _really_ didn’t think I could handle it,” Kakashi snapped.

“No,” Tenzo groaned, “I swear—that wasn’t it. I just—Kakashi," his voice faded away momentarily. "Kakashi—I'm twenty-eight years old. I should be over the way my dad treated me by now—and I didn’t want to admit—I didn't want you to see—how much it _still—_ ” his voice cut off by a sharp gasp that made Kakashi turn to look at him again. Tenzo’s eyes were tearing up, and if his expression were anything to go by, it had taken him by surprise as much as it had Kakashi. Tenzo swallowed and pushed the words out in a dangerously wavering voice, “—how much it still hurts that he hates me. That I haven't figured out what I did. I don’t—I don't know what I did.” His voice broke and he grimaced, gasping shakily. 

Kakashi’s heart broke as Tenzo struggled to regain his composure. It broke for the young boy who wanted nothing but his father's acceptance and received only contempt. Kakashi couldn't fathom what it must have been like to grow up with a father like that. For a moment, he forgot about his justified anger and uncurled from his spot to reach for Tenzo's hand.

When their fingers connected, Tenzo looked up at him wide-eyed. 

"Kakashi," he whimpered, closing the gap between them before sliding off the edge of the couch to kneel before him. Kakashi held his breath as Tenzo took his hands in his. "I know... I don't deserve your forgiveness. There's nothing I can say to make what I did okay. You trusted me and I used your deepest hurts against you and I get it—if you hate me—if you can't trust me anymore. But you have to know, okay? You have to know I didn't mean what I said about you... or your dad. I just… I thought I was doing the right thing, pushing you away to protect you.” He bowed his head as the words came out in shallow breaths. “I didn’t mean it, Kakashi. I fucked up—I fucked up so bad and I'm so sorry."

Tenzo’s shoulders shook as he wilted at Kakashi’s feet. Kakashi didn’t pull his hands away, but he did avert his eyes. Seeing Tenzo like this was more painful than he ever imagined it would be. He didn't want Tenzo to beg, he wanted him to _explain_. Kakashi swallowed the knot in his throat, failing to keep his own tears from rolling down his cheeks. 

"I want to know why," he managed to say evenly.

Tenzo nodded briskly, words muffled against Kakashi's hands. "I'll tell you everything. Anything—anything you want to know. And then—then I’ll go. If you don't want me anymore. I'll go, I swear."

Kakashi's tears flowed freely now and he pulled one of his hands from Tenzo's grasp, but only to weave it into his hair. It was still damp.

“I don’t want you to go,” he whispered.

Tenzo let out a strangled sound and trembled, clutching Kakashi’s hand tightly. His tears were starting to soak through the fabric of Kakashi's sweats but Kakashi couldn't bring himself to care. He closed his throbbing eyes instead, resting them for a moment, then bent forward until his cheek was resting against the nape of Tenzo's neck.

"I don't want you to go," he sighed again, carding gently through Tenzo's hair as he waited for his voice to return. 


	52. Kinoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. This chapter was going to be WAY longer but I had to cut it off SOMEWHERE. I apologize for any inconsistencies in the story. It's been a while since I've looked at previous chapters :P *Someday* I'll go back and fix them. 
> 
> Hold on to your hats, peeps. You know how I do.
> 
> *Warning: Animal abuse/death

Years of rage and hurt and hopelessness cascaded from Tenzo's face in a stream of tears and snot and incoherent noise. It was unpleasant, to say the least. Much like squeezing thickened pus out of an infected wound. But part of him understood that the discomfort was necessary for the healing process to begin.

The loss of control was terrifying, though. Tenzo wanted so badly to regain some of it, but couldn't force the feelings back inside once they'd ripped their way out of him. He imagined he'd feel something similar if he were caught in a rushing current that led to sharp rocks at the bottom of a waterfall.

But Kakashi’s hands and his words—those six simple words warming the back of Tenzo's neck—were powerful and grounding. For now, they were the only thing keeping him from drifting over the edge into despair.

They felt a lot like forgiveness, though Tenzo had enough sense to know Kakashi wasn't offering that yet. 

And yet—to be on the receiving end of such compassion was new. It made Tenzo feel small and confused, as if he’d been sent back in time to reexamine the facts of the universe.

It took a small eternity for his erratic breathing to even out.

The pressure in his chest had exacerbated the cough to the point where he wasn't sure how bad it would hurt his throat to speak, but he tried anyway.

"Why?" The question came out as broken as he felt. 

Kakashi's puzzled voice repeated it. "Why?"

Tenzo nodded once and tried clearing his throat, with not much success. "Why don't you want me to go?"

Then Kakashi was shifting away from him and a sharp, undignified sound escaped Tenzo's throat. His heart rate spiked and he had to fight the urge to clamp down on Kakashi’s hand. 

But it made sense. Kakashi had already shown more kindness than Tenzo deserved and Tenzo couldn't— _shouldn't_ —push past these new boundaries Kakashi was setting. It was his own fault, after all—

“Hey,” Kakashi said softly.

Tenzo's train of thought screeched to a halt. He looked up from the crumpled mess of limbs he’d turned into on the floor to find Kakashi’s teary gaze locked on him with a tired smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Kakashi had repositioned himself on his back, his prosthetic leg bent and the other hanging off the couch.

"C'mere," Kakashi said.

Tenzo's eyes widened. He blinked stupidly.

“C’mon,” Kakashi urged, reaching a hand forward to brush along Tenzo’s cheek before setting it on the back of his neck. Tenzo closed his eyes and focused on the pleasantly contrasting sensations of Kakashi’s hand on his skin: _warm palm, cool fingers_.

It tugged him forward, and he followed as it led him to climb onto the couch and between Kakashi's legs until his cheek was resting on Kakashi's chest. Tenzo's arms naturally found their way around Kakashi's waist while Kakashi's hanging leg came up and settled by his hip, locking him into place.

Tenzo sniffed as he listened to the gentle thump below his ear, his face leaking from every orifice onto Kakashi's shirt. 

"I'll be your tissue all you want." Kakashi murmured with a trace of amusement. "Just know you're doing laundry today."

Tenzo coughed out a small laugh, which twisted into a grimace the moment he felt the responding rumble in Kakashi's chest. He'd been so close to never hearing or _feeling_ that beautiful laugh again.

Kakashi's arms circled around him, his voice low and serious when he spoke a beat later. "I don't want you to go because you matter too much."

Tenzo's throat closed up as fresh tears carved new trails over the bridge of his nose. He sniffed again as a welcome warmth spread across his chest. "Yeah?" 

Kakashi hummed a confirmation then added softly. "Is that so hard to believe?"

Tenzo pondered the question for a minute, nibbling on his lip before giving the most honest answer he could think of. 

"I guess… no one's ever thought that about me before."

Tenzo could _hear_ the frown on Kakashi's face. "You know that's not true," he scolded. "You matter to a lot of people, Tenzo. You have all your friends and your patients. All the people you've ever helped—" he paused, just for a second. "But... that's not what you meant, was it?"

Tenzo closed his eyes with a sigh.

Kakashi's fingers traced languid figures into his scalp, patiently waiting, and Tenzo resigned himself to opening the Pandora's box of his past, with the small hope that Kakashi's opinion wouldn't change afterwards. 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi closed his eyes and waited, trying to ease some of the tension in Tenzo's body with a gentle scalp massage. It seemed to work for a while, until Tenzo's voice broke through the silence, sounding like he'd swallowed sandpaper. 

"He hasn't always called me Kinoe."

 _Kinoe_. Kakashi had heard Tenzo mention the name sparingly. It used to be his middle name, before he removed it. And before that, it was the name his father had used as an insult; his way of saying Tenzo could never live up to a name with such a powerful meaning.

"I was Tenzo, before my mother died. Even though I can't remember what she looked like, I remember her voice. I think I remember her calling my name. Or... maybe I picked that memory up from somewhere else—I don't know—maybe I made it up in my mind." 

Kakashi nodded, looking up at the ceiling. He could understand what Tenzo meant. For years, he'd been curious about his mother's voice, too. As a child, he'd fixate on dark-haired, hazel-eyed actresses because they resembled the laughing woman in his dad's pictures. Kakashi would focus on their voices.

 _That's probably how loud her laugh was_ , he'd think.

Or, _that's how scary she sounded_ _when Dad pissed her off._

Tenzo had actually heard his mom's voice at some point. But she'd died when he was a toddler, which didn't give him that much of an advantage. 

The thought brought a question to Kakashi's lips before he could stop it.

"How did she die?"

Tenzo was silent for so long that Kakashi was considering apologizing for such an insensitive question when the answer emerged. 

"I don't know. I don't—really know anything about her. My dad never talked about her or kept any of her belongings around. There was a picture of their wedding that I found at the bottom of a drawer once—but he was so angry when I asked him about it that—afterwards, I was just too afraid to ask."

Kakashi frowned. That was...strange. His own experience had been much the opposite with his dad. Sakumo had never stopped mentioning his wife... though, perhaps to an equally unhealthy degree. Kakashi was aware that grief affected people in different ways and couldn't help wondering if it was a factor in the way Danzo had treated his son. Not that it would excuse his actions.

He kept his musings to himself and listened, instead.

"I don't remember exactly when he stopped calling me Tenzo but it must have been soon after she died. It's like... he didn't want to see me and didn't want others to see me, either. Unless it was beneficial to him, somehow. Like...at school, I was only allowed to speak to a certain group of people: the kids with influential parents. It wasn't enough for them to be wealthy—it was a private school, so most of the parents were wealthy—but having them as connections had to be useful, too.

I was maybe six or seven at the time—too young to understand why every relationship had to serve a purpose. I just wanted someone to play with. Someone I liked. And it was hard enough...finding someone I liked who liked me back. By then, most of the boys were either scared of me because they'd seen me go apeshit on that kid in the playground, or made fun of me because of my name. Teachers still called me Tenzo and one of them had figured out what it meant. I guess she thought it was sweet and said so in front of the entire class."

Kakashi could almost hear Tenzo's eyes rolling. His own lips twitched into a grin. He remembered thinking it was sweet too, that day he'd forced it out of Tenzo back when he was still just 'Dad's cute PT'.

"It was endless teasing after that," Tenzo continued sulkily. "The girls weren't much better. Some of them were actually meaner, but most of them ignored me. Except for this one girl, Yukimi. She, uh—"

He paused, a hint of fondness coloring his voice when he continued, "She was loud and funny and hyperactive: everything I wasn't allowed to be. She loved climbing trees and catching bugs. She was always getting in trouble for one thing or another—but I really liked her. And I liked her parents. They'd offer me rides home or invite me over after school because they knew my dad wouldn't be out of work until much later. They thought he knew I was going to their house almost every day, but he didn't. I didn't want him to find out because he'd already warned me to stay away from them. Yukimi's parents didn't meet his standards. They weren't prominent in the community—or even wealthy. They had to work several jobs to keep Yukimi at that school. But they were kind and—I guess—maybe they felt a little bad for me. So I got to spend a lot of time with Yukimi, just being a kid. She didn't make fun of me or think I was weird for playing with her dolls. Hell, we'd spend _hours_ just making up stories and acting out drama with her toys. Or running around in the backyard, using her dogs as puppets for our plays."

Kakashi pictured a six-year-old Tenzo, running around with his wind-ruffled hair and dark eyes too big for his tiny face. He could see him holding a shaggy dog's front paws while speaking its 'lines' in an adorably gruff voice. The scene made Kakashi smile, and he leaned forward to inhale the coconut-almond scent of Tenzo's hair.

"I didn't listen, Kakashi."

Kakashi's smile disappeared. Tenzo's voice was barely above a whisper when he continued.

"One of those days, when we were playing in the backyard, Yukimi wanted to prove that she could climb a tree faster than I could. I _knew_ she could, but I wasn't about to admit it! So of course, I accepted the challenge and we raced up the tallest tree they had. And yeah... as expected, she beat me easily. I didn't even make it to the top. I slipped on an old bird's nest and fell about twenty feet. I broke my arm when I landed, and her parents took me to the hospital. My dad was _furious_. Not because I was hurt, but because I'd disobeyed him and was still spending time with Yukimi. So he pressed charges against her parents, for endangering my life or some bullshit like that."

Kakashi's eyes widened and he held his breath.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. If they came to some sort of agreement... or if the legal fees got too expensive. I just remember Yukimi stopped going to school and when I tried visiting her at home, nobody answered the door. I remember peeking through the windows and finding the house completely empty. It was like—like they were never there. And—I never saw them again."

Tenzo's voice faded to nothing and Kakashi remained silent. There wasn't much he could say to offer comfort after over two decades, and the simmering fury in his chest against Danzo made his ribcage feel too tight around his lungs. He closed his eyes instead and took another whiff of coconut-almond shampoo. When he exhaled, Tenzo shuddered, his hands splaying out over Kakashi's shoulder blades before relaxing against him.

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling," Tenzo murmured. "I swear there's a point to me telling you all this."

Kakashi held back from saying he wished Tenzo had told him this long ago. It would probably sound more accusing than he intended. But still... Tenzo's reluctance to talk made him wonder what they’d talked about all this time. Had it really just been all Kakashi complaining about his past? Had Tenzo not shared because he felt his trauma was insignificant, compared to Kakashi's? Had Kakashi made him feel that way?

He sighed. He'd drive himself crazy, wondering. Besides, it made no difference why Tenzo had kept these things to himself. They were out in the open now, and that's what mattered. 

“Don't apologize. I’m listening,” he prompted.

After a while, Tenzo shifted and turned his face to the opposite side, relieving his neck of the same prolonged position. 

“You remember that day at the park," he began, "when we found Pakkun and I told you I was a cat person?” 

_You run for fun_ and _you prefer cats?_ Kakashi had said with fake outrage, _Why am I with you, again?_

Kakashi nodded. “Mm. Did you have one, growing up?”

“Well... no,” Tenzo responded softly, “not really.”

Kakashi chuckled. “Is that because cats don’t really belong to anyone?”

Tenzo was quiet and Kakashi’s grin vanished as it dawned on him that something far more ominous lay ahead.

“After Yukimi, I didn't make any new friends. A few years passed and no one made fun of me anymore. Nobody tried talking to me either. I was just kind of... there. In the background. Invisible. So I focused on getting good grades and staying out of my dad's way. And that was my life. After school, I'd walk home and do my chores, do my homework and go to bed. I didn't have TV or movies to entertain myself. I wasn't allowed to read anything that wasn't educational, and—" he scoffed, as if barely believing it was his own childhood he spoke of, "man—that shit bored me to tears. But then... one evening, while I was making myself dinner, I heard this loud noise coming from the living room window. It scared me, at first, to see a white blob with bright blue eyes glaring at me. But then it jumped after a grasshopper and crashed into the window again. It bounced off and fell into the bushes and I could not stop laughing."

Kakashi recalled the loud bang of skull meeting glass coming from the back door whenever Pakkun ran into it thinking it was open. The memory made his heart twinge. He really missed the little booger.

"It didn't come back that night after falling off the window sill," Tenzo said, "but the next morning, I left some of my breakfast outside for it. And of course, it kept coming back after that. At first, it wouldn't let me go near it at all. But after almost a week, it let me pet it a little before biting me. And eventually, I was able to hold it without squirming. And—"

Tenzo chuckled fondly, catching Kakashi by surprise. 

"And I remember when I held it— _her_ , actually—when I held her up, her body would go completely limp, like it had no bones holding it together. I could set her belly on my arm and she'd just droop over it. It was the weirdest, coolest thing! So _of course_ I named her Boneless and… man, I would spend the whole day at school daydreaming about going on adventures with her. She'd be my loyal sidekick and we'd go around killing monsters and saving people from danger...ugh, that sounds so pathetic," Tenzo groaned, burying his face just below Kakashi's breastbone. "I can't believe I'm telling you this," he added sheepishly. 

Kakashi hummed and continued the gentle massage at the base of Tenzo's head. 

"I don't think it's pathetic," he assured. "I think it's very sweet, actually."

Tenzo sighed heavily against Kakashi, hot air forming a warm little spot on his skin through his shirt. Kakashi shivered involuntarily. Tenzo didn't comment on it, but his face slowly emerged from its hiding place. He brought his hand up to set his chin on it, weary eyes meeting Kakashi's before his gaze shifted down to a spot on Kakashi's chin. His lips tightened.

"My dad figured out pretty quickly that I was feeding the cat that kept roaming around the house and he told me to get rid of her. He said she was a pest... that she'd only attract more pests and ruin the backyard. I'm sure he just didn't want me forming attachments of any kind... not even with animals. But Boneless had become the only reason I looked forward to going home, y'know? I didn't have anyone to talk to or play with. And she kind of filled in that role for a while. She wasn't always there... but she was still the closest thing to a friend that I had.

And it was selfish, I guess—but I didn't listen. By that time, I knew what my dad was capable of. He could make anything special to me disappear. But I kept feeding her, anyway. I didn't want her to go away."

Tears began to well in Tenzo's eyes again and Kakashi's heart felt impossibly heavy.

"Then one morning, I woke up to the sound of a garbage bag landing on my bed," Tenzo murmured.

Kakashi's stomach clenched uncomfortably. _Shit._

"He didn't even sound angry when he told me to get rid of it. He just... walked out of my room like he'd just come in to tell me breakfast was almost ready. I was so confused... until I saw the white fur sticking out of the bag."

"Tenzo," Kakashi breathed, horrified. He shook his head incredulously, his mouth gaping even though he could think of nothing more articulate than, "what the _fuck_."

Tenzo's expression was blank as he continued to stare at the same spot on Kakashi's face. A tear ran down his cheek when he blinked and Kakashi squeezed him tight, wishing he could go back in time to protect him from the monster who shared his blood. If memories like these were what Tenzo's childhood had been made up of, it made sense for him to be reluctant about sharing. The simmering feeling in Kakashi's chest was getting closer to a murderous boil. What kind of sick fuck would go so far to terrorize his own child?

He forced himself to breathe. If he clenched his jaw any tighter, he might crack a molar or two. 

He startled a bit when Tenzo disengaged himself from his arms and slowly came up to sit.

Their eyes finally met.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The expression on Kakashi's face as he mirrored Tenzo's position was darker than anything Tenzo had ever seen. It sent a chill through his bones.

"Kakashi," he said, trying to keep his voice from breaking. It was harder now, with his throat so dry. The words spilled out in a rush. "I could tell you about so many other things he's made me regret—and I will, if you really want me to. But the point is, he always, _always_ gets what he wants. And what he wants now is for me to go to Alaska... otherwise, the congressman won't fund his project. Sarutobi wants me on board to make it into a family thing. Apparently people in his hometown are more likely to trust a father-and-son team. But of course, I said no. I wouldn't just leave my life with you here. Not after I just got you back."

He took a few quick breaths because he needed to get it all out before it bottled itself up again.

"Besides—I'd rather swallow rusted nails than work with my dad. But—when I declined the congressman's offer, my dad made it clear that he'd destroy White Fang. And I panicked… I don't know how he'd manage it, but if someone could find a way, it'd be him. It's my fault, Kakashi. It's my fault that he's trying to hurt you. So I thought—I thought—if I pushed you away, I could keep you safe, keep you from seeing your dad's work destroyed. And now I don't know what to do. Because—I'm still just as selfish as I was back then. I don't want to give you up. But if I don't go, I just know—he'll do something, Kakashi. He'll find a way to hurt the restaurant. To hurt you. And your dad worked so hard— _you've_ worked so hard—to get White Fang where it is now!"

Tenzo's heart thrashed against his ribcage so hard it made his hands shake.

"My dad—he's right, y'know?" he said hoarsely. "I break things, Kakashi. I ruin people's lives. But I can't do that to you. I just—I love you _so much_. And I couldn't live with myself—"

"Tenzo, stop." The fury in Kakashi's eyes didn't quite match the tenderness in his voice. His hand settled gingerly over Tenzo's knee. "It's gonna be okay."

"How can you _say_ that?" Tenzo groaned, pulling away. Had Kakashi paid attention to _anything_ he'd said? "It won't be okay! Because I'm here and—and when he finds out—"

"Just calm down, alright? The restaurant will be fine—"

"Dammit, Kakashi! You're not listening!"

Tenzo knew Kakashi was stubborn but... had he always been this _infuriating_? It was like trying to talk sense into a _wall_.

He squeezed his eyes shut and dragged his hands through his hair. A cocktail of anger and terror mixed in his chest, bubbling up into his throat until simply breathing was becoming a challenge. "Kakashi—he'll find a way—he always— _always—_ "

"Hey, stop," Kakashi's hands circled his wrists but Tenzo shook his head, gripping his hair tighter. Why wasn't he _listening_?

Kakashi's hands dropped down to his face. "Tenzo, hey. Look at me." 

Tenzo bit down on his lip, every muscle in his body clenching tight.

Then Kakashi's forehead bumped into his and Tenzo's eyes flew open, expecting to be burned by the same furious flames he'd seen earlier. But Kakashi's eyes were closed, his brows knit together tightly. 

"Hey, at least... breathe with me a little. Can you do that?" Kakashi asked softly.

Tenzo's mind went surprisingly quiet as Kakashi's fingers trailed along his face. He took in a shuddering breath and Kakashi nodded with a small, approving sound. Tenzo exhaled sharply and shut his eyes again, slowly relaxing his fingers until they dropped from his scalp. 

"We're okay," Kakashi whispered when Tenzo had managed to take two deeper breaths. Tenzo's frantic pulse eased just a bit.

"We're both safe, and we're okay," Kakashi soothed, wiping wet trails from Tenzo's cheeks as he drew his face away. "Now I need you to listen to me, okay?"

Tenzo swallowed dryly. It seemed Kakashi had finally made his decision. He had to—for the sake of what they'd had—be brave and face the consequences head-on.

He blinked uncertainly until he found Kakashi's eyes.

The fire in them was back.


	53. Bad Ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last bit of angst before it gets better ;)

The acid in Kakashi's stomach seemed to have migrated to his veins, because feeling Tenzo tremble under his hands was making his pulse burn in wild, angry waves under his skin.

It didn't help that tears were clinging to Tenzo’s lashes, making them stick together as he blinked.

Kakashi's thoughts turned murderous. Ruthless and bloody, sadistic ideas quickly piled on top of each other, fueled by the image of Danzo's hideous smirk, each one more vicious than the last. 

He'd never felt like this before, never wanted to inflict pain on another human being as much as he did now. Normally, the force of the sudden urge would've taken him aback, except that Tenzo was trying so hard just to _breathe._

Someone who could inspire such crippling fear in his own child did not deserve the air he breathed and Kakashi ached to end him, if not to make him pay for the pain in Tenzo's eyes, then at least to keep him from terrorizing him further.

He noticed Tenzo searching his face, brows knitting in a silent question, and he forced the thoughts away. He was being ridiculous. Tenzo didn't need him to avenge his broken childhood. He needed Kakashi to be a steady presence, to reassure him that the future wasn't fragile enough to shatter in his hands. And he could do that, even if he was still too furious to attempt a comforting smile. The closest he got was relaxing his lips from the tight line he'd pressed them into.

He didn't fully trust his voice not to waver from the sheer effort it was taking to stifle his vengeful feelings, so he distracted himself by taking one of Tenzo's hands in his. It was warm and clammy, just like it had been the very first time Kakashi held it in public.

_The movie theatre was loud with the screech of the car chase on screen, but Kakashi could still make out the distinct crunch of popcorn as Tenzo munched on beside him. Kakashi held his hand out expectantly without looking away from the action. A pause, then a handful of popcorn dropped into his palm. He frowned and looked down at his hand, then at Tenzo, who was still munching away, happily engrossed in the film. He narrowed his eyes and without a word, flung the buttery handful at Tenzo's face. Tenzo startled, turning to cock an eyebrow at him. Kakashi's frown remained, along with his persistent hand._

_Tenzo gazed down at it, then nibbled his lip as if in deep concentration. He hesitated before reaching across the armrest to place his hand in Kakashi's, watching him as if he'd try to eat it. Kakashi grinned, and wound his fingers into Tenzo's clammy, buttery ones. The armrest was an awkward obstacle between them so he dropped Tenzo's hand for a moment to push it up and away. Once there was nothing separating them, Kakashi grabbed his hand again, studying Tenzo's face as he brought it up to flick his tongue under Tenzo's buttery middle finger. A sharp sound escaped Tenzo, but he kept his wide eyes on the screen._

_Kakashi chuckled smugly. Even in the darkness of the theater, he was able to catch the bright redness spreading across Tenzo's skin._

The distraction worked. The fury in Kakashi's veins cooled a bit and the tension in his shoulders eased. He languidly traced the lines on Tenzo's palm as he focused on retrieving civilized words from his brain.

"Tenzo—you know—you have the strongest spirit of anyone I've ever known," he murmured, finding a strange sort of peace in the soft grooves of Tenzo's skin. "To have endured your dad all your life and still be the person that you are—it's nothing short of a miracle. But still—I wish you'd had someone, all those years ago. Being alone with your fears—I know it's not a good place to be.”

He paused and chewed on his lip without looking up from his work. He wasn't sure how Tenzo would react to what he was about to say, but it was something that needed to be said anyway.

Slowly, he turned Tenzo's hand over and set Tenzo's fingertips on his forearm. A short, rough gasp was all the sound Tenzo made as Kakashi guided his fingers along the scar, all the way down to his wrist.

"You know," he repeated softly, almost entranced by the way Tenzo's thumb lightly grazed the ridge of skin on his wrist, "some of the worst regrets of my life came to me during the first few seconds after I did it. Things I hated myself for doing... and leaving you was one of them."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tenzo held his breath as his thumb froze over Kakashi's pulse point. It held its slow, steady beat even as his own sped up. Kakashi had never spoken about that night before and Tenzo hadn't asked because _who actually does that?_

But that day at the park, when Kakashi had refused to leave Rin, was one Tenzo would forever have branded into his brain. He'd sat there in shock, staring after Kakashi even after he'd disappeared into his car and driven away. At the time, and for years afterwards, he'd resented Kakashi's cold demeanor; the way his features had molded into an unfeeling mask when he'd said, 'That's it' and walked away. It hadn't really occurred to him that perhaps saying the words had hurt Kakashi just as much.

Kakashi's voice was low and distant, like he was talking to himself more than to Tenzo. 

"I was so afraid. It—it hurt even worse than I'd expected—which just sounds a lot stupider when I say it out loud," Kakashi scoffed, and Tenzo opened his mouth to protest, but Kakashi pressed on before he could.

"It was scarier, though—realizing I'd never see you again."

Tenzo grimaced. He didn't _want_ to picture Kakashi lying alone and in pain, with fear and regret compounding his agony, but it was impossible not to. Not when Kakashi's eyes were still on his wrist, yet miles away at the same time.

"The last image I had of you in my head—" he whispered, looking up to catch Tenzo's gaze with a mournful smile, "well—I guess it was a lot like this. Except, I was the reason you were crying."

His free hand came up to cup Tenzo's cheek and Tenzo gulped, pulse throbbing painfully in his head. "It felt so wrong to have that be the last expression I'd ever see on your face when—your eyes—they just— _shine_ so brightly when you smile."

Tenzo was engulfed by a nearly unbearable wave of heat, like standing beside a lit chimney on a blazing summer day. His head felt too light on his shoulders, his lungs too tight for a full breath.

Kakashi's brow furrowed. "Are you alright?" he asked, and Tenzo managed a nod as he released a shaky breath, a ghost of the aforementioned smile tugging at his lips. Kakashi offered a grin in return, but it slowly dimmed as his eyes filled with tears. 

"I hate that he hurt you. That he's still hurting you to this day," he murmured, his fingers drawing a soft caress over Tenzo's cheek. “But you're not alone anymore. I'm here and I'll be with you through this."

Tenzo's throat tightened as he grasped the full weight of his words. "You still want to be with me?"

Kakashi let out an amused huff. "Well, _yeah_." Like it was ridiculous to consider any other option. Then added, "Was your crazy-ass dad supposed to spook me?"

"I—I mean—I thought—you—" Tenzo shut his stammering mouth because apparently his brain was experiencing some sort of malfunction as a result of the immense relief it was being flooded with. Also, the overwhelming heat wasn't helping. He rearranged his thoughts in a way that actually made sense and finally whispered, "Does this mean you—forgive me?"

All traces of amusement faded from Kakashi's face and the moisture in his eyes wavered a little, threatening to fall. "It hurt a lot—what you said," he sighed. "But... you were right."

Tenzo's eyes widened, horrified. "No! No, Kakashi. I swear I didn't—"

"I know," Kakashi said, giving his hand a small squeeze, "but you were right, Tenzo. I kept so much from my dad. In a way, I thought I was protecting him, too, y'know? It would've broken his heart to learn I'd married someone I didn't love. And even more to know I'd tried killing myself. But the thing is... I think he would've handled those things better than I gave him credit for in my mind. I mean—he might've looked it in the end, but he really wasn't fragile at all."

Kakashi sniffed, brushing the tears from his eyes before they could make a dramatic exit down his face, and cleared his throat. "I understand why you kept those painful things from me—why you tried to push me away. Even though... it hurts that you didn't think we could find a solution together at the time... I do understand." 

"I'm sorry," Tenzo sighed, feeling the edges of his barely-salvaged control crumbling again. 

"I'm sorry, too," Kakashi murmured, scooting a bit closer to get his arms around Tenzo's neck. "I should've known you needed me last night. I'm sorry I left you."

Tenzo shook his head. Kakashi had done nothing wrong, but his voice wasn't cooperating at the moment to tell him. He tugged him closer by the waist instead.

"You were gonna go back to that monster," Kakashi said in what almost sounded like a growl. A sharp, exasperated breath hissed through Tenzo's hair. "Did you honestly believe I'd want you to sacrifice yourself to save the restaurant? Shit, Tenzo. Even my dad, who poured his entire life into that business, would agree it's not worth it. You're not some tool for your dad to use however he pleases. And you're not some shield to protect me from harm. I _love_ you, stupid. I don't need you to be noble. I just need you here, by my side." 

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kakashi felt Tenzo relax into him completely, as if an incredible weight had just dropped from his shoulders. Tenzo's head leaned against his with a soft sniffle and Kakashi held him tight. He wasn't sure what had made Tenzo think he wouldn't want him anymore, but Kakashi could venture a guess that Danzo's filthy influence was all over that, too. 

He pulled away just enough to press a kiss to Tenzo's temple, then to his brow and to his cheek, slowly following the salty trail of tears until he reached his lips. He lingered there, gazing into his teary eyes before whispering, "Of course I forgive you."

Kakashi kissed him, slow and sweet, breathing in Tenzo's relief as he exhaled it through parted lips. It was only a moment, but Kakashi could feel the pieces of his world shifting back where they belonged. Still, there was more Tenzo needed to hear. 

He broke away to rest his forehead against his.

"It's not your fault," he said gently, "the things he did to Yukimi’s family and to Boneless... the things he did to you. You're not to blame, Tenzo. There’s nothing you did to deserve it and you're not selfish for wanting to be loved, you understand?”

Tenzo blinked rapidly before closing his eyes again. “I have done bad things, though," he murmured. "I told you—about Hidan. But if I hadn't—my dad was going to. That’s how he tried to get me to agree, at first. But then I told him you’d understand—if I explained the circumstances and—and that’s when he threatened White Fang. He said—”

Tenzo hesitated. Kakashi weaved a hand into his hair and waited.

"He _suggested_ ," Tenzo amended, "that you wouldn't want me if—y'know, if I ruined Sakumo's legacy."

"Ah." Kakashi nodded. That pissed him off as much as it gave him hope. Because it almost made it seem like Danzo was grasping at straws. 

"Tenzo," he began, "what if—and hear me out—he's _bluffing?_ "

" _What?_ " Tenzo's eyes blew wide open. "What do you mean?"

"Just think about it," Kakashi responded easily. "First, he tried separating us by convincing me to stay away from you and when I _suggested_ he fuck off, he went after you. He threatened you with your past. And when that didn't work...well, he'd obviously been watching us all night. He knew you'd do anything for me."

Tenzo frowned. "But...no. That—he has connections, Kakashi. He—has the means—"

"Maybe he does," Kakashi allowed, "or maybe he knows that he doesn't have to _do_ anything for you to believe that he can. He has this control over you. But it's not your fault. He’s spent years driving it into your mind that he’s all-powerful. That he can snap his fingers and make everything you love disappear. But he's not, Tenzo. And he's gonna have to try a hell of a lot harder to get rid of me."

“I guess—maybe. It could be possible,” Tenzo mumbled, still looking far from convinced.

"Listen," Kakashi said, holding his gaze, "if he becomes a genuine threat to the restaurant, we'll deal with it then. For now, as far as I'm concerned, this is a last-ditch effort to control you because he has nothing."

Tenzo groaned. "By the time we realize his threat is genuine, it'll be too late."

"That's possible, too," Kakashi agreed. "But you have to understand that my dad's legacy is not tied to White Fang. It's not the name or the reputation. It's the art, Tenzo. His passion for bringing joy through his food. And that's not something your dad can ruin. He has no power over it because it lives on in me."

The surprise on Tenzo's face showed that he hadn't quite thought of it that way before. But Kakashi could still see the wheels turning in his head, weighing the options, coming up with worse-case scenarios. So he interrupted by bringing Tenzo's hand up to his lips.

"Stay with me," he said softly, pressing a kiss to Tenzo's open palm. "I promise, everything will be fine."

Tenzo sighed and turned away, to the low voices on the TV which Kakashi had all but forgotten was still on. "You can't promise that."

Kakashi pulled his attention back with another kiss. "You're right. I can't promise there won't be bad things in store for us. But we're in this together and I can promise nothing is going to change my mind about that."

Tenzo gaped, struggling for words as conflicting emotions contorted his features. His gaze seemed intent on finding something on Kakashi's face, though Kakashi couldn't be sure what that was. Perhaps traces of doubt or falsehood, but Kakashi wasn't worried about him finding either of those things. He'd meant what he said and had no issue with the scrutiny.

After a short eternity, Tenzo pursed his lips and gulped, lowering his head with a resigned shake. "This is a bad idea, Kakashi."

Kakashi couldn't stifle the chuckle that bubbled up from his throat. "You know what else is a bad idea? Living without you. And it's nowhere near as fun."

Tenzo snorted, but his lips shifted in an obvious attempt to hide his growing smile.

"Well aren't you smooth," he grumbled, and Kakashi was pleased to see the beginnings of that familiar blush crawling over his neck.

"Tenzo," he grinned, dragging out the last syllable and receiving the immediate, satisfying response in Tenzo's coloring cheeks. "The only way you’re going to Alaska is with me. For our wedding."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ


	54. Hot People Are The Worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyeee! It's a double update kinda dayyy 🤩
> 
> And this is me trying to make up for torturing you so much haha 
> 
> Enjoy! 💖

Tenzo's head snapped up, eyes blown wide open. "Our— _what?_ "

Kakashi laughed, loud and elated, because the shock on Tenzo's face was truly a beautiful thing to behold and he couldn't imagine going back to a life where he didn't get a chance to regularly inspire such expression. He leaned forward with a grin, squeezing Tenzo's thighs and feeling a shiver rumble through them. “You remember our first kiss? When we talked about our bucket lists? You said you wanted to see the northern lights."

His grin spread as Tenzo's eyebrows traveled higher on his forehead. "I’m going to marry you, Tenzo, with a full view of them. You know—right after we join the mile-high club."

"You still remember that?" Tenzo said with an incredulous breath. He frowned again, a moment later. "But I thought you said—marriage didn't mean anything to you."

Kakashi sat back, but his hands remained where they were. "You have to understand—when I said that—I'd been married for seven years to someone I didn't love. I was fulfilling a promise to someone else. It really _didn't_ mean anything. Not in the way I wanted it to. But with you—" he reached up to cup Tenzo's face again and it almost felt a little too warm against his skin as he went on.

"You're my little piece of heaven, Tenzo. The best thing that's ever happened to me. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure you experience everything you've ever dreamed of.”

Tears prickled at his eyes as he said the words, knowing in his heart that he meant every single one.

Tenzo's eyes were quickly filling too, but his smile was broad and beautiful when he pulled Kakashi in for another kiss, much bolder and deeper than before. Then he hiccuped and Kakashi laughed, kissed him again until the hiccups became giggles, which then turned into a wet cough that lasted a bit too long. When Tenzo finally caught his breath, it rattled in a way Kakashi _really_ didn't like. He pushed himself off the couch to retrieve a glass of water from the kitchen.

"That cough's getting worse," he muttered, handing Tenzo the glass. Tenzo took it with a brief thanks and drank.

Kakashi pushed Tenzo's hair back from his forehead and frowned. It seemed he _hadn't_ imagined that too-warm feeling only moments ago. "And you feel really hot."

Tenzo shrugged. "Fever," he said blandly, as if commenting on the weather.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at him. "Have you—you've known this whole time?!"

Another shrug. "Well, yeah. But we were having a conversation." 

"You're—!" Kakashi let out a frustrated noise because Tenzo's nonchalance was honestly quite aggravating, considering aspiration pneumonia could be so serious that people actually died from it, i.e., Kakashi's father. Still, as much as he _wanted_ to be angry... he really couldn't bring himself to be.

He huffed, extending his hand for Tenzo to take. "Let's just get you to the doctor."

Tenzo made no effort to move, only looked up at him wearily. "I'm _fine_ ," he croaked, clenching his teeth when he was betrayed by a full-body shiver.

"Mmhm," Kakashi regarded him with an expression usually reserved for when Sasuke and Naruto were being particularly stupid. "We're not arguing about this."

Tenzo let out a dramatic sigh, but offered no more resistance. 

"Could we at least sleep a little, first?"

"Nope!" Kakashi announced cheerfully, yanking him to his feet amidst grumbling and complaining even Sasuke would be proud of.

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hours later, and on his first dose of antibiotics and over-the-counter painkillers, Tenzo finally made it to bed, but not before Kakashi made him eat an entire can of chicken noodle soup. He'd be lying if he said the warmth hadn't felt amazing on his raw throat and even his stomach had settled afterwards. Getting comfortable in bed was a whole different matter. The fever had dissipated somewhat, but he was still too hot for clothes, and yet his own sweat rolled icy and cruel over his skin, making him reach for the covers to stifle his shivering.

Now he watched from his blanket cocoon as Kakashi unpackaged the humidifier he'd just bought to set on the dresser by Tenzo's side of the bed.

"That's really not necessary, you know," Tenzo muttered as Kakashi disappeared into the bathroom with the humidifier's water tank and the faucet squeaked on.

Kakashi returned after a moment, giving him a sidelong glance as he placed the tank back onto the unit. "It is, if I want to get any sleep tonight."

Tenzo glared at him. "You could sleep through a wrecking ball tearing the house down."

Kakashi laughed, but didn't counter the claim. Instead, his eyes turned playful. "So how do _you_ like getting mother-henned, hmm?"

"It's... actually very nice," Tenzo said with complete honesty. Ironically enough, even though he'd grown up with a physician, he was used to taking care of himself through illness and pain. Getting sick was bad enough, but having to nurse himself back to health had been quite awful every time.

Kakashi's expression softened as he came to sit on the edge of the bed beside him. His fingers carded through Tenzo's damp hair, making him shudder all over again, but he didn't mind it one bit. Kakashi watched him silently, though his eyes seemed far away again. Tenzo wondered, not for the first time that day, where Kakashi went whenever he did that.

It was only a few beats later when Kakashi's pupils focused again and he offered a smile, brief but gentle. "I don't think I've ever thanked you properly… for all the ways in which you take care of me," he murmured. 

Tenzo shook his head. "There's no need to thank me."

"Of course there is," Kakashi argued. "Maybe you don't think it's a big deal, but it is. And I need you to know I'm grateful for you. For all the little things you do to show you love me. You have the most precious, giving heart, love," his hand pressed over the covers to the spot where Tenzo's heart would be. "I don't ever wanna take that for granted."

Kakashi leaned forward to press his lips to his, and Tenzo couldn't help but smile into the kiss. He unwrapped himself from his covers and pulled them apart for Kakashi to slip in beside him. Kakashi did so readily, hooking a leg over Tenzo's hip as the kiss deepened. Tenzo gasped against Kakashi's sweet, hungry mouth, the additional heat of arousal leaving him breathless until he had to pull away to cough.

"Sorry," he rasped, when he could breathe again.

"No, no. That was my bad," Kakashi shook his head with an apologetic grin. He was pulling his hooked leg away when Tenzo grabbed onto it, holding him in place. Kakashi searched his eyes and nodded an understanding. Tenzo sighed and closed his eyes as Kakashi mouth moved lazily across his collarbone. 

"Let me take care of you this time, Tenzo."

Tenzo hummed, feeling the tension in his body slowly unravel under Kakashi's touch. When he opened his eyes again, Kakashi was watching him intently. He brought Kakashi's hand up to his lips before setting it back over his heart. He leaned in, bumping against Kakashi's nose with a grin. "Okay."

Kakashi bumped him back, doodling nonsense from Tenzo's bare shoulder all the way down his back. Tenzo melted into him, eyes fluttering shut with a sleepy wish that Kakashi's hands could stay on his skin forever.

Then his eyes snapped open when he remembered that their last conversation had been interrupted. He wasn't exactly sure how to bring the matter up. It was almost... embarrassing.

"Hey, Kakashi— um—earlier..."

"Mm?"

"Um..." he bit his lip until Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. 

"What's up?" he asked.

"Well—uh," Tenzo stalled. _Just spit it out!_ "When you mentioned my bucket list. That—uh—that wasn't a proposal was it? I mean—I—did I miss the question?"

Kakashi threw his head back and laughed. And laughed and laughed, shaking them both along with the bed until tears squeezed out of his eyes. Tenzo stared wide-eyed and wondered if he'd finally lost his mind.

"Geez," Kakashi wheezed between snickers. "I'd like to think I can do a little better than that! I mean—at least to where you're _aware_ that you're being asked a question!"

He laughed again and this time, Tenzo joined him. It might have been the stress of the past few hours that made them cackle like deranged hyenas for minutes after that.

" _Right,_ " Tenzo sighed once they'd both composed themselves. Somehow, Kakashi's smile was brighter than before, and it might've been the leftover tears glittering in his eyes, but it left Tenzo breathless and awestruck for a long moment.

Then Kakashi wrapped a hand behind Tenzo's neck, and gently slid his nails onto his scalp. "I do want you to think about it, though," he said softly, his tone serious despite the joy on his face. "About our future together."

"What's there to think about?" Tenzo whispered, the smile on his own face so ridiculously big it was starting to hurt his cheeks. "This morning, I walked up the front steps thinking it was the last time I was ever going to do it. I was already living a different—miserable—life in my head. And now—you're talking about a future where I—I get to—you know—"

Emotion choked him into silence, and he hoped his expression could transmit some of what he felt to Kakashi.

The future Kakashi spoke of was one in which Tenzo got to breathe him in every night and battle Kakashi's bedhead every morning. One in which Tenzo got to experience their love grow and change. One in which they could _both_ grow and change into who they were meant to be at each stage of their lives.

A future in which they stuck together, through challenges and arguments, without losing sight of what they meant to each other. And Tenzo couldn't dream of anything better than that.

"Yeah," Kakashi whispered back, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "You get to see how sexy my wrinkly ass gets at 70."

Tenzo snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yes, your ass was _exactly_ what I was thinking about," he muttered dryly. 

Kakashi's eyes crinkled happily. "You're only mortal. How can you not?"

Tenzo jabbed him halfheartedly in the ribs. "Hot people are the _worst_." 

"Yeah, well, you should know," Kakashi winked and Tenzo jabbed him harder this time.

Kakashi's laugh tickled his neck as Tenzo pulled him flush against him.

"Alright, alright. At least let me do it properly," Kakashi said between giggles, "You know, I'd like to propose sometime when we both haven't been crying for 24 hours straight."

Tenzo's heart fluttered at the prospect and he pulled away to trace the edge of Kakashi's cheekbone with his thumb. "Yeah, alright," he smiled before claiming Kakashi's lips again. 

"Mm. Then sleep, my sweet mortal," Kakashi drawled against his lips, pulling away with the twitch of a brow and a mischievous grin. "Dream of my ass and all the things you'll do to it once you're all better."

Tenzo's grin remained too, as he slipped a hand under Kakashi's clothes and splayed it over his spine. Said hand slid down, slow and deliberate to the curve of Kakashi's ass and Tenzo waited until he heard the subtle hitch in Kakashi's breath to slide it even lower, under the waistband of Kakashi's briefs... to pinch Kakashi's butt.

That earned him a startled yelp and a nip in the neck.

He chuckled, satisfied enough by Kakashi's disapproving groan to finally close his eyes. "Don't mind if I do."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Days Off](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18601636) by [frackin_sweet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frackin_sweet/pseuds/frackin_sweet)




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